one of them is leader and the other is clown of the group, they can't be together; but mijoo loves soojung anyway.

soul x mijoo | 4839 words | (maybe) tooth-rotting fluff

by bbombomi

          Mijoo rolls restlessly across her bed on a deluxe hotel room in Quebec, slightly kicking fluffy soft comforter wrapped around her for the umpteenth time with a deep sigh - don't get it wrong, everything's perfect and living up to the expectation for five star hotel with five hundred bucks rate per night, it's just there's something else that's been bugging her mind and making her constantly perturbed the entire time.

          Few hours earlier Mijoo's got briefed shortly about their leader has just landed safely in Canada and is on the way to their hotel, yet she swears wouldn't be able to breath before witnessing with her own two eyes Soojung shows up in this very room. She blames the stupid immigration mistake for all this fiasco; when the rest of Lovelyz flew to Canada for filming their travel reality show, the poor leader had to stay behind fixing her visa problem first then catch another flight on the next day all by herself. Though Soojung herself had assured she's alright, it still terrified Mijoo so much that the small girl got to sit through over 16 hours long haul flights to foreign country alone.

          At first, Mijoo had had a mind to stay and keep Soojung company, but in the end she discarded the idea. Not only it would earn her some wrath from the producers and most likely their boss as well, everyone would definitely think it's weird, and no, she couldn't risk her true feelings get exposed to the light of the day. She will carry this stupid, rapidly-growing crush with her to the grave, Mijoo had sworn; if it's what it takes to keep the harmonious friendship between eight of them in the group. It's getting harder and harder as time goes by, yet she always convinces herself that being able to stay in Soojung's side as close friend is already amazing enough. She should never, ever, ruin it. They're just not meant to be and that's that.

          When the clock says it's eleven and half, Mijoo hears a faint beep of the door being unlocked, and she instantly tenses up under the bedcover. For one last time she takes a glance up towards a camcorder mounted far at one corner of the ceiling, little red light blinking slowly signaling it's on.

          We will put on some sappy sfx, and you two, please act as dramatic as you can like two friends who haven't meet for long time and are missing each other, She remembers their manager told her. Soojung's exhausted face appears from the entrance, huge luggage on her small hand, and Mijoo sits up right away, gasping exaggeratedly. She may be acting accordingly to the script provided, but the crying noise calling for Soojung unnie Mijoo's making now is purely genuine, from the bottom of her worried heart. The older girl just laughs awkwardly as she walks closer to greet her roommate, and they talk some more about in-flight meals and other mundane stuffs just for show. (They're sure it's gonna get cut out but whatever.)

          "Okay, that's it! Turn off that freaking camera and get ready." Soojung says without preamble, and Mijoo can only blink at the leader's sudden order, barely manages to catch some clothes thrown at her. The sweater's landed on her head squarely and now covering half of her dumbfounded face.

          "Get ready to what?"

          Soojung's head shoots down at the other girl, looking as perplexed. "We're heading to the bar, you don't remember?"

*****

a week before their trip started

          "Here comes the real medicine." Jiyeon cheered with low volume as to not disturb her tired roommate.

          "The third and fourth wheel will disappear now. Hope Mijoo unnie get well soon." Little Sujeong mumbled solemnly. They both had knowing smiles laced on their faces as they smoothly slid out of the room.

          "What did they say?" Mijoo's blond head appear from a cocoon-like pile of blankets on the bottom bunk, her voice sounded hoarse. Series of filming and solo activities without break had finally taken its toll on her. That day, when the other members were gathering to talk about itineraries for their upcoming Lovelyz Love Canada show, Mijoo finally decided to go sleep and let the rest of her team; Jiae, Myungeun, and Soojung, pick which places they would visit later.

          "Dunno. Ignore them anyway. How are you?"

          "Fineee~ It's just light cold." The younger makes some space for Soojung by shifting to the left. "How was the meeting? Just now Jisoo told me their team agreed to go to comic con, i swear if this room isn't that narrow she might do happy dance!" And by narrow, she meant the clutter of her dirty clothes and miscellanous items Jiyeon had already given up to clean laying everywhere in the floor.

          "The must-visit list we've made today." Soojung handed bunch of papers while climbed up the bed. They lay side by side, shoulders pressed against each other. Mijoo read the rough itinerary written by her teammates out loud and Soojung just watched her with indecipherable expression.

