Joshua wakes up to someone making a lot of noise in his apartment. He hears a pan clatter on the floor and then a familiar voice hiss, “Can you be a little more quiet? Joshua is still sleeping!”

            Joshua hears a soft chuckle and then a cute voice is saying, “Sorry, hyung. My hand slipped.”

            He groans and rubs a hand against his eyes, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from his eyes. He sits up on his bed and a quick glance at his clock lets him know that he has a little less than an hour before he has to go in for his shift. He slowly creeps from his bed and has a quick trip to the bathroom. When he emerges to the kitchen, his face has been scrubbed clean and his hair is dripping wet from his quick shower.

            He’s pulling a shirt over his head when he noisily enters the kitchen, his lips twitching at the people standing there. Jeonghan glances quickly at him and then he’s turning around to glare at Minghao, who is blinking in confusion and smiling happily at the two boys.

            “Morning,” Joshua quips.

            Jeonghan glowers. “Morning.” To Minghao, he adds, “See, you woke him up.”

            “Sorry, hyung,” Minghao says easily. He walks over and takes a seat at the table, resting his arms on the table and laying his head on them. He blinks sleepily at both of them. “I’m tired.”

            Joshua smiles, turning towards Jeonghan. “Yeah, what’s Minghao doing here so early? I thought he was gonna come over and help you cook dinner.”

            Jeonghan is trying to turn on Joshua’s stove. Joshua walks over and turns the knobs, watching as his gas stove slowly burns to life. Jeonghan smiles at him quickly and then he’s setting the pan atop the flames. “Yeah, well Jun had to leave early for work today so I told Minghao to come have a date with me instead.” Jeonghan reaches into the fridge and pulls out some food. “You gonna stay for breakfast?”

            “I have to be at work in a little bit,” Joshua responds. “I’m just going to heat myself something up real quick.”

            They move easily against the kitchen, neither of them noticing the amused glance that Minghao is throwing at the pair as they easily flit around the kitchen. It all seems very homely and Minghao bites his lip to keep from commenting at how comfortable they seem with each other. The last thing he wants to do is push them three steps back.

            “Oh?” Jeonghan is asking as he cuts up vegetables. “Are you going to be back in time for dinner today? Chan and Jun are coming here after work.”

            Joshua hesitates as he waits for his bowl of soup to heat up in the microwave. The microwave beeps, signaling that his food is done but Joshua just stares at Jeonghan, chewing his lip. “Uh, I can join you guys later but I have a date with Jihoon tonight.”

            He doesn’t miss the way that Jeonghan’s shoulders tense. His lips are pulled into a tight smile as he says, “Oh, that must be nice.”

            “Yeah,” Joshua says awkwardly.

            Jeonghan shakes his head shortly, his lips stretching into a sincere smile as he gestures toward Minghao. “Oh! Did I tell you that Minghao found me a place to live? It’s an apartment in their building and the rent it pretty cheap. I think I might get it.”

            Joshua feels his throat close up. He always knew living with Jeonghan had been temporary, but having him here had been nice. He knows that Jeonghan moving out would be better though, maybe that way his mark wouldn’t be burning all the damn time. So he smiles widely at Jeonghan, letting his eyes sparkle. “That’s great, I’m happy for you.” He glances at the time and lies, “Oops, looks like I’m going to be late. See you two later.”

            Minghao rolls his eyes from where he’s seated, but no one notices.

⚘❁⚘

            Mingyu doesn’t turn up for his shift, which would be weird on a normal day, but Joshua knows that something happened between him and Wonwoo, so it’s not weird. Mingyu hasn’t shown up on any shift when both him and Wonwoo are scheduled for about two weeks now.

            It makes Wonwoo look miserable.

            His eyes look tired, rings of purple due to lack of sleep surrounding his empty gaze. His lips are perpetually tugged into a frown and he’s distracted all the time now. He doesn’t hear orders and when he does, he messes them up. It makes everyone worried.

