Upon the white paper of notebook perfectly curvy lines, endless straights and unknown numbers are engraved in a deep black ink; drawing graphics which are more than familiar for a certain chubby cheek boy. In front of his sparkling dark eyes convoluted formulas and twisted signs mix with gentle words of knowledge sliding through his ears and reaching that part of the brain which it’s in charge of reasoning and isn’t infected yet by the toxic environment around him. Unlike the part controlling his emotions, which actually is starting to be a big problem.

 Youngjae doesn’t know how much time had passed since he and Jaebum sat down on the table to study, because all what he can remember is the exact moment the older man stand up and took the place right beside him to explain in a more comfortable position. In the instant Jaebum’s soft skin brushed his time stopped and the brunette boy couldn’t concentrated in other thing which wasn’t Jaebum’s breathing so close to his ear, in Jaebum’s sweet perfume invading his senses, in Jaebum’s nice voice echoing ily on his ears, in Jaebum’s warm touch making every part of his body anxious.

He is so lost in that wonderland named ‘Jaebum’

-Youngjae, did you get it?- to the sound of his hyung voice calling his name the brunette boy’s dreamy eyes slowly looked up, finding those brown ones waiting an answer.

-Ah! Y-yes I get it!- he exclaims nervously, probably a little bit too loud; watching how Jaebum smiles nicely at him.

-Then I’m glad…- his hyung says simply, ruffling his dark locks in a way which it didn’t feel as simple as his hyung’s voice.

But that must be the part of his brain which isn’t controlling his emotions too well.

-I think we should take a little break, it’s gonna be two hours since we are sitting here.- Jaebum comments casually, moving his hand away from those soft locks.

Youngjae’s brown eyes were just about to turn to his left wrist and see if they really had been there for so long when the image of Jaebum stretching his sore muscles automatically made everything else useless. He saw those triceps tense and relax seductively as his hyung throw his arms in the air, just like his hungry eyes didn’t miss the chance to take a little look of his hyung’s abs when that blue shirt lift slightly higher.

Uh, suddenly it is so hot.

-Do you want something to drink, Youngjae?- Jaebum asks gentle as usual, and the young boy couldn’t help to blush when his eyes looked up and meet those brown ones in the distant.

 -L-lemonade please, if you have…- he says embarrass, hurrying to place his gaze back to the notebook and stop thinking about certain things.

Because blood will start rushing to his lower part and he doesn’t know how will he explain it if Jaebum finds out.

-Of course I have lemonade. Junsu loves it.- he hears his hyung comment, sounding so sweet and nice that he almost felt guilty for having such things in his mind.

Almost, because he doesn’t see anything wrong about that.

-I-I know, Suk Hyun also loves it. When Junsu comes home the three of us always made some.- Youngjae tells softly, trying to calm down as he looks all those numbers and formulas on his notebook.

But any attempt to relax and loose some tension –any kind of tension- it’s frustrated by the only action of Jaebum sitting back beside him and kindly placing a glass full of lemonade upon the table. He shivers just by the mare sensation of having him close; just by the way his intoxicate manly perfume mix with the scent of acid lemon and sugar, just by the feeling of those eyes waiting for him to look up.

He is more than lost… he doesn’t even have hopes to someday stop feeling like that.

-I’m glad that I can help you, Youngjae.- Jaebum’s gentle voice hits him like warm water raining over him, that stupid blush on his cheek turning carmine.

-Ah, n-no… I’m glad that hyung can help me.- Youngjae mumbles ashamed, hating the way his voice sound so damn nervous. –H-hyung is really busy and still you worry to help me out…- he comments, lifting his shy gaze to meet with that nice brown one.

And in the moment he sees that smile Jaebum is giving him, his heart is flood with a burning warmness.

-I would be a bad hyung if I don’t worry for my favorite dongsaeng, wouldn’t I?- Jaebum says, so soft and honest that Youngjae feels his heart melting.

