Youngjae and Yugyeom went to the university together. They were so late they didn't even care anymore. They also got a little lost in that part of the city, where Jaebum lived. Although the black-haired had to cycle back to their home many times before, the building of the university was in the completely different direction.

 Talking about differences. That was the first night for Youngjae away from his parents for a long time. When they were younger, they often held sleepovers at Yugyeom's or his home. However, that wasn't the same. He knew he wouldn't return soon and he had to get used to it. Actually, he didn't know where he would sleep. He didn't want to make Jaebum responsible for him. He was sure about that the elder had many other problems to solve than to even help a younger to live. He couldn't ask such a thing.

 As they arrived at the university, they sat down on the bench that had now become their place. At least that was what Yugyeom thought because he didn't know Youngjae spent quite a few breaks there with Jaebum as well, while he was hanging out with his "new friends". They had twenty more minutes until the next lecture. The elder knew it was going to be so different after the blonde had confessed. They were just sitting there, in the most awkward silence ever. Neither of them could think of topics to mention in order to start a healthy conversation. They were wishing their friendship wasn't dying, though.

  'I heard about your mom' Yugyeom declared. His regard was stuck to his hands, although in mind, he was entirely elsewhere. However, it was actually the worst to mention. Tears began to fill his eyes, not because of sadness but because of anger. The elder was so mad at his parents. He didn’t even want to talk about them anymore. He didn’t count them as his parents. Because they were unable to accept their son.

 No.

 Not like that at all.

 Youngjae didn’t know the real reason. Because it was rather due to hiding his true self from them, than the fact that he didn't like women.

  'I wonder how they would act if they got a notice of my feelings' Yugyeom laughed as now he was staring at the field in front of him.

 Youngjae just turned his head back at the younger and frowned.

  'It's not funny, Yugyeom. Why are you like this? I get that it may not be a big deal for you but it is for me. And you're just making it harder as well' Youngjae snapped up. He was so close to crying again. It was a day like that for him. But Yugyeom should have understood him now. And it seemed like he didn't.

 The elder's words were piercing the other. He really didn't mean it, just thought it might help him a little bit to cheer up.

  'Come on. That is not what I say. You know that. I just need to reduce the stress inside myself as well, okay? And for me, joking is the only way...'

  'But can you just stop joking with my life?' It was all Youngjae could and wanted to add. He needed to be alone now. He stood up rapidly and rushed away. He was so good at it. There were plenty of situation when he was able to practice it.

 Inside the university's building, to his biggest surprise, he noticed Jaebum, leaning on the wall as his regard was stuck to his phone. His fingers were typing so fast, he was immersed in his device's screen.

 Youngjae approached him. Although he truly wanted to be alone at that moment, he couldn't ignore the elder. He looked so tired that day. He probably hadn’t slept the night before. The black-haired felt so bad for causing such problem. Deep inside he wanted to disappear.

  'Youngjae!' Jaebum greeted him with a light smile and weary eyes.

 The younger couldn’t hold himself anymore. As soon as the other mentioned his name, he broke out crying and fell on the elder, and strained him hard. He felt like a girl, who was always crying. But the elder's presence had an effect like this on him.

 Jaebum didn’t know what to say. He patted the shorter’s back and placed his chin on the top of his head. Youngjae was shaking, he couldn’t stop crying, no matter how hard he tried to.

 It took a few long minutes for the black haired to recover. At least for a little while. Also, he had to because after the bell began to ring, he didn’t want to be seen with red eyes.

  'Let’s go to the toilet. You need to wash your face' Jaebum advised, as the younger lifted his regard.

 Youngjae formed a bowl from his hands and placed it under the running water. After it got filled up, he dipped his red face into the cold liquid and with his breath held, kept it there as long as he needed some air.

 Jaebum was leaned on the door with his arms folded in front of his chest. He was watching every move of the other’s. His face remained emotionless all along. He wasn’t there mentally, just physically. He was thinking hard. Because what was happening to Youngjae, it was abnormal. He wanted to help but had no idea how.

  'Aren’t you tired of this?' he spoke up after a minute of being silent.

 The younger wiped his face with the end of his sleeve and looked at Jaebum. His glance was revealing; he didn’t clearly understand it.

  'We could leave. Right now' his voice was determined.

 Youngjae let out a ridiculous laugh and tilted his head. He was staring at the sink. It wasn’t a stupid idea, though.

  'What exactly do you mean by leaving?' he swallowed hard.

 The elder’s face was no longer emotionless. A huge smile was formed out of his lips and jumped next to the younger and grabbed his hand. He suddenly became so enthusiastic. That creeped Youngjae out.

  'We could go anywhere. Anywhere you want' the elder’s voice was nothing like before. It was soothing yet filled with so much excitement.

 But the more he said, the more unsure Youngjae was becoming.

  'You don’t like the idea, do you' And there he was again. Jaebum was swinging between being happy and sad all the time. It was unknown when he would just become the opposite of himself again. And Youngjae didn’t know what to expect. When will he expand being desperate while the other minute he was enjoying life?

 He was missing Yugyeom.

 He wished he was with him instead of Jaebum.

  'I don’t know. It sounds hasty and unthoughtful'

  'It’s okay. I just mentioned it' Jaebum placed his hand on the door-handle as if he was about to step out. But he didn’t move. It was obvious he wanted to add something else, but apparently, he was scared.

  'I won’t sleep at my apartment tonight. The key is in my bag, I left it in the classroom. After school, I’ll give it to you. Meet me at the gate' he rushed through his thoughts and didn’t give time for the other to react.

 Youngjae clearly felt like he was a pain in the neck in Jaebum’s eye. According to his voice, as he was saying all those words. He didn’t even look at the black haired in the eye.

 He just wanted to hug him. Hug him closely to his body. Feel his lungs widening. Hear his heart beating.

 But Yugyeom still wasn’t there.

Writer's Note:

I'm sorry for abandoning this fanfiction for so long. Life became tough for me lately but now I'm back and I'll be uploading more regularly, I swear.

Thank you so much for understanding!