            Joshua sighs, setting an empty tray on the counter next to where Wonwoo is standing, staring absently at the wall. Joshua rests his hip against Wonwoo, trying to pull him out of it. Wonwoo just blinks, not looking away from the wall.

            “Wonwoo,” Joshua speaks softly, “what happened? Just tell me so I can try to help you. I hate – no, we hate seeing you like this.”

            Wonwoo frowns, his brows furrowing. “Nothing happened.” The door to the kitchen swings open and in comes Seungkwan, his eyes worried as he takes sight of the older boy. Wonwoo sighs at the look on his face. “I’m okay, guys. You don’t have to worry about me.”

            Seungkwan lightly runs his knuckles against the door to Soonyoung’s office before he comes to stand by Wonwoo and Joshua. “Hyung, we’re all worried about you and Mingyu. Please talk to us.”

            Soonyoung, due to the noise, peeks out of his office, his eyes curious. As soon as he sees what’s happening, he sighs heavily. He comes out of his office and crowds to where the other boys are gathered. “Are we finally ready to talk about this?”

            “No,” Wonwoo says. “It’s nothing. Just – I think Mingyu and I broke up.”

            “What?” Seungkwan blinks in confusion. “Broke up? But you guys are perfect together.”

            Wonwoo lest out a short laugh. “No, we’re not. We’re both liars.” He looks at them and then drops something that no one was expecting. “We’re mates.”

            “What?” Seungkwan repeats, his mouth dropped open. “I thought you had a different mate?”

            Out of everyone, the only one who doesn’t look surprised is Soonyoung. Instead, he assesses Wonwoo with sad and understanding eyes. Joshua briefly wonders if he knew all along what was happening with these two idiot boys.

            “It’s complicated.” Wonwoo shakes his head. “I don’t know – I was dumb and Mingyu was confusing. When he found out he was my mate, he kicked me out of his house. I think he needs time or something.”

            “Time for what?” Seungkwan sounds angry. “Mingyu has been pining over you for the past two years, shouldn’t he be happy?”

            Wonwoo looks at him with a sad expression, simply shrugging his shoulders.

            And not for the first time, Joshua wishes for a world where soulmate marks don’t exists – for the sake of himself and his friends, he wishes things were different.

⚘❁⚘

            Jihoon got a haircut, that’s the first thing Joshua notices.

            His hair used to cover his eyes, brushing his neck. It used to lay in a straight mess, Jihoon having to constantly push his hair away from his face. Joshua told him many times to cut his hair, but Jihoon would always wave him off, claiming that he was too busy to do that.

            His hair now is shorter in the back, with choppy bangs flopping over his forehead and tickling his eyebrows. His hair is a soft brown, looking like a perfect mess and so soft that Joshua wants to run his hands through it.

            He blinks at him slowly. “You cut your hair.”

            “Hmm?” Jihoon looks at him over his shoulder from where he’s locking his apartment door. “Oh, yeah. I thought it was time for a change.” He makes sure that his door is locked and he turns to Joshua. “Okay, we can go get dinner now. Where did you say we were going again?”

            Joshua leans back on his heels, grinning. “It’s the same place we had our first date.” He reaches a hand out for Jihoon to grab, but Jihoon just walks forward. Joshua blinks at his out stretched hand and shrugs, guessing that Jihoon didn’t see it.

            “Do you think we’ll be out long? I have to do some work at home.” Jihoon says as he steps towards the elevator. They both shuffle in together and Joshua tries to shake off this feeling of awkwardness.

            “Um, we can just have a quick dinner and then come back, if you want?”

            Jihoon nods, closing his eyes and resting his head back against the elevator wall. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

            “They’ve been making you work a lot. I thought you were quitting?”

            Jihoon opens an eye just to look at him briefly before he’s closing it again, letting out a long sigh. A muscle ticks in his jaw. “I was going to, but they need me.” He pushes off the wall just as the elevator stops, gesturing for Joshua to go first. “Go ahead.”

