High up in the vast dark sky the distant moon was shining brightly, giving to every hard working citizen a calm night for that so waited  and deserved sleep. Thought silent streets and fluffy treetops the cool spring breeze of the night spread quietly; sneaking impishly along the open window of one particular living room around the big city of Seoul. Impregnating with its calm perfumes every little corner of that house the nice breeze slides in between perfectly made furniture. Reaching out in its curios journey the mute kitchen the calm wind blows softly fast, ruffling brown and black locks almost secretly.

Hearing the murmur of paper being engraved with dark ink in shapes of perfectly made curves and strict straight lines, a soundless sighs pass thought plump, pink lips. While orbs dark as the night watch with serious precision the path the pencil draws upon the white of the notebook, an uneasy heart beats faster; sending shocks of slight pain to every part of the chest above and making its owner more nervous of what he already was.

Having that big gap between their chairs separating them, Youngjae feels like breaking in tears at any minute.

His skin wasn’t burning because of Jaebum’s kind touch, he can’t even smell that addicting manly fragrance invading his brain and messing up his senses, he hasn’t seen those brown eyes in what seems years and he hasn’t heard much words coming from that distant mouth he almost kissed twice. It’s not that he was expecting to talk about what it didn’t happened long nights ago, but the brunette boy never thought things will be like this.

So cold.

He believed blindly that things will come back to be as before that night, pretending that nothing almost happened and pushing to the darkness of his mind the strong sensation of their lips ghosting over each other which keeps repeating every night in his most sweet dreams. He had thought their relationship would be as usual, Jaebum would be the nice hyung he had always been and he would act like the good dongsaeng he had always faked to be; and that’s exactly what happened when Monday’s afternoon came and they stood in front each other... but there’s something odd.

Something newly odd, disturbingly odd.

It was that invisible barrier Jaebum had put between them. It was thick, tall and cold; Youngjae could see it so clearly that he had to restraint himself to not cry and he had to bite his tongue hard to not speak a single word. His dull eyes had look down all the time along this past week, dreading that if he only meet with those brown seas he would cry the true out of his weak heart. That’s what hurts Youngjae the most, being banished of those eyes which little by little were telling him what was inside Jaebum’s heart. He would bear with the pain of not hearing his voice or not feeling him close, but if Youngjae can’t look into those eyes which were the gate to Jaebum’s soul… he feels as if Jaebum wasn’t even there.

It feels so lonely.

-Youngjae…- cold chills runs along his skin when that soft but dull voice calls him name, breaking the suffocating muteness around them.

-Y-yes, hyung?- the brunette boy couldn’t help but stutter a little, hearing his words sounding so obviously nervous.

-Did you get it?- Jaebum asks nicely, yet still his voice holds a hint of distance and coldness.

Feeling how his heart sinks a little more under the heavy height of pain that tone cause on him Youngjae swallows hard, answering to the older man with nothing more than a short nod as his brown eyes reminds down on the white paper tattooed with intricate graphics. He still doesn’t know how his brain can understand everything Jaebum teaches when his heart is slowly tearing apart.

-Good.- he hears how the dark hair man sighs deeply. -When do you have the exam?- his hyung asks then, that voice still ringing so coldly gentle.

-Next tuesday.- it’s all what the brunette boy can mumble, as his hands closes in weak fists under the table to hold back those stupid tears rushing to the edge of his eyes.

-Okay, then you still have the whole weekend to study. I’m sure you will do it great, Youngjae.-  Jaebum comments calm, completely oblivious of how much his is shattering the young boy’s heart.

-Uh huh…- a low murmur was the only thing Youngjae’s trembling lips could form, as his dark eyes close tightly when a single tear rolled down his cheek.

That freezing distance between them it is too much, it hurts too deep.

-Youngjae…-

Like a treacherous stab a gentle hand lay above his back, shaking his skin with soft but strong waves of warm sensations spreading a log his small anatomy even when the thick fabric of his hoodie was in between. His brown orbs open wide in surprise at Jaebum’s kind touch he had been missing so much, he had been longing for impatiently. Feeling how his little broken heart beat anxious against his chest just by such small thing, his mouth opens and closes but any word pass thought his trembling lips thanks to that knot of emotions forming on his throat.

-U-Ummm…?- it is the only thing Youngjae manages to hum between all the nervousness he feels.

-I want to apologize.- Jaebum says soft but carefully, rubbing slowly his hand in the young boy’s back. –I’ve been kinda… troubled with myself and I had been too distant with you.- he explains worried yet still the brunette boy can hear that kindness so characteristic of the older man.

But then Jaebum said something else.s It were gentle words mumbled with true regret, with honest concern like if Jaebum knew how much he was hurting him inside all this time with that distant and cold behavior. They were so nice and warm words that Youngjae had to bite hard his bottom lip to not let any sob pass thought them, he had to grip tightly his fists and narrowed his teary eyes to not cry.

-I don’t want you to think I’m mad at you, so I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you.-

-H-hyung…- Youngjae whispers as his lower his brunette head, trying to hide his crying face from the older man’s view as he couldn’t suppress those tears any more.

Like an endless waterfall tears after tears slid down his burning cheeks as all that tension in his chest slowly fades away when the cruel weight of pain disintegrates off his heart and let it beat calmly fast. Hearing his soft whimpers mixing with the loud rumbling of his heartbeats echoing in his ears Youngjae lowers his head more, until he can feel the cold wooden table under his heated forehead; prying mentally to some God to not let Jaebum hear his sobs.

But when warm and strong arms close around his fragile, shaking body; bringing him into a tight hug against that comfortable body and letting him enjoy in silent of Jaebum’s sweet warmth and intoxicated manly scent Youngjae thanks to Heaven for not listening his previous prayer. He had been longing so much for a moment like this, for just a wordless hug that let him feel Jaebum’s heart beat harmoniously in sync with his own, showing that Jaebum had missed him too.

