Snow Angels

“Unnie, do you think you’ll be okay?”

I grinned at the concern and effort put into making sure I was okay, but it was so obvious that she wanted to go outside.

“I’m fine, Hayeon-ah,” I assured her, “go out and play with your friends.”

As much as I wanted the company and a caretaker, I couldn’t keep her cooped up inside with me. Besides, I don’t suppose there was much else a nine year old could do for me anyway. She grinned and hugged me tight before leaving by myself.

I curled up in my bed, the blankets not seeming to be warm enough. I kept telling myself not to look out the window because I knew it’d only make me disappointed that I was missing out on all the fun. I looked out the window anyway—I never did have much willpower. I frowned at the sight of the light blanket of snow just outside. It was the perfect amount; not too much snow, but just enough so that we could play in it…except I couldn’t because I had to go and get myself sick.

Shivering and sniffling, I wrapped the blanket tighter around myself and wished I hadn’t sent Hayeon outside. I tried to make myself comfortable in my bed, as comfortable as a sick person could be—which, honestly, wasn’t very comfortable. I closed my eyes and hoped that I could get some sleep.

There was a faint knock at my bedroom door and a soft call of my name.

“Go back outside Hayeon, I’m fine,” I told her, my voice muffled by the layers of blankets around me.

“Glad you’ve mistaken me for your nine year old sister, TaeTae.”

That voice belonged to only one person. I opened one eye to confirm my suspicions.

“Fany-ah, what are you doing here?” I croaked. She only frowned at the sound of my voice and was gone briefly before she came back with a tall glass of water.

“God, you sound horrible.”

“Well,” I drawled after chugging down the water, “I feel great.”

She laughed and shook her head at me. She did that a lot around me. Laugh, I mean. And stare. She stared a lot too, but I don’t think she knew that I knew.

“How do you really feel?”

I looked up at her staring down at me, chestnut locks framing her face the light from the window conveniently shining on her at a perfect angle.

I held in a scoff and had to look away.

“Like I’m dying.”

I glanced back at her and saw the amused smirk on your face.

“Why do you always get so dramatic when you’re sick?”

“Apparently you enjoy it.”

She laughed again. “You’re right. I think I enjoy it more than I should…”

I threw the blanket over my head; the light from the window was starting to give me a headache. “Good to know that my misery is so amusing to you.”

“Taeyeon-ah,” she rolled her eyes, “your misery isn’t amusing to me…your reaction to your own misery is amusing to me.”

I peeked out from under the blanket. “Well that makes me feel much better. Thanks for visiting, Fany-ah. You can go off and have fun without me now.”

“I always forget how sarcastic you get when you’re sick,” she muttered under her breath. I don’t think I was supposed to hear it, so I pretended I didn’t and pulled the blanket over my head again.

“Just leave me and my misery alone,” I groaned.

“Taeyeon-ah.” I could practically see her rolling her eyes through the blanket. “I’m here to spend some time with you before I leave. My flight’s tomorrow, remember?”

I remembered. I thought about it every day. I always did whenever the holidays came up and she’d fly back to her family. It was a constant reminder that her home wasn’t here with me—it was miles away from me.

“Of course I remembered,” I mumbled. Thinking about it only made the fact that I was sick even worse.

“Then,” she pulled the blanket away from my face and hovered over me, “let me spend some time with my best friend before I leave, yeah?”

She was so close to me. Too close.

And that god damned light was still shining obnoxiously into my room.

“You’re going to get sick.”

I lightly pushed her away and turned so my back was facing her.

“I’ll be fine.”

I kicked her off when she tried to climb onto the bed with me.

“Really, Fany-ah, I don’t want to get you sick.”

“And what if I said you were worth getting sick for?”

I paused long enough for her to climb in next to me. I really wished she would stop saying things like that to me—those stupid, cheesy things that made my heart beat faster than it should.

“Then I’d tell you that you need to rethink your priorities.” I stared at her as she got comfortable next to me. It was undeniably warmer with her by my side.

“Well, you’re worth getting sick for, TaeTae.”

“Well,” I scoffed, tearing my eyes away from her, “I’d like to hear you say that when you’re on the plane coughing and sneezing on whoever is unfortunate enough to be your neighbor and possibly throwing up all over the place.”

“Thanks for that image,” she rolled her eyes.

“You’re welcome,” I grinned, eyes shifting back to her. “And…thanks. You know, for staying with me and all.”

Tiffany reached under the covers and grabbed my hand. “Anytime.”

“So what are the others doing?”

She shifted even closer to me. With how touchy she liked to be with me, sometimes I could’ve sworn she drove me crazy on purpose.

“I think they went to go watch a movie or something.”

“Oh. You should’ve gone with them. I think they’d be more fun than being here with me.”

“Taeyeon-ah,” she laughed. I loved the way she said my name. It was just like how everyone else said it only different, somehow. “Do you want me to leave or something?”

“I think I’ve made that pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, but only because you don’t want me to get sick.”

“It’s a perfectly legitimate reason.”

“Taeyeon.”

There she went again. Saying my name.

“I have more fun with you than I do with anyone else, no matter what we’re doing.”

“Really?” I turned my head and I hadn’t realized until then just how close she was lying next to me, her face merely inches away from mine.

“Really.” She turned to face me too and with me breathing on her I was so sure she’d get sick. “You always find a way to make my day a little better.”

I stared back at her blankly. “But I don’t really do much.”