          "Visiting Goblin's shooting locations. Hah! This one's must be Myungeun!" Of couse. Park Myungeun is the biggest Ji Euntak wannabe. "Who said have drinks in a pub? You?"

          "It was Myungie too, actually. Then i went along with her idea." Soojung only shrugs, looking entirely distracted. She fiddled with her sweater paws for a moment, brows knitted like there was some internal battle inside her mind.

          "Hey." She started again quitely, almost whispering. "About that, do you think you wanna... Sneak out and go to the pub just the two of us?"

          "Really? Can we?" Mijoo pushed herself up a bit, turning to the other girl excitedly.

          "Yeah. You see this schedule, on the night we arrive they will give us some time to rest, it's safe for us to go out for few hours without being noticed. I've been googling all the time for famous Canadian pub located in our hotel's vicinity— Oh i can get the map and reviews from Tripadvisor printed later so you can take a look too and pick the one that seems interesting!" At that point Soojung was basically babbling on.

          "I knew it. I knew it." Mijoo interjected, making toothy grin. "You just want to drink freely without being seen by Jiae or Myungie, don't you— Ow!"

          "Do you want to go or not?" Soojung's fist was up in the air, keep making fun of me and next you will get this straight on your head. Yet she was adorably cherry red in a way that make Mijoo weak. Damn. That upset pout on Soojung's lips was damn heart-melting.

          "With pleasure, Soojung." The younger smiled, a genuine one.

          Right then, Mijoo could imagine if only their room wasn't so messy with all of her stuffs, Soojung might do some happy dance.

*****

          "Oh. That."

          "Yeah i remember, of course i do. But, are you sure we're still doing it now? I mean, it's nearly midnight, you just arrived and... And aren't you tired and suffering from jetlag?" Mijoo still argues, although it sounds kinda weak and not that insistent even to her own ears.

          "I am, but we won't have any other chance to be alone." Soojung holds up papers with their schedule written on it which she just snatched from the bedside table. The same she'd shown Mijoo back in their dorm. "After this night we will be followed by cameras 24/7, so now or never. I promise it will be just an hour. C'mon!"

          Flying imaginary white flag, Mijoo slips out of the hotel robe and gets into her green sweater and jeans while the shorter girl takes quick shower. Then without further ado, off they go charging thorough the quiet, crisp-aired street of Quebec.

*****

          "Ooh here it is! Here it is!" After approximately ten minutes of walk, Soojung's finger points at a bar on their right side, sandwiched between closed family diner and coffee shop. Her other hand excitedly pulls Mijoo to a sturdy door made entirely from wood. Gone all the exhaustion, Soojung's eyes light up at the sight of small yet adorable establishment. "Let's go inside!"

          After leaving their padded jackets on coat hangers by the entrance, they pick a tiny circle table for four, right in front of a designated performance space where local band is playing some jazz song live. There's about ten or twelve other customers tonight, quite full but not crowded, given that this is Tuesday night. Dim yellow-ish light, faint chatter of couples sitting on nearby tables, refreshing scents of flowers, this place just oozes romantic.

          A friendly, energetic waitress comes to get their orders, with broken English Soojung ordered easy finger foods and two bottles of beer from brand she's never seen before in Korea. Actually there are another more liquors catching her eyes on the list, but as tempting as it seems, Soojung can't for her life ignore the 'Leader Babysoul' nagging in the back of her mind that she should not get drunk in a country she's visiting for work. So beer it is. The waitress disappears then, and they wait.

          "I take it you like this place?" Soojung drags her chair closer to Mijoo's side and loops their hands together, the gestures cause dozen of treacherous butterflies dances wildly inside Mijoo's stomach.

          "Yeah. Sure. Of course." For s sake, get yourself together, Mijoo chides herself desperately.

          Okay. This is just holding hands, maybe Soojung is just feeling cold. They've done it hundreds time. Being in a group of eight girls means so tiny personal space and they always literally flock together, in the back stage, in the car, everywhere. There's absolutely nothing special with this.

