Hanbin’s father had marched out of the Hanbin’s rom and into his own study room, or office as Hanbin called it, expecting Hanbin to follow him. Hanbin looked at Jinhwan who was terrified. His usually milky skin had turned white as a ghost, and his eyes were staring blankly into nowhere, in fright. Hanbin didn’t dare to say a thing, and as a replacement of words, Hanbin took Jinhwan’s hand into his own, making Jinhwan a bit startled, as he looked at Hanbin in worried. Hanbin squeezed his small hand as an insurance that it will be okay. Jinhwan looked at Hanbin’s hand and smiled weakly, before Hanbin let go and walked out of the room.

Jinhwan followed Hanbin with his eyes until he was completely out of the room. In the minute the door closed, Jinhwan realised he had forgotten to breath, and took a deep breath as he sat down on the bed. Jinhwan weren’t too certain of what had just happened, but one thing was for sure; he was completely confused. Not quite sure what do to, Jinhwan looked blankly around in the room, trying to understand the situation. Okay, Hanbin’s father was really mad, then maybe he should leave? Or maybe there was only a misunderstanding and they solved things? Maybe he should just wait until that and see what happens?

Jinhwan jumped in his seat as he heard a loud and clear shout coming from the neighbour room.  Knowing it was mostly Hanbin’s father who shouted, Jinhwan suddenly felt cold sweat down his spine. If his father became this mad because of Jinhwan’s stay, then maybe Jinhwan shouldn’t be here? Jinhwan sighed as he stood up, bottomed his shirt and grabbed his stuff. Jinhwan, carefully, opened the door leading to the big hallway. Jinhwan tip toed out of the room and closed it as silent as he could. He really didn’t want Hanbin father to notice him.

As Jinhwan was about to pass the study room, Jinhwan almost yelped as he heard a loud and clear slap sound coming from it. Sending cold down Jinhwan’s back, Jinhwan knew that Hanbin had just been slapped by his own father. Jinhwan closed his eyes as he collected himself. He had to get out quick, as it could perhaps lessen the anger of Hanbin’s father. As Jinhwan passed the hallway and almost ran down the stairs, he entered the entrance hall. He were quick to find his shoes was about to take them on as he suddenly felt a small tug in his shirt. Jinhwan turned around quickly, only to find small Hanbyul standing next to him. Jinhwan’s scared face turned fast into an unsure smile. Hanbyul reached out her hand towards Jinhwan and Jinhwan took it gladly.

“Jinan oppa,” Hanbyul said, and Jinhwan chuckled. Hanbyul have had hard time saying Jinhwan, so he said it was alright to only say Jinan.

Jinhwan squatted down to her level as he still held her hand. Smiling, Jinhwan asked: What is it Hanbyul? Are you tired?”

Shaking her head, Hanbyul looked at Jinhwan shyly. “When will oppa come and play with me again?” she asked, as she looked confused. Jinhwan’s bright smile faded slowly away by her question. Jinhwan felt uncomfortable by the question, not because she was asking, but the situation. Jinhwan noticed how Hanbyul’s expression turned into sadness.

Jinhwan lightly squeezed her hand as Hanbyul looked at him. “I promise I will come and play soon with Hanbyul?” In that moment, Jinhwan swore that Hanbyul’s eyes shone brightly, and she surprised him with a hug. Jinhwan was a bit startled, but eventually hugged back. He knew he had promised, but in his heart he was truly unsure if he would be able to come back any time soon, because of her fathers reaction. Jinhwan felt his heart break at the thought of disappointing this small creature. As Jinhwan eventually broke of the hug, he took Hanbyul’s hand again. “Will you wait for me?” he asked her softly. Hanbyul smiled bright as she nodded. “Thank you,” with that Jinhwan stood up, taking on his shoes, and left. He walked out the door knowing he was unsure if he could hold the promise.

As Jinhwan got home, he went straight up to his room and fell dead on the bed. At this very moment he had finally time to go through everything that had happened. Thinking of how they had started the day fighting, but ended up kissing in the end was a huge change. Jinhwan suddenly blushed as he realised that Hanbin had taken his first kiss. To never been kissed for 18 years, sounds unbelievable, yet Jinhwan hadn’t been kissed before, well that was until today. Jinhwan’s blush strengthened as he could remember the taste of Hanbin’s lips and how Jinhwan just played along to them, let Hanbin take control. Jinhwan then remembered the added tongue to the kiss and buried himself into the pillow, wanting to die of embarrassment. To his defence it was Hanbin, who had started it all with the tongue and such, and he had heathen it up, but then again, Jinhwan hadn’t done anything to stop it. Rather, he enjoyed it quite well. As he thought of it, he realised that his first kiss had been way more heathen than a first usually would be, well at least that’s what Jinhwan had gotten from the novels he had read. Yet Jinhwan were not to complain. He had gotten his first kiss from the person he liked the most.

