Strangely, the person that Jeonghan seeks out is Seungcheol. Ever since his earlier talk with Seungcheol, Jeonghan has realized that it’s easier to be around the other boy. He doesn’t feel awkward because Seungcheol is his ex-boyfriend and ex-mate, instead it’s like they’re friends. It’s just like old times, when Seungcheol was just a friend and not a romantic endeavor.  Jeonghan doesn’t know who else to talk to. Sure he has other friends, but they’re happily mated.

            Jeonghan is picking at his bowl of ramyeon in front of him, resting his cheek in his palm. Seungcheol is sitting in front of him, papers scattered around him. He’s wearing a pair of wire-rimmed glasses that Jeonghan knows are just for looks. Seungcheol has his lips pursed as his eyes scan the papers in front of him. Jeonghan sighs and pushes his plate away from him, causing Seungcheol to look up curiously.

            “Did you not like the ramyeon?” Seungcheol is already pushing up from the table. “I can look for something else –”

            “No,” Jeonghan interrupts. “I’m fine. I’m just not hungry.” And its weird being here, he wants to say. He hasn’t been in Seungcheol’s and his old apartment since they broke up. It’s weird. The house is messy, with Seungcheol’s sweaters and shoes scattered by the entrance. Jeonghan even caught sight of a smaller sweater thrown over the couch that he’s pretty sure belonged to Jihoon.

            “Oh,” Seungcheol says. He sighs and takes his glasses off, setting them on top of the papers. “I’m sorry, you came here because you wanted to talk and I’ve been ignoring you for work.” He interlocks his fingers and leans forward. “What’s up? What’s bothering you?”

            “It’s about Joshua,” Jeonghan says and then he hesitates. “Or Jisoo? I don’t know what to call him anymore.”

            “Is this about how you two kissed?” Seungcheol frowns. “I thought you dealt with that already? It’s been weeks.”

             “I don’t know how to deal with it. Seungcheol, I like him. A lot. But it’s weird. We haven’t been broken up for that long and I mean, Jihoon is still hurting and I’m still trying to figure out who I am…” He slumps and runs his fingers through his hair. This is his problem, he doesn’t know how to put into words how he feels. “I don’t know what to do.”

            Seungcheol purses his lips, his brows drawing into a frown. “Jihoon is still upset?” He shakes his head to himself before Jeonghan can answer. “Sorry, we’re not talking about him right now. I don’t know what to tell you, Jeonghan. I don’t see why you don’t just go back to Joshua’s place instead of hiding out.”

             “Because! Isn’t it too soon to do anything between us? Joshua and Jihoon just made up. And I’m scared. I don’t want to mess anything up.”

            Seungcheol lets out a smile, but his eyes are tight. “Trust me, you won’t mess things up. At least you didn’t reject your mate and kiss him while he was dating someone else.”

            They both wince at that. Thinking about Jihoon makes Jeonghan sad. The thing is that he doesn’t know how to make things better for Jihoon. He wants to be a good friend for Jihoon, but he’s not too sure that the small boy considers him a friend at all. He wants to apologize – for taking Seungcheol and then taking Joshua too. That’s the main reason he doesn’t want to talk to Joshua.

             “Have you apologized to Jihoon?” Jeonghan asks. He’d rather focus on other people’s problems than his own anyway.

            Seungcheol’s lips tug into a frown. “I don’t think just an apology will cut it. I’ve said I’m sorry a thousand times but this is bigger than me kissing him. This is about the years I wasted rejecting him.” His shoulders are taut. “I don’t know if it’ll ever work out between us.”

            Without meaning to, Jeonghan’s eyes fall to Seungcheol’s exposed skin. Seungcheol’s mark isn’t really a mark. It’s more of a splatter of freckles and they’re very faint. Jeonghan had asked about it, and Seungcheol had told him that it was because Jihoon and his bond was ruined. It made him sad to think about.

            “But don’t you want to try to work it out?”

            “I think Jihoon is doing fine without me.”

            Jeonghan tilts his head. “Do you miss him?”