            Joshua frowns and reaches out to grab Jihoon’s hand so they can walk out together. As the elevator door opens, Joshua spots a tall, dark haired man waiting for it. His eyes light up as he catches sight of Jihoon and he waves a greeting as he steps in and the door shuts behind him.

            Joshua turns to Jihoon with curious eyes, but Jihoon is too busy frowning at their interlocked hands. Joshua frowns as well, tugging Jihoon forward by their hands. Jihoon looks up at him with a confused expression on his face.

            “You okay? Who was that guy?”

            “Oh,” Jihoon blinks. “That’s my neighbor, Mong Gu’s owner. Yeah, I’m fine.” He takes a deep breath and grins widely. “Let’s go out to dinner, I’m starving.”

            (For someone who claimed to be starving, Jihoon barely touches his food at the restaurant. He spends all of his time glued to his phone, only occasionally talking back to Joshua. By the time Joshua has paid the bill, he finds himself in a sour mood and Jihoon doesn’t seem to notice as he frowns at his phone.)

⚘❁⚘

            Joshua brushes chip crumbs off his lips, his mouth gaping open as he stares at Jeonghan in shock. He’s wearing a loose shirt and some pajama bottoms and Jeonghan is wearing one of Joshua’s old shirts from high school, his pajama-clad legs pulled up to his chest as he looks at Joshua in confusion.

            They’re sitting on the couch at three in the morning, talking over a shared bag of food.

            “Wait wait wait,” Joshua is saying, “so you’re telling me you’ve never had s’mores before?”

            Jeonghan throws him an amused smile at Joshua’s shocked tone. “No, I’m telling you. It’s probably an American thing.” He reaches out and stuffs a handful of chips into his mouth. “We don’t have that here.”

            Joshua groans loudly and lets himself fall back on the couch. “Oh no, s’mores are amazing! You don’t know what you’re missing out on!”

            Jeonghan rolls his eyes, brushing his hair away from his face using the back of his hand. “Enlighten me.”

            Joshua sits up excitedly, wiping the chip residue on a paper on his coffee table. He claps his hands together in excitement, looking pointedly at Jeonghan as the other boy snorts out a chuckle. “Okay,” Joshua starts, “it’s a cracker with chocolate and marshmallows and you heat them over a fire so that the chocolate and marshmallow go all gooey and it’s amazing.”

            Jeonghan scrunches his nose up. “Never had it.”

            Joshua lets out a long, deep sigh. Well, he’s going to have to change that. He stands up, smiling at Jeonghan’s curious look and holds a hand out. When all Jeonghan does is stare at it, Joshua shakes his head. His lips curve into a smile and he raises his brows. “Well?” He questions. “Are you coming?”

            Jeonghan slips his hand in his (and Joshua ignores the warmth that settles in his stomach), but he asks, “Where are we going?”

            “To a grocery store, duh.”

            “But it’s three in the morning.”

            Joshua rolls his eyes and cups the hand that’s not holding onto Jeonghan over his mouth as if he’s about to say a secret. “There are some 24 hour marts, Jeonghan, you know that right?”

            Jeonghan lets the insult roll off his back, instead rolling his eyes as he lets out a chuckle. “Don’t be a jackass.”

            Joshua grins, a light fluttering in his heart as he grabs both his shoes and Jeonghan’s from the closet. They’re still holding hands, but Joshua tries not to let it affect him. It’s strange, he’s held hands with Jihoon plenty of times, but Jihoon’s hand is small and incredibly soft, almost delicate. Jeonghan’s fingers are warm, still soft, as they curl over Joshua’s.

            “Come on,” he throws Jeonghan his shoes, “I’m about to change your life.”

⚘❁⚘

            “I thought we were just getting things to make those things were talking about?”

