DONGHYUCK

SOOOOO apparently, y'all like it when Mark tells you about the weird thoughts he had throughout the day, like the flirting chapter of this fanfic. I guess I'll give you readers my chapter. I don't have any crazy ideas or any funny stuff so I'll just tell you what's going on in my mind as I take exams. Jk, I'm 16. The only exam I took is looking damn fine when I take selfies. Also, the author is having his exam season but he's writing this so it's a good indication that he isn't studying. It's the season for all you youthful one, and for you old ones who is trying to pass the 12th grade for like four times. And yo, no judgement man, ok? Shout out to all the people who's celebrating their 22nd birthday at prom.

But it's ok because exams . And they don't even well, like that broken vacuum that can't do the one job that they were designed to do. There's a piece of lint and you keep on vacuum it over and over again but they would refuse to pick up the piece of lint. Exams are like those vacuums. You know what, I'm sorry. Yesterday, my vacuum broke and there's a piece of lint in my room and I have no idea how to get rid of that single piece of lint. Anyway, exams! They're annoying! Here's why...

The lovely exam starts the day, or night, before the actual exam. I would probably have my nose in the textbooks, trying to memorize all the formulas, think of good acronyms, and cramp all the information into my teeny tiny brain. This period of time is from that day/night up until the minute I walk into the classroom to take the exam. 

"Oh my god, asdfghjkl," I pace back and forth outside the hall with the notes I took from the lectures. "How am I gonna remember all this? How much time is left? asdfghjkl... EABMSB... Every... Apple...Brings... Many Such Buttholes. Every apple brings many such buttholes. Every apple brings many such butts- what? hippies?"

Of course, nine times out of ten, there's that one section that you completely forgot and push aside. At least until you saw it as the bell rings. What is this? Oh my gosh, did I not read this chapter? asdfghjkl...

RInng!!! I crawl to my desk and set myself ready for the test. Please kill me now!

I look around to see if we could start. When the paper is face down on your desk, you always try to look at it through the light. That's a minor detail. There are many other annoyances that are going on while you're taking an exam.

First of all, the room is full of disturbances during an exam. People sneezing, people sniffing, people coughing. Is this an exam or a doctor appointment?

Wait, Donghyuck, don't people see the doctor in an examination room?

...

...

...

 "Who writes these jokes?" I mumble lowly to myself. 

(The author, somewhere, scrunching up a piece of paper with the jokes written out. "Knew I should so just write a .")

I don't know about you but for me personally, the most distracting thing is those people who twirl their pen. I'm not talking about the basic twirling. Anyone could do the basic, but I'm talking the twirl 3.0. I'm talking about the back-flip, three-fifty, Mega-behind the thumb twirl with their pen.

Exhibit A: Jeno. He's doing his exam like any normal person but as he read the questions, he twirls his gel blue pen between his fingers.

Like how are you doing that? I'm over here, trying to finish my exam but I can't. Know why? Because I am memorized by the aerodynamic of his pen. How is anyone focusing on this exam? Do you not see? Harry Potter is basically sitting in this classroom. I'm supposed to sit over here and get an A on this test when you got Cirque Du Soliel all up on your finger? Nawh, I am distracted.

And now that I got over the pen Olympic, I look down to my test and is introduced to a new annoyance. Its name is multiple choices. I know what your thinking. Multiple choices, pssh, easy. They basically give you the answer. Easy. 

No, multiple choice is like flappy bird. It seems easy but it would be the death of you!

Four options, too easy. Let me do this math real quick, I confidently do the arithmetic for the problem. One train going 12 km per hour and another train is traveling at 70 km. Ok, let me do some multiplication. Let me divide. Let me add and subtract. The answer... 16!

Oh my gosh, I'm like a math whiz. I look down at the possible answers and what do I see: 28, Holland, purple, kiwi. What the eff is this? And when I didn't get the answer that matches any of the answers, I do that thing where I try to convince myself of it. Like yeah, 16 is pretty close to kiwi. Kiwi sound right. Yeah, I probably forgot to carry a 1 somewhere. Totally, kiwi. Check, kiwi.

Don't get me started on these questions. Maybe times had changed but I can't imagine answering these kind of question in today's day and age. Like ok, you have a train traveling at 12 km per hour and another train traveling at 70 km per hour. At which point do they both meet x? My answer: Uber it.

As I try to figure out this trains schedule all up on this test, what do I see out of the corner of my eyes? A little mere figure. What do I see? It's mother effing Jaemin, standing up to turn in his exam. 