            “Of course I do.” Seungcheol sighs. “But I don’t know what to do either. I haven’t exactly been the best person to him.”

            “I’m sorry,” he apologizes, but it’s only half his fault. But he can’t exactly tell Seungcheol It’s all your fault, can he?

            Seungcheol shrugs and picks up his glasses, placing them on. He starts shifting through the papers again. “Not your fault,” he says, but his shoulders stay taut. Jeonghan wants to tell him to try harder with Jihoon, but he doesn’t know if it’s very sound advice. He thinks about what he would do – if he was in Jihoon’s shoes. Would he forgive Seungcheol for what he did?

            He doesn’t know, so he doesn’t blame the younger boy for keeping his distance.

⚘❁⚘

            Jeonghan can’t stop thinking about it. Can’t stop feeling the soft pressure of Joshua’s lips against his. He can still feel Joshua’s chest – warm and lean – underneath his palms, his fingers tangled in Jeonghan’s hair as they kissed. And Jeonghan will admit – it’s driving him a little crazy. He keeps brushing his fingers over his lips, reliving the memory over and over again until it plays in a constant loop in his head.

            And afterwards – Jeonghan wants to slap himself, because it all makes sense now. Why he couldn’t seem to let Joshua out of his mind. Why his entire world shifted as soon as the other boy came into it. Joshua is his mate and Jeonghan is his.

            Jeonghan stares out the window, keeping his knees pressed to his chest as he looks up at the clear blue skies. There’s something about the scenery that he likes. It keeps him calm – because he can come back to the windowsill of the old apartment he used to live in before Seungcheol or Joshua and the world outside is just the same. Minghao’s things are scattered around the apartment now, but everything outside is just like when he lived here. Despite his inner turmoil, the world keeps going and day turns to night and things go on. Jeonghan feels like time is leaving him behind.

            He feels someone place a soft hand on his shoulder and Jeonghan glances behind him to look into the eyes of Minghao. Minghao is giving him a small smile and Jeonghan pulls his legs closer to himself so the younger boy can sit with him. It reminds him of when he came after his anniversary with Seungcheol. It seems to be his favorite place to runaway to.

            “Joshua asked me about you again today,” Minghao says. He places a hand on Jeonghan’s knee and squeezes. “He’s worried about you.”

            “Jisoo,” Jeonghan corrects. “His name is Jisoo.” Minghao gives him a look, causing Jeonghan to sigh. He drops his legs to the floor, looking instead at the pattern on the floor. “I don’t know what to do, Minghao.”

            “Well,” Minghao starts, “do you like him?”

            It makes Jeonghan pause. He knows he likes Joshua. He’s known he’s liked Joshua for a while now, but there’s one problem. Before he knew that Joshua is Jisoo, Jeonghan thought he liked Joshua just because. Now that he knows that Joshua is his mate, it makes him question everything. “I do,” Jeonghan says. “But what if I only started liking him because he’s my mate? How do I know if my feelings are real?”

            Minghao scoots closer to Jeonghan. “Think about this, if you had never found out that Joshua was your mate, would you have still liked him?” Jeonghan stays quiet and Minghao reaches out to grab Jeonghan’s hand. “Hyung, you’ve been staying with us for two weeks now. And I know you miss Joshua. He misses you too. You just have to trust that your feelings are genuine.”

            “I’m still figuring out who I am,” Jeonghan says. “I need time to grow.”

            Minghao smiles, with shining eyes and soft cheeks. “You don’t think Joshua will give you time to grow? I think you need to give him more credit.”

            That’s the thing – he knows that if he asks for time, Joshua will give it to him. But he’s scared, because he doesn’t know why this is happening to him. He doesn’t know what this means for them. He’s scared that things between them won’t work out, because he’s already had one failed relationship that he thought was going to last forever. He’s scared, he’s scared, he’s scared.

            He doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

            So Jeonghan takes a deep breath and squeezes Minghao’s hand. “You’re right,” he says and then he stands up. He steels his resolve.  He’s tired of hiding out. He needs to sort things out. He has to talk to Joshua, but the person he really wants to talk to is Jihoon. He has things he has to work out with the younger boy first.