            Joshua throws a cabbage head at Jeonghan for him to catch. Jeonghan catches it easily, placing it beside him in the cart. He has a cherry lollipop in his mouth that he snagged as soon as they came in, which had the only worker in the store glare pointedly at them. Jeonghan sits with his legs bent in the cart, Joshua easily pushing him around.

            “We were, but then I realized I need other things too.” Joshua picks up an apple and twirls it in his hands before he places it back from where he got it. He grabs onto the cart handle and starts steering them towards the aisles. “You eat a lot of food, so it appears that I have to come shopping more often.”

            Jeonghan pulls his lollipop out of his mouth with a pop! “Hey, I pitched in for groceries last week, so it’s your turn to buy them this week.” He sticks the lollipop back in his mouth.

            Joshua reaches the aisle he intended and he rolls his eyes at Jeonghan, using one leg to kick himself and placing the other one on the cart so he can roll forward. “But you eat so much. That’s okay though, so do I.” He strolls down the aisle and picks up a random packet of marshmallows and throws it into the cart. Jeonghan makes a ring with his arms, moving so the marshmallows go through his handmade hoop.

            Joshua smiles as Jeonghan imitates a screaming crowd, whisper shouting, “Woo! Joshua shoots and scores! ‘Shua! ‘Shua! ‘Shua!” He lets out a high-pitched squeal, “Oh my god, Joshua oppa!”

            Joshua rolls his eyes and bows down with his hands on the cart handle. “Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here all week.”

            Jeonghan lets out a soft chuckle, settling back against the cart. He picks up the packet of marshmallows and inspects the back. “So, you said we heat those over a fire, but I doubt we can make a fire in your apartment.”

            Joshua reaches over to tap two fingers against Jeonghan’s forehead. Jeonghan laughs at the gesture, making Joshua smile widely. “I have a gas stove, genius. We’ll use that.” Joshua keeps walking them until they’re standing right in front of the chocolate. “Now, what kind of chocolate do you want?”

            “Hmm,” Jeonghan taps a finger against his chin. “What kind goes best with this?”

            Joshua reaches up and grabs a bag of chocolate, throwing it towards Jeonghan. “I would say that, but, you know, personal preference.”

            Jeonghan nods seriously. “We’ll take these then.” He grins as he rolls the lollipop in his mouth. “Not gonna lie, this is really fun. It kind of feels like an adventure.”

            Joshua tsks, shaking his head as he walks them over to get some graham crackers. “An adventure? Jeonghan, we’re just grocery shopping. What kind of sad, boring life have you lived?”

            Jeonghan picks up the bag of marshmallows from earlier and angrily throws them at Joshua. “You’re such a damn brat, you know that?” Joshua laughs and Jeonghan rolls his eyes. He settles back with a heavy sigh, his eyes turning serious.

            “But, honesty, I feel like I’ve missed out on so much of my life.” He runs a finger over the edge of the cart, his eyes averted. “I was with Seungcheol since before I turned eighteen, you know? I never really knew who I was. I never got to experience life.” He lets out a heavy sigh, dropping his hands to his lap. “I don’t regret it, but I kind of do at the same time?”

            Joshua hums, tapping his finger gently against the cart. “You don’t really talk about Seungcheol a lot.”

            Jeonghan shrugs. “I don’t know what to say. I loved him, and then I realized I didn’t anymore. I thought he was my mate, but he wasn’t. He lied to me, because he knew we weren’t mates. You can’t really bounce back from that, not when the universe decides you aren’t meant for each other.” He purses his lips, his brows furrowing. “I guess I don’t know as much about love and mates as I thought.”

            Joshua thinks about his own mark on his chest and winces. “I guess we’re both pretty clueless, huh?”

⚘❁⚘

            Jeonghan has marshmallow and chocolate smeared across his mouth, graham cracker crumbs falling down on his shirt. It’s almost kind of disgusting to see Jeonghan pick up another s’more with his chocolate covered fingers. But it’s also endlessly amusing to see Jeonghan close his eyes and moan as he shoves the snack into his mouth.

