CHAPTER 16 [A Bad Beginning Always Ends in a Bad Ending]

*

Exactly two months passed and nothing really changed between Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s relationship. Jeonghan could not even get a simple nod from the other, or even a short glance to acknowledge his presence.  The only consolation he got was his husband not bringing up the topic about their divorce again. It seemed like Seungcheol only blurted it out out of drunkenness then completely forgot about it when he’s already sober.

What lifted his spirits up (just a little) were their parents who were obviously trying to help them patch things up, which meant that they still liked him for Seungcheol. But their efforts always ended up with the other leaving them with an angry remark which was always redirected to him.

To be honest, he was starting to get mad, too.

To Seungcheol.

To himself.

To his wrong decision.

And to the situation.

He cried, he begged, he tried to explain and apologize – but Seungcheol seemed to turn deaf when it came to him. None of his words were heard, and as much as he wanted to stop trying because of the emotional torture it was giving him, he just couldn’t. He can’t, because it was so important for him for Seungcheol to hear him and believe his words because in his heart and mind, he knew that if he just kept on trying harder, Seungcheol will finally listen to him.

He wanted the older to believe in him for once and for all. Not until the day that Seungcheol hands him a divorce paper will he give up. He still had a chance, and he would take it. A heart that loves never loses hope, and as long as there’s enough love in his heart, he’d still continue to hope for a better future for them.

But sometimes, he thought that Seungcheol was just… too much.

Was it really his fault that people presumed he was pregnant? He did not deny, but he did not confirm it, either. They just assumed. People always assume with their eyes more than their ears. The confirmation that he was pregnant did not really come from his mouth, did it? So why was he so, so, so mad at him? Seungcheol always assumes the worst in him! Didn’t Seungcheol know that he was hurt in the deepest part of his heart, too, knowing that he could only be kind to him only because he knew he was carrying his baby? So what if that abominable situation did not happen and he still didn’t bear a child for the rest of their marriage, would that mean that Seungcheol would never be kind to him?

Did it ever cross his mind that he had feelings, too?

Why was it that during the first few months of their marriage, when Seungcheol oftentimes went home smelling like a woman’s perfume with lipstick stains on his shirt and all, not once did he confront him about it? More than lying, more than deception, the case of adultery was much, much worse, right? Goofing around with different women as if there was no Jeonghan he married waiting for him at home… Fooling around with women as if he was single! And not an ounce of effort to be discreet about it. Yet, Seungcheol did not receive any hurtful words from him. That’s so unfair, right?

Sometimes, he felt as if Seungcheol was doing it on purpose – to hurt him and make him feel bad about himself. He endured everything, and not once did he confront him about it. He acted as if he didn’t see it, didn’t notice it. He acted as if he didn’t care, but the truth was, an immeasurable pain always enveloped his heart every time. He was able to hide the pain, but it didn’t really mean that he was able to forget it. It was always there to haunt him, to taunt him about that fact that Seungcheol would never go willingly to him.

His jaw set and his lips formed a thin line.

Argh!

He irritably shook his head and tried to discourage the negative feelings and thoughts arising from his head. It would not help his situation if he got mad, too.

So frustrating!

Oh. Oh. He froze. Why was he suddenly so moody? He’s not the type to be easily pissed. Jun labelled him as ‘the guy with unlimited patience and the guy who always sees the beauty in others which was so impossible to see without the use of 120x zoom power’, and now what’s just happening to him?

He sighed as he plopped his body down on the couch with a sigh, looking so restless and pathetic.

Lately, he noticed that the amount of tiredness he felt was doubled no matter how little he worked his body off. He also noticed that only a second after he rested his head on anything, his eyes would automatically close and then he was off to a deep sleep. It was as if no matter how long he slept at night, he still needed more. And more.

Do I need to go on a healthy vegan diet and exercise? I don’t think I’m that healthy anymore. My stress-eating shall stop now!

He clicked his tongue.

I’m super stressed. When will this stress end? And why do I keep talking to myself?

He rested his head on the couch, eyes drooping in slow motion…

“Jeonghan, there’s a mail for you,” Nanny Park’s voice boomed. “The sender’s name is not written so I guess you have to open it to know who it is from.”

Jeonghan’s eyes automatically opened and his eyebrows furrowed as the nanny handed him a suspicious brown envelope. ‘Suspicious’, because he was not expecting to receive anything, much more a document from an unknown sender. He took the envelope from the old woman who immediately excused herself for she said she still had to finish preparing their lunch. He thanked her as he curiously eyed the mail.

He was about to open the envelope when the telephone beside the couch he was sitting rang. He put the mail aside, deciding it could wait while he answered the telephone.

“Hel—”

“Hi, angel!” Jun’s excited greeting almost made his ear lose its function. “Would you want to go on a shopping spree with me? Three of my colleague’s boutique and accessories shops just opened, and I’ve got VIP cards! Isn’t that amazing? I’ll be there in twenty minutes, okay? Bye!” the other continuously said and much to his surprise, he really did hang up.

Wow, what a weirdo…

He put the cordless phone back to its place and decided to just indulge his friend’s weird way of asking him to hang out. Besides, when was the last time that he went out of their house? Ever since the day of revelation, he isolated himself from his friends and locked himself inside their home, rejecting every offer from Jun and his other friends to hang out.

Exactly twenty minutes later, a knock on the door stopped him from brushing his chin-length hair for finishing touches. “Jeonghan-ah, Jun is here.”

He gave himself one last look at the mirror. His brows furrowed as his eyes focused on that particular part of his face.

Had his cheeks always been that bloated?

He shook his head and took his wallet and phone from the dresser then left his room.

***

Jeonghan appreciated all of Jun’s efforts to divert his attention. Not once did he ask him about the status of his relationship with Seungcheol, or just mention his husband’s name at all. He also told him that it’d be his treat, so he should choose whatever he wanted because it would only happen to him once. So to tease the other, he picked a lot of the most expensive things in every shop they went into. Jun didn’t seem to mind, after all.

Two hours later, both their arms and hands were filled with shopping bags that Jeonghan couldn’t believe they all bought in just a span of two hours.

“Wow, I can’t feel my arms and legs anymore,” Jun complained, blowing a strand of hair that dared touch his cheek.

He chuckled. “And whose fault is it? We literally went inside every shop this mall had! How many credit cards did you use today, anyway? I can’t believe you paid for mine as well. This isn’t so you,” he teased, a grin was carved on his lips.

Jun pouted as he rolled his eyes. “I’m just being a generous best friend today. You can just say ‘thank you’, you know!”

Jeonghan laughed. “Alright, alright. Thank you so much, Jun! But right now I am starving. Come, it’ll be my treat this time!”

Jun’s face brightened as if the mention of ‘starving’ just made him realize that he was starving himself, too. “Great! I missed eating in that restaurant with the very gorgeous maître d’ who never fails to make my day any brighter,” he said with sparkly eyes and a smile as wide as the Pacific Ocean.

He snorted. “Minghao won’t like it if he heard you saying that.”

“Hah! He’s on the other side of the world, he wouldn’t care less.”

Jeonghan decided not to press any further and just started walking towards the fine-dining restaurant that he and Jun frequently visits.

***

While waiting for their foods to be served, Jeonghan noticed a pair of newcomers who were wal