As Jinhwan were thinking through the kiss, which had him both embarrassed and happy, he suddenly heard a small hitting sound. Unsure where it came from, he assumed it was only in his head. He was probably afraid because he was alone, after all, we do sharpen our senses when being alone. Jinhwan sighed as he sat at his working desk, and began with homework. Finally he had time to focus on his own work. Even though Jinhwan tried to focus on biology, the though of Hanbin corrupted his mind, but was soon vanished away as he heard that sound, only this time Jinhwan was sure it was not in his head. This time Jinhwan could hear it came from his window, and it was not only one now, there were more hitting sounds, almost like small stones hitting his window. Jinhwan stood up, determined to find out what was going on. For all he knew, there could be some of the kids at school who wanted to bully him outside from school, cause that have happened before.

Jinhwan went up to his window and pulled away the curtains. As it had turned dark outside, Jinhwan squinted with his eyes trying to see what was outside. Getting used to the dark sight, Jinhwan noticed a figure. He leaned a bit over the windowsill, trying to figure out who the person was and his eyes widened at the realisation of who it was. Kim Hanbin.

Jinhwan were fast to open the window and yelled out: “Yah Kim Hanbin! What are you doing? Are you crazy?” seen that Hanbin began to chuckle, Jinhwan began to giggle. To think that Hanbin came all this way to his house was really unpredictable. Wait. How on earth did Hanbin know where Jinhwan lived? As far as he knows, Jinhwan have never taken him home with him. Jinhwan leaned more over the windowsill, asking “Hanbin, how on earth did you know where I lived?” Even though it was dark, Jinhwan could notice the slight blush creep upon his cheeks

“W-well, I have been… eh I have been searching for info about you in quite some time n-now,” he stuttered and Jinhwan couldn’t help but blush at Hanbin’s words. Never had he thought Hanbin would actually search him to up to find information about him.

Jinhwan began to chuckle as well, asking: “wouldn’t it be easier if you had my number?” Jinhwan asked.

“Well if you would be so kind and give it to me, I would be more than happy,” Hanbin replied cheekily, making Jinhwan roll his eyes, as he couldn’t help smile. As there were a silence for a while, where Jinhwan admired Hanbin, and Hanbin couldn’t help but feel so shy when Jinhwan was near him, Hanbin broke the silence, trying to sound manly. “It’s a nice weather to be night time, you wouldn’t want to take a walk?”  Jinhwan smiled shyly as he nodded in agreement and signalled he would be there in five minutes. As Jinhwan closed the window and pulled the curtains, he finally had time to think it over and couldn’t help but have a small jump in excitement.

They walked in silence. Not an awkward, not an uncomfortable, but a comfortable. Hanbin was looking straight forwards, but stole a few glances at the smaller boy who looked down at the ground while walking. Hanbin felt warmth through his chest as he realised he had time to be alone with Jinhwan, without any disturbing.

Jinhwan’s head flew up, looking at Hanbin, as he felt a larger hand on his own. Jinhwan relaxed as he saw Hanbin smiling at him. It felt a bit weird, but comfortable having Hanbin holding his hand, he felt secure and safe. Amazing what a hand can make you feel.

They rounded the corner and walked down the streets towards the Han River. The city was beautiful at night as the neon lights, advisement and traffic light shone through the dark. The air was in the centrum was filled with bus and car fumes, but as they got closer to the river, a more fresh and clean smell was to be smelled. Jinhwan enjoyed it. Being tangled in Hanbin’s arms, walking down the street, it felt surreal at the moment, yet so beautiful.

They sat down on a bench close to the Han River, and looked at people who were walking by. Jinhwan looked at Hanbin and noticed his blank stare, as his mind was filled with thoughts, which had Jinhwan thinking. Gently, Jinhwan took Hanbin’s hand in his, and looked at him softly, as the got eye contact. “Hey are you okay?” Jinhwan asked, as he knew that the reason why Hanbin was upset was because of his father.

Hanbin sighed as he mumbled a ‘yes’. He looked around and saw the shining from the streetlights. “I’m just thinking, you know?” he said rather than a question, it felt more like a statement to himself.

