Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Ana, happy birthday to me.

I quietly sang to myself as I prepared food in the kitchen,“Happy birthday Jinki Oppa,” I whispered to myself as a silent tear slid down my face.

Jonghyun, Jinki, and I always celebrated our birthdays together since they were on the same day. We were once known as ‘the inseparable triplets’ and now Jonghyun is the lone wolf and I am a disgrace.

“Hurry up , my baby deserves the best of the best even if it’s coming from you,” My cousin came and smacked me in the back of my head.

Jonghyun was dating my cousin ever since his brother died. We used to laugh at the like my cousin in the pack and now ever since Jonghyun started dating her, she’s been making my life like hell. I’m sad to say that I’m actually quite used to it. The first few months I would cry myself to sleep or collapse on the ground sobbing uncontrollably, which caused more beatings.

The only real thing that was killing me inside was that whenever I walked by someone they would call me ‘Jinki’s killer’. I would never hurt Jinki, he was the love of my life and hearing people say that over and over again breaks my heart a lot.

I have lost everything over the years: my friends, my family and my best friends. That rogue ruined my life that night and there is nothing I could do about it.

“You’re so pathetic,” I heard her say.

I was relieved when I heard her footsteps fade but I hoped too soon. The last thing I felt was something hit me in the back of my head and I was out cold.

***

Dark was once my enemy and I hated it when I was a child but now as this lonely girl with nothing left. I chose to embrace the darkness because it is my only comfort that keeps me away from these traitors. Over the years I really tried to break out of my weak shell. I hate being worthless and ugly. Everyone has abandoned me.

As much as I want to leave, I’m conflicted. This is my home, but I can’t stay because they are breaking me down physically and mentally.

What do I do?

I felt something hot wash over my body, scorching me and blistering my body red. I sat up screaming as I was face to face with my brother Gi Tae and Naeun.

Gi Tae and I used to be extremely close as he is only a year old than me. We would spend our time together chasing ducks near the pond, goofing off, and playing pranks on everyone. Jinki was his best friend so we spent a lot of time together, the four of us. Ever since Jinki died, Gi Tae was never the same to me.

“Wake the up and clean this mess up,” he growled.

I nodded my head and very gently brushed my sore arm.

“Maybe I didn’t hit her hard enough with the pan,” I heard Naeun say as she walked away with Gi Tae.

My already dirty and ragged clothes were now sticking to my skin, I sighed, and grabbed a mop to clean up the water. The task was even more tedious as the water seeped around my bare feet. My work wasn’t finished when I mopped up the floor and begrudgingly began to make the the cake and cupcakes. When I was finally done baking I retreated up to my room to get dressed for the party.

I held up this baby blue dress that I have been saving for my 18^th birthday. I brushed the dust off from the dress and put it on, determined to look the best I can, even if I wasn’t as beautiful as the other girls out there. When I was finished dressing I slipped quietly into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.

Hazel eyes looked back at me, my once joy filled eyes were devoid of it, instead it was despair, tears, and depression. My hand slowly rose up to touch my bruised eye, and it sweeped over the cuts gashes. I frowned at the state my hair was in, it was tangled and bushy from years of being unable to brush my hair, I looked a mess.

A knock at the door startled me and I hesitantly opened it, afraid of who might be behind it. I slowly opened it to find my mother standing there with a small smile. I sighed in relief, my parents never abused, and I was grateful for that, but I was disowned from the family. My mom though, it was just an act, she never believed I killed Jinki and still loved me. It just that if she didn’t play along, there would consequences for her.

“You look beautiful sweetheart,” her smile widened.

She turned me around and grabbed a brush from the cabinet behind the mirror. She my hair softly, giving me a slight sense of security and reassurance. It hurt as she battled her way through the knots but I was glad to spend time with the only person who loved me.

“I hope your mate isn’t someone in the pack, I hope they are someone who can take care of you,” she whispered into my ear, her warm breath tickling the hair above it.

“Well then they will never find me,” I said sadly.

“Love always finds a way,” she said back.

When she finished I looked into the mirror and noticed my hair had grown past my waist, and it looked better than usual.

“Thank you mom,” I whispered to her.

She smiled at me and hurried out the bathroom, leaving me alone. My mother did truly love me but she cared more about what the pack thought of her instead of her own daughter. It broke my heart just thinking about that. Tonight there was a possibility that I could meet my mate. My deepest desire and dream is to have someone bound to me forever, to love me with all their heart, to cherish me and be thankful for waking up next to me every day.

Right now I’m thankful that I’m not dead. As a matter of fact am I truly grateful for being alive? Would I rather die instead of living in this hell hole with people who never truly cared for me?

I heard music playing in a distance and I knew the party had started. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts about mates and death that I forgot about the celebration. Tonight I just want to pretend that the party is for me too, that everyone doesn’t hate me and that Jinki is still alive to celebrate with me.

Yeah that would be nice.

***

I slowly exited the bathroom in the hallway and made my way down toward the open living area. I was thankful that they let me attend the party but it also brings painful memories. I will have to face Jonghyun after these two painful years.

Wolves of all ages were present: adults, teenagers, young adults and maybe a few children. Decorations and balloons brought the room to life with their bright happy colours. Food and drinks were placed out on serving tables. People chatted and laughed away with each other as if they didn’t have a care in the world. I managed to slip into the crowd and wander aimlessly around.

What could a girl with no friends do at a party like this?

“Happy birthday Jonghyun!!” Someone shouted.

I mean, it was also my birthday too but no one seemed to care.

I turned around to look at the most beautiful guy on earth. He had jet black hair that was pointed in several directions, like he just rolled out of bed. When he smiled, it made me feel warm and fuzzy emotions inside of me. He was wearing black jeans and a blue button down shirt with his muscles bulging to rip it. He had a tattoo on his right bicep that I couldn’t see clearly. He was tall. So tall I bet I had to stand on my tip toes just to reach up and kiss his soft plump lips.

No, that must mean......no.

Before I could look away, he took this moment to look up from his friends and looked deep within my eyes.

Everything else in the room went dark.

I felt half of myself melting as I looked into the eyes of my lover. I wanted nothing more than to run up to him and jump into his arms and have him carry me away from this nightmare.

But that didn’t happen