Learning a New Language
Part 4

“You two know each other?”

 

“Mr. Hwang is your dad?”

 

“Girls,” Mr. Hwang cut in, eyes slowly shifting between the two of us. “Stephanie.”

 

Stephanie.

 

I suddenly remembered that he had told me that his daughter was going to study in California as well.

 

“This is…Taeyeon is the girl you…you guys are…”

 

“Stephanie?” I croaked.

 

“It’s my real name,” Tiffany explained, “I started going by Tiffany when my mom…”

 

Her mom what?

 

The atmosphere grew solemn and I glanced back at Mr. Hwang, who was avoiding eye contact with the both of us.

 

Oh.

 

Mr. Hwang’s wife.

 

His daughter’s mother.

 

Tiffany’s mother.

 

Oh.

 

“Mr. Hwang was my English teacher a few years back,” I changed the subject. I took note of the sigh of relief from the both of them. “He’s the one that convinced me to study abroad.”

 

“Ah, you’re the student he was always talking about!”

 

The feeling of pride suddenly welled up inside of me, and I grinned at Mr. Hwang. “You talked about me?”

 

“He said you were his favorite student,” Tiffany laughed. “And here I thought teachers weren’t allowed to have favorites.”

 

He grinned, and I could finally start to see the resemblance between the two. “We aren’t, so shush,” he said, playfully pushing her aside.

 

She giggled before grabbed my hand again and pulling me closer. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. The thought of meeting her family had been terrifying enough, and I wasn’t sure that knowing her father was Mr. Hwang made me feel any less uneasy. If anything, the pressure to impress him was even greater than before.

 

Mr. Hwang.

 

Tiffany’s father.

 

I was still struggling to connect the dots, to believe that they were actually the same person.

 

“Taeyeon’s the girl I’ve been telling you about,” Tiffany admitted proudly, beaming at me the entire time. I nervously smiled back.

 

“Couldn’t have picked someone better myself,” he smiled, a small amount of relief flooding through me. “What a small world.”

 

I wondered how much she had told him about me and if they both had hid this from me the entire time because the shock seemed to wear off too quickly for them.

 

“I wish we could stay and talk, but we really have to get going. I’ll see you around, I hope,” he smiled at me. It was not as reassuring as I hoped it’d be. “I’ll be looking forward to hearing about your time over in California…but it looks like it’s been treating you well.”

 

“Too well,” I admitted. Tiffany was too good for me.

 

I looked back at her and all I wanted to do right then and there was walk up and kiss her goodbye. I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to see her again, and I wanted to soak up as much of her before she walked away. I had been too spoiled beforehand. I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with her being gone for who knows how long.

 

My mouth suddenly felt very dry. There were too many eyes on me.

 

Mr. Hwang put a hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear before walking away.

 

“Well this is a surprise,” she laughed, gripping my hand even tighter.

 

“You don’t seem very surprised.”

 

Her nervous smile gave it away.

 

“You knew?”

 

“I had an inkling, but I wasn’t entirely sure. I mean, daddy never really told me your name and I—”

 

“Taeyeon-ah!”

 

Jiwoong.

 

I withdrew my hand from Tiffany’s and automatically took a step back at the sound of his voice. I didn’t miss the hurt look that flashed across her face. My eyes scanned the crowd and I cursed my short stature before I finally found him carrying Hayeon on his back and I wondered how I could’ve missed them in the first place. I couldn’t help but break out into a smile at the sight of them.

 

I guess I missed them more than I thought I had.

 

“Unnie!” Hayeon screeched, jumping off his back and into my arms. “I missed you!”

 

And there was just something about knowing I was missed that got to me.

 

“I missed you too,” I mumbled. I was never one to be very affectionate, but for her I’d make an exception.

 

And Tiffany too, I suppose, but that was totally different. The thought of her made me glance back at her for a brief second.