          After their drinks arrived, nobody brings anymore conversation up. They momentarily enjoy the music in comfortable silence - most songs being played are in French and none of them understand a word, but its melody is nice and soothing, the band's frontman got pretty great vocal. Two songs later, Soojung has somehow chugged down the last drop from her bottle. She glances up sheepishly to the younger girl, like a quiet plea to get another one, and Mijoo only smiles softly to affirm her permission. Lee Soojung is the most adorable little thing it's impossible to resist her.

          "This one's on the house, because you two are such an adorable couple." The same waitress comes back one more time with not only beers, but also a glass of authentic Quebec rum. Too amused watching the short haired girl cannot contain her gleeful smile at the amber coloured liquid, Mijoo barely catches how their waitress winked teasingly at them.

          "Heh... I used to like drinking in the past, but not anymore." She says in mocking tone, reciting Soojung's answer for an interview they had some time ago. "Big fat lie."

          "The girly idol persona can go die for now." Soojung scoffs, lifting the big glass to her lips. Mijoo cracks another laughter that is too loud it causes few other patrons begin staring at them.

          "Yes, i love you more when you're yourself." Mijoo hums absent-mindedly. Only few seconds later she catches on what has came out of . Her stomach drops spectacularly and she makes graceless spluttering noise right away. "Not that kind of love, i mean— ididn'tmeananythingweirdbythatpleasetrustme—"

          To her even moooore surprise, the other girl all of a sudden rests her cheek against Mijoo's shoulder. Is she reacting to those last sentences? No ing way. Maybe she's a bit drunk? Anyway, Soojung's head is really just inches apart from hers - now realizing this, Mijoo turns away really quick she's almost sure she hears a cracking sound from her neck. Soojung the awkward turtle is cute. Violent Soojung, Mijoo also can handle. But this... This clingy Soojung, what the heck is this??

          But first, distraction. This awkward situation has to break.

          "Shall we order dakbal?!"

          Nope. Stupid. Stupidd. Stupiiiiiiiid what have you been thinking, Lee Mijoo you frickin' idiot!

          "You do remember that we are not in some chimaek bar hopping around Hongdae, don't you?" Soojung turns around flashing raised eyebrows that is partial amusement and confusion.

          "Right. Canada. Totally not Hongdae. It's just i... Uh...."

          Lord help please.

          "I suddenly missed our secret getaways when we were trainees! It's been so long since we last done it!" Mijoo exaggeratedly claps Soojung's arm for no reason multiple times, typical her when tension's coiling inside her stomach. "Y'know, me and Yein will have mukbang program airing soon. There's an episode where i can go to convenience store and they will let me eat a lot! I really want to take you with me but, too bad, it's a show about eating alone. It's gonna be great if you were there!"

          Mijoo isn't even sure what non-sense she's sprouting anymore, but whatever, it seems to work anyway; Soojung is nodding with longing expression, imaginary foods swimming before her eyes.

          "Mmm... Tteokbokki and kimbap.."

          "I know right. Back then we would get two different kinds of doshirak then exchange half of our meals."

          "We always share food because that time we were so broke." It's a memory they both cherish so much. "Oh! And that pocha we often went to... The ahjumma gave us free soju all the time."

          "Yes, Miss Five-Bottles-Of-Soju-At-One-Sitting. Is there anything else besides the drinks that you remember? Ouch— OUCH! Just kidding here yo!" Mijoo makes yielding gesture, and Soojung relents her pinches attack. Well, at least now there's a space between their skins and Mijoo's jittery heart can be at ease - the crescent moon shaped marks along her arm are worth it.

          "It wasn't only the free drinks which made me so happy about those ol' times, you dolt!" Soojung grumbles in annoyance, but just for one second, then she is flushed red, looking away from the other girl. Maybe it's the rum? Mijoo decides to just shrugs it off. No overthinking, it's bad, it's gonna get your brain fried.

          One hour they've promised turned into two and half (and they only went out because the bar was about to be closed), two bottles of beer turned into... another number that they would definitely regret in the morning; however, by the time they are on their way home both of them are lightheaded. Soojung might've boasted how she'd never gotten drunk, but now she's walking zig-zag while whistling some random melodies. Mijoo, who's a little less tipsy, follows behind her and giggles at the girl's antics. The temperature has fallen off to crazy chilly at this time she jams her hands deeply into the pockets of her jacket.

