There's someone slouched outside of Jihoon's apartment. His head is bent forward, his chin resting on his chest as he leans his back against the door. One of his legs is propped up, the other outstretched straight in front of him. Upon closer inspection, Jihoon notices that he's wearing a sweater that's inside-out and backwards. He also appears to be sleeping.

            Jihoon reaches him and kicks the underside of his shoe harshly, causing him to jerk awake. Jihoon scowls. "What are you doing outside my apartment, Seungcheol?"

            Seungcheol looks up at him guilty, with sad eyes as he stands up and leans against the wall. "I, uh, didn't have a key so I mean..."

            "You know that's not what I meant, Seungcheol." He levels his gaze with his, keeping his eyes blank. “Why are you here?”

            Seungcheol averts his eyes, chewing his lip worriedly. “You left in such a hurry, I didn’t get a chance to apologize.”

            “Well, thanks, but I don’t need your apology. So if that’s all...” Jihoon stares at him with a hard gaze, signifying that he wants him to move.

            Seungcheol sighs. “Please, Jihoon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to –”

            “What?” Jihoon interrupts. “You didn’t mean to kiss me?”

            He winces. “Jihoon –”

            “Please don’t.  It’s bad enough that you made me a cheater, I don’t need you here.”

            “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me and I –” he shakes his head, looking angry at himself. “I didn’t mean to make you a cheater. I just… I wanted to apologize. You stormed out of my place really upset and I... I mean… You’ve done so much for me lately and I just –”

            “ed it up?” Jihoon clenches his jaw, running his tongue over his lips. He hates that he can still feel Seungcheol’s kiss, can still feel his mouth – hot and demanding – as he’d grabbed at Jihoon and pulled him up to his lips. He hateshateshates that it took four beats of his heart to push him away, his hands firm as he shoved against Seungcheol’s chest.

            “What the are you doing?” he had demanded and Seungcheol’s eyes had widened as his mind had caught up with him, mumbling , and Jihoon felt tears well in his eyes as he thought about Joshua. “I have a boyfriend, Seungcheol. What the . Why do you do this?” And then he’d run out of the older boy’s apartment, feeling guilt crawl up his spine because he had just cheated on his boyfriend.

            Well, not like that mattered now. Joshua was too busy with Jeonghan to think about him.

            Jihoon sighs, resting against the wall across from Seungcheol. He leans his head back on the wall, gazing at the flickering light in the hallway. He hears Seungcheol apologize again, but he’s too busy thinking about the scene that he walked in on with Joshua and Jeonghan. The thing that pissed him off the most is that he was expecting it. He knew from the moment Seungcheol called him announcing that Jeonghan and him had broken up that Joshua&Jihoon had been running on limited time.

            He was never living his own fairytale, he was just a side character to everyone else’s.

            He had simply been the pathetic boy in love with his best friend in the story of Seungcheol&Jeonghan. He had been nothing but the distraction in the story of Joshua&Jeonghan. Even in the story of Jihoon&Joshua and Seungcheol&Jihoon, he’d never been the lead.

            “You were right,” he mumbles, his eyes filling up with tears again. God, he feels so ing pathetic. He just feels so tired. He wants things to end. He just wants to get rid of his ing mark and kick Joshua and Seungcheol out of the home they’ve made in his heart.

            “Right?” Seungcheol asks curiously.

            “They’re living together,” he clarifies. “You were right.” He doesn’t look away from the ceiling. He counts the number of times the light flickers in the silence – one, two, three, four – and then lets his eyes fall to where Seungcheol is staring at him with sad eyes.

            “I’m sorry,” Seungcheol apologizes again. “I wish I wasn’t right.”

            “Seungcheol,” Jihoon sighs, shutting his eyes tightly. “Can I ask you a question?” He takes the silence as a yes and he swallows thickly, trying to ignore the breaking of his heart. “Does it ever stop hurting?” he whispers. His hand reaches out to cup his elbow. “Will it ever – I mean, will I ever stop hurting?”

            It’s quiet and then Seungcheol sighs. “I’ll let you know when I find out.”

            Jihoon closes his eyes, feels all the energy drain from his body. He gulps harshly. “Seungcheol, I need you to leave. Please.”