 

Jiwoong only patted the top of my head and grinned at me and I knew that he missed me to. Maybe being unaffectionate was something that was genetic. I wasn’t sure; I was asleep half the time in my biology classes.

 

I glanced behind them, not sure what else I was expecting.

 

But Jiwoong saw and he knew what I was looking for before I did.

 

“Sorry, it’s just us,” Jiwoong informed me with a said smile.

 

It took me a moment to regain my composure. Not that I had much of one in the first place.

 

“What are you apologizing for? I wasn’t expecting anyone else anyway.” I awkwardly shuffled away from them. I turned back around to face Tiffany, but she had already left. I couldn’t hide my disappointment.

 

“We almost didn’t recognize you, unnie!” I was thankful for Hayeon’s interruption. “You changed your hair!”

 

I laughed at her enthusiasm. Sometimes I wondered if she was even related to us; she was a lot more energetic than Jiwoong and I ever were at her age.

 

“It actually looks pretty good on you,” Jiwoong grinned. A compliment from my brother? That was when I knew he must have really missed me.

 

“So, who was that girl you were with?” he asked, picking up one of my bags for me.

 

I looked back one more time, just to make sure she really wasn’t there anymore.

 

She wasn’t.

 

“She’s,” I paused, “a friend of mine I made back in California.”

 

“She’s really pretty,” was all he said in response.

 

For a moment I wondered what he would’ve thought if a girl he was interested in was taken by his very own sister, and for a moment, I was amused at the idea. But that moment was over in what seemed like less than a second and was replaced by a feeling of dread.

 

I shivered when we walked outside.

 

Korea was a lot colder than I remembered.

 

 

“You get home okay?”

 

“Yeah, even with Jiwoong’s horrible driving.”

 

“Your relationship with your siblings is so cute, you know that?”

 

“That’s not the first time someone’s said that to me…”

 

“Well, more reason for you to believe it, then. Sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye. Daddy was really rushing me.”

 

“It’s alright.”

 

“So, do you have anything planned with your family? I’m not interrupting you from anything right now, am I?”

 

“No, you’re not. We might go out for dinner or something later tonight when my dad gets home, but I’m not too sure about that.”

 

“Oh…have you seen either of your parents yet?”

 

“Just my mom.”

 

“She must be happy to see you again.”

 

“I guess so.”

 

“…You know, daddy was asking about you the whole ride home.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Are you mad that I didn’t tell you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Taeyeon-ah.”

 

“What? I’m not mad.”

 

“Look you—wait, hang on.”

 

“…Fany-ah?”

 

“Sorry, I have to get going. We’ll finish this later, okay?”

 

“There’s nothing to finish. I’m not mad.”

 

“…Alright then. I’ll talk to you later.”

 

“Bye.”

 

 

I wasn’t mad.

 

So Tiffany might have known that me and her father were connected in some way. So what? What difference did it make? It’s not like she knew for sure anyway. What reason would I have to be mad?

 

Nothing. No reason at all.

 

Right?

 

“So how was California?”

 

The clinking of everyone’s utensils suddenly sounded much louder. I held back a scoff. We had been eating for almost ten minutes in silence before anyone had decided to ask me anything.

 

So much for being missed.

 

“It was really good.”

 

“Didn’t run into any problems?”

 

So maybe I was a little mad that she kept it from me. If she had suspected anything, then why didn’t she just ask me about it? I didn’t understand why she didn’t—why she chose to keep it from me instead. Did that make me mad? Maybe. I don’t know.

 

“Nope.”

 

“That’s good.”

 

I glanced up at my parents who looked like they were struggling to figure out what to say to me.

 

I asked myself when it had gotten to that point where we couldn’t even have a normal conversation with each other anymore. Who was it that had pushed the other away? Me? Them? Maybe it was the both of us.

 

Maybe I missed them more than I thought I had too.

 

“Um, I was thinking of changing my major, actually.”

 

“Oh.” That definitely got their attention. “To what?”

 

“Music.”

 

My parents shared a look.