          The two crash on Soojung's bed and snug beneath the warm comforter as soon as they enter their room. The older girl has half her body on top of Mijoo, burying her head firmly against the crook of Mijoo's neck while making little yawning noise. It's super endearing to see the sleepy girl, in a way that cause Mijoo's fondness towards her rises up to the all time high.

          With no doubt Mijoo will agree this is the best night on her life so far. Midnight escape to a cool bar in foreign country, no sunglasses or silly oversized hat to hide from fans, just her and her favourite person in the world, they felt so relaxed and safe. It's like her biggest dream has partially came true. (Not wholly, because in the dream world, she and Soojung are two lovers madly in love; holding hands on the street, kissing in the rain, the whole tooth-rotting sappy package. Welp). Though they're never never ever going to be something more than 'leader and clown of the group', slash best friend, Mijoo is fine with it. And though it's hard, this perfect night should come to an end now. She shuffles to get out of Soojung's bed and go back to her own, little by little as to not jostle the leader above her, but......

          What is this thing caressing her side up and down??

          "Soojung.. What are you doing?" Mijoo asks, feeling faint as she ever so gently trying to pry off the other girl's hand which has been moving dangerously towards certain part of her body.

          "Where are you goiiiiing?" Soojung is practically whining, voice uncharacteristically high-pitched.

          "Uh. My bed is over there." It's a matter-of-fact. Nobody likes being in same bed with her anyway; she kicks, and hogs the blanket making herself a human burrito, all the worst bed habits. So Mijoo is totally clueless as to how does her answer seem to rub Soojung all the wrong way. The short-haired girl gets up to sitting position, and so does Mijoo. The comforter is pushed to the edge of bed roughly.

          "Look, we had such a great date just now, it's fine if you're not up to something more but can't we at least sleep, literally sleep, in the same bed? And where's my goodnight kiss?"

          .... Date?

          Good lord. At this point Mijoo is sure her shocked little heart has jumped out of ribcage and run away. Oh no. She has to chase and put it back into her chest or else she would quite possibly die soon...

          "What's with that scowl? Hey, i might seem like it but i'm not prude. It's just i never show this side of myself unless to someone really special."

          "And I— am I? Special?" Why? How?

          "Whoa. Hold on a sec there." Soojung looks much, much more sober and awake now, staring straight at Mijoo with icy stare that probably could kill any lesser being. "Don't tell me... Oh god, we aren't what i thought we are?"

          "You thought we are..."

          "Together."

          "Together?"

          For the love of anything that is holy, if Mijoo parrots one more time, Soojung would gladly choke her to death. "Yes. Together. Girlfriends. We're crazy for each other. In which planet's language do i need to say it?!" She nearly flaps her arms in frustration.

          "But... Look i'm sorry but i just can't wrap my head around this whole thing, starting from when and how we got together?"

          "Around Valentine this year?" Soojung tilts her head. "You gave me necklace, what was that supposed to mean?"

          "That necklace is with you all this time?" Mijoo's eyes widen in surprise. "Damn i thought i've lost it somewhere."

          "What?!" Soojung fires back furiously. "I was half asleep but i swear it was you entering my room in midnight, then the necklace was on my bed when i woke up the next morning!"

          "I.. Think... i might've or might've not.... Accidentally dropped it there.." Mijoo stutters hesitantly, feeling herself shrink in fear. "Okay let's just forget about the Valentine present for awhile, i'm sure you wouldn't think we're dating just because of a mere necklace, would you?"

          "Of course not! Since we were trainee, i noticed— No screw it, all seven of us noticed how you've always been different to me. It's obvious, really. Like, we know you're crazy who latches onto Jisoo or Yein or Myungie or even Seulgi, but it's... Not the same when you're with me. You're always paying a bit more attention, being a bit kinder, trying all you can to be my support. Funnily, the more you did it in subtly ways the more you gave away your true feelings, i guess it's just your nature not be able to shut up at all."

          Little Sujeong who often left their shared room whenever she came to talk with the leader. Jiae and Myungeun who decided the roommate arrangements for this Canada trip with no hesitation. Their hoobae who's never seen anywhere near Soojung anymore after she coincidentally caught him offering to treat the leader meals. The midnight escapes with just the two of them in the past. That clingy Soojung. Every piece of puzzle is falling into place straight away.

          "We are not allowed to dating anyone, and we both so commited with our careers, so i thought there's like... Some unspoken, mutual understanding between us to let things flow without putting any label onto our relationship."