⚘❁⚘

            When he gets to Joshua’s apartment, Jeonghan notices that his things are neatly folded and tucked into the corner of the room. It makes him press his lips into a tight line and he clambers over, grabbing the blankets in his hands. He puts everything away, including Joshua’s old shirts that he took to wearing during his time there. After he’s put everything away, he finds himself with nothing to do so he sits on the couch.

            But he can’t get comfortable.

            He rests back on the cushions, but that feels awkward, so he rests his feet up. That proves to be strange too, because he lets out a long sigh and he sits up. He tries everything – from resting with his feet high up and his head dangling on the floor, to resting with his legs crossed and his head against the wall. He’s barely gotten comfortable when the door opens and in walks Joshua.

            Their eyes connect and Jeonghan stands up with a taut back. “Jisoo,” he says and he tries to be mad – should he be mad? That Joshua never told him his real name? – but he can’t. Not when Joshua looks absolutely miserable, like he hasn’t slept properly in days.

            Joshua’s eyes cut to the corner of the room, where Jeonghan has just tidied up. His shoulders slump even more and his lips form a small frown. “Jeonghan,” he says in an empty voice.

            “We have to talk.”

            “Okay,” Joshua responds as he closes the door behind him. There’s a sad tilt to his eyes and he takes his time taking off his shoes and coat. Jeonghan finds himself inspecting him. It’s weird now – knowing that Joshua is his mate. He’s so familiar to Jeonghan, but there’s something off about the way he is right now. He’s sad, Jeonghan realizes. He’s sad because of Jeonghan and what happened.

            It makes Jeonghan avert his eyes when Joshua takes a seat on the couch. He hates seeing Joshua like this, he decides. For some reason, Jeonghan thinks about how Joshua must have felt when he saw Jeonghan with Seungcheol. He thinks about Jihoon too, and how it must have hurt him. It makes Jeonghan feel sick because he’s hurt so many people without realizing and he just wants to take it all back. He wants to be a better person – for Jihoon, for Seungcheol, for Joshua, for himself.

            Joshua opens his mouth to say something, but Jeonghan curls his hands into fists, planting them on his knees, and finally looks at Joshua. He feels that same fire of determination light in his chest. He has to do this, he decides. No matter how scared he is. He’s not gonna run away anymore.

            “I need you to take me to Jihoon’s house because I have to talk to him.”

            He can tell that Joshua is surprised by the request. “What?”

            He sighs. “I need to go to Jihoon’s house and I’m not too sure where he lives, because he’s never invited me over. Can you take me? I have to talk to him before…” Before I do something stupid again, like kiss you before I’m ready. “Please.”

            When Joshua agrees and goes into his room to change, Jeonghan lets his body relax. He glances around the apartment, feeling a smile grace his lips as he reminisces his time spent there. He’s only been gone for a bit, but he missed the place. It felt like home. Joshua felt like home.

            Joshua comes out of his room in a pair of sweats and an old shirt. Jeonghan lets his eyes scan his body and a small grin overtakes his features as he remembers that Joshua is his mate. His. This literal embodiment of all good things happy and pure is Jeonghan’s mate. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky. He notices Joshua’s nervous look and clears his throat, gesturing for Joshua to go first.

            Jeonghan doesn’t talk on the way there. He’s too busy going over what he wants to say in his mind. He doesn’t know how exactly he’s going to get the other boy to listen to him, since he knows that Jihoon isn’t too fond of him. Not that he can blame him, of course.

            Jeonghan is hit with the realization that Jihoon and Joshua are extremely close when someone from the building waves to the other boy. He knows it’s probably because Joshua spent a lot of time there when they were dating. He waits for a feeling of jealousy, but it’s not there. Instead, he feels sad, because Jeonghan has taken both boys away from Jihoon.