            “Jihoonie, wait –”

            “No,” Jihoon says, sliding off the wall. “I’m tired, Seungcheol. You need to find someone else to take care of you, because I’m done. I’m tired of having to listen to you talk about how ed up your life is, okay? You did this to yourself. You knew that he wasn’t your mate. You did this to yourself and I am so tired of picking up the pieces of your broken heart.”

            One glance at Seungcheol lets him know that the older boy has tears pooling in his eyes. Jihoon almost takes back what he said but then he remembers everything – all the he’s had to deal with – and his resolve hardens. He thinks about the name marking the inside of his elbow and he vows not to let it control his life.

            “You’re my best friend,” Seungcheol chokes out. He steps towards Jihoon, looking as if he wants to grab Jihoon, but his hands just hover at his sides.

            “Well, I don’t want your friendship anymore.” Jihoon shoves him harshly away. “Don’t call me or text or show up at my place anymore.” He places a hand on the door to his apartment, glancing back at Seungcheol who is looking at him with a heartbroken expression. “Find someone else’s life to ruin, because I’m done letting you ruin mine.”

            Seungcheol says nothing and Jihoon fishes his key out of his pocket, sliding it into the lock and turning the knob. He doesn’t look back as he lets the door slam loudly behind him.

            Inside, he lets himself break down, sliding down the door with his arms wrapped around his knees as he lets himself cry at all the choices he’s made. He can’t believe he was letting himself love Joshua and he absolutely can’t believe that he let himself be in love with Seungcheol for as long as he did.

            Afterwards, he starts to rebuild his backbone with the broken promises of all the people who said they’d never hurt him.

⚘❁⚘

            Wonwoo nibbles on his thumb, shifting nervously from foot to foot as he glances up at the wide door in front of him. He’s tried calling Mingyu (again) and he didn’t answer (again). Therefore, Wonwoo has reached desperate measures and he’s decided to just physically seek out the other boy. It doesn’t help that Wonwoo has no idea where Mingyu has his spare key, so Wonwoo is forced to wait until he opens the door.

            He doesn’t know what he’s going to say – he’s already left countless of voicemails and texts apologizing and pleading with the other boy to see if they can just talk. But no such luck, each call and text remains unanswered.

            His brother has already told him to just dump him, but no, Wonwoo doesn’t want to do that. He thinks he may be kinda, sorta in love with Mingyu.

            “Just break up with him and get yourself another mate,” his brother had said and Wonwoo had felt his heart literally break at the thought of being with anyone other than Mingyu.

            If only he would just let them talk.

            The door to Mingyu’s apartment swings open and Wonwoo takes a deep breath, steeling his shoulders, because holy , his plan worked and he’s about to talk to Mingyu for the first time in weeks and the first thing he has to do is apologize –

            He looks up, eyes connecting with a friendly, dark gaze that most definitely does not belong to Mingyu.

            Wonwoo feels his shoulders slump, his gaze becoming confused as he looks at the boy who is grinning sympathetically at him. Wonwoo’s brows furrow and he peeks over the boy to look into Mingyu’s empty apartment.

            “He’s not here,” the boy says, leaning against the door frame.

            Wonwoo’s frown deepens. “Oh,” he whispers. He leans back on his heels and look up at the boy standing in front of him. “What are you doing here, Doyoon?”

            Of all the people he would have thought would be in Mingyu’s apartment, his brother’s mate was the last of them.

            Doyoon smiles, that friendly smile that is always covering his face twinged with just a bit of sadness. “I’m just watching over Mingyu’s apartment while he’s out.”

            “Out?” Wonwoo swallows. “Do you know where he is?”

            Doyoon frowns, shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry, Wonwoo.” He reaches up to ruffle his hair and Wonwoo catches his brother’s name curling around Doyoon’s collarbone. Doyoon drops his hand, gazing at Wonwoo. “He didn’t tell me where he was going.”

            “Oh. And, um, how exactly do you know Mingyu?”

            He blinks. “Hmm? Well, we used to work together. We were really close – we even dated, but that’s all good. We’re really good friends now.”

