Learning a New Language
Epilogue

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to Disneyland before.”

“Sorry, it was a few thousand miles away from me.” I grinned cheekily at her and let out a yawn. “How much longer ‘till we’re there?” One look outside the window told me that I’d slept through most of the night. The sun was just starting to rise.

“About another hour and a half or so. Go back to sleep Taeyeon, you’re still tired.”

“I’ve been awake a total of twenty-two minutes, and you’ve told me to go back to sleep at least five times. I’m starting to think you don’t appreciate me being awake.”

“I appreciate you plenty, Taeyeon.” She took a hand off the steering wheel to pat me on the head. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Fany-ah, you’ve been driving all night. If anything we should switch so you can get some sleep.”

“But I’m not tired. I had some Red Bull earlier.”

“…You just don’t want to let me drive, do you?”

“That’s not it.”

“That is it. You don’t trust me driving!”

“I trust you. Just go back to sleep.”

“That’s seven times now.”

“Taeyeon.”

“Just let me drive! I know I almost crashed that one time, but I’m better now, I swear. Besides, there’s barely anyone else on the road anyway.”

“Do you even know which way to go?”

“I never know where I’m going. That’s what a GPS is for.”

“Could you hand me my sunglasses? They’re in my bag.”

She was blatantly ignoring me at that point. I grumbled and listened to her anyway, grabbing her bag and fishing through the clutter to find her sunglasses. The bag slipped out of my hands and I cursed when its contents fell out onto the floor. I picked up her sunglasses and I froze just as I was about to hand them to her. A small family picture had fallen out and I had recognized everyone in it except for one person. It took me a couple seconds to realize who it had to be.

“You know,” I started, knowing I was treading in deep water, “you look a lot like your mother.”

She glanced at the picture in my hand and smiled—the kind of smile that almost reached her eyes, but not quite. “Daddy used to tell me that a lot. He…he sent me that picture in that care package he sent us the other day just before midterms.” She paused, and I knew she was thinking of her. You could always tell when someone was missing a person they loved that wasn't around anymore—a person they never thought they could live without until they had to. They get this look in their eyes that made you wish you could just reach up into the sky and bring them back.

“Did he ever tell you about her?”

“She was beautiful. Mr. Hwang never forgot to mention that to me every time he brought her up.”

“So he talked about her a lot, then.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “All the time. He loved to tell the story of—”

“—how they met,” she finished for me.

“Yeah,” I breathed, starting to feel a heavy weight on my chest and regretting that I had even brought her up in the first place. Mr. Hwang was many things to me. A teacher, a mentor, a father figure, a friend…It wasn’t until then had I thought of him differently. Just a man—a man who was very much in love with his wife.

“You know, that day at the airport when he found out we were dating…after we left, we had a long talk in the car about you.”

“A long, good talk, I hope.” I handed over her sunglasses when I realized I was still holding them.

“You should know by now that he only has good things to say about you,” she laughed, putting on the sunglasses.

“He only had good things to say about you too, you know, other than that you were kind of a trouble-maker.”

We laughed and it was a nice break from the sullen mood that overcame us.

“So how is everyone back in Seoul?” I didn’t want to stay on the topic of her mother for too long. “I’ve only talked to Jiwoong oppa and all he can tell me about is Sooyoung.”

She laughed again and it was easy to tell that she was relieved I decided to change the topic.

“Is it weird having your best friend with your brother?”

“You have no idea,” I scoffed. “But, in a way, it’s kind of nice. I’ve always wanted her to be a part of my family…and now she practically is.” The word ‘family’ had become strange to me. My definition of the word was changing, and I was starting to become okay with it. “Then again, I guess…she always was.”

“So, speaking of family,” Tiffany’s voice was soft and that was how I knew she was about to tell me something I wasn’t going to like, “your mom called the other day.”

“Oh?” I tried my best to act nonchalant even though I knew she knew me better than that. I believed that if I could fool her, then maybe I could fool myself. “What’d she say?”

“You haven’t been picking up her phone calls apparently. That’s why she called me.” A frown tugged at the corner of her lips. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just,” I sighed, feeling very drained again all of a sudden, “I didn’t want to talk about it—with anyone. I’m not so good with the whole confrontation thing. I think you of all people would know that.”

