"Don't regret the choices you made because at one point of time

you wanted it."-unknown

Regrets. Some of us have at least one regret in life that we have to live with. Others were lucky. They live their lives without regret. Accepting everything as fate. Hanbin is one of the unlucky ones. Quite a few things he regrets. The price of being a prefectionist. But the only thing he had regret the most was not being able to protect his sister enough. If he did, their family wouldn't be like what it is now. At least that's what he thought but the truth was that one way or another, it was going to happen one way or the other. Might have happened a bit later but it would have happened eventually. 

Shownu drove up to a familiar building that they had visited countless times before when they first started training. Of course this was also the first place they met. Back then, there weren't that much gyms in town and they eventually ended up at this abandon building for boxing training. Hanbin wasn't that interested in boxing so you would rarely see him train and would how Seungcheol likes to call it 'Woozi time' instead. Hanbin reminded Seungcheol alot of Jihoon , a.k.a Woozi who could always be found at the training studio writing up lyrics and composing songs. Of course Jihoon was a couple years older than Hanbin which made Seungcheol admire the younger more. 

Shownu was of course closer to Seungcheol because they would train together alot but he was close to Hanbin as well. He was good at being the older brother to the other two. But both Shownu and Seungcheol couldn't help but admire Hanbin alot. They atleast played the role as one of the older members in their group when Hanbin had four other older members including the temporary member Hongseok to lead and 4 other maknaes to take care of as well. Sure Seungcheol had to take care of 13 members but he had two other leaders in the team to help him and Shownu was one of the oldest in the group so they had to listen to him.... more or less. And he knew the burden of the younger because Jooheon, one of his teammates also had similar responsiblites as Hanbin. He was able to symphatize with the younger.

"B.I in the house!" Seungcheol shouted as they saw Hanbin coming out from the changing room. They apparently went through his closet and brought his sports attire before they left the dorm. Hanbin just smiled shyly and walked over to his two hyungs. 

"Damn it's been a while since I seen Boxer B.I come out." Shownu joked as Hanbin playfully punched Seungcheol's shoulder. "So let me get this straight. You guys kidnapped me just to box?" Shownu and Seungcheol smiled and shurgged. "One of the million reasons I guess."Hyunwoo said getting into the ring. 

"And what are the other million reasons exactly?" Seungcheol rolled his eyes and pulled Hanbin into the ring as well. 

"How about we talk later? I want to see you beat Shownu hyung's ." Hanbin wasnt that great of a boxer but he could put up a mean fight. Of course during the fight he couldn't help but let his mind wonder off... thinking about what he had done so far. The same things he had wondered when he ran away a few months back. 

Flashback~ 

Hanbin couldnt breathe. He saw jinhwan come into the practice room and his instincts was to run. He had to run. He rushed out of the practice room hearing a faint hi from jinhwan. Nothing was clear in his mind. He couldnt think. 

In a blink of an eye, he was outside of the building. Now what? 

"What would happen if I disappear?" His words rang through his head. The question that he asked donghyuk yesterday. 

The younger showed that he was worried about the leader but just awkwardly laugh. It wasnt weird to hear the leader asking that question. He had always asked that question but yesterday, the leader actually stressed the words like he actually meant it. 

He hailed a cab near by and thought about what he was going to do. 

"Where to young man?" The friendly taxi driver asked. Before Hanbin could process where he was going to go, he let out a soft  "Busan."

"Where exactly in Busan do you want to go?" 

"Can we drive first? I need to think about it." Hanbin stuttered. The driver must have sense something about Hanbin that he just followed Hanbin's directions. 

The whole ride Hanbin just stared out at the window. What was he thinking? How could he just drop everything like that and leave? He took out his phone and wore his earphones. Maybe songs can help, it always had served as comfort to him all this while. 

"Kid, where do you want to go?" The driver asked Hanbin before he had the chance to put on his earphones. Hanbin thought about it for awhile. What was he going to do at Busan? He doesn't even know anyone there. 

"Can we go to Mangwon dok?" Hanbin said seeing familliar sights out the window. He wasn't far from the place. He didn't realise how far he was already from Seoul, the driver just nodded his head not going to ask Hanbin any questions for the time being. 

Hanbin proceed to put on his earphones and tried to drown away the nasty thoughts that were forming in his head but no matter how far he went and how loud the volume was blasting, nothing could stop the voices in his head. After a few minutes, they arrived at the park an just as Hanbin was about to get off of the car, he could hear the taxi driver said to him. Worried voice was laced in his voice even though he was a complete stranger to B.I.

"Be careful kid." Hanbin gave the driver a smile and walked around the park for a while. Even the fresh air couldn't stop his worries. 

"You call him an rapper?*scoffs* Didn't you see him out there? He couldn't even get his lyrics right. I say he should stick to dancing since he is so good at it." 

"Did you see Bobby out there? He killed it. But B.I he litterally KILLED it. *Laughes*"

"How can he lead the group he can't even take care of himself. " 

"Oppa, I am scared" 

"Don't tell anyone."

"You won't make it."