            He smacks his lips together. “These are so good,” he moans out as he reaches to pick up yet another one. “Why have we never made these before?”

            Joshua clears his throat to hide the laugh that’s threatening to spill past his lips. “Um,” he mumbles as he brings up his own s’more to take a bite out of it, “I didn’t think you would like them that much, to be honest.”

            “I love food,” Jeonghan says in response, wiping at his mouth.

            Joshua lets out a laugh, nuzzling deeper into the couch as he lets his body go lax. As soon as they’d gotten back and put up all the groceries, Joshua had quickly set out to make Jeonghan a nice old-fashioned s’more. Sure, Jeonghan had insisted on helping and had almost caught the kitchen rag on fire, but those were just technicalities.

            “Hey Joshua?”

            Joshua lazily turns his gaze to Jeonghan, his breath catching in his throat at the intense look in Jeonghan’s eyes. Joshua had turned the lights off earlier, opting instead to just have one lamp in the corner of the room to cast a dimly lit glow on the living room. It makes Jeonghan’s eyes look like they’re burning, which makes Joshua just want to drown in those sparkling brown eyes.

            “Yeah?” Joshua speaks softly.

            Jeonghan reaches out and curls a sticky hand around Joshua’s wrist, his eyes sincere. His smile is soft. “Thank you,” he says lowly.

            Joshua blinks slowly, wondering if Jeonghan can feel his erratic heartbeat. “For what?”

            “For being you.” He turns Joshua’s hand around, his fingers brushing over his wrist delicately. He interlocks their fingers and it makes Joshua feel warm all over. “Thank you for being here with me.” And then something strange happens, Jeonghan leans over and he wraps an arm around Joshua’s middle, nuzzling his head underneath Joshua’s chin.

            Jeonghan has never hugged Joshua before, and it’s kind of weird to be hugging on the couch, but Joshua feels his heart stutter at the contact between them. Joshua wraps one arm around Jeonghan, letting his eyes flutter close as he rests his cheek against the top of Jeonghan’s hair.

            Jeonghan pulls back with a smile, but he doesn’t lean back. His thigh is pressed against Joshua’s and then he’s picking up another s’more, turning towards Joshua. His grin is wide as mischievous as he directs the snack towards Joshua’s mouth. Joshua rolls his eyes, leaning forward and letting Jeonghan stuff the snack into his mouth.

            Just as his lips close around the last bite of s’more, his tongue barely brushing the tips of Jeonghan’s fingers – which makes Jeonghan’s breath hitch – Joshua hears his front door turn open. He freezes because no one has a key except him and Jeonghan. Jeonghan’s hand is still leaning against Joshua’s mouth, both of them turning curiously towards the door.

            The last person Joshua expected to see walks in, his gaze on the floor. He’s dressed in a gray sweater and long pajama bottoms that are too big for him. His eyes are sad and there’s tear tracks on his face when he looks up, his mouth open to speak but whatever he’s planning on saying dies on his lips as he takes in the sight he just walked in on.

            Joshua looks at Jeonghan with wide eyes, instantly pushing him back as he stands up in a panic. Joshua swallows deeply, brushing off the remaining crumbs form his lips and says tensely, “Jihoon.”

            Jihoon narrows his eyes, his gaze moving from Joshua to Jeonghan. He lets out a bitter laugh, new tears filling up his eyes as he shakes his head. His fingers pull at his hair strands in frustration as he looks upwards. “I can’t ing believe this. Has he been living here? This whole time?”

            Joshua takes a step forward. “Jihoon, I – ”

            Jeonghan also sits up, opening his mouth. “Wait, let me explain – ”

            “Save it,” Jihoon snaps. He points a finger at Joshua. “You. Me. Outside. Right now.” He turns to glare at Jeonghan, who is already moving from his seat. “And you better stay here, hyung. I have to talk to Joshua. Alone.”