Giving him hope that maybe and just maybe Jaebum feels the same for him.

Feeling how the older man pulls him closer in their nice hug as long, gentle fingers kindly travel along his dark locks; caressing his head in that tender yet intimate way that makes the young boy’s chubby cheeks to turn on redder in embarrassment Youngjae ashamedly pulls away; remaining his eyes down as trembling words slid out his lips in a soft mumble.

 -H-hyung… I don’t want to s-soak your shirt.-

 -It’s okay, Youngjae.- Jaebum softly says as he pulls him back into a warm hug yet again. –I’m really sorry, I won’t be like that again.- he whispers into the boy’s ear, so low and nostalgic.

Hearing the sweet echo of Jaebum’s words in his mind Youngjae squeeze the blue fabric under his hands, before slow and ashamed his fingers start to move along the older man’s side, nervously reaching his back as he pulls him closer.

-Mmm…- it’s all what Youngjae hums as he nods his head against Jaebum’s shoulder, sensing that his tears had stopped falling at some point of his hyung’s gentle act.

Because there is no barrier separating them, there is no reason to cry.

–Hyung…- Youngjae murmurs softly. –If you have troubles, I can help you.- he whispers embarrass, feeling how his whole face burns in surely a bright red color.

The warm breath of Jaebum sighing caresses his ear calmly, as the brunette boy can feel his hyung’s cheek sinking under the nice curve a small smile.

–Thank you Youngjae, but I think I’m close to solve it.- Jaebum comments softly, making the young boy shiver anxious for some unknown reason.

-Ummm…- Youngjae sighs quietly as he gently breaks the warm embrace. -Hyung don’t want to tell me?- he wonders somewhat hurt as his brown eyes finally meet with those kind ones.

And they shine as brightly as Youngjae remembers.

That small smile on the older man’s lips becomes slightly sorry. –Not now. But eventually, I will tell you, Youngjae.- Jaebum answers honest yet still gentle, making the young boy’s cheeks to blush more if it’s possible.

-O-Okay… But hyung, you can count on me. I will do my best to help you.- the brunette boy says determinately sincere, but still a nervous ring is hiding in his soft voice.

Seeing that warm and tender smile painting all over the older man’s handsome face which makes his heart skip a strong and excited beat Youngjae ashamed eyes turn away, accidentally running into the kitchen’s clock which hands were ticking 10PM. Astonished his eyes open wide as his little love-sick mind remembers that tonight he has to work and he was pretty much late.

-Hyung, I have to get going!- Youngjae exclaims out loud in surprised, as he quickly stands up and wildly puts his things back to his backpack.

-Where?- Jaebum asks slightly amused by how fast and nervous his dongsaeng is moving.

-To the bar, I’m so late!- Youngjae exclaims once again as he finally zips up the backpack and with rush steps walks back to the front door; hearing the older man’s fallowing him.

-Youngjae, I can drive you there.- Jaebum offers nicely behind him as his quickly opens the door and the cool spring breeze caress his hot chubby face.

Feeling shiver after shiver running down his spine Youngjae turns around, looking shamefully into those gentle seas. –But hyung, you can’t leave Junsu alone.- he says somewhat sad, because it would be nice to spend a few more minutes with his hyung.

The black hair man just blinks as he remembers his young son sleeping peacefully up in his bedroom, so he simply nods. –Yes, you are right Youngjae…- he softly says, that warm smile upon his plump lips slowly fading away.

-Ah! But I can catch a taxi, so don’t worry hyung!- Youngjae comments selflessly, trying to not make his hyung concern as he surely is.

And the only thought of Jaebum worrying about him makes his heart jump in happiness.

But thought the sound of his noisy heartbeats the brunette boy can hear the older man speaking, saying words that makes his heart beats furiously faster and excited -Let’s do this: I will give you my number so you will call me when you get to the bar, okay?-

Youngjae could barely nod at that simple question when his eyes saw that big right hand gracefully writing numbers upon a small piece of white paper; just like his clumsy little hands barely could take it when Jaebum handed it to him, feeling their skin brushing almost without touching and spreading along his anxious anatomy those warm shocks of electricity.

-I know you will be busy but promise you will, at least, text me.- Jaebum asks sounding so serious yet particularly sweet, winning a strong beat from his dongsaeng’s heart.

Seeing how determinate those brown orbs are looking at him the young boy shyly turns his gaze away, feeling the rush to hug the older man again and feel his heartbeats. –Hyung, you worry too much.- he comments embarrassed, wishing to not sound so stupidly obvious.

But he hears how Jaebum just chuckling, soft and nicely; and then he feels that warm hand running kindly thought his dark locks one more time… sayings words which feel like the sweet hit of an arrow right into this content heart.

 –You are my favorite dongsaeng, Youngjae. I will always worry.-

To the anxious beating of his happy heart the brunette boy could just nod in response to the older man, sealing his goodbye with a soft and ashamed ‘good night’ passing thought his pink lips. Feeling the cool night breeze blowing calmly faster he slowly turns around, hearing Jaebum’s voice wishing him the same but his dysfunctional brain paid more attention to the gentle tone of the older man’s voice than to  the mute sound of the door closing behind him or to the murmur of his own steps walking away thought the silent street.

Hearing the sweet echo of Jaebum’s last words rumbling in his dizzy mind Youngjae stops, landing his eyes to the hard ground below his feet… feeling somewhat scared of how his heart beats faster than he had ever felt along these two years.

It was starting to hurt really bad. So just how long can he keep the truth lock inside?

My poor baby Youngjae ;________; Luckily they made up~ You will understand Jaebum's actions in next chapter so please don't ask about it just yet ~

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