Five days after their anniversary, Jeonghan has still not spoken to Seungcheol. In fact, he hasn’t even gone home since he’s arrived to Jun and Minghao’s place – not even to get a change of clothes. So he’s bumming off his friends, wearing Jun’s clothes and eating their food while he sleeps on their couch. He realized on his second day there that he didn’t even bring his cellphone with him, which is just fine with him. That means Seungcheol can’t contact him.

            It’s raining and Jeonghan has curled up by the window, a thick book pressed against his thighs. He thumbs the pages of the book, too immersed in the world outside. The book in his lap is thick – the fifth in a collection of works written by some scientist or something that knows anything and everything about mates. He’s read every book thus far, has learned more about mates than he’s ever known in his entire life, but he’s putting off reading this book because this book, as stated by the small text underneath the title, focuses on fading marks and losing soulmates.

            A part of him doesn’t want to read it. Jeonghan has spent his entire mated life in a bubble where he went by a strict “don’t ask, don’t tell” philosophy. He likes his bubble – he knows he won’t get hurt there.

            The mark on his chest burns and he winces because oh yeah, that philosophy didn’t work so well for him in the first place.

            A hand clasps around his knee just as a loud clap of thunder sounds outside. Jeonghan jumps in his seat, turning to face the person who is standing in front of him. Minghao frowns at Jeonghan, tapping Jeonghan’s thigh. He shifts so the younger boy can have a seat as well. He briefly notices that Minghao’s hair is dripping wet and he’s dressed smartly in a thick sweater with a coat. He guesses that he will be leaving with Jun for work soon.

            “Are you sure you’re going to be okay while we leave?” 

            Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Yes. You ask me that every day before you leave, Minghao.” He reaches out to tap the back of Minghao’s hand. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

            Minghao looks at the book in Jeonghan’s lap. “I see you still haven’t read it.” He frowns at the older boy, his eyes downcast. “Jeonghan-hyung, please. You have to go back home sometime.” He smiles as Jeonghan starts to open his mouth to protest. “Please, we both love having you here… but I think Jun is getting angsty because I won’t do anything with you here.”

            Jeonghan claps his hands over his flaming cheeks, muttering, “I did not need to know that.”

            Minghao, the cute bastard that he is, laughs lightly, reaching out to squeeze Jeonghan’s thigh. His eyes are light and full of comfort. “I’m just kidding, you can stay here as long as you like. But you do have to break up with Seungcheol.”

            Jeonghan feels that he sounds like a broken record as he says, “But how can I be without him? I don’t know who I am without Seungcheol.”

            Minghao shrugs. “You’re Jeonghan. You’ve always been Jeonghan and you’ll be okay.” He tilts his head, smiling. “You deserve to give yourself a chance at happiness, hyung.”

            Jeonghan looks out at the sky outside. Dark clouds roll overhead, rain pouring down endlessly and Jeonghan feels like it matches his mood perfectly. Without meaning to, his hands go over his wrist. He knows there’s no mark there anymore, just nervous habit kicking in, and he thinks about Seungcheol. Is Seungcheol’s mark gone too? Did Seungcheol get another mark like he did? He doesn’t know, but the answers to most of his questions are in the book he refuses to read. If Seungcheol has read these books, is really an expert on mates like Minghao says, that means that he has known from the beginning what Jeonghan’s faded mark meant.

            It should make him angry – that Seungcheol may have known all along that something was wrong about them – but for the most part it makes him feel tired. He just wants things to end. And they can’t end while he’s hiding out being a coward.

            “You’re right,” Jeonghan turns back to Minghao. “It’s just scary, you know? I’ve never had to break up with somebody before. Seungcheol was always just there and it’s going to be weird when he’s not anymore.”

            Minghao smiles. “It’ll be alright, hyung. You’ll always have us – and whoever your new soulmate is.”

            Jeonghan laughs bitterly, brushing his hand over his chest. He knows his new mark sits boldly on his collarbone, right over his heart. He can feel it thrum underneath his clothes, something different than anything he’s ever felt. “I think I’m done with soulmates for the time being. I need time to just… be me. Just Yoon Jeonghan without anybody else.”

            “Well, we’ll support you no matter what.” He brushes his hair behind his ear, his mark on display and Jeonghan feels the same question that he’s been itching to ask climb up his throat.

            “Minghao, why are you so interested in all this mate stuff? I mean, no one bothers to learn anything but the basic stuff we’re told. So, I mean, why did Seungcheol give you his books?” 

            “Oh,” Minghao blinks, “it’s cause my parents aren’t mated. Soulmates just weren’t a big thing for me. But then I met Jun and things started falling into place so I was curious about it.”

            Jeonghan frowns. “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”

            Minghao waves a hand, smiling. “Don’t be sorry, my life is great.” He claps a hand on Jeonghan’s thigh once more as Jun steps out of the room, looking like he would rather crawl back to bed than go to work. Jun smothers a yawn with the sleeve of his coat, looking at Minghao in question. They seem to have a silent conversation amongst themselves because Jun nods and Minghao stands up, shoving his hands in his pockets.