            He feels a hand wrap around his forearm, fire burning his skin where Joshua is touching, and he glances down at Joshua’s fingers. Joshua drops his arm, saying, “We’re here.” He points to the door in front of him. “This is his apartment.”

            “Oh,” Jeonghan bites his lip. He feels his heart stutter in his chest, because – okay, he’ll admit it. Jeonghan is scared of Jihoon. Jihoon has every reason to hate him, but Jeonghan is here because he doesn’t want that. “Do you mind staying out here while I talk to him? It’ll be really quick, I promise. And then we can talk, because I feel like there’s a lot of things we have to talk about.” Which is an understatement.

            Joshua swallows deeply and stays in his spot. “Yeah, I’ll wait out here.”

            Jeonghan nods and he feels a bit awkward when he reaches forward to knock sharply on the door. He hears the locks sliding and then there he is, the person he’s hurt the most. Jihoon.

            “Um,” he says with furrowed brows, “hi?”

            Jeonghan lets an awkward smile grace his lips. He wants to wince, but he opts instead to wring his hands nervously. “Hi, do you mind if I come in? I have to talk to you.”

            Jihoon looks past Jeonghan, looking instead at Joshua. It makes the bundle of nerves that sit at his spine to grow bigger. Jihoon must not get the answer he wants from Joshua because he frowns deeply and opens the door wider, looking like he’d rather do anything but. “Sure, come in.”

            Jeonghan scrambles in quickly, kicking his shoes off, and taking in the neat apartment. He can hear the hushed whispers of the two boys behind his back, but he pays them no mind. He spots a basket of dog toys and a box of dog treats sitting on a small table. Jihoon seems to have his own studio set up his apartment, and it catches him by surprise. He supposes he can’t be too surprised; he was never quite friends with Jihoon.

            “Jihoon?” Jeonghan calls out when it’s been a while.

            “Coming!” Jihoon calls back. He hears Jihoon hiss something at Joshua, and Joshua hiss something back in reply just as Jihoon closes the door. Jihoon appears not soon after, playing with the bottom of his shirt. He’s wearing fuzzy socks, Jeonghan notes and then he bites his lip. Because Jihoon looks adorable but he looks so so sad and Jeonghan knows it’s his fault.

            “You wanted to talk to me?” Jihoon says and he brings a hand up to run through his hair. Instantly, Jeonghan’s eyes fall to where his mark is. Now that he knows it’s there, Jeonghan can’t stop looking at it. Unlike Seungcheol’s mark, Jihoon’s mark is legible. He has scars running down his arm, the majority of them on his mark. It’s like he tried to claw it off.

            Jihoon notices him looking because he drops his arm and presses it against his side tightly. His eyes are tight. “What did you want to talk about?”

            “Sorry,” Jeonghan says. He clears his throat. “I didn’t mean to stare, but… Seungcheol told me you were mates.” He gestures to Jihoon’s mark. “Hearing about it is different than seeing it, ya’know?”

            Jihoon shrugs, some of the stiffness in his shoulders dropping. “It’s fine. It’s not a big deal.” Jihoon gestures towards the couch. “Let’s sit.”

            Jeonghan takes a seat and Jihoon sits on the other end of the couch, facing the television. Jeonghan briefly notices that a drama is on, but he just looks at the corner of the screen, trying to muster up the courage to speak. This proves to be difficult for him because the drama is over by the time Jeonghan is opening his mouth to speak.

            Jihoon beats him though. “Did you just come to my house to watch TV?” His eyes cut to Jeonghan. “No offense, but I was gonna go to bed.”

            “I’m sorry,” Jeonghan blurts out. He sighs and turns so he’s facing Jihoon. Jihoon has his knees pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. He looks so small. Jeonghan clears his throat. “I’m really sorry, Jihoon,” he says in a sincere voice.

            Jihoon blinks. “You’re sorry? For what?”

            Jeonghan shakes his head. “You know what, Jihoon. I – I hurt you. I took Seungcheol away from you and then I took Joshua away from you too.”

