Nirvana

Taeyeon wasn’t normally like this.

Her mantra was one step at a time, but the two of them had skipped over so many steps that she wasn’t sure where they were headed anymore—if they were headed anywhere at all. The thing was, Taeyeon wasn’t so sure she even minded. If it was just the one moment, the one time, maybe it was okay.

She would’ve liked to blame it on anything: the alcohol, the atmosphere, the girl she couldn’t seem to stay away from. And she did—she tried. She repeated the words so often that she fooled herself, on some level, that none of it had been her fault. But was there really anything to blame on anyone? The both of them had made a conscious decision, and the both of them were fine at leaving things what they were.

Taeyeon wanted her, she wanted Taeyeon, if only for one night.

She could remember was how blindingly beautiful she was—the waitress at the restaurant that served less-than-stellar food. The food wasn’t important, though. Her friends , but it didn’t matter, Taeyeon rarely frequented the place anyway.

But on a night she couldn’t bear the silence, she found herself there.

She caught a glimpse of her nametag just before she sauntered off in the opposite direction.

Tiffany.

It only took another minute for her to get to Taeyeon’s table. There weren’t very many people.

She asked Taeyeon if she knew what she wanted.

Taeyeon scoffed. Taeyeon never knew what she wanted, and that was why she was there staring at who she had always thought was the most beautiful person she’d ever laid her eyes on. Because, for once, there was one clear thing on her mind, and the thing that drove her was nothing else aside from her hazy thoughts.

And it was on the tip of her tongue, that what Taeyeon really wanted was a night off from her thoughts, but she froze in front of her. Kim Taeyeon didn’t do things like that, she scolded herself.

Sit with me, Taeyeon found herself saying, and she wondered if Tiffany could see how much she needed her because Tiffany complied far too calmly for her taste.

Taeyeon asked her to tell her about her day, and she complied again, much to her surprise. Tiffany offers her a tired smile and the description of the day is short.

It’s been a long day, she said, and Taeyeon noticed just how eager Tiffany was to run away from this place—and she couldn’t seem to blame her.

When the place was clear, she found herself being led away to a place she couldn’t recognize, a pair lips on hers and hands that couldn’t seem to still themselves. In the back of her head, all Taeyeon thought about was how she couldn’t even seem to remember if she had ever told Tiffany her name.

But it didn’t matter, because with those pair of lips on hers and hands pulling her closer, she didn’t need to know.

Taeyeon couldn’t bear it anymore, couldn’t bear the silence, so that night she screamed louder than she ever had. She wasn’t sure what was more intoxicating, her own screams, or Tiffany’s. Between the tangled limbs, between the breathless pants, between the bruised lips, Taeyeon lost sight of the line between right and wrong. All that she could see was Taeyeon and Tiffany.

Before she knew it, her head was cleared of all thoughts.

For a moment, Tiffany took her away from all the things she couldn’t seem to ever escape from.

For a moment, Taeyeon found herself in a place she didn’t mind being.

And Taeyeon wondered if Tiffany could continue to take her more places.