-H-hyung, don’t say embarrassing things!- Youngjae exclaims sincerely embarrass, knowing that his face must be as red as the center of the sun.

But he hears how his hyung laughs, sweet and harmoniously. –I’m sorry, but you are so cute when you are embarrass.- and he hears those words, making him feel stupidly happy.

-H-hyung!- the brunette boy whines, watching how the older man just smiles at him. -C-can we change the subject please?- he ask as he fake a sulking pout, gabbing the glass full with lemonade and taking a sip of the sweet drink.

-Sure we can, what do you want to talk about Youngjae?- Jaebum ask kindly, looking back at him straight into his nervous brown eyes.

He chokes a little with the lemonade at that question but mostly because of the way Jaebum is looking at him. –W-well… I-I don’t know…- he stutters uneasy, having a lot of things flashing in his surprised mind.

-It can be anything, Youngjae.- his hyung says simply, yet still as nice as always.

Youngjae looks at him for a moment, wondering if he asks something personal maybe Jaebum would take it in a bad way. He really wants to get to know the older man better but wouldn’t be too invasive to ask how he feels about his girlfriend who is never around?

Not that he wants to talk about that woman, but the curiosity to know what Jaebum feels for her pinch every corner of his mind and heart on a daily basis.

-Umm… w-when did you found out you like drawing so much?- but that was the question which slid from his lips before anything else more interesting would come to his mind.

-Well, if I’m not mistaken it was when I was in high school.- Jaebum says thoughtful. –I’ve always make random draws when I got bored in classes and my best friend, Mark, said I was amazingly good. Actually, he was the one who pushed me to go to drawing school.- he comments, getting a smile paint all over his face.

-Your best friend? Does he knows about drawing?- Youngjae wonders curios, taking another sip of the sweet lemonade on his hands.

-Nothing. But he is from America and he loves the street arts from there; he was always saying I should take a can and make graffiti around Seoul.- the older man tells with a nice chuckle at the end of his words, surely remembering those old times.

-Oh… H-he wouldn’t have thought you would end writing children books, hyung.- Youngjae comments trying to sound humorous, but he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous because of that person.

Great, now he is having pointless jealousy because of a best friend.

-He did laughed when I told him I got that job, but luckily he hadn’t seen them or trust me he will be all day laughing in my face.- Jaebum says with an amused sigh leaving his lips, making the brunette boy even more curios.

-What do you mean he hadn’t see them?- he asks confuse, wondering if that person was rude or just wasn’t a really good best friend.

But judging by the why Jaebum’s eyes suddenly impregnated with sorrow, Youngjae knows it’s because of something else.

-He lives in the States. He leave before our last year of high school started.- Jaebum mumbles somewhat sad and nostalgic, making the young boy feel a major rush to hug him.

And Youngjae would have done it if Jaebum hadn’t said those words after. -… and that’s when I met Suzy.-  

The warmness which was burning his cheeks and body was razed instantly by the cruel coldness those words bring with it. From his head to his feet every inch of his skin is freezing and of the heat which just a while ago was burning inside him there’s not even the memory of it.

And his heart has suddenly gone numb.

-I’m actually a reserve person; I kinda look cold and harsh too. I don’t open up to people easily neither, that’s why Mark was my only friend back on high school. So when he left I was all alone… until Suzy came.- Jaebum keeps talking, but Youngjae doesn’t think he will be able to hear anything of that.

He doesn’t think he will be able to stand how much he wants to cry right now.

-We were friends at first, but then I slowly started to feel something more. She supported me with my drawing as much as Mark, so I think there was when I thought I really want to do this for a living.- Jaebum finish his words with a soft smile, looking affectively  into the young boy’s eyes.

Can’t Jaebum see how is he breaking inside?

 He didn’t could keep looking into those sweet orbs –not when Jaebum is talking about the woman he loves- and so his sadden eyes turns away.

–Y-you must miss her a lot…- Youngjae says low, trying to fight against those rebel tears which wants to roll down his cold cheeks.

