Like a lost diamond in the deepest of the blue sea the white moon is shining up in the sky breaking the pure darkness of the quiet night. The cool spring breeze is blowing fast; moving small grey clouds which gradually are covering the few little starts around the big Astro, preventing their beautiful twinkle be visible for every person who is out in the calm streets in this particular pleasant night. The vestiges of the morning rain are still around Seoul, but the air is filled with an unknown yet promising perfume which makes you feel that something good is just around the corner.

It is quite curios if you ask Youngjae.

His dreamy dark eyes couldn’t move away from the pretty moon in the night’s sky, just like he couldn’t help sigh after sigh to slide off his tremble lips. He is nervous, he is more than nervous –almost hyperventilating- because he is just a few blocks away from one of the most awaited moments of his short life. His hands are sweating, his heart is racing at every inch the car gets closer and his mind can’t stop thinking about stupid things which won’t happen, not tonight and sadly, never.        

Because Jaebum will just teach him math and not kiss him and touch him all over, right?

“Oh, I’m so lost…” Youngjae thinks afflicted, letting another long, heavy sigh pass through his anxious lips.

-Son, it is something wrong? You can’t stop sighing.-  his dad asks beside him on the car, sounding worry yet very tired.

-No, dad. Everything is fine!- he answers with his characteristic easy-going tone, trying to not let his dad suspected anything about what happens in his mental mind and heart.

-Then why do keep sighing? It seems something bothers you.- his dad comments, still overprotectively concerned for the brunette’s like.

Turning his eyes away from the round moon and placing them on the floor under his shoes Youngjae can feel a soft blush tickling on his cheeks at how obvious he is about what he feels. Can he get any more idiotic? Seriously.

-Well, I-I’m nervous… I don’t want to… trouble hyung.- he lies, as good as his freaking shaking voice let him.

He feels clearly how the car slowly stops, surely for some red light, and then his father’s words kindly reach his ears saying something which makes him blush even redder. – Your hyung is a gentle person, Youngjae. I’m sure he is more than glad to help his dongsaeng.-

 -Y-yes, dad. He is really gentle.- Youngjae mumbles softly, hiding the sweetness he feels to the memory of Jaebum’s kindness.

But then his dad says something else, something that pierces his jumping heart a little and makes it aches cruelly cold. –And I’m really glad you have an older friend from who you can learn a lot.-

The truth always hurts more when someone else tells it right in front of your hopeful face.

The car moves once again to Youngjae’s misfortune, and at the same time his chubby cheeks feel suddenly cold just like his heart feels empty and alone.

-Yeah, I’m glad for that too…- he murmurs in a faked content tone, feeling a strong rush of crying invading his whole pitiful self.

It’s not like he was denying the obvious, but sometimes dreams seem to be so real.

Like if it had happened just the day before, Youngjae remembers clearly how he felt two years ago when he met Jaebum: in the moment the wooden door flew opened and their eyes found each other something shake his heart violently. It was a feeling he had never felt before, so odd and new, just like the sensation of his face heating up because of the older man’s kindness and just like the way his lips couldn’t keep calm and always end up curving up in such a stupidly cute smile because of the older man’s sweet look in his brown eyes.

That was the father of his little brother’s best friend. A 24 years old man, 6 years older than him, his heart and body shouldn’t react like that for someone who not only he had just met but who also was a man of family... Why anything about that sounded terrible wrong to his heart which beat like if it hadn’t beat in years?

After two long years, innumerable feelings shaking his jumping heart and delusional dreams haunting his mind Youngjae is still trying to know why.

-Son, we are here.- his father says calm and soft, parking the car right in front of a house which is so familiar to him.

“Oh, crap!” Youngjae shouts loud in his mind, feeling that damn blush tickling hotter on his face and hearing the maddening beating of his heart racing in less than a millisecond. 

-T-thanks, dad!- is all what he could manage to speak as his eyes finally lift up to look at his father’s tired orbs. -I’ll catch a cab on my way back home, so you should go to sleep now!- he rushes to add before his old man ask the obvious, giving him a comforting smile he knows his dad won’t rejected.