          "Aren't you not a fan of anything bordering to casual dating?"

          "Yes i am not. But i'm fine with it because it's you. And i like you, i... I like so much, thought you feel the same way, and you're just not ready to say anything concrete yet. I trust that we can make it together until that day comes when we don't need to hide ourselves anymore— " Soojung's breath's hitched in , and now Mijoo is full-blown panicked. It's very bizarre, almost phenomenal even, to see her usually stoic leader being all depressed like this.

          "Admittedly, with achievements such as succesful first concert we got under our belt i might've been slacken my guard a little too much. I assumed we could have this, you would want this for once— This is really not coming across great, is it?" Soojung shakes her head, forcing a dry laugh that make Mijoo winces from how hurtful it sounds. "I'm like.. Some delusional crazy woman, oh god, so embarrassing."

          "No, don't say that!" The blond quickly corrects, her cheeks flaming. "Hey, what you've been thinking isn't exactly wrong. I do love you and have been pining on you for way too long!"

          There she said it. There's no taking it back.

          "You do?" Soojung stares at Mijoo deeply, like searching for something on her eyes.

          "Yes." Mijoo heaves a low breath. "About the necklace, i did get it for you. But when i was in your room that night, i suddenly became unsure whether it was a good idea or not to give such.. More-than-friend present for someone who's supposed to be just friend, not to mention in Valentine. It got the better of me, and i ranaway without waking you up. Later i couldn't find the necklace anymore i thought it's lost." Confession is never part of her plan, but hey... Now that everything's out of her system, it actually feels so much better.

          "I'm shocked that you actually acknowledged my feelings that i've been hiding all this time because of fear everything between us would break down." She can't stop a foolish grin from forming on . "But you... Wow... You like me too."

          "Mhm. This is so dumb, huh?"

          "Yeah i guess." They both chuckle.

          "Then, what do we do now? I'm perfectly okay if you want to forget this and go back to what we always were, or..." Soojung trails off.

          "Or we just run with it." Mijoo finally says after a long pause. She slides closer, watching tender affection flickers in Soojung's eyes that's mirroring hers. It's the most brilliant, beautiful sparks and Mijoo finds a balloon of happiness swelling inside of her. "You were right, we can never cover this up. And if i ever let you go this time, five or ten years from now i'll totally regret while looking down this road i should be taking now. No matter what people say, i'm in love with you anyway. Can't go through another day not being able to show you how much i do."

          "We still need to keep this as secret tho.." Soojung continues, looking a tad bit regretful. "But maybe the other girls have to know."

          "Yeah. They will find out somehow anyway." Mijoo nods sagely. "We should tell them one of these days."

          "By the way!" She exclaims suddenly. "About the earlier, uh... Goodnight kiss. Is that still on the table?"

          "Mhm, sure. We can do that." Short arms fling around Mijoo's shoulders, pushing her down the bed. "Or....."

*****

          "Yo, sleepy heads— WHOA! WOW! HOLY MOTHER ING GOD!"

          Just now, Soojung and Mijoo were woken up by a video call from the other team in Calgary. With hangover-induced headache still drilling mercilessly into her temple, the older girl grabbed her phone and presses answer button. The bright screen violently assaulted her burning, sleep-deprived eyes and Soojung immediately held the device as far as her arm can allow. They saw Jisoo's face for only a second before the camera jerked and panned to the ceiling with thudding sound, as though it was abruptly thrown then fell down.

          "I am scarred for life!" Jiyeon gasps in the background, then Yein and Sujeong appear on screen.

          "See? They totally did it! Ha! You owe me ten thousand won now! Each of you!" Little Sujeong's downright cackling, the shrill sound pierces through the speaker and Soojung winces at it.

          "Yah! What are you girls talking about?!" Clueless, Soojung cuts them in. "And Seo Jisoo, language."

          "For Christ sake, unnies, put on some clothes before you pick up a video call, can you?" Yein grumbles while handing some cash to a very smug looking Ryu Sujeong. And finally Soojung catches up with the reality of their current situation; she's still lying sideways across her bed, Mijoo is attached to her back as the big spoon, and none of them is even covered by a thread of fabric save for the rumpled blanket on the half bottom of their bodies.

