Goodbye
YulSic Vers.

“Sica, what exactly have you been doing all this month?”

Jessica shrugged and fell back onto her bed. “Hanging out with you guys?”

I rolled my eyes, but I laughed anyway. I stared at her incredulously and she smiled innocently at me. She knew it would work. “Sica…” I whined again as I threw one of her shirts that had previously been thrown haphazardly on the ground at her.

“Come on, I hate packing!” Jessica shouted as she threw a random tank top in the general direction of her open suitcase.

“You leave early tomorrow morning!”

“Why do you think I called you here to help me?”

I had to hold in the urge to roll my eyes at her again. “What about the other girls?” I watched as she lazily started trying to fold clothes while still lying down and shrugged again.

“They’re busy right now. They told me they’ll stop by sometime today.”

I sighed frustratingly – though I guess I wasn’t really that frustrated – and started picking up and folding the clothes that were scattered throughout her room. I felt happy, for some odd reason, that I’d be the only one to practically spend the entire day with her. I felt special, somehow. I complained the entire time I helped her – and it wasn’t really helping as it was me doing everything for her lazy – but, really, I didn’t mind one bit. Because I wanted to soak up as much of her as I could before she could leave. I still really couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that she was going so far for school, but, after seeing the packed boxes and suitcases strewn about in her house, it was starting to hit me that she really wasn’t going to be around anymore.

Seohyun stopped by first, and Yoona popped in soon after her. I watched as they shared laughs and tearful goodbyes and I started to wonder how I would say goodbye to her when the time came.

Sooyoung came next, followed closely by Hyoyeon and Sunny. Seohyun left first, having other obligations to fulfill. I continued to stuff things in boxes as the others started fooling around. My only help having left, I was on my own to organize all of Jessica’s stuff. When Tiffany came, I thought she would be one of the few people that would join in my in my endeavor to pack everything by tonight, but instead she just sat on Jessica’s bed and sobbed her heart out, wailing that her best friend was going so far.

I could only chuckle and shake my head at the group. They were so ridiculous that I wasn’t even sure what to do at this point. Usually I’d be out there, pulling pranks with Yoona or Hyoyeon, or trying to stop Sooyoung from eating the whole kitchen, but I didn’t have it in me today and I wasn’t entirely sure why.

Actually, that was a lie. I knew exactly why. Jessica was leaving, and I wanted – in the most heartfelt way possible – to lock her inside this room and never let her leave. But of course, being the good friend that I am, I helped her pack instead – the exact opposite of what I actually wanted to do. I rationalized that this was a good thing, and that she could never possibly pass up the chance to go study abroad, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“How you holding up?”

I looked up to see Taeyeon next to me. “When’d you get here?” I asked instead of answering her question. I took a glance around the room to see that Sunny, Hyoyeon, and Yoona had left – leaving a gluttonous Sooyoung and a sobbing Tiffany on the bed. Jessica had gone downstairs to grab more empty boxes.

Taeyeon shrugged and started helping me stuff more of Jessica’s things into boxes. “A couple minutes ago. You look really out of it.”

“Well, I am really out of it,” I admitted.

“Yeah, we all figured you would be, what with Jessica leaving and all,” she answered nonchalantly. I stopped what I was doing and turned to her.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Taeyeon knowingly smiled at me and I irritatingly stared back at her. “It just means we all knew you’d be having the hardest time dealing with this.”

“Um,” I scoffed and nodded my head towards the nonstop bawling girl on the bed, “I think your girlfriend is having an even harder time than me. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be comforting her or something?”

Taeyeon laughed a little to herself and shook her head. “She can manage on her own for now. She doesn’t want me by her side right now anyway, she wants Jessica.” We both looked back at Tiffany to see a seemingly bored Jessica rubbing her best friend’s back as she continued to sob. “And besides, Tiffany cries at everything…doesn’t mean she’s having a harder time dealing with this than you are.”

“So, what makes everyone think that I’m having the hardest time to deal with this anyway?” I asked bitterly, even though I knew it was true. Everyone still had to the heart to act normally around her, to joke around with her, to talk to her as if nothing was changing – with the exception of Tiffany of course. I envied them at this moment to be able to do so – to make memories normally with her before she leaves. Why couldn’t I do that?

“You were always the closest to her, in some weird kind of way. Not close like Tiffany and Jessica, but you guys were still close in a different kind of way, if that makes any sense.”

“It doesn’t.”

Taeyeon shrugged again. “Well, I don’t think I know how to answer any more questions for you then.”

Taeyeon and I worked in silence. Eventually, everyone else left, each of them saying their respective goodbyes to her with relative ease. Even Tiffany squeezed out a normal goodbye.

“Thanks for helping me pack, Yuri,” Jessica said quietly as soon as we were alone.

“Anytime,” I replied in the same tone. I looked out the window. It was dark out. How long had I spent here? Jessica walked up to me and grabbed my hands, gently guiding me to sit down next to her on the couch. I complied wordlessly, letting her control my every movement, letting her stare at me with that melancholic look that made my heart ache because I knew what was coming next. I wanted with every fiber of my being for it not to come. I wanted time to freeze just to let the two of us stay here in this moment – for that goodbye not to come.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet all day…” she asked after a long bout of silence. “That’s not like you.”