-You are always so considerate, Youngjae.- his father comments, smiling tired yet still warmly as usual.

The brunette boy only nods and smiles wider, taking his backpack full of his math book and notebook he quickly gets out the car and waves to his father before the old man starts his way back at home.  Feeling chills running down his back Youngjae turns around, swallowing hard with nervousness as he slowly takes trembling steps until he finally reaches that front door. He had been so many times in that same place but never in these past two years had he felt so damn nervous like right now.

Taking a deep, long breath he finds some courage to lift his arm and finally ring the bell; hearing the familiar sound echoing inside of the big house and also hearing his own breathing becoming faster and heavy. His hands are sweating a river and his heart is beating so fast and loud that not only it hurts but also makes him dizzy and even more uneasy. Why is he so freaking nervous?!

Uh, that was something really dumb to ask.

-Oh! Youngjae you are here.- but before he could even prepare a little more for the massive heart attack Jaebum had already opened the door and it is now greeting him with that nice smile and beautiful, sweet orbs looking affectively at his nervous ones.

Youngjae feels how his whole face burns embarrass at that moment and he feels how it hurts the way his heart is beating so frenetically fast against his chest; that surely is the oh so waited heart attack.

-G-good night, hyung!- he exclaims, maybe a little bit too loud, as he bows deeply as he never did with Jaebum.

The brunette boy hears his older friend chuckling soft yet nicely, making him even more nervous. As if he wasn’t nervous enough already.

-It is something wrong, Youngjae?- Jaebum wonders, sounding somewhat amused and pretty much seductive in the younger boy’s ears.

-Ah! No, not at all!- Youngjae rushes to deny, lifting his ashamed and uneasy gaze to look up again into those warm brown eyes which always are so sweet to look at him.

-Are you sure?- Jaebum frowns slightly doubtful. -Don’t you have a fever?- he asks concern, raising his arm and kindly placing his hand on the younger boy’s forehead.

Automatically Youngjae feels a rush of electricity running through his whole body again, just like the day before in the ice-cream parlor, only by the mare brush of their skins. The sensation is soft, but strong enough to push him to do what he can only dare to do in dreams.

It needs all his willpower to hold himself back and keep being a good dongsaeng like everybody thinks he is.

-Hyung, I’m fine!- Youngjae says in his most faked carefree tone, feeling another shiver spreading under his sink when he nicely push that big, warm hand away from his forehead.

-Well, if you say so…- Jaebum comments somewhat doubtful, yet still quite amused. –Please, come inside.- he invites, moving aside and letting his dongsaeng enter the place.

Youngjae only nodded quickly and took that short step between the cool night and the warmness of his hyung’s home. He hears the soft ‘click’ of the door being closed, and then he just follows the older man to the kitchen; secretly enjoying the delicious scent of Jaebum filling every single corner of that house. Everything inside there smells like Jaebum, and that’s one of the reasons why Youngjae can’t wait to bring Suk Hyun to play with Junsu when the sun was falling down.

-I hope you don’t mind to study in the kitchen, my office it’s pretty messy right now.- Jaebum tells as they arrived to the small but comfy room, sounding surprisingly ashamed on the young boy’s opinion.

-O-of course not!- Youngjae exclaims with all honesty, watching the last seconds of that rare event as his hyung’s handsome features change to a gentle smile.

-Okay, let’s start then?- Jaebum asks slightly cheerful, placing his hands on the wooden surface of the table; showing of his toned muscles and letting that smile curve up a little more in a grin which looks pretty much seductive in the brunette boy’s opinion.

To the feeling of his mouth going dry in a second Youngjae swallows and nods, taking the seat in front of the older man as his darken eyes didn’t miss any movement of Jaebum’s body. He already can feel every inch of his skin burning and something more than sweet love emerging from the deep of his suddenly hot anatomy.

Oh, damn. He knows it will be so hard to keep on holding back from tonight on.