 

All of a sudden I was reminded of Tiffany and her father and their playful relationship back at the airport. I thought about all the things he had said to me about his kids, about Stephanie who was supposedly a little troublemaker. Somehow, the idea wasn’t so hard to imagine.

 

Had I ever been that close with either of my parents? Did they like to talk about me? Brag about me like Mr. Hwang did with his children?

 

“What exactly do you plan on doing with that?” my mom asked as politely as possible, but I could tell that neither of the two were very fond of the idea.

 

I shrugged. “I…I’m not really sure yet.”

 

“Well you know,” my brother cut in, “Taeyeon’s always been really good with that kind of stuff. Plus, I mean, you’ve heard her sing.”

 

“Just because she can sing doesn’t mean she’ll be able to make a living off it.”

 

It’d be a lie to say that didn’t hurt.

 

Jiwoong stayed quiet, and I didn’t blame him. My mom actually looked a little guilty for speaking so bluntly.

 

“Look, Taeyeon-ah, we’re not saying you’re not talented because we really do think that you are,” my father spoke up, something he rarely did. He was a very calm person, not really one to raise his voice at others even when he was mad. Somehow, that made him even more frightening. “But you have to think about your future. Do you really think you’re going to be successful with something like this?”

 

I looked down at my bowl and absentmindedly played with the last bits of my food. I no longer had much of an appetite. That seemed to happen a lot whenever I had dinner with my family.

 

I wasn’t mad at them. I knew that they just wanted the best for me. Disappointed, maybe, but not mad.

 

I only shrugged before shoving the last of my food in my mouth. I wished that they hadn’t decided to take me out for dinner. If we had been at the house I could’ve just stormed off to my room and avoided the awkward silence that followed that short conversation.

 

My mother spoke up again on the ride home.

 

“Taeyeon-ah,” she sighed, “I just don’t understand you sometimes. We just want the best for you.”

 

I don’t understand you either is what I wanted to tell her.

 

The fear buried in the pit of my stomach reached up and bound my lips shut.

 

Maybe that was why we never really got along well, because we didn’t understand each other. And it didn’t seem like either of us were very willing to even try anymore.

 

“But you just—you know what? Just do whatever you want.”

 

I suppose I should’ve been happy with that. Even though she didn’t agree with my choices, she was still going to let me do them. That was a good thing wasn’t it? If it was, then why didn’t I feel happy about it?

 

It was all I thought about when I tried to go to sleep that night.

 

Why wasn’t I happy with what I had?

 

A vibration from my phone pulled me from my thoughts. I knew it could only be one person.

 

Miss you <3

 

I rolled onto my back and stared at the screen, thoughts of Tiffany and Mr. Hwang coming back to me. Was it possible to miss someone and still be angry at them at the same time? My bed suddenly felt empty and I realized that this would be the first night in a while since I had slept without her by my side. Whatever anger I had waned, and I typed back a response telling her I missed her too before throwing my phone aside.

 

What really frustrated me the most was that even with Tiffany, I still wasn’t happy. Better, of course, in some weird kind of way, but still not really happy. And the realization hit me harder than a ton a bricks.

 

I wasn’t happy.

 

Even after all that I had been through, I still wasn’t happy. I started to grow angry at myself for believing that just because I had flown halfway across the world and met an amazing girl that things would just magically fix themselves. What did I think would happen to myself when I came back to Korea? That my parents and I could finally have a normal conversation? That I would finally be content with myself?

 

Any sort of improvement had been solely dependent on Tiffany. I felt like I had gotten nowhere, and that was the most depressing thought.

 

I wasn’t happy.

 

Why?

 

 

I shuffled nervously waiting for her to pick up the phone. I never thought that a building could look so intimidating.

 

“Hey, I think I’m here,” I said as soon as I heard her pick up, not even bothering to wait for a greeting.

 

“Okay, wait there.”

 

It wasn’t long before I saw her rushing out the front door, and I knew I was in trouble when I realized just how much I had missed her in the span of one week.