            Jihoon turns his head away, looking at the wall. He bites his lip, his eyes fluttering shut. “It’s fine,” he says. He taps his fingers against his leg in rhythm. “Seungcheol never really wanted me. He was never mine, so you didn’t take him from me.” He turns back to Jeonghan and smiles tightly. “Joshua was never really mine either.”

            “Seungcheol is your mate,” Jeonghan says. “I took him from you. He was yours –”

            “No,” Jihoon interrupts. “People don’t belong to other people. That’s not how it works.” Jihoon sighs, dropping his legs on the floor. When he looks back at Jeonghan, his eyes are clear, honest. “Can I be real with you for a second?” Jeonghan nods and Jihoon opens his mouth. “I hated you for so long.”

            Jeonghan blinks. “Oh.”

            Jihoon lets out a laugh at his expression. “Don’t worry, I don’t hate you anymore.” He takes a deep breath. “I hated you for so long. I thought… really ugly things about you. But I don’t hate you anymore. Wanna know why?” He doesn’t wait for Jeonghan to respond. “It’s because it’s not your fault.”

            “But it is my fault,” he counters. He’s surprised when Jihoon shakes his head to signify that he disagrees.

            “It’s not,” Jihoon replies. “Seungcheol was in love with you long before you loved him. You can’t blame yourself for Seungcheol taking you as a mate instead of me. You didn’t know, so how can you blame yourself? You didn’t tell Seungcheol to reject me.” His voice shakes slightly as he says this, but he clears his throat. “I had to realize that too. That it’s not your fault. It’s not even really Seungcheol’s fault. He can’t help who he fell in love with. It just happened, and yeah, it , but that’s how it is. We can’t change it, so don’t blame yourself.”

            Jeonghan sniffles, feeling tears prickle in his eyes. He came here prepared to grovel for forgiveness. He didn’t expect this at all. “But… he chose me instead. And I’m so sorry, because I never knew and I never knew how much it hurt you.”

            “Yah, don’t blame yourself.”

            , he thinks, Jihoon is a ing good person.

            “But I am sorry. I’m sorry for Seungcheol and for Joshua. Because I took him from you too,” he says.

            Jihoon blinks and frowns slightly. His fingers falter in their rhythm, but they pick up again as he speaks. “I always knew Joshua wasn’t mine. I wanted him to be my happy ending, but he’s not my happy ending.” Jihoon looks at Jeonghan. “He’s yours. He’s your happy ending.”

            “You’re a really good person,” Jeonghan mumbles. Jihoon lets out a small smile. Jeonghan takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry I never tried harder to be your friend.”

            “Not your fault. I didn’t really want to be your friend anyway.” He raises a brow. “No offense, but you know, I hated you and all back then. But I did some searching and I’m okay with myself now. I can’t blame you for being someone that Seungcheol fell in love with, just like I can’t blame you for being Joshua’s mate.”

            “I really am sorry. I don’t know how to properly express how sorry I am that I hurt you.”

            Jihoon waves him off like it’s no big deal. Jeonghan feels a weight get lifted from his shoulders. They sit in comfortable silence but then Jeonghan wiggles in his seat, shifting so he’s facing Jihoon head on. Jihoon turns to him curiously.

            “I have a favor to ask of you,” he says.

            Jihoon raises a brow. “Yes?”

            “I want your blessing.”

            The younger boy blinks. “What?”

            Jeonghan sighs, playing with his fingers. “I… You’re Joshua’s best friend. You’re always going to be in his life. And I’m sure it’s no secret now that I like him. I want to know that you’ll be okay – with whatever happens. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I want to try to be your friend.”

            Jihoon blinks at him, like he can’t believe what Jeonghan is asking. He says nothing though, so Jeonghan nudges him. Jihoon shakes his head. “Jeonghan, I just want Joshua to be happy.”

            Jeonghan nods, smiling. “I want that too.” He glances at the time and sits up. “I should get going, it’s getting late.” Jihoon nods and they both walk towards the door, but Jeonghan hesitates. He reaches out to place a hand on Jihoon’s shoulder, causing Jihoon to look up at him. “I need another favor,” he says.