“Do you really have to ask me what’s wrong, Sica? Isn’t it obvious?”

“I’ll be coming back every three months or so, it’s no big deal.”

I scrunched up my face. “I know that, but it’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“What if you don’t want to come back?” I said softly, avoiding her curious gaze. “What if you love it there so much that you don’t want to come back? What if you have such an amazing time there and you make new friends and you forget us? I don’t want that to happen, Sica…I want you stay and have you call me over to cook for you, I want you to scold me for always making stupid mistakes on my English papers, I want you to whine that you never get enough sleep, I want you here, Sica. I know three months isn’t that long of a time, but it was a long enough time for you to change my life. What if someone over there changes yours in that span of time?”

Jessica glared at me and hit my arm. Hard.

“Ow!” I yelled as I rubbed the sore spot on my arm. “What was that for?” I screamed at her, my depression momentarily replaced with anger.

“For being an idiot,” Jessica said bluntly. “What could ever compel me to forget you guys? To not want to come back? That’s just ridiculous, Yuri! There are lots of reasons I’d want to come back. There’s my family, Seohyun, Yoona, Sooyoung, Hyoyeon, Sunny, Tiffany, Taeyeon…” she listed the names with ease as she counted them off on her fingers, then she paused and turned to me. She smiled sweetly, a complete contrast from that monster that had just attacked me. I still found it cute. “…There’s you,” she said quietly, giving me a weird look.

“You say that now, but you have no idea what’s in store for you over there!” Yuri yelled again. “How am I supposed to know you’re going to want to come back?”

Jessica smiled again and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Then I guess you’ll just have to give me a reason to come back.” I stared at her bewilderedly.

“What are you talking about –”

Her lips stopped me from finishing my question.

Her lips stopped me.

Her lips.

Her lips were on mine. We were kissing. She was kissing me.

Jessica Jung was kissing me.

When I finally had the sense to start kissing her back, she pulled away with a proud grin. “Yeah, definitely going to want to come back for that,” she said smugly.

I gulped and stared at her incredulously. “Well, I, um, you don’t, I mean I can’t, uh, you…” I sputtered out rather eloquently. Jessica giggled and all I could do was grin idiotically at the sound.

“Just trust me, Yuri. This is hard for me too.”

I nodded, not sure of what to say anymore. “I do trust you…I’m just…scared, I guess.”

Jessica hugged me and I readily returned it, not wanting her to leave my arms. “You should go home. Your parents must be freaking out by now.”

I regretted not being able to go to the airport with her, but staying out this late was asking for trouble with my parents already.

“Come on, I have to leave soon too. It’ll take a while to get to the airport. I can’t leave without a goodbye.”

“If I don’t say goodbye, does that mean you’ll stay?”

She looked at me and smiled again, answering my question with a simple look. I grinned back at her.

“It was worth a shot,” I mumbled quietly before standing up and pulling her up along with me. I opened my mouth to start talking, but I closed it when I realized I didn’t know what to say. I still hadn’t answered my own question. “Sica, how exactly am I supposed to say goodbye?” Jessica raised an eyebrow at me and I felt the need to explain myself to her. “I mean, do I just say goodbye and that’s it? Do I just hug you and you’ll leave just like that? Do I kiss you? I mean, I don’t even know what we are at the moment. It’s just, nothing seems heartfelt enough.”

Jessica giggled at my predicament and patted my head as if I were a dog. “First of all, you are my girlfriend, and I am yours,” she said plainly. I grinned at her and nodded. I realized later that I was being way too calm about this. I mean, five minutes ago I was single and then all of a sudden I had this gorgeous girlfriend. “And second of all, there’s no specific way to say goodbye. Anything you do will be heartfelt as long as you put your heart in it. That’s all there is to it. It doesn’t have to be in words, it doesn’t have to be physical, it just has to come from you.”

I felt myself relax and I smiled at her again before I leaned in to kiss her. This one lasted longer than the previous one and I couldn’t complain. I felt her smile against my lips and I pulled away with a pout. “You know, this really isn’t fair.”

“What?” she asked, quickly kissing my pout away.

“You suddenly declaring yourself as my girlfriend and then leaving!” I shouted in mock anger.

She giggled again and smiled softly at me. Suddenly, I just knew that she would be coming back no matter what. The look she gave me right at that moment gave me every reason to believe that she’d come back for me. Maybe I was being naive, but I really did believe myself.

“Sorry,” she apologized quietly before hugging me tightly.

“It’s alright. I know you’ll be coming back. You just can’t enough of my kisses,” I said with a smirk.

She pulled away and hit me in the same spot she did earlier. “You kissed me once,” she told me with a glare. I laughed at her before leaning in to kiss her again.

“Now I’ve kissed you twice,” I said with a grin before pulling away.

 She pouted, and I knew she wanted me to kiss her again. I shook my head again.

“You’ll have to come back for the third one,” I said with a smirk.

She hit me again before pulling me down to connect our lips together.

Maybe goodbyes weren’t so bad after all.