 

“Hey there.”

 

She didn’t say anything in response and only hugged me. Probably thought I was still mad, if that’s even what I was in the first place. I still wasn’t sure.

 

“You could’ve just knocked, you know,” she said as she pulled away, grabbing one of my hands and pulling me towards the door.

 

“I didn’t want anyone else to open the door,” I shrugged, “and besides, I wasn’t even sure I had the right house. You know how horrible I am with directions.”

 

“Right,” she laughed, “almost forgot.” We stopped in front of the door. “Michelle and Leo can’t wait to meet you. And daddy’s real happy you’re here too.”

 

A nervous laugh was all I could seem to get out of myself.

 

A smile and a squeeze of my hand before she opened the door.

 

It was bigger than the small old apartment I lived in, but still relatively modest. Very homey—comfortable.

 

“Taeyeon,” Mr. Hwang walked in the room, “glad to see you could make it.”

 

Before I had the chance to make any more observations, I found myself sitting at the dinner table with the whole family. There was something extremely odd about seeing your teacher—no matter how close you happened to be with them—outside of their usual classroom setting. The next hour flew by too fast and it was just Mr. Hwang and I in the kitchen. I offered to help him clean up. I wasn’t sure where the other three had gone off to, but I got the feeling that it had been deliberate to leave the two of us alone.

 

“So, feel good to be back in Seoul?”

 

“Yeah,” I shrugged, “I guess.”

 

“Home sweet home, huh?”

 

Home.

 

“Something like that.”

 

He raised his eyebrows at me, but didn’t comment and continued washing the dishes. He always seemed to know what was going on, even without me actually telling him anything. I wasn’t sure if I was just that obvious with my feelings or if he was just that good at reading people. He always knew the right topics to avoid, though, as if he knew which topics I was comfortable talking about and which ones I weren’t. I sighed and put down the dirty dishes in my hands.

 

“Mr. Hwang, can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course.” He turned to face me, ignoring the pile of dishes in the sink.

 

“Did you…did you know…about…”

 

“About what? You dorming with Tiffany? No, I honestly had no idea.”

 

“No, not that.” I played with the hem of my shirt. “Did you know…about me.”

 

“Oh.” He paused. “Yes.”

 

I looked up at him and his expression grew serious. “How?”

 

He let out a long sigh before leaning back against the counter and folding his arms across his chest. “Well, I’m sure you remember Soonkyu. One of your best friends, right?”

 

I nodded. “What about her?” What did she have to do with anything?

 

“The way you looked at her.”

 

“Wha-what?”

 

“The way you looked at her,” he repeated. His deadpan expression turned into one of guilt. “Oh God, you didn’t know.”

 

Soonkyu.

 

I thought about her a little more, about how she was one of my best friends and how well we always got along—about how my stomach used to twist and turn around her.

 

And I paled.

 

“I’m sorry, I thought…I thought you’d have figured it out by now.” I wish I could take away his guilt. It wasn’t his fault. He had absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

I remembered my conversation with her and Sooyoung a few days before I left and how the both of them were supposed to meet Tiffany before the break was over. I wondered if either of them ever had a clue.

 

“No,” I shook my head, finally starting to regain whatever composure I had left. “I think…I always knew on some level. I just never wanted to admit it. And I’ve just had so much on my mind lately that I didn’t really think twice about it. With school and the culture shock and…”

 

“And Stephanie.”

 

I nodded. “And Tiffany.”

 

“Don’t think I’ll ever get around to calling her Tiffany, no matter how much she hates it,” he chuckled, “but I’m very happy for you two, you know that?”

 

I leaned against the counter, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed.

 

“I guess you know that there’s something I’d like to tell you.”

 

I tore my gaze away from the sink and looked up at him.