He doesn’t want to talk about that, he rather confess and be rejected than talk about her, but there’s not good way to get out of this now.

He has to suffer, slowly and in strict silent.

-Not really.-

But when Jaebum spoke again, when he said that in a loud and honest voice which shakes Youngjae’s numb heart, his dark eyes quickly search for those brown ones… meeting them in the small distant, shining strongly as Youngjae has never seen them.

-Y-you don’t…?- he mumbles with his tremble voice, thinking that maybe he misheard and his crazy love-sick mind was playing evil games with him again.

Jaebum only shakes his head slowly, and that’s all what it take to make his heart jump alive.

-She is the mother of my son but I have my eyes in someone else.- but it is Jaebum’s words and confident voice which make his heart race and fill with hope one more time.

Youngjae really thinks his ears are fooling him at the moment. –H-hyung…- is all what he could whispers, feeling how his cheeks had become warm again.

-Why are you blushing, Youngjae?- Jaebum murmurs barely audible, looking directly into his dark eyes.

He feels those soft fingertips ghosting over the hot skin of his face, and sees that handsome face getting dangerously closer at each second which pass.

-Why are you crying, Youngjae?- Jaebum asks low, just a soft caress to his ears, as the young boy feels the burning touch of that hand cupping his soaked cheek.

-H-hyung…- Youngjae whispers weakly, hearing just the loud beating of his heart while his eyes couldn’t turn away from those enchanting brown ones.

Jaebum didn’t say anything; he just got closer and closer, until the point Youngjae could feel their breathing clashing nicely. He could feel the older boy’s warm breath tickling his anxious lips, he could feel the older man pulling him closer until their noses brushed making him shiver in nervousness and impatience.

He wants it, he wants it now.

-Youngjae…-

He shivers at the at simple sound of his name said in such a sensual tone before their uppers lips brushed slightly, feeling electricity running down his spine just by such a small touch…

…Just like his whole being tremble alarmed when the sound of his cellphone broke with the silent of the house and with the dreamed moment they had.

Scared Youngjae pulls away quickly, jumping off the chair without saying a single thing or even looking at the older man before rushing back to the living room where he had left his backpack.

-H-hello?!- Youngjae picks up, greeting the other person a little bit too loud. -Ah! Yes, I’m on my way!- he immediately answers without thinking, ending the phone call as well as the person on the other side of the line.

A long, heavy sigh slides out his tremble lips at that, feeling chills after chills running in his body at the memory of what he almost did moments ago in that kitchen. Was he out of his mind? Or was he simply stupid?

“I’m in love, I don’t reason very well” he tells to himself as he brush away those tiny tears which were still on his eyes, wondering what the hell is he going to face his hyung now.

-Was it an important call, Youngjae?- but when he hears Jaebum asking behind his back, Youngjae’s body suddenly feels rigid as rock.

He slowly turns around, finding the older man standing there with his deep brown eyes looking directly at him. -H-hyung, I-I have to go…- he says surprised and ashamed, feeling his face heating up a little more.

The black hair man just raises his eyebrows. -Did something happened?- he asks then slightly worried, surprising the brunette boy even more.

Did he almost kiss Jaebum? Or was it just his insane imagination?

-Hyung… t-there’s something I didn’t tell you.- Youngjae says shyly, feeling his whole body burning in embarrassment not only because of what almost happened but also because of what he will tell to Jaebum.

That other secret he didn’t want to tell to Jaebum under any circumstance…

Damn you, Wang Jackson!

Hi guys! Sorry if this took a while, I just didn't feel like updating when I found out Youngjae and Jaebum were really sick in China ;____; I'm really happy they are alright now, they looked amazing today ^^ Mostly Youngjae, he is my baby and he was so sick and I was so worry. Ugh it was awful to know he was having a hard time >.< Luckily he is feeling better now~

How's the story so far btw? I hope you all are enjoying it!!