Life has never been this complicated, and life won’t ever be because he is sure there isn’t and had never been something more impossible than this. Nearly two weeks had passed since that night, but for him it has been centuries. Not only because Jaebum didn’t let him stay for too long in the house, but also because he has been studying for all the piles of exams he had; plus the endless projects and group jobs all teachers had assigned him. School wasn’t really the major problem for the brunette boy, he evens dares to say studying was like a powerful distraction which makes the unbearable just a little bit easy to handle… The really troublesome thing was holding himself back when all what he wanted to do was throw his lover to the nearest wall and do what his skin was desperately needing.  He was just half way, yet still it feels like he is thousand miles away to get what he yearns for.

And Youngjae is not so sure if he can keep restraining himself.

-Youngjae~- he hears that mellow voice almost singing his name, as the small hand he is holding softly tugs his big one.

-What?- he wonders curios, looking down at his baby bother as they walk through the silent street.

-Why are you so angry, hyung?- Suk Hyun asks innocently, giving him that cute concern gaze.

-I’m not angry…- Youngjae sighs, placing his dark eyes back in front of him as the lovely colors of the sunset reflects themselves on his orbs.

-Then why are you frowning? Am I gripping your hand too tight?- the little boy wonders once again, being so naively adorable.

Biting back a chuckle the brunette boy softens his expression, intertwining his long fingers with those short, little ones. –Of course not, dummy. I’m just tired.- he says gently, giving to his baby bother a calm smile. 

-Because of school?- his baby brother wonders, pouting a little as he sure is tired of that.

-Yes, in part.- Youngjae sighs heavy, feeling his heart racing as he sees his hyung’s house just a few steps away.

-Me too… but tomorrow we will go to camping with all my classmates, so cheer up, hyung!- Suk Hyun exclaims excited, his pure dark orbs shining joyful as he gives him one of those adorable wide smiles.

And so Youngjae smiles wider as well. –I am excited, it’s just I’m still tired…- he comments, ruffling those dark locks before finally they arrive to their destination.

Taking a really deep breath Youngjae softly rings the bell, sensing how the nervousness spreads slowly under his skin as the murmur of steps moving inside the house makes his heartbeats go faster. He really hates this part of the ‘vicious circle’ now because he can’t even hug Jaebum without wanting more. He tries to not look into those sweet brown seas, he tries to not kiss those damn lips fearing his willpower will disappear in a fraction of a millisecond… he can’t even stand hearing Jaebum’s voice because his screwed up mind immediately remembers the way Jaebum moaned and groaned under him that other night. He tries with all his being to be a good boy and wait, but he was slowly losing the battle against himself.

And well, he would love to lose It soon.

-Youngjae…-

He froze in his place as that voice calls out his name in such a freaking soft tone, hearing the murmur of the two little boys running up the stairs echoing between the loud rumblings of his heart.

-H-hello, hyung…- the brunette boy mumbles, bowing shortly as his dark eyes stuck on the floor under his feet.

-Won’t you come inside?- Jaebum asks slightly curios, yet still that sweet tone rings so loudly in his kind voice.

-I-I can’t. I have to go to Bambam’s house to finish a group project for tomorrow.- Youngjae explains, feeling slowly how the pain runs to his neck.

-Oh...so you won’t go to camping tomorrow with Suk Hyun?- the older male wonders, sounding a little bit surprised and sad.

-No, I-I will go… that’s why I have to finish that project today, so Yugyeom and Bambam can present it without me.- the boy clarifies, playing nervously with the hem of his green shirt.

-Oh, I see. But tomorrow we will share a tent, right?- Jaebum asks again, his soft voice coming back to its usual nice tone.

-O-of course, hyung!- Youngjae answers trying to sound joyful, but even himself can hear loud and clear now uneasy he feels. –A-anyways, I have to get going now.- he mumbles, starting to say goodbye to finally get the hell out of there and stop for a while all those burning emotions inside of him.

But when Jaebum takes his chin making him look up into those clear orbs, his body melts under that heartbroken gaze.

 -Please, stop doing this Youngjae.- Jaebum pleads in a desperate murmur, as his thumb kindly caressing the skin of his chin.

Feeling his heart sinking in pain Youngjae bites his bottom lip. –It’s so difficult, hyung…- he whispers, losing himself into those sweet brown seas.

-I know. Trust me, I know. But there’s only two weeks left, Youngjae.- Jaebum tells nicely, making it sound like if it was easier to wait.

-But hyung!- Youngjae whines, and pouts, and frowns; feeling that warm hand cupping on of his cheeks.

-Hey, don’t pout like that…- Jaebum murmurs, leaning quickly and stealing a short peck of his lips. -… If you look that cute I won’t ever have the heart to take you to bed.- he slightly jokes, as an amused smile curve up in his plump lips.

Upon seeing that playful smile in his lover’s seductive mouth Youngjae feels his face heating up in a bright crimson color, as his happy heart flutter madly in love. Taking a deep breath once again he kindly pulls that big hand away from his blush face.

-That wasn’t fair.- he whines one more time, hearing his hyung chuckling nicely. –I will be going now… or I will forget about those two weeks.- he sulks, pouting still as he stares into those warm orbs.