 

“You’re not just one of my previous students to me. I care about you a lot. And,” he sighed, “I’m sure it’s fairly obvious that I care a great deal about Stephanie too. I’d give up everything for her. I don’t want to see her get hurt, Taeyeon. I think you already know that. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

 

I nodded, and I wasn’t sure what I was really expecting to hear from him after that. A threat, maybe.

 

“So if you two ever do happen to leave each other…”

 

Something like, if I hurt his little girl then I’d be in big trouble. Something like that.

 

“I just want you to know that even then, you can still come to me for anything.”

 

 

“I think you have an obsession.” I picked up the pink pillow from her bed and shook my head. Tiffany had whisked me away from her father and her questioning siblings and took me up to her room.

 

“Shut up,” she laughed, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “So how was it today?”

 

I shrugged and took a seat next to her. “Not as bad as I thought it’d be, honestly.”

 

“Just how bad did you think it was going to go?”

 

I shrugged again. “I don’t know, I just thought I wouldn’t really know what to say to anyone.”

 

“Yeah, well—”

 

I cut her off with a kiss. I couldn’t help it; it had been too long.

 

She pulled away first, bashful for some odd reason, and stood up and sat down in front of her desk.

 

“So what did daddy want to talk to you about?” she asked, her cheeks still red. To say it was odd would be an understatement, but I didn’t question it.

 

“Just about how he’s happy for us.” I opted not to mention his last few words to me. Besides, us breaking up was the last thing I wanted us to even be thinking about.

 

“He hasn’t stopped telling me that since he found out. He really adores you, you know,” she laughed. “He did get really mad that I didn’t tell him though.”

 

We had avoided the topic all week, but I knew she wanted to talk about it. And I knew that we had to if we wanted the weird tension between us to be completely gone. It didn’t make me want to do it, though. Talking in general had never been one of my strong points. I showed how I felt through my actions, not words. I was never quite eloquent enough to get anything significant across.

 

“Just answer honestly, okay? Are you mad that I didn’t tell you? I’ll understand if you are, you know.”

 

“Honestly?” I fell back onto her bed and closed my eyes. The exhaustion was starting to creep up on me. “I was, maybe just a little bit. But I was more…confused. And maybe a little frustrated. And shocked. Definitely shocked.”

 

I felt her lie down next to me. I hadn’t even heard her get up from the chair. “I’m sorry.”

 

I made the mistake of opening my eyes.

 

Beautiful.

 

Too damned beautiful.

 

And it was in those moments that I wondered what on Earth she was doing with someone like me.

 

“I just want to know why you didn’t tell me. Michelle and Leo even said they came to the dorm a few times. How come you never let me meet them then?”

 

“I didn’t,” she took a deep breath, “I didn’t want you getting too close. That’s why I didn’t tell you and why I made sure you were out whenever they came. I mean, I like you a whole lot, but we weren’t really…anything, you know?”

 

I nodded, getting up from the bed. “Yeah, I know.”

 

“But.” She grabbed one of my hands and pulled me back down to sit. “We’re something now.”

 

She kissed me, and I wondered if that was what it would be like from then on. A kiss and all would be forgiven.

 

“Are we okay?”

 

I laughed and kissed her again. “Yes, we’re okay.”

 

“So,” she started suddenly, “when am I going to meet your family?”

 

“My family?” my voice cracked.

 

She sighed and grabbed my hands. “How are you and your parents, Taeyeon? You’ve never talked about them much.”

 

I shrugged. “There’s not really much to say, I guess.”

 

“Really?” She was skeptical. “What about your mom telling you you’re not normal? There’s not more to that?” She was angry, too. At who, though, I wasn’t so sure.

 

“My mom just wants what’s best for me. So does my dad.” Quite honestly, I wasn’t even entirely sure why I was defending them.

 

“But you’re not really happy with them, are you?”

 

“I…I don’t know. I guess not…I know that they care about me and they’re just looking out for me but…I’m not. Honestly? I feel like a bad kid. I feel like I should be happy because they’ve done so much for me, and even though they’re not happy with what I’m doing, they’re still letting me do it. I should be happy about that, shouldn’t I? It’s not like they’re stopping me from doing anything I don’t want to.”