            And Wonwoo remembers Mingyu telling him about the older boy he was in love with and his breath catches. No, there’s no way. There is absolutely no way that the boy Mingyu was talking about was the mate of Wonwoo’s brother, was there? No, what kind of ed up irony was that?

            Doyoon frowns at the look on Wonwoo’s face. “He didn’t tell you? He told me he told you.”

            “No, he – he did. He just didn’t, um, tell me that you were also my brother-in-law.” Wonwoo forces a wide smile on his lips, taking a step back. “I’m just gonna head out now, Doyoon-hyung. You don’t have to tell Mingyu I came to see him. In fact, I’d love it if you didn’t mention it.”

            “Wonwoo,” Doyoon frowns deeper, “are you sure?”

            He lets his smile grow wider until it hurts his cheeks. “I’m absolutely sure.” He slides his eyes over to Mingyu’s apartment. Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have come, but he had been getting desperate. And look at what he found.

            “Mingyu should be back in a bit, if you just wanna wait. I’m sure it won’t take him long.”

            Wonwoo looks up at him with wide eyes. “No,” he says softly, “Mingyu can come find me when he’s ready.”

⚘❁⚘

            Joshua is curled underneath his blanket, staring blankly at the ceiling above him. He hears the door to his room open, but he doesn’t bother to look towards the noise. Soon enough, a tray is being placed on his legs and Joshua glances up to see Jeonghan setting himself on the edge of Joshua’s bed.

            “I’m not hungry,” Joshua states.

            He sees Jeonghan’s lips form a straight line. “I don’t care, you need to eat.” He’s prepared some beef and it honestly smells and looks delicious but Joshua doesn’t let himself enjoy it. All he can think about is Jihoon’s cold gaze as he’d walked away.

            Jeonghan wraps a piece of beef in a cabbage leaf and then holds it to Joshua’s lips. He has a wide smile on his face that falls as soon as he notices that Joshua is not eating. He sighs, lowering the food. “Joshua, come on. It’s been a week since you and Jihoon broke up. You need to get better some time.”

            “Why?” Joshua questions. “How is it fair that I – I get to be happy and carefree when I’m the one who messed up? I should have just been honest from the beginning. I should have told him you were living here.”

            It’s quiet and then Joshua hears Jeonghan’s speak lowly, his voice full of guilt. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

            “No,” Joshua sighs, shifting carefully so he can sit up without dropping the tray. He leans against his headboard, not liking the guilt that is eating at Jeonghan’s expression. “It’s my fault. I should have told Jihoon from the start but I was just so selfish.”

            “Joshua, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” He reaches out to squeeze Joshua’s arm. “But it’ll be okay, trust me. It’ll hurt for a little and then it won’t.”

            “How do you know?”

            “Because that’s what happened with me and Seungcheol.”

            And Joshua frowns. “It’s different.”

            Jeonghan frowns too, freezing. “How is that different?”

            “Because it just is. You guys weren’t real mates.”

            Jeonghan’s lips twist into a scowl and he throws Joshua a hard look. “You and Jihoon weren’t mates either.”

            “No,” Joshua drawls slowly, “we weren’t, you’re right. But at least we started our relationship off with the truth.”

            Jeonghan tenses as soon as Joshua finishes speaking. His jaw tenses and his eyes burn with anger as he shifts away from Joshua. His voice sounds disbelieving. “Are you really judging my relationship with Seungcheol right now?”

            Joshua’s jaw ticks at the phrase. He finds himself irritated – at Jeonghan, at Seungcheol, at himself. He wonders how he got to this point in time. Things were so much easier when he was just the cafe boy who had a crush on a mated Angel. At least then he wasn’t hurting anyone else. “I’m not judging at all, I’m simply saying the truth.”

            “Okay,” Jeonghan mocks. “If your relationship was so truthful, then why didn’t you just tell him I was staying with you then?”

            “Because it would have hurt him. You don’t get it, you don’t understand what was happening with me and Jihoon.”

            “Well, help me understand then.” Jeonghan reaches out and sets the tray of food on Joshua’s bedside table. “What was so great about you two? And why were you so different to me and Seungcheol?”