Jaebum on his side just smiles sweetly at him. -Okay, I will see you tomorrow then.- he says, calmly leaning closer to giving him one last kiss on his burning cheek.

Before the brunette boy could react to that sudden act the white door in front of him had closed, and the damn enticing man was out his reach. Feeling the frustration taking over his soul Youngjae pouts more, turning around and walking away as the yellow sun was falling asleep behind the horizon and his heartbeats accelerates just but the memory of Jaebum’s lips kissing him; forcing a smile painting upon his face as he can’t wait for tomorrow to arrive.

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Up in the dark starry sky the white moon was shining gloriously, and it’s pure light filters through the red and blue fabric of one particular tent lying quietly in the forest just like the others not so far away. Sneakily those soft rays of light illuminate the sleeping features of a grown up man; ghosting over his closed brown eyes and tickling his perfect skin. Sliding down and down the moonlight reach out his plump lips, which are slightly parted by the warm breath trailing off in the cool night. But those playful ray of light also bright up a pair of brown eyes which watch, without even blinking, the wonderful expectable in front of them. Delightfully they stroll in those peaceful yet handsome features, making a heart flutter by how perfect this man is.

And Youngjae has to clench his fists to hold himself back.

Letting a heavy sigh pass through his dry lips he closes his eyes for a while, open them again to watch his hyung still sleeping by his side completely oblivious of the hard time he is having right now. A pout form on his pink lips, hearing just Jaebum’s harmonious breathing mixing with the silence of the night; making him even more annoyed. How can Jaebum sleep just like that when they are all alone in the tent? Worst, how can Jaebum hold back all the time and make it look so easy? He was going crazy at each passing second… and his lover acts as if nothing happens. It might be that Jaebum has much more willpower than him, but there’s always a limit.

 -Stupid hyung…- Youngjae murmurs, tiny tears rushing to the edge of his eyes as slowly the stress takes over him.

Sobbing quietly he turns around, facing the tent’s wall; tugging the sleeping bag as much as it can to cover his pitiful expression. He really, really is doing his best to wait but he is just a boy, who had already waited two whole years, and it’s not easy to keep restraining himself when he knows the person he loves likes him too. He understands Jaebum, though. He understands perfectly how things are and how difficult it might be to his hyung but that doesn’t make his own situation any easier. He has been holding back for two whole weeks, for two whole years, and it  only gets worst as minute pass.

He feels so weak… he just can cry.

But as warm tears steam down his plump cheeks Youngjae can feel a big hand closing around his waist, kindly pulling him back into a comfortable hug which makes his heart jump surprised and excited.

-You should not curse your elders...- Jaebum whispers calmly against his ear. -…Less if he is your lover.- he adds, sounding somewhat hurt.

Sobbing loudly now the brunette boy brushes the tears off his blushed face. -A lover w-who doesn’t want to make love… should not called himself ‘lover’- he mumbles, as hurt as his hyung, still feeling the tears falling from his darkened eyes.

-Youngjae, you know it’s not like that.- Jaebum says serious, his soft voice ringing low in the spacious tent.

-I know! I ing know! And I hate it! I hate it so much! Why everything has to be so ing difficult?!- Youngjae whines, clenching his teeth in frustration as his crying was unstoppable. –I just… I just want to be with you.- he whispers, feeling a knot of strong emotions forming on his throat.

-I’m sorry…- Jaebum mumbles sadly, resting his face on the crook of the young boy’s neck as he tightens the warm hug. –It’s also very difficult to me, Youngjae. But I love you, and I don’t want to hurt you in any way. I want to do the right thing, so please bear with it a little longer.- he whispers, hearing Youngjae’s soft whimpers breaking his heart.

But the brunette boy slowly turns to face him. -W-what…?- he mumbles, his dark eyes shining hopeful as they look into those clear seas.

-Please bear with it a little longer. I promise I won’t make you go through something like this never again.- Jaebum swears, a hint of fear softly losing in the air.

-N-no. Before that… w-what did you say?- Youngjae asks, biting back a new sob as that plump mouth opens yet again.

Saying the words which make his heart grow happier.

-I love you…- Jaebum whispers warmly, as his hand lovingly cups that red cheek.

Feeling that kind thumb brushing away the tears which can’t help but slid down his eyes in joy Youngjae smiles. –I-I love you too, hyung.- he murmurs, barely hearing his embarrass tone of voice through the strong rumbling of his heartbeats.

-You do?- Jaebum wonders, with a sweet smile curving up in his plump lips as the boy nods. –Then stop crying, Youngjae.- he says softly, feeling those tears disappearing under his touch.

-O-only if hyung kisses me.- Youngjae mumbles, as his soft cheeks burn in a brighter carmine color.

Upon hearing those challenging words the older male smirks, leaning closer to that cute blushed face as he can feel how Youngjae’s breath itch anxious when he whispers to him some other words more challenging. –Hyung will kiss you… only if you promise to be a good boy and wait patiently.- 

He didn’t need to say more to feel those dreamlike lips against his longing mouth; making his body numb with warm sensations, as Youngjae’s weak voice murmuring simple words trail off in the air losing itself between the loud echo of their pounding hearts.

-I promise.-