She took a hand off the steering wheel again and reached over and grabbed my hand. “I think you’re better than you think you are,” she told me softly as she interlaced our fingers, “Sometimes you just need a little push.”

“So you think I should talk to my parents again?”

“Personally? Yes, I do, I really want you to, and I think it’d be good for you. But…” the grip on my hand tightened slightly, “what do you want, Taeyeon-ah?”

“I want…” I stared at our hands and wondered why I had ever been so afraid of it—of me and her. I remembered how the future had seemed so scary but once I was there I asked myself what I had been so terrified of. Taeyeon and Tiffany…what was so scary about that? About us?

“I want this,” I squeezed her hand, “to not be such a big deal anymore.”

She smiled, her eyes still glued on the road. “Everyone makes a big deal out of it when, really, it shouldn’t be,” she sighed, “The irony in that is that we have to make it a big deal in order to show people that it’s not a big deal.”

I let her words sink in. Ignoring the problem wasn’t going to make it go away—hadn’t I made that mistake before?

“…I’ll call them sometime before our Spring break is over, okay?”

Tiffany nodded, not saying another word, and the music from radio was the only sound that filled the car.

I tried to reassure myself. It wasn’t as if I had left without any sign of hope at all. When they talked to me, it wasn’t as if they disapproved of me completely. I was sure they still cared for me. They were more afraid of how I’d be treated, which was surprisingly a slightly comforting thought. I told myself they were just being practical.

I looked back at Tiffany and couldn’t keep the smile off of my lips.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

When had love ever been practical?

“Taeyeon?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said without missing a beat, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s great,” I kissed the back of her hand, “By the way, you haven’t answered my question. How’s everyone doing?”

I could think about my parents and what I would say to them later.

“They’re doing great as far as I can tell. Jessi still hates your guts, by the way.”

“Great,” I groaned, “your best friend hates me. Just my luck.”

“Yeah, my siblings aren’t exactly too fond of you either after that little stunt you pulled back in Seoul, but I’m sure they’ll warm up to you again soon enough,” she tried to reassure me.

“Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“Sort of, yeah,” she laughed. “Relax Taeyeon-ah, my siblings are the last people you have to worry about.”

“And Jessica?”

“Well…”

I let out another groan. I wanted anyone that was important to her to like me. “What did I ever do to her?”

“You used Yuri.”

“But Yuri forgave me!”

“Well,” Tiffany sighed, “she’s still mad. She just…really cares about Yuri, that’s all.”

I glanced at her for a quick second. “I can see where she’s coming from,” I admitted softly, “If I felt like someone didn’t treat you right…I’d be mad too.”

She squeezed my hand again. “Don’t worry, she’ll come around eventually.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “Honestly? I think you two are really similar, and I feel like she’ll be a little more forgiving because of that.”

“We’re similar?” I scoffed, “In what way exactly?”

“I didn’t mean in personality. I meant,” she paused and bit the tip of her tongue, something I’d noticed she did a lot whenever she wasn’t sure of the right words to say, “you guys have gone through the same thing.”

“Oh,” I blinked, “oh.”

“So don’t worry, Taeyeon. I’m sure on some level, she understands.”

“What do you think I have to do for her to stop being mad at me?”

“Nothing specific really…well, be extra nice to Yuri, for one,” she laughed. “Oh, and treat me right too, of course.”

“Of course,” I grinned.

We let the radio fill the silence again.

I had forgotten about the picture in my hand from earlier. I studied it a little more closely the second time around. Tiffany looked like she had only been four or five when the picture was taken. Mr. Hwang looked considerably younger, but it was still undoubtedly him. Memories of him as my English teacher came back to me. The corners of my lips tugged up into a smile.

I had come a long way, hadn’t I?

“You know, I can’t wait to go back to Seoul in the summer, so I can show you off properly.”

Because now, I wasn’t afraid.

“Oh yeah?” If she hadn’t been wearing her sunglasses, I was sure I’d be able to see her eyes twinkle. “Why’s that?”

“Because, you’re an amazing person, and people deserve to know that.”

Her cheeks turned the faintest shade of red. “You too, Taeyeon.”

I smiled.

“I know.”