What the eff? I shoot him with my laser eyes. We just started this exam. There are Vines out there longer than it takes for you to finish this exam. 

Then you know what happens. I'm looking around, panicking. What if I'm in some sort of matrix or time warp, where I feel like it's been five minutes but in actuality, it's been two hours. 

Jaemin, you'd better sit yourself down until I'm done, boy, I thought to myself. Jaemin, I swear, you better be at those musical chairs, you better run to the nearest chair and take several seats. In fact, I need to get you to sit down, get back up, and sit down again. I don't play no game, Jaemin! Don't do this to me, Jaemin! I just finish writing the date, Jaemin!

"Ayo Jaemin, what's the date?" I whisper to him.

So I would continue to do this damn exam and I reach the beloved true & false section. Now, nothing makes a person more psychologically disturb than true and false on a test. 

Question 1: Photosynthesis is the process of turning sunlight into sugar. Yeah ok, true.

Question 2: Sugar is converted into ATP.... Yeah ok, true.

Question 3: Plants intake carbon dioxide and release oxygen. Ok, I think that's true... Wait, that's three trues in a row. That's a bit strange isn't it? Maybe one is false... Or maybe that's what they want you to think. Oh, I'm onto your game. Let's make it all true, no one would expect the answer to be all true. Let me double-check.

"Photosynthesis is the process of turning sunlight into sugar," I mumble to myself. "Sugar? Is that right? Wait what? I've never seen sugar on a plant. I'm pretty sure plant grow flowers. Isn't it sunlight into flower? Wait wait wait, say it again. Photosynthesis is the process of turning sunlight into sugar. Hey, that sound true. But wait, does it sound true because I'm saying it? Because I'm so trustworthy. Ok ok ok, say it in someone else voice."

I clear my throat and speak in the best British accent I have. "Phot-o-synthesis is the process of turning sunlight into suga. Suga? I knew it! I knew it was flowers. False."

Then I have to remind myself that Donghyuck, you in science. You're so much better at math. You have like a 40 percent of getting this question right. Ok, so I spend have of my time answering this test and the other half dealing with the extreme betrayal of my teacher had committed because none of these ish was what he say would be on the test. 

I'm sitting there like "When the eff did we learn this material?". Let me rewind to earlier last week, just flashback like "That's so Raven". When Mr.Do say and I quote "Boys and girls, you gonna want to focus on trigonometry on next week test. There's gonna be a lot of trigonometries ". So what did I do, Mr.Do? I was all up on that trigonometry. I was up all night with my bae, Hypotenuse. You already know, though. Sine, cosine, tangent, that's the motto baby YOLO. So this morning, I walk into this establishment, all confident. You give me this test. I'm all ready. Question one. I'm like, let's do this right now. "It's 2 pm, aright, where's Tom?"

Who the eff is Tom, Mr.Do? And more importantly, where is his triangle? Where the trig at? You say there'll be trig. I ain't seeing no trig. Because straight up, trig is acting like Beyonce in that elevator. Trig is absent. Trig must be on airplane mode. Trig must be Azalea Bnk's Twitter account, because I don't see trig. Trig must be singing the song "Paper Plane" because trig is MIA. Trig must be at Hogwart because trig is wearing an invisibility cloak. Trig must be Miami in game seven because trig is gone. Trig is the reason why Justin Bieber ask "where are you now?". So Mr.Do, where the trig at?

Lastly, exams are annoying because they're the reflection of my poor time management skill. I spent two hours on true and false, multiple choices. There's ten minutes left on the test. I turn to the last page, two essay questions. Hello, now I'm answering this test as Donghyuck, featuring heart palpitations. Imma just pull ish out of my booty right now.

Question. Explain the history of Rome. Yo, Rome is a place. It's old. There's a font named after Rome. That's right. Rome rhymes with cone. Ice cream goes in cones. Rome may or may not contain ice cream during the summer. Also, in addition to all of this... the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. References include 300, Gladiator, and Roman Reins. 

Can we be real for a sec? It doesn't matter which subjects you took in school, you learn three things and three things only. Number 1: The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. You know exactly what I'm talking about. That's little potato thing with the barbed wire in it. Number 2: I before E, except after C. Number 3: That whole thing about I before E, except after C is a lie. 

Height

Beige

Foreign

Neighbor 

Protein

Why you lying? What you think? You would just make up something that rhyme and suddenly it's legit? Honestly, you know how many times I been embarrassed by this damn rule and lose all my street cred? 

Flashback

"Yo, Donghyuck, how do you spell science?"

"Well, my good friend, it's I before E, except after C."