            “Because,” Joshua stresses, “I liked Jihoon just because. Not because some stupid mark told me to. I liked him for him. You don’t ever think that maybe the only reason you loved Seungcheol is because you felt like you had to?”

            “What difference does that make? Who cares if I loved him ‘cause he was my mate first? There’s nothing wrong with that.”

            “But he wasn’t your mate! You don’t think you’re a little too trusting? Look, Jihoon gave me a part of his heart when he shouldn’t have, okay? He had every reason not to trust me because we were both so messed up but he trusted me. And now he’s gone. I lost him.”

            “You think you’re the only person who lost someone?” Jeonghan leans forward on the bed, his eyes narrowing.

            Joshua leans forward, his own eyes forming slits. “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all! I know everyone has lost someone but Jihoon was my one chance to have a happy ending of my own. A chance to write my own destiny and fall in love with someone of my own accord, not because of some stupid ing mark.”

            “Oh please,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Get the over it, Joshua! So what if you and Jihoon broke up? You lived before him and you’ll live after him. You miss him and want him to know you’re sorry? Then get off your and do something about it. You sitting here, whining over what you did, won’t fix anything.”

            “But he hates me now! He won’t answer my calls or texts and he won’t even let me into his apartment. And it’s all my fault.”

            “Joshua, who gives a about that? Say you’re sorry because you are, not because you’re expecting forgiveness.”

            Jeonghan is glaring at Joshua with fire in his eyes, his hands planted on either side of Joshua’s hips as he leans forward with flushed cheeks. His hair tickles his chin and there’s a slightly amused tilt to his lips because this is the first time that him and Joshua have fought.

            Joshua is also leaning forward, curling his hands around his blanket as his eyes travel down Jeonghan’s flushed appearance. He can feel the own heat in his cheeks, can feel a muscle ticking in his jaw as he looks into Jeonghan’s angry eyes.

            And then they both fall onto each other, letting out short laughs that fade into deep breaths. Joshua leans back as Jeonghan lays over him, his arms spread wide. They both sit in silence, Joshua going over the words that Jeonghan has said and realizing that he’s right. Joshua needs to show Jihoon that he’s really sorry.

            “You’re right,” Joshua sighs. “Me being here, feeling sorry for myself, won’t help anything. I just… I don’t know how to make him see how sorry I am.”

            Jeonghan shrugs and Joshua feels his shoulder dig into his stomach. “All you can do is tell him. And I’m sorry too, I’m not exactly without fault here either.” He lets out a sigh and then his palm is curling around Joshua’s skin as he traces patterns on the blankets. “I just hope he doesn’t hate me. I don’t think he liked me very much.”

            Joshua winces. If only he knew that Jihoon had Seungcheol as a mate, then he would understand. But that isn’t Joshua’s business to say, so he keeps his lips closed. “I don’t think he hates you, it’s just that he feels… I don’t know, like he’s not enough. I wanted to make him feel like he was enough, but I failed.”

            Jeonghan just lets out a quick hum. There’s a small silence and then Jeonghan is shifting to he can look up at Joshua. “Hey, why is Jihoon so angry that I’m living here? I mean, I get the whole deal is that you guys were dating and stuff, but I didn’t think he’d be so angry that he’d break up with you.”

            Why is Jihoon angry?

            Because you’re my mate and that means something.

            But Joshua just smiles lightly and shrugs, acting like he has no idea what Jeonghan is talking about.

            Jeonghan lets out a deep sigh, rolling off of Joshua. He reaches out to pat Joshua’s thighs harshly. “Well, hurry up and eat so you can go shower. We have somewhere to go.”

            Joshua lifts his brows. “Go? Where are we going?”

            He hesitates. “Well you said Jihoon is ignoring you, right? We’re going to go wait for him to get out of work. Come on, I have to help you make this right and I know exactly where he works because of Seungcheol.”

            Joshua feels his lips stretch into a sincere smile as he tosses the blankets off of him. No matter what happens, he hopes he can make Jihoon see that he never intended for him to get hurt. This is just the first step to getting his life together. The second step, well, that might be a little bit harder.

            He’s made up his mind to try to figure out the mess that is his soulmate mark. That’s the second step.

a/n: sufferfest2k16