 

Her thumbs rubbed circles on the back of my hand. “But?”

 

“But…I know they’re not happy with what I’m doing. They don’t make much of an effort to hide it.”

 

She let out an understanding hum and urged me to go on.

 

“And I guess that’s the thing. I want more than just tolerance.”

 

It was funny that I hadn’t realized that was what I wanted until then, until the words had actually come out of my mouth.

 

“Is that asking for too much?”

 

“Of course not!” she answered almost immediately. “It’s a perfectly legitimate thing to want.”

 

I thought about what I strived for all of high school. Acceptance. From my teachers, from my friends, from my classmates that I barely talked to.

 

From my family.

 

My parents.

 

“It’s what I’ve always wanted too.” It was so quiet that I almost didn’t catch it.

 

“But your dad loves you so much.”

 

She smiled. Not the one that I loved to see, though.

 

“Daddy’s always been supportive. From day one. He knew about me before I ever had an inkling. He’s good like that, you know.”

 

I knew.

 

“But my mom didn’t have a clue...You know, she was always the religious one out of my parents. And I…well, I wanted to be just like her. She was my role model. She was great, always so strong and confident and she went through so much for us.”

 

I listened attentively, waiting for the bomb to drop. I knew there’d be one.
 

“And she was also extremely homophobic.”
 

Even if I had known what words to say, I was sure that anything that tried to come out of my mouth wouldn’t have come out.

 

“It was never obvious, you know. I didn’t even really realize it until after she passed away.”
 

I wanted her to stop talking. I didn’t want her to tell me more. I only wanted her to tell me about things I could fix.

 

I realized later that sometimes you just had to let things break.

 

“Daddy knew, though. Sometimes I swear, it’s like he knows everything. He’s just so good at reading people like that.”
 

She was crying.

 

“But, I like to think that she loved me enough to accept me. Because she did love me a whole lot. Not once have I ever doubted that.”

 

My voice had finally found me again.
 

“If she was anything like you, then I’m sure she would’ve.”

 

 

“You’re late.”

 

I wasn’t expecting anyone to be up when I got home.

 

“Sorry, I got held up at my friend’s house.”

 

My mom just sighed and stepped aside so I could walk in.

 

“Jiwoong’s girlfriend was just leaving.”

 

My head snapped back. “Girlfriend?”

 

She looked surprised. “I thought she told you.”

 

“Who told me?”

 

I walked into the living room and I couldn’t decide if the sight before me was more or less shocking than the discovery that Mr. Hwang was Tiffany’s father.

 

It was definitely more disturbing.

 

“Sooyoung?”

 

They jumped apart and shared a guilty look.

 

“Taeyeon!”

 

“How did you guys…when did this…”

 

Sooyoung spoke up first. “About two months after you left, your parents started asking me about you. So Sunny and I came over to talk to them and to go see Hayeon and well…”

 

I’d never seen Jiwoong look so terrified of me.

 

“How come neither of you ever told me?”

 

Secrets. More secrets. One after another.

 

“We both thought it’d be better if we told you in person.”

 

Jiwoong was still quiet.

 

“Oh. Well, congratulations.” I hadn’t meant to sound so bitter, but the words came out before I could stop them and I stormed off to my room.

 

Barely two seconds after I closed the door, Sooyoung came in after me.

 

“You’re mad.”

 

It wasn’t a question.

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You’re lying.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You are.”

 

“Sooyoung. Get out.”

 

She didn’t budge.

 

“You’re mad.”

 

I sighed in resignation and collapsed onto my bed. “Guess that’s just what everyone seems to think these days…”

 

“Hey, it’s not like you haven’t kept your fair share of secrets, Kim Taeyeon. You’re the one that flew off to another country without even telling us!”

 

“What are you talking about?” I sat up on my bed. “I told you guys!”