“How are things with you father?” Jinhwan asked concerned. Hanbin sank together on the bench at the question. How were things with his father? Not good at all.

Hanbin could feel the tension as soon as he stepped into his father’s office. Hanbin dared to look at his father once, and regretted it. He had such a stern face that Hanbin felt like he had killed someone. His eyebrows were thick and were shaped as a deep, angry frown. Jeong looked at his son in disappointment. There were a long and uncomfortable silence neither Hanbin or his father said a thing. “I-I didn’-“ Hanbin was cut off by his fathers loud and clear voice: “look at me when you’re speaking to me, I’ve always told you to look the person in the eye,” he said, making Hanbin gulp before continuing. “Yes father,” he said as he looked up and met his firm eyes. “I didn’t expect you home at this hour.”

Jeong sat on his work desk as he studied his son. “I planned on taking you, Hanbyul and your mother out on a dinner as a little break for you hard work, but it seems like you weren’t working that hard,” he said referring to Jinhwan. Hanbin looked at the floor, feeling guilty that he had somehow ruined the planned family dinner. “How long have you been friends?” Hanbin looked at his father, as he understood he referred to Jinhwan. Come to think of it, they haven’t been ‘friends’ but rather classmates, but then again Hanbin wanted to be more than friends with Jinhwan, but didn’t dare to say that to his father. Not a chance.

“Jinhwan and I are study friends,” Hanbin explained simple as he looked for his fathers reaction, which was nowhere as good as he had thought it would be. He walked with firm steps towards Hanbin, and in a split second time stood still and only blood pumping through his cheek were to feel.

After the slap, Jeong crossed his arms as he stared hard at Hanbin, almost glaring at him. “Will you tell me how two people, who are only study friends, be in such a situation?” he asked angry as he raised his voice with him. Hanbin realised that he had made a mistake in trying to lie, although there were some truth in it, they were study friends, but things evolved and they happened to end in that situation. Okay maybe it wasn’t by accident, but it was his body that were speaking, which he’ll never ever regret. “Hanbin, when you’re old enough, I will find a perfect partner for you, but for now you should focus on school,” He said determined and not ready to change thought in the first second.

This was one of many situations at home, where Hanbin’s father was the one to decide everything for him. Hanbin had let him for so long, but not this time, not when it meant not having Jinhwan with him. Hanbin was ready to protest as suddenly a maid came walking in with a glass of water and aspirin. Hanbin knew that it meant his father didn’t feel well, and therefor didn’t feel like pull up a fight when his father is already determined on his decision. The only answer for now was a ‘yes father’ and with that he was dismissed form the office.

When Hanbin walked back to his room and didn’t find Jinhwan there, he was quick to decide that he needed to see him, that’s why he went to find Jinhwan. How on earth should he tell Jinhwan about that? He stole a quick glance at Jinhwan who had the worst worried expression, and Hanbin didn’t feel like making it worse.  “Don’t worry about it,” He finally answered as he plastered a smile on his face before looking at the river.

Jinhwan could see how uneasy Hanbin’s expression was, Jinhwan figured out it was more than just nothing to worry about. Jinhwan didn’t want to do it, but if it was the best for them, maybe it should just be. Sometimes not everyone is meant for each other. Jinhwan turned towards Hanbin as he slightly let go of his hand. “Hanbin-ah, m-maybe we shouldn’t meet anymore, if your father don’t like it, and it brings trouble to you, we shouldn’t keep it up. I don’t want to be a burden for you,” Jinhwan said as he could feel the tears gathering up.

Hanbin head shifted fast towards Jinhwan in panic at his words. He took each hand on Jinhwan’s arms, firmly yet gentle. “Jinhwan…” he trailed off. “No! no… you don’t bring trouble at all, I would be in trouble if I were not with you,” Hanbin said, making Jinhwan confused,

 “What are you talking about Hanbin?” Jinhwan asked, as he couldn’t understand what he meant, making Hanbin frustrated and scared. Hanbin sat in silence as he tried to figured out how to say it, how to say those words, how to tell Jinhwan how he felt.  As no words came from Hanbin’s mouth, Jinhwan got even sadder and stood up. Didn’t Hanbin want them? Jinhwan shouldn’t feel hurt, cause they were never a thing, but still he wanted answers.

“Where are you going?” Hanbin asked as he felt the fright of loosing Jinhwan take over him. Jinhwan looked at him as the tears that had gathered were now slowly draining.

