Through big, clear windows of one particular bedroom around the sleeping city of Seoul the fresh moon lights sneaks naturally. Swimming between pearly white, long curtains they weakly illuminates the slender silhouette of a man sitting on his bed. Breaking the darkness of the night in the room those nosy rays of light slowly runs up his long legs resting upon the comfortable mattress, kindly ghosting over his well-shaped torso as he leans a little more against the headboard and caressing sweetly his black tousled locks. But before the moon’s dreamy light could outline his eyes, a bright artificial light flash suddenly in the room; making them lose their spark against such a strong shine.  

Being blinded for a few seconds by the powerful light of the screen those eyes open once again, showing their clear brown color, which the moon light could not illuminate, and slowly re-reading the message he received so long ago in the evening.

-Hello hyung! I just arrived! ^^ The bar is so full, I’m so excited to sing tonight~ I hope you won’t worry anymore now and you will have sweet dreams :D-

Youngjae mellow voice rings melodiously loud in his mind as his eyes danced around those letters, having the image of those full lips curving in such a cute smile embodied in his memory; knowing that his adorable dongsaeng was smiling in that way when he wrote that message.

-Damn…- a heavy sigh trails off Jaebum dry lips as the screen turns off and he leaves the cellphone upon the pillow bides him.

His uneasy hands softly run through his black hair, griping slightly tight those dark locks as the deafening sound of his heart pounding fast against his chest is slow but surely fraying the last and fragile trace of self-control which pulls him back to do the right thing. He stills remembers that night, when his heart tormented by boiling emotions and his mind haunted by beautiful desires dismantled his rationality making his body to move on its own… almost kissing Youngjae twice in one night.

Cold chills runs down his spine just by remember it, feeling the ghost of that mouth brushing ever so slightly against his anxious lips just like that evening. Jaebum trembles at that sensation, tugging his hair a little stronger and feeling his head burning by the pain; yet he doesn’t care, he wants to make it stop. This, which is growing in his heart, has to stop. It doesn’t matter the way, even if it’s physical pain, he will take it. Or erasing his memory and transplanted his heart, he will do anything…

But he wants to make it disappear.

He can’t bear with it any longer, this sensation of not being able to restrain himself was frightening him until the point he doesn’t know what he is capable to do to sometimes. He believed that if he distanced himself from Youngjae he was going to think straight and maybe, and just maybe, cool down those emotions shaking his heart when the brunette boy was around him. But not having Youngjae close was dreadfully maddening. In all those endless days he ignored the young boy his skin itched to touch him; when his eyes closed, even in the almost inexistent darkness of a blink, he saw those tender orbs looking at him with the sweetest gaze; and his name was flashing brightly in his mind, digging deeper in his heart which knew what he was trying to do but it didn’t want to let go.

He had thought that, if he can’t stop those feelings, then possibly he could look at Youngjae just like his cute dongsaeng and nothing more. But tonight, when Jaebum saw him crying because of him, when Jaebum could feel him again in his arms, when Jaebum could see that warm twinkle in those tender dark eyes he understood perfectly that there was no way he could ever want Youngjae’s friendship. He wants everything of Youngjae for himself, every breath, every look, every smile, every inch of his skin, every kiss, every word, every single feeling making the little boy shake Jaebum wants it all.

He is being so disgustingly selfish and from time to time Jaebum hates himself. That’s why he wants to stop it, he has never been like this before; he had never felt like this before. Feeling that his heart depends of one person to beat, feeling that one person is the air he breathes, feeling that one person is the soul which makes him who he is, feeling that just one person is the reason to keep on living… Why everything turned out to be like this? How did he let it happen?

But Jaebum knows, he is too in love to tear Youngjae out of his life.

-I’m so hopeless…-a tired murmur escapes his lips, as tired as him of fighting against the unbeatable, his hands softly falling upon his face.

-What did you do to me?- he asks to the air, a low whisper passing through his slender fingers in weak breezes of  surrender.

As his mouth curves up in a sinful smile.

-Should I do something?- he wonders, while his warm hands recede from his face, seeing the moon light softly caressing his eyes in the middle of the darkness.

He was about to considerate all the options his anxious mind showed him in a fraction of a second, but the curios sound of his cellphone buzzing by his side prevented him to do so. Feeling slightly surprised by who could be calling him so late his fingers quickly run upon the smooth sheets, taking the phone and finally lifting it up to his eyes until he can see the ID of the caller, and his heart flutter with impatient anxiety to hear him.

-Hello?- Jaebum says with a well faked sleepy tone; already sensing his heartbeats hitting hard against his chest.

-H-hyung…?- but upon hearing Youngjae’s sweet voice impregnated with  deep sadness he felt his heart sink.

-Youngjae? What happen? Why are you crying?- Jaebum asks slightly hurry, his soft voice ringing loud with concerned but yet he tries to remain calm to not upset the young boy even more.

Through the speaker he can hear the soft wind of the night blowing slow, mixing with Youngjae’s loud and heartbroken sobs which explode right into his ear and heart; making him feel desperate. They are so far away, that he feels completely useless, and the brunette boy cries as if some part of his life has been taken; squeezing Jaebum’s heart with worry and piercing it with cold.

-Hyung…- the brunette boy calls him in a sad whimper, and Jaebum feels like dying at only thought his lovely Youngjae crying.

-Youngjae, listen to me. Take a deep breath and calm down, okay?- Jaebum tells him kindly, having the boy sobbing desperate as an answer. –Youngjae don’t cry, hyung is here and everything it’s going to be okay.- he says, feeling a major urge to hug him.

-O-Okay, hyung…- Youngjae sobs cutely, his shaking voice sounding low and smooth.