            “We’re leaving now,” he says, looking down at Jeonghan. “Remember what I said, hyung. Give yourself a chance.”

            Jeonghan looks down at the book on his lap just as Minghao and Jun are heading towards the door. He takes a deep breath, making up his mind. He’ll go see Seungcheol soon, he owes it to himself and to him. But first…

            “Hey Minghao!” The other boy turns curiously towards him. Jeonghan grabs the ends of his hair, which is now so long that it’s spilling past his collarbones. “Do you know where I can go get a haircut?”

⚘❁⚘

            Everything looks the same, nothing is different at all.

            Well, that’s not entirely true – the trash Jeonghan forgot to clean up on Saturday is gone and the couches and countertops look pristine. Seungcheol has definitely cleaned up in his absence. Jeonghan winces as he inspects his apartment. It’s only been one week since he’s been gone and yet it feels like a lifetime.

            He can hear the shower going in the restroom in their bedroom. He drums his fingers against his thighs, wondering to himself what he’ll do in the meantime. He spots his phone tucked underneath the couch and he quickly goes to retrieve it. It’s off, and when he turns it back on, it instantly lights up with messages and missed calls. The first few are from Seungcheol, the others are from his friends. There’s Chan and Vernon asking where he is and if he’s spoken to Seungcheol yet. There are even a few messages from Jihoon, he notices. Jihoon’s messages catch him by surprise.

            Seungcheol called me asking for you. Where are you?

            He keeps calling me, can you just tell him that you’re fine so he can leave me alone?

            Okay, so your boyfriend showed up at my house, drunk, at three in the morning. Can you guys just make up already?

            Great, now you have him asking me about you too. Congrats, you have them both. Can you please come home already?

            Jeonghan, please, are you okay? What’s going on with you and Seungcheol? Is everything okay?

            So I’m guessing you’re with Jun and Minghao since they haven’t asked about you. Seungcheol is really worried, you know. Just go back to him, Jeonghan. Whatever is happening, it’ll be okay.

            Him? Jeonghan thinks, looking at the fourth message. Who’s him?

            He frowns, scrolling down until he sees messages from one specific person that makes his heart skip a beat. Joshua texted him a total of five times and called a total of three.

            Hey, we’re having a pretty slow day, so you can come and hang if you want! :)

            Honestly, you’re totally missing this! Mingyu and Wonwoo are OFFICIAL. I just caught them kissing by the coffee machines. I was going to attach pictures, but Soonyoung said that was weird.

            Are you coming over today instead? I miss you :(

            So, I just heard from Jihoon, who heard from Seungcheol, that you’ve gone AWOL. Is everything okay?

            The last one is from this afternoon. Whenever you’re ready to talk, you know where to find me. I’ll be here.

            It makes Jeonghan sigh. This is all just too confusing for him. He has to break up with his boyfriend before he can even think about dealing with Joshua. Jeonghan shuts his phone off, deciding that he’ll wait a little while longer before he contacts anybody else. Right now, his main priority is talking to Seungcheol.

            He glances around the apartment, his heart squeezing when he realizes that this may be his last time here. The apartment is Seungcheol’s, which means Jeonghan will have to find a place to live and fast. He doesn’t want to burden his friends anymore. In fact, when he left Jun and Minghao’s place this afternoon, he told them he was going to find a hotel to stay at instead.

            So he packs.

            He doesn’t have very much – just some clothes and pictures and it’s depressing really, because his entire life with Seungcheol fits in one suitcase. He’s done packing by the time that the water in the restroom cuts off. He zips the suitcase quickly, his heart beating fast and hard in his chest as he hears the door to the restroom open. He stands up to his full height, takes a deep breath, and turns to face Seungcheol.

            Seungcheol has on a loose, long-sleeved plain shirt and some sweats. He has a towel pressed against his hair, rubbing at it furiously but he freezes upon noticing Jeonghan, his eyes opening wide and his mouth dropping open.

            Jeonghan looks into those deep brown eyes – and he feels nothing. Nothing but the small glimmer of affection that he feels when he looks at his friends. And that’s not what you want to feel when you look at your boyfriend.

            “Hey,” Jeonghan speaks first, his voice low.

            Seungcheol swallows harshly, throwing the towel over his shoulder. He blinks slowly, almost as if he feels that Jeonghan is just a figment of his imagination. “Hey,” he says back, stepping forward. “You’re back.”

            Jeonghan winces. “Uh, yeah, I’m back.”

            “Where were you?”

            “I was with Jun and Minghao.”

            Seungcheol curses under his breath. “That bastard, I asked him if he knew where you were.” Seungcheol’s eyes cut to the suitcase on the bed and his eyes don’t seem surprised at all, which makes Jeonghan frown. Instead of commenting on the suitcase, Seungcheol says, “You cut your hair. It looks nice.”