          Mijoo spontaneously jumps off the bed, followed by Soojung, and they scramble to collect the clothes they'd flung literally everywhere last night, their phone left abandoned behind the pillow. For several minutes, there's nothing but voices of Mijoo and Soojung shouting to each other as they try to get dressed in lightning speed, and Ryu Sujeong's devilish loud laughter through the speaker.

          "Maybe it's good we call instead of text to remind you two need to do V Live broadcast asap." Jiyeon is the only single person who seems to be genuinely concerned over the whole catasthrope. "Imagine what would our fans say if you accidentally go online and they see this!"

          "They will ship because you two are adorbs together! Stuffs like that." Yein shrugs, all non-chalant. "I've seen fans swooning over something called OTP. Apparently they dig those."

          "Gurl what did i say about not looking up weird things on the internet?! I'm gonna set parental control on our laptop!" Soojung cries, now re-appearing on the screen with her striped black and white long sleeve on. Yein rolls her eyes. Don't kill my joy, mom.

          "By the way! This is not like what you think!" She continues, giving four of her members a faux calm look, praying to every deity that is possibly listening it would be convincing enough.

          (Well it isn't.)

          "Right. Last night this place was super cold, so we stayed on same bed." Mijoo chirps in, totally unhelpfully.

          "Yeap. It's very convenience to spoon with your friend in cold days." Jisoo remarks sarcastically, her brows waggling. "And while you're at it, don't forget to whip your clothes off too because why not? Friends, right?"

          "Soojung, it's useless to hide this from them." Having a change of mind, Mijoo cuts right before the leader finish uttering a syllable of another argument. She puts a hand on Soojung's shoulder, giving a single reassuring squeeze. "We've decided to be honest with the members anyway... You said it yourself, c'mon."

          ".... Well, right." The short-haired girl seems to be finally rethinking her words as she slowly begins smiling. "This isn't how i want to make known about us, but... Yes, kiddos, we're together."

          "Yessss!!" Everyone on the other end break into chaotic hoots and teasing whistles. "No more awkward sparks fly... Stupid ..."

          "Were we that bad?" Mijoo makes a cringing face.

          "Oh gosh, bad. There were times we discussed about actually locking you two up inside the closet." Jiyeon deadpans. "But Jiae always opposed against the idea, said you two would totally ruin all of our clothes."

          "Now that you're out, please try to be less in your face, we don't need another nasty PDA couple in our home, 'kay?" Yein jokes, head jerking towards the direction of Jiyeon and Sujeong.

          Little Sujeong screams indignantly, "We are not nasty!"

          Big Soojung screams even louder, "Those two are dating?!"

          "Not only blind about each other's feelings, you two're also very much not observant of people around you, eh?" Jisoo sighs in disbelief, clucking her tongue.

          "Point taken, Miss Superspy." Mijoo snaps back. "We will certainly observe your next failed attempt to get phone number from a certain leader of Red Velvet. Right to the tiniest details, so we won't run out of thing to laugh out in the future. You will never live it down, i promise."

          "Okay, girls— GIRLS! Calm down please!" Soojung shouts again, her voice battling with noises from their maknaes who have gone down to frenzy of bicker in the background. This is really one of the wildest phone conversation ever and by the end of it she will definitely have sore throat. And people think they are absolutely feminine girl group, huh?

          "Just now i heard Myungeun's calling out for us behind our door, we should probably hang up and get some breakfast. And we owe those two the same explanation as the one we've just told you. We talk again later, alright?"

          "Yeah we better get ready as well, it's gonna be long day today." Jiyeon replies solemnly. "Don't forget to do v live broadcast asap, the fans are dying to know whether Soul unnie is alive or not!"

          "We know." Mijoo grunts impatiently. The knocking sounds from their door doesn't get any softer.

          "Don't go back making out." Yein pipes up one last time.

          "WE KNOW!"

*****

I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight
You're the first and last thing on my mind
You make me want to love, you make me want to fall
You make me want to surrender my soul

inspired to write this after i watched lovelyz in canada hehe... i tried my best to backtrack all their schedule during the filming in canada to make this a bit more makes sense.

aniwei thank u for taking time reading

ps:honest to god i am no writer, just kinda filling the void while hyttesanger busy with internship stuffs. she gonna be back in few months ^^