            Jeonghan casts a worried glance towards both of them, settling back on the couch. “I was about to move out,” he says feebly.

            “I didn’t ask,” Jihoon says tensely.  He turns to look at Joshua, his eyes blazing and he gestures towards the door. “Get out. We need to talk.”

            Joshua clambers out the door in a hurry, his heart beating fast in his chest. He doesn’t even get a chance to question why Jihoon is even at his place this late (or early, depending on how you looked at it). As Jihoon slams the door shut behind him, turning to look at Joshua with a betrayed and hurt expression, Joshua realizes that he doesn’t even care.

            He’s hurt Jihoon.

            He’s a horrible person.

            “Joshua,” Jihoon says softly, the earlier fire in his voice gone. Joshua feels the weight of his voice crash into his bones. His eyes look sad, just like they did earlier and Joshua has the horrible, sinking feeling that he’s about to be dumped.

            Jihoon shakes his head, reaching out and placing a hand on Joshua’s chest so that Joshua is flat against the wall. Joshua looks at him in confusion as Jihoon steps closer, sniffling quietly to himself. He steps up on his toes and Joshua’s confusion and guilt builds up higher as Jihoon reaches out to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He lowers himself back on his feet, sniffling again. There’s tears gathered on his eyelashes as he gazes up at Joshua with an expression that breaks the older boys heart.

            “Do you love him?” he questions softly.

            Joshua winces at the question. “Jihoon – ”

            Jihoon shakes his head, not seeming to care what Joshua is going to say anymore. He steps back, pulling the sleeves of his sweater lower so they can cover his palms. Joshua wants to ask why he showed up at his house in the first place, but he doesn’t. Instead, Jihoon says, “Why does everyone always want him?”

            Joshua knows who he’s talking about. “Jihoon, please. I never cheated on you.”

            Jihoon shakes his head. “You didn’t have to.” He reaches up and grabs Joshua’s chin delicately in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “Because it didn’t mean anything. Jihoon, I like you.”

            “But he’s your mate,” Jihoon whispers in response. He steps back, letting his hands fall to his sides. “He’s your mate and he likes you back.”

            Joshua doesn’t let himself linger on the statement. He’s pretty sure his heart is breaking right now and it’s all his fault.

            “God,” Jihoon presses his palms against his eyes. “This is so ing tragic. It’s like a sad love song that’s all ed up. Except I always thought I was the lead. Turns out I’m just the ing throwaway gag in the story of Jeonghan and Joshua.”

            “Jihoon, please. I’m so sorry,” Joshua chokes out. “I never – I mean, I never wanted you to get hurt.”

            Jihoon lets a sour smile curl his lips. “Yeah? Well your intent means now, huh?” He lets out a shuddering breath, reaching out to cup his elbow. “I can’t believe this is happening.” He looks up at Joshua with those same sad eyes. “And to think, I came here to apologize and just be with you because I’ve been a boyfriend.”

            Joshua feels the guilt hit him in spades. “Jihoon, I’m so sorry.”

            “Don’t be,” Jihoon sniffles. “Your mate likes you back. I’m happy for you two.” He clears his throat and he looks at Joshua right in the eyes as he says, “I hope things work out better for you two.”

            And then he wraps his arms around himself, hugging himself tightly as he twirls on his heel and walks away. Joshua calls him just as he’s halfway down the hall.

            “Wait! Are you gonna be okay?”

            Jihoon pauses, turns to glance at Joshua over his shoulder with a blank gaze. “I don’t need you, Joshua.” He says, turning back towards the front. “I don’t need anyone anymore. I’ll be fine.”

            And then he continues walking and Joshua feels his heart crawl up his ing throat because he did this to himself, he knows. He knows this is all his fault, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. He’s never had a boyfriend before, but the worst thing is that he didn’t just lose a boyfriend. He lost a best friend.