            “What is it?”

            “I need to consider forgiving Seungcheol.” Jihoon frowns but Jeonghan brings his hand up. “I’m not saying you have to be with him. I want you to forgive him for your sake. I can see it in your eyes, Jihoon. You’re hurting. You need to talk to Seungcheol.”

            “I’m scared,” Jihoon admits. “I don’t know if I can forgive him.”

            “To be honest, I don’t know if I could either. But you’re a bigger person than I am, so I know you’ll be okay.”

            Jihoon nibbles on his lip. “I’m scared that I’ll let him in and he’ll hurt me again.”

            Jeonghan pats Jihoon’s back in comfort. “Isn’t this worse, though? At least talk to him. Get some closure.”

            Jihoon nudges Jeonghan with his elbow. “You’re not so bad,” he teases. He places his hand on the door and turns to blink at Jeonghan with wide, innocent eyes. “Oh, by the way, if you hurt Joshua, I’ll kick your . I may be small, but I will come after you. So, don’t hurt him or I’ll hurt you, deal?”

            Jeonghan tilts his head back, letting out a laugh. “Deal.”

⚘❁⚘

            Joshua is cuddly when he’s sleepy. He has no qualms about snuggling closer to Jeonghan, his fingers clutching the material of Jeonghan’s sweater. He’s breathing softly now, his eyes closed and his chest slowly rising and falling as he sleeps. He lets out a soft sigh, nuzzling his cheek against Jeonghan.

            Jeonghan feels his heart beat rapidly in his chest. Since Joshua is asleep, Jeonghan softly runs his hands down Joshua’s sides. He reaches down to press a kiss atop Joshua’s hair, his mind racing.

            “I always knew you were mine,” Joshua had said.

            But he wasn’t always Joshua’s – he was Seungcheol’s first.

            And that makes him sad.

            He doesn’t know when the sun comes up, but he feels Joshua slightly stirring in his arms. Jeonghan glances down to see Joshua slowly blink awake. Jeonghan smiles softly at him when Joshua lifts his head and looks around the room in confusion. “Morning,” Jeonghan says softly.

            “You’re here,” Joshua blinks.

            Jeonghan nods. “I am.” He squeezes Joshua. “Do you want breakfast? We can talk afterwards.”

            Joshua quickly shakes his head. “No,” he rushes out, “we can talk now. Let me just freshen up.” And he hesitates, like he doesn’t want to get out of bed and Jeonghan’s arms (Jeonghan doesn’t want him to go either), but he throws the blankets off and makes his way to the restroom.

            Jeonghan sits up, looking around the room. He still doesn’t know what he wants to do, but he has an idea. But Jeonghan told Jihoon he was going to make Joshua happy, and this is what needs to be done in order for that to happen.

            Jeonghan goes in to the other bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth. He stares at his reflection in the mirror, trying to find something about him that’s different, but he looks the same as he always has. Same brown eyes, same smile. But he feels different.

            When he goes out, he finds Joshua waiting for him on the couch. His lips shine like he just put lip balm on and the tips of his bangs are wet. He sits with his legs crossed at the ankles, his hands neatly in his lap. He looks up at Jeonghan with clear eyes. “You wanted to talk?” he asks.

            Jeonghan is a little tired of talking, but he nods and sits down across from Joshua. “I did. I wanted to talk about us.”

            Joshua swallows nervously. “W-what about us?”

            “Well, for starters, why didn’t you ever tell me that you had my name?”

            Joshua winces. “You were with Seungcheol.”

            “We broke up months ago,” Jeonghan responds. “Why didn’t you tell me then?”

            “Because you just got out of a relationship. The last thing you needed was me bothering you.” He seems to draw up the courage to say something. “I thought I was messed up – having a mate that was already marked. I never thought it would be important.”

            “But it is. Joshua, if you would have told me earlier that we were mates, I would have tried to figure things out with you.”

            “You were with Seungcheol,” Joshua stresses. “Would you seriously have tried to figure out what it meant? Like, honestly.”