Upon hearing the weak sound of the young boy breathing slowly Jaebum sighs almost audible, placing his brown eyes into the dimly light ceiling above his head; hating himself for not being able to comfort Youngjae properly and hating whoever made Youngjae cried like this. But even so, that person seems to be really important to his dongsaeng.

-Hyung… are you still there?- Youngjae mumbles softly, his sweet voice ringing so sadly low.

-Yes, Youngjae. Will you tell me why were you crying?- Jaebum wonders gently, feeling his heart beating uneasy against his chest.

-Yugyeom... he… said he loves me…- Youngjae whispers shyly, and Jaebum can hear his shaking breathing.

-Oh… that’s… something you didn’t expected?- he asks somewhat confuse, trying to hide how annoy he feels actually.

-Y-yes.- Youngjae murmurs. –But… t-the thing is… he asked me to give him a chance.- he tells, his low voice barely breaking the silent of the night. –But I can’t do it, I don’t l-love him like that… and he t-told me to never talk to him again.- he sobs loudly, and the older man is sure tears are flooding those sweet eyes one more time.

-I see…- Jaebum whispers calmly. –Youngjae you have to talk with your friend. He must be hurt and angry but I’m sure he didn’t mean to say that.- he comments honestly, feeling the cold touch of jealousy brushing his heart.

-But hyung, y-you didn’t see how he looked at me… Y-Yugyeom hates me.- Youngjae mumbles sadly, his low voice slowly trailing off through the phone.

-No one could ever hate you, Youngjae. You just have to talk to him.- Jaebum kindly repeats his words, hearing his dongsaeng sobbing violently one more time.

-No, hyung; you don’t know Yugyeom… H-he could never say something like that s-so easily.- the brunette boy whimpers, his irregular breathing turning heavily fast.

Jaebum sighs long upon hearing Youngjae talking, feeling the jealousy taking over his heart a little more. -Then why don’t you give him a chance?- he asks, without really thinking what he is saying.

-H-hyung, I told you, I-I don’t love him like that.- Youngjae mumbles weakly, his low voice ringing so hurt.

-But if you try you can love him in that way, right? Then everything will be fine.- Jaebum comments somewhat harsh, hearing his dongsaeng sobbing heavily.

-No, t-that can’t be possible. Hyung… I-I’m in love with s-someone else.- the brunette boy whispers, his ashamed tone of voice mixing with the silent breeze of the night.

 And Jaebum could feel his heart shake upset.

-Oh…- was all he could murmur as those last words keep rumbling noisily inside his mind. –Well, then you should explain it to your friend. I’m sure he will understand.- he tells, hearing his voice sounding so lifeless.

-Ummm… Yugyeom already knows.- Youngjae comments, his sobbing slowly turning off. –H-He also knows… we know… that person will never feel the same.- he adds in a sad whisper, and Jaebum could hear his voice shaking.

But upon hearing those words something pinches hard in his mind,  just like his heart jumped excited against his chest.

-How do you know that person won’t ever feel the same, Youngjae?- Jaebum wonders curios yet faking confusion.

-I-I just know it, hyung…- Youngjae softly answers, his voice sinking with sorrow under his heavy breathe.

-But how? Did you confess like your friend did?-  Jaebum kindly insists, hearing the young boy breathing slightly faster.

-N-no! I could n-never do that!- Youngjae rush to denied, sounding so cutely embarrass.

So Jaebum lets himself smirk. -Then how do you know, Youngjae?- he asks again, his soft and gentle voice contrasting with the mischievous grin in his face.

He doesn’t know why, but he is starting to have a good feeling about this now.

-Ummm… b-because… that person is… that person and I… Ummm…- Youngjae mumbles without really knowing what to say, sounding so cute that Jaebum bites his tongue to no chuckle. –Hyung, I don’t know how to explain it… I-I just know it.- he says, so frustrated and heartbroken.

-Okay…- Jaebum kindly murmurs. –Youngjae, do you want to know what I think?- he asks as his brown eyes turn to the window, seeing the same white moon his dongsaeng is watching.

Upon hearing Youngjae answering him with a simple but cute hum the smirk on his face grows a little bigger. –I think you should give your friend a chance.- he tells in his most convincing tone.

-What? B-but hyung, I can’t do that.- Youngjae insists then, so tenderly sad.

-Sure you can do it, you have to try. If you know that person you love won’t ever feel the same and you don’t even try to confess, then maybe you don’t love that person as you think. So giving a chance to your friend seems the best option.- Jaebum nicely explains, hearing his heart beating hard.

-No, hyung, it’s not like that. I-I truly love that person… but I can’t confess… it’s so hard.- Youngjae says, the honestly of his heart ringing loud in each of his words.

And so Jaebum smiles, sweet and soft as his eyes can’t turn away of the shining moon.

–I know it’s hard, Youngjae; but you should take Yugyeom’s example. He knew your feelings and even so he run the risk and confessed to you… isn’t it something admirable? I wish I could be as confident as him and do the same.- Jaebum tells calmly, feeling his heart shaking a little uneasy as his last words sound pretty much revealing.

-“And do the same”? H-hyung… what do you mean?- Youngjae wonders curios, his cute tremble voice ringing so shyly  hopeful.

To the sound of the fresh wind blowing gently fast the end of Jaebum’s sweet smile curves up in a sly smirk in the middle of the nice spring night; imagining those chubby cheeks blooming with the most adorable carmine color as he whispers his answer with a hint of secret emotions being confessed in other playful words.

-Exactly that, Youngjae.-

Jaebum loves Youngjae more than I do in this story (?) :P

I think this was kinda cheesy? Idk I wanted to let you guys know how Jaebum feels and why he kinda pushed Youngjae away before. Luckily you will enjoy this ^^

Yet again I want to thank you guys for reading, subscribing and commenting~ Even if I don't answer your comments I love to know what you think of this~