            He says it as if this is what he expected and it throws Jeonghan for a loop. Shouldn’t he be acting more surprised, upset? Jeonghan is sure that breakups aren’t supposed to be this weird. But then again, what does he know? He’s never broken up with someone before.

            “Thanks,” Jeonghan says, reaching up to brush at the newly cut strands. “Can we talk? In the living room?”

            Seungcheol throws the towel on the bed, avoiding looking Jeonghan in the eyes. He nods curtly towards the door, gesturing for Jeonghan to walk first. It feels awkward, like they’re having a formal meeting instead of just talking.

            Jeonghan sits on the couch, keeping his eyes facing front as Seungcheol takes a seat in the seat facing him. The silence is awkward, crackling with unsaid words, and Jeonghan gets the feeing that Seungcheol knows exactly why he is here.

            “So, you wanted to talk?”

            Jeonghan clears his throat. “Yeah, I, um, I’m sorry. About leaving without any word. I just had to deal with some stuff.”

            Seungcheol shrugs, his eyes blank as he plays with the sleeves of his shirt. “It’s fine.” He spares Jeonghan a brief glance before he goes back to his sleeve, pulling at a loose thread. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

            “Actually,” Jeonghan says, shifting awkwardly in his seat, “I wanted to talk about us.”

            Seungcheol gives a great big sigh, finally making eye contact with Jeonghan. His eyes are perfectly clear, but there’s distress in them. He continues playing with the thread, and his voice is very matter-of-fact as he says, “If you’re going to break up with me, you don’t have to say it. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t say it.”

            Jeonghan winces at the words, looking at Seungcheol. So far, this has not gone at all how he planned. “Please, Seungcheol, we have to talk about it.”

            Seungcheol scoffs. “I’d rather not, thank you.” He gestures to the room, where Jeonghan left his packed suitcase. “It seems like you’ve already made up your mind.”

            Jeonghan feels anger flare up in him. “Made up my mind? You think I wanted this? This just happened, Seungcheol. And it could have been avoided if you’d just been honest with me!”

            “What are you talking about? Honest with you about what?”

            Jeonghan stands up to his feet quickly, his eyes narrowing in anger at the other boy. “About us, Seungcheol! Minghao told me all about how you’re such an expert on mates. Well if you’re such an expert, then you knew what my mark meant! You knew that – that we… we weren’t really mates. We never were.” He deflates suddenly, his heart filling with sadness as he looks down at his ex-boyfriend. He recalls the book he read earlier, the one that had all the answers.

            "The mind, body, and heart can trick itself into believing another individual is one's true soulmate. These cases, referred to as ‘fake mates’, while rare, do occur. In such cases, an individual will have a faint mark until the one of their true soulmate appears..."

            He shuts his eyes tight, his voice full of emotion. “You lied to me, Seungcheol. You made me fall in love with you when you knew we didn’t belong to each other.”

            It’s quiet for a moment and then Seungcheol asks in a quiet voice, “When did my name fade?”

            Jeonghan opens his eyes, swallows thickly. He glances down at Seungcheol, who keeps his eyes carefully blank despite the frown on his face. “Our anniversary,” he whispers.

            Seungcheol lets out a snort. “Figures.” He swallows harshly, standing up and gazing at Jeonghan. “I’m sorry – about everything. I never meant to hurt you like I did. I just… I was so in love with you, and I wanted you to love me back.”

            Jeonghan tilts his head, remembers back to the first day he met Seungcheol. If only he had known then… but it’s too late now, he has to deal with the aftermath of what’s happened. “I still want to be your friend,” Jeonghan says, “but I need time. To deal with all this.”

            Seungcheol nods curtly. “I understand.” And his eyes turn sad as he says, “I really am sorry. Things were just so complicated from the beginning.”

            “Is… is my name still….?”

            Seungcheol gives him a twisted smile, lifting his sleeve up to show Jeonghan his name on his wrist. Jeonghan doesn’t know why he never noticed it before, but Seungcheol’s mark looks different too. It’s not smooth like how marks usually are and the edges of the name are outlined in a deep red that’s almost black. Had it always been like this?

            “Will you get another mate?” Jeonghan has to know that Seungcheol will have another chance with someone else. They may not be together anymore, but Jeonghan still wants Seungcheol to have happiness.

            And what Seungcheol says makes Jeonghan stumble back in surprise.

            “I already had another mate.”

            And he pulls his sleeve up higher, extending his arm and showing Jeonghan the inside of his elbow. There, faintly, lies a smudged mark. Jeonghan can’t read what it says since it looks more like a cluster of freckles as opposed to a mark. They don’t make a distinctive shape at all and it’s so faint that Jeonghan wouldn’t have even noticed it if Seungcheol hadn’t extended his arm and pointed it out.

            This is all so ed.

a/n: so... the breakup has happened...