            Jeonghan lets a sigh, because he knows he probably wouldn’t have. He didn’t even question his faded mark until it disappeared. “You’re right. I’m sorry. But, I mean, I would have listened to you. I would have done something.”

            “I’m not the only one who was hiding something. You hid your mark.”

            “Yeah, but I didn’t know you were my mate. Besides, even if I did know, you were dating Jihoon.”

            Joshua sighs. “This is so complicated.”

            “Joshua, I’m not gonna lie. I’m really confused right now. I don’t know what my feelings for you are now. I like you, I do, but what if it’s just because we’re mates? And are we really mates? Or did we trick ourselves?”

            Joshua sits up, his lips tight and his eyes ablaze with anger. “Don’t say that,” he snaps and it makes Jeonghan blink. “Does my mark look like it’s not real? It’s the textbook definition of a soulmate mark. Is my name on yours not real? Is it faded? Tell me, because it sounds like you’re making excuses not to be with me right now.”

            “That’s not what I’m doing –”

            “Aren’t you though? Jeonghan, if you like me, then you like me. Why does our mark have to change that?”

            “Because it just does!” Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Joshua, I already lost Seungcheol. And I thought we were going to be together forever. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t have you and then lose you if this turns out not to be real.”

            “This is real,” Joshua says softly. “Why won’t you believe that? What I feel for you is real, Jeonghan.”

            It makes his heart stutter. “I don’t know what to do,” Jeonghan admits. He feels tears prickle in his eyes. “I like you too.”

            “Can’t that be enough?”

            “I don’t know,” Jeonghan shakes his head. “I don’t know who I am, but I want you, Joshua. But I also have to let myself grow before I can be with you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

            “You leaving would hurt me more."

            Jeonghan looks at Joshua. Against his better judgment, he moves so he’s sitting next to Joshua. He reaches out and places a hand on Joshua’s knee.  Joshua looks down at his hands. “I don’t want to leave,” he admits. He squeezes Joshua’s knee. “I’d miss you too much.”

            Joshua swallows thickly. “So what are you saying?”

            “I’m saying –” he hesitates. “I’m saying that I need you to let me grow a little. I don’t want to be scared anymore. You’re right, Joshua. This is real. I can tell it is. What I feel for you is real. But I can’t be with you every hour of every day. And we won’t always be happy. I can be a real mess sometimes.”

            Joshua hesitates before putting his hand atop Jeonghan’s. “I’m not saying I want you to be perfect. I just want you.”

            Jeonghan smiles. “Last night you said I was yours. And before that, I was Seungcheol’s. I’ve never belonged to myself, but you know what? I can find out who I am while being with you.”

            Joshua looks at him with eyes so hopeful that it makes Jeonghan smile. “So, what you’re saying is….”

            “I like you, Joshua. I maybe even love you.” He bites his lip. “I don’t want to runaway anymore. I want to have adventures and travel and do all the things I didn’t do. But we can have adventures together.”

            Together, he likes how that sounds.

            Joshua lets out a chuckle. “I like you too,” he says. He shifts so his knees bump against Jeonghan’s. “Are we really going to do this? Like, seriously?”

            Jeonghan moves so he’s closer to Joshua. His heart pounds in his chest. He’s still scared, a little, that Joshua and him may not work out or that things will go wrong, but he wants a chance. And Joshua is giving him one. Jihoon said that Joshua was his happy ending. Maybe he’s right.

            “Seriously,” Jeonghan responds.

            And he’s surprised, because Joshua is the one who kisses him this time. He lets out a laugh that chimes in the apartment walls and then before Jeonghan knows what’s happening, Joshua reaches out, placing his hand under Jeonghan’s chin and titling his head so that their lips can meet. Jeonghan lets himself smile and he closes his eyes, letting himself live in this moment.

            “I’ve been waiting for this,” Joshua mumbles against his lips. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

            Jeonghan nibbles on Joshua’s lip. “I’m here.” He digs his fingers into Joshua’s hips. “I’m not going anywhere.”