“Hanbin I seriously don’t want to be a bother for you and you father, I want you to have as little trouble as possible,” Jinhwan chewed on his lower lips, trying not to cry. “B-but if I’m the one who makes you suffer, I think we need to stop meeting,” Jinhwan said as he dried away one tear from his cheek. “Is there anything I want in this world, so is it to stay by your side Hanbin” he said as he dried away even more tears. “But I know I can’t, you have a future already planned, and I’m not included, I know” Jinhwan whispered. His cheek had turned red from the cold air and his tears shone as they fell down. Hanbin was left speechless. Never ever had he thought Jinhwan would think about things like this, that he wanted to be with Hanbin, but he couldn’t, because of his ing father. Without any further words, Jinhwan lowered his head as he began to walk away. Hanbin noticed this and was not ready to let go just yet, not after getting a confirmation that the boy he likes, likes him back. He wont let this chance slip away.

“Jinhwan for god’ sake! Look at me” Hanbin shouted as he stood up and held a firm grip on Jinhwan’s hands, making Jinhwan turn in surprise. Hanbin didn’t hesitate looking at Jinhwan, while Jinhwan’s face was covered in strain from the tears, while new ones where already producing. “I’ve had my eyes on you for such a long time, but I have never understood why, so I was curious of what it could’ve been since I’ve never ever felt like this! All the times I looked at you, all the times I made fun of you, all the times I bullied you, everything I have ever done towards you, was to get to be with you, even if it was in a bad way. I still did it, because only that I could be near you made me happy, made my heart flutter. And how many times have I spaced out of class watching you milky white neck?  I can’t even count! That’s why I chose you as my tutor, because now I was able to be with you other than looking at you or bully you,” Hanbin stopped for a moment to breath, looking at the smaller boy, for any reaction at all. Jinhwan’s tears spilled down, as he was unable to say a thing. Had Hanbin just confessed? Had he always looked at him with tender eyes? Hanbin? Kim Hanbin? Jinhwan was out of breath as he felt his heart skip a beat, probably many beats

“But as time went by, I realised you had become something precious to me, especially after all the times we have had together, and this feeling and you were something I didn’t want to slip through my hands, that’s why I was always got angry when I saw you with Junhwe, and that’s why I got so mad at you, even though you haven’t done a thing wrong. I was just so terrified that I would loose you.” Hanbin took a deep breath as he gathered courage to finally realise it.

“I have like- no, I have loved you for such a long time! Don’t you get it?” Hanbin shouted as tears gathered in his eyes. Jinhwan covered his mouth with his hands as non-stop tears streamed down his cheeks and dripped onto the ground. Jinhwan had literally no words to express himself; all he could do was cry.

“All this time… why haven’t you said anything?” Jinhwan whispered.

 “What could I do?” Hanbin fell on his knees. “Tell me Jinhwan, what could I do, I was terrified to lose something that was never mine to begin with!” Hanbin shouted as the tears finally spilled as he could finally confess. Jinhwan’s eyes widen as he sat down hugging Hanbin tight and hushed him. “I’ve been a ing coward for so long,” Hanbin cried out.

“No, Hanbin, you’re not a coward. Loving someone is scary, I know,” Jinhwan managed to say in between his sobbing which caused his soar throat. Of course he would know how it feels. He, too, has fallen for Hanbin. Sine when? He doesn’t know, but he’s sure of his feeling for this guy. He loves Hanbin. The thought of almost losing Hanbin to someone else hurt and confused him like he never had felt before. To finally know that Hanbin feels the same makes Jinhwan want to cry in relief. He is more than happy that Hanbin is resting in his embrace and not someone else’s.

They sat there hugging for some time, before Jinhwan dared to ask, “what about you father? I seriously don’t want to burden you,” Jinhwan said as his stained tears mad a thin mask on his face.

Hanbin looked at Jinhwan in a guilty way. “There’s no way I will let you go just because of my father, you are way more precious to me, for that,” Hanbin answered truthfully. “We will figure out something, but for, let it be our little secret,” Hanbin said as he as well had drained tears. Jinhwan only nodded, as he was more than happy he could be with Hanbin, yet he felt guilt deep down.

Hanbin rested his head in the crook of Jinhwan’s neck as they sat on the ground hugging as both had made their confessions under the moonlight. 

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A/N
GUYS I'M SO SORRY!! I'm two day late, but I have been busy and I had the worst writer block! urghhh hate those! 

I just want to thank my beloved Yuki who helped me so much adhsanajksfna omgg *cries in spanish* T^T <3

but yeah here is the two days late chapter! Tell me what you think! <3