 

“Yeah, the day before you left. I’m surprised you even told your parents that you were leaving. We thought you would’ve just packed up and left without saying anything at all.”

 

I had forgotten how well Sooyoung knew me. And Sunny too, but she was the last person I wanted to be thinking of.

 

I fell back onto my bed. “I’m sorry.”

 

There was a brief silence before I heard her sigh. “Don’t be. That was different. I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

 

I buried my face into my pillow. “…You always did think he was cute.”

 

She laughed and moved to sit on me. For someone so damned tall, she was really light.

 

“Yeah, and you always yelled at me whenever I said that.”

 

“He’s my older brother. It’s weird. And, you know, he always said you were hot. I should’ve seen this coming.”

 

We laughed together, and I knew we were okay.

 

“Sorry we didn’t tell you.”

 

“It’s okay, I get it.”

 

She got off of me and we shifted so that we were sitting next to each other.

 

“…You didn’t mention anything about Tiffany to him or my parents, did you?”

 

She shook her head. “No, of course not. I’m not stupid. Sunny and I haven’t told a single soul.”

 

“Good.”

 

“…Are you going to tell them before you head back?”

 

I shrugged. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.” I didn’t think I’d ever be ready for it.

 

“Well, Sunny and I really want to meet her. We want to know who’s stolen our little Taengoo’s heart.” She reached over and pinched my cheek and I shoved her away.

 

“I think you and Sunny have been spending way too much time together,” I laughed. “You guys will meet her sometime before we have to head back.”

 

A knock on the door interrupted us.

 

“Everything okay in here?” Jiwoong popped his head in.

 

“Everything’s good,” I answered.

 

“I actually should get going now.” Sooyoung hugged me tight before standing up. “I’ll talk to you later, Taeyeon.”

 

“I’ll drive you home. It’s late,” Jiwoong offered.

 

Sooyoung stepped out of the room, and I stopped Jiwoong before he could follow her.

 

“Taeyeon-ah, I’m sor—”

 

I pulled him into a hug.

 

He remained stiff.

 

“Treat her right.”

 

I felt him relax and he returned the hug hesitantly. “I will.”

 

“…I missed you.”

 

That was it. That was what I needed to do.

 

I needed to take the first step if I wanted anything to change.

 

“I missed you too.

 

…And so did mom and dad.”

 

“I know,” I sighed.

 

One step at a time.

 

 

It was almost Christmas. Two days until Christmas, actually. Not that it mattered much because my family didn’t do much for it. Tiffany’s did though, so I made the extra effort to get into the holiday spirit.

 

Tiffany introduced me to a few of her friends. The weird thing was I was actually already fairly good friends with one of them back in high school.

 

Surprises. One after another. Secrets and surprises, that’s what the entire break had consisted of.

 

And another one came when I got home that day I met her friends.

 

Only, that surprise wasn’t something that I could ever really get over. Not like Mr. Hwang being Tiffany’s father, not like the realization that I used to like my best friend, not like Jiwoong and Sooyoung, not like the mutual friend Tiffany and I shared.

 

Not like anything I’d ever really expected.

 

“Who’s the girl in all your pictures, Taeyeon?”

 

My parents and I had made great progress in the past week. I was finally starting to feel a little more comfortable around them.

 

Baby steps, I remember telling myself.

 

“That’s Tiffany.”

 

Who knew that it wouldn’t make a difference?

 

Not me.

 

“Taeyeon-ah. Tell me the truth. Who is she to you?”

 

I should’ve known as soon as I saw the pictures in her hands.

 

“She’s a good friend.”

 

“You kiss all your good friends?”

 

I didn’t even remember when that picture had been taken.

 

“I…I…”

 

Both my parents were standing in front of me now. Jiwoong stood behind them, confused. Hayeon was sleeping in her room.

 

“Taeyeon-ah.”

 

My mother stepped forward and reached out to me.

 

Only not in the way I wanted her to.

 

“I always knew you weren’t normal.”