"All right cool, thanks... Oh wait, it's S-C-I-E-N-C-E."

End of Flashback

"Don't make me play Lemonade on your English rule!" I curse to myself. 

With that being said, the best part of an exam is what you do after them.And if you're anything like me, this is what you do after an exam. #1, gather intel. 

So you just finished that exam and you feel like you been probed by aliens. Ok, like straight up, you're walking funny because that exam ripped you a new one. After Mr.Do collects all the test, I limped out of that room. But then you think, "Wait, am I just stupid? Like an I a dumb person? Did everyone else feel the same way about this exam?" So you go around to all your friends and you gather intel. But you don't walk to seem like you're dumb. Gotta play it cool.

"Hey yo, so, how was that exam?" I ask Jaemin in the hallway as we walk out of class.

"It was okay," He answered.

"Ok, like what?" I reply. "Like was it easy?"

"Mmmm, not bad," He shrugged.

"Ok, like on a scale of tick tac toe to Flappy Bird, how hard do you think it is?"

"It was decent."

"Decent how? Like turtleneck decent or like skirt slightly above the knee decent?"

"T-Turtleneck decent?"

"So like Drake? Like "Hotline Bling" decent?"

"I-I think I did well."

"How well?" I pressure him. "Like deep well? Like, like "Samara" well? Like you're gonna die in seven days kind of well or..?"

"I think I did well," Jaemin smiles stoically at me.

"Yeah, eh?" 

"What about you?"

"Yeah, yeah, same, also, what are you doing in my chapter? Why you here?"

"Because shut up :P"

Which leads me to number two. #2: Prepare your parents, or in my case, brother. So you gonna prepare the one who gonna judge you for the possibility of you failing this exam. 

"Yeah, no, oh my god, Seungkwan," I bite my nail as I talk on the phone. "Everyone was saying how hard it was. I'm pretty sure everyone else failed. Not just me."

And it's funny how we believe that if we fail or do something bad, it's ok if other people also . It's so interesting how kids get so annoyed when their parents compare them to other kids but we do the exact same thing when it's to our benefits. 

"Ugh, Seungkwan! Everyone else failed!"

"Seungkwan! Everyone else is going to the party!"

"Seungkwan! All the other kids have a cell phone!"

Seungkwan replied, "Donghyuck, why can't you dress nice like other kids?"

"Why do you compare me to other kids? I hated it when you do that! I'm gonna run away!"

Hello! I'm a waste youth. And you're a waste youth. and you are a waste youth. #3: facts check.You run out of that exam and you throw open that textbook so you can check the answers to make sure you knew what the eff you were saying! This textbook right here is about to disclose your fate.

With vigorous page flipping skill, I held my head and sigh frustratedly. "What?! Wait, it's BEDMAS? Since when? I thought it was BEDMOS. Minhyung! Isn't it BEDMOS?"

"My name isn't Minhyung, it's Mark," Mark jumps as I yell at him.

"Damn it, Minhyung," I facepalm myself. "Look at this! It's brackets, exponents, divide, multiply, addition, subtract since when? I thought it was brackets, exponents, divide, multiple, ovulate. subtract!"

"I think ovulate is from -ed," Mark corrected me.

"What?! Ay yo it wasn't me bro. The textbook is wrong."

#4: calculate. You'll come to the conclusion that you may fail this exam. What do you do? You bust out a calculator and figure out what score you need to pass the class. We all done it and straight up, everyone at math until you need to find this magical number. I could have just fail a math exam but when I get home and I need to find this number, I'll be carrying so many ones that you would think I was in a strip club. 

"Ok, so according to my calculations," I held up the board for Mark, Jaemin, and Jeno to see. "All we need to do is carry the three, solve for x, flip the parabola, use trig to discover the acute triangle and then... all I need is a 31% to pass this class."

"Oh my god," Jeno looks up from his computer. "They just posted the grade."

"What did I get?" I bite the marker cap nervously.

"Hmmm, 30 percent?" Mark tries to stop himself from laughing.

I drop the board dramatically and pull out my cell phone. "Hello, clown college?"

Real talk. Anyone who's going through exam season, like the author, I wish the best for you. Also, you should ignore everything I'm saying because me wishing the best for you isn't gonna help you do well. You studying and working hard are gonna help you do well. That also goes for you, author-nim, study those damn notes for the Bio and Chem lab final you gonna have soon. Goddamnit, Minhyung!!!

Anyway, I'm gonna go look over my notes before Donghyuck hit me with a baseball bat. Good luck to you all in any exam you take, whether it's for school or life. Subscribe and comments.

FIGHTING!!!