All Hanbin could do was scream. He shouted loud hoping that the voices would magically disappear. What hurt the most to Hanbin was that the voices was what he actually heard people say. It wasn't his imagination. He listened to everyone critizing him. Some were in front of his face, some behind his back. He was tired. He doesn't know how much he had repeated those words. 'I am tired.' 

No one seems to have got what he meant. He was tired physically as well as mentally. Everything wasn't going well for him. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't help but fail. He felt bad for his teammates. He was dragging everyone down one by one. The questions what if's started to form in his head and he didn't have a choice but to let his mind wonder off in his head as he sat on the bench. Hoping that everything would go away.

End of flashback~

He thought he had left those thoughts behind already but the thoughts came wondering back into his head. It didn't go away, it just hid itself at the back of Hanbin's mind. 

"That's good let your anger out." Shownu said to Hanbin. He had already switched places with S.coups and Hanbin apparently had more energy than they thought. "Say your worries out loud and punch them away. Just like how we did back then. Come on!" S.coups said encouraging Hanbin, hoping for the same thing everyone including Hanbin was hoping for. Hope that everything would go away and go back to normal. 

"I am sorry!" Was the first thing that Hanbin shouted, surprising both of his hyungs but they maintained their stance. Not wanting to interupt the younger as the younger slowly opening up. "I am stuborn and Stupid." Hanbin shouted just focusing on hitting Seungcheol's punching target. 

"I hate that I am dragging the team down." 

"I hate that Bobby hyung got humiliated because of me." 

"I hate that I am weak."

"I hate that I am full of myself." 

"I wish I wasn't the leader!" Hanbin said landing his final punch before Seungcheol and Hyunwoo stopped what they were doing and stared at Hanbin confused. They never thought that Hanbin would mention such thing. He had always showed them it was a privillage to be leader and how you have to be responsible till the end. 

"What are you talking about B.I? What do you mean by you wish you weren't the leader?" Hyunwoo asked afraid to hear Hanbin's  answer. "I meant what I said." Hanbin said sitting down on the ring knowing that the hyungs might want him to explain.

"If you aren't the leader, who should be the leader instead? How is it that 'that' person can do a better job than you?" Seungcheol with a frown on his face. They finally realize that this was a big deal, when they were informed by the team B members that Hanbin might leave the group. At fiirst they thought team B members were just over reacting but now that they are finally facing the the maknae of a leader, the boys werent kiding. 

"I don't know. Someone that isn't me. Bobby hyung or maybe Jinhwan hyung. They have just as much experience about this as I do." Hanbin said grabbing a bottle of water near the boxing ring. Shownu and Seungcheol scoffed and stared at the younger in disbelief. "First of all, I have watched Mix and Match, there is a reason why your group always wins, Unlike Bobby, you don't overshine them. Unlike Jinhwan, you show more confidence and better teamwork. And the 9 member dance routine is always perfect because of you." Shownu pointed out. Seungcheol nodded his head and decided to join in. 

"And I thought you said you would stick till the end." Hanbin sighed and continued to chug all the water for a while. "I am. It's just that end is near for me." Hanbin said sadly. 

Hanbin excused himself saying that he needed to take break for a while before they head home. He headed over to his favourite spot in the whole building, which was an empty studio at the back. He would always practice there when he had the time but after they donghyuk and Junhoe joined in the group, he spent most of his time practicing at their practice room instead. 

Foot steps were heard a few minutes after Hanbin entered the room. Hanbin didn't know why but he decided to hide at the small room that was connected to the studio and peeked at the intruder. 

The last person he thought he would see at a deserted place like this was Chanwoo. And there he was, walking in the studio and taking a seat with another guy unfamilliar to Hanbin. The younger didn't notice the leaders presence and continued to stare at the person in front of him with calm smile on his face. The usual face that he would see in front of Chanwoo's face even though Hanbin was scolding him to no end. Hanbin didn't know why but he thought the better move for him right now was to hide somewhere. Somewhere not to far away just so that he could easedrop on the maknae's conversation. After he is responsible for the younger until he leaves Ikon. 

"I saw you at that survival program that you are on."The guy that Hanbin didn't know said slowly as he handed Chanwoo a bottle of water. "Yea, I guess that happened." Chanwoo grinned as he grabbed on to the bottle.

"Is that why you left?"Chanwoo left? Left what? A faint chuckle was heard by Chanwoo and the strangest look was cast upon the unknown guy. Hanbin couldn't describe it. Annoyed? Angry? Sad? Confused?

"Chanwoo, you don't need to pretend with me. Stop pretending that you are fine." Chanwoo's face changed for a second and then when back to his normal calmself. A look that Hanbin never saw before but it was only for a second and he managed to see another side of the Maknae. Maybe not everything is rainbows and sunshine for the younger. All he does for as long as the boy had stayed with them was that he was a bit quiet, busy body, happy all the time and a few flaws here and there. Nothing to major. 

"I don't know what you are talking about." Chanwoo said freign innocence. The latter just rolled his eyes and stared directly at Chanwoo. Angry. Guilt. 

"Chan. Why can't you be normal like everyone else?! Why can't you just say that you're angry at me? And that you blame me for what happened?"What ever the guy had said must have struck something in Chanwoo that the boy had to close his eyes and took a deep breathe. 

"What's in the