Then she smiled at me; she had such a dazzling smile. “It’s the little things that make my day. It’s those little signs and hints that you care about me, that you think about me every now and then. Even something silly like a mention on Twitter or Instagram—which, by the way, I think you’re getting too addicted to—or a text or a short phone call, anything that tells me you still want to be in my life. I don’t need a big gesture. I just need a little sign, a small amount of effort, and I’ll be happy with just that.”

I couldn’t help but crack a smile at that, and when she saw, her grin grew even wider.

“Would you look at that, my mini Grinch is actually smiling.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “A small amount of effort is enough to make you happy? Really?”

“…from you, yes, it is.”

I could feel my face turning red and in just a few seconds I went from feeling unnaturally cold to feeling extraordinarily warm.

“I—you,” I couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence and I turned my head away from her. Looking at her only seemed to make me stumble over my words even more.

“I’m not a Grinch,” is what I ended up saying.

She froze for a second before laughing and shaking her head at me like she always did.

“I’m really not. I love Christmas.”

“Do you really?” she asked skeptically.

“Yes, I really do.” I found the courage to turn to face her again. I wasn’t sure if she had shifted even closer to me or if I was just paranoid.

“What about it do you love, then?” she asked teasingly, as if she thought I wouldn’t be able to come up with an answer.

“…the snow.”

“The snow and Christmas aren’t mutually exclusive, TaeTae.”

“Fine then, you win. I don’t really love Christmas.” I turned away from her again and closed my eyes. “Why do you love Christmas so much?” I paused. “Is it because you get to go home?”

“Not just that,” she shook her head, “There are a lot of things… the decorations, the crazy present hunts, the Christmas carols and songs, the cheesy Christmas specials they always show on T.V….But really, there’s just something about giving people gifts that brightens my day, as nerve-wrecking as it is. It’s not receiving gifts that I look forward to—not that I don’t enjoy that either—it’s seeing the expressions on people’s faces, it’s making someone else happy…it’s just that time of the year where I want to show everyone how much they mean to me.”

Her hand was still in mine. I gripped it tighter. “That’s really sweet…”

“Thanks…there is one thing about the holidays that I’m not too fond of, though.”

I opened my eyes. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Leaving here.” I felt her interlace our fingers. “I like being here,” her voice dropped to a whisper, “a lot.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, suddenly feeling very drowsy, “I like you being here a lot too.”

A peaceful silence came over us, but just as I was about to fall asleep, Tiffany’s voice rang out again.

“You know, I was talking to Hayeon just outside before I came in.”

I had to hold in a groan. “About what?” I mumbled, half-asleep.

“You, actually.”

“What about me?” I shifted closer to Tiffany. I couldn’t help it, she was just so warm.

“About how you go outside and make snow angels with her every year,” she giggled. “She was actually a little disappointed that you’re still stuck in here.”

“Well,” I yawned, “tell her I’ll come out and make snow angels with her as soon as I get better.”

Tiffany was still talking when I drifted off to sleep. Something about snow angels, I think.

When I woke up, she was still lying next to me, playing on her phone.

“You’re still here.”

She was surprised to see me awake, but it only took a second for her to burst out into another one of her dazzling grins. “You’re awake. You’ve only been asleep for an hour. You should get more rest.”

“I can never sleep when I’m sick,” I groaned. “What are you still doing here? It’s bad enough that I’m sick, but I fell asleep on you for an hour.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“But I mind, Fany-ah,” I sighed, “Do you really want to spend your last day here hanging out with a sick person?”

“You make it sound like I’m not coming back.”

“One day, you might not.”

She sat up, staring down at me and frowning as if she were disappointed. “I’ll always come back.”

“But your family’s over there.”

“But you’re here.” She said it as if it were obvious, as if my being here was all the reason she’d need to come back. She moved to lie back down next to me. “I told you, I like being here. Of course I’d come back.”

“So,” I stared at her, “you’d come back…for me?”

“Not just for you,” she blushed, but her eyes didn’t leave mine, “…but you’re a pretty big reason why.”

I must have been looking at her strangely because I swear her breathing hitched.

“What is it?” she asked.

“If I weren’t sick right now, I think I’d kiss you.”

She froze and for a second I wondered if I had gone too far, but then she leaned in and kissed me and I knew I had gone just the right amount.

When she pulled away, she hovered over me and she did what she always did around me—she stared. Only now, I finally understood why. How I missed it before, I wasn’t so sure. It all seemed so obvious once it was all out in the open.

“Well now you’re definitely going to get sick.”

“I think this was worth it,” she grinned—one of those infectious grins that got me grinning too.

“Unnie!”

Tiffany rushed to get off of me when we heard my sister’s voice and her footsteps rushing towards my room. I finally noticed that the sun was starting to set, casting a light orange glow into my room.

“What is it?” I asked when she’d finally made her way here.

“Are you feeling better?”

“A little bit,” I smiled, glancing at the embarrassed girl next to me. I wondered how the light always managed to hit her at just the right angle, or perhaps I was just too biased to think that there was any form of lighting that would be unflattering on her.

“Do you want to come outside and make snow angels with me then?”

Her excitement had made me that much more guilty for turning her down.

“Sorry Hayeon, but I don’t think I can go back outside just yet.” My eyes shifted back to Tiffany again and this time our eyes locked. “But,” I smiled, “why don’t you ask Tiffany to make some with you?

I get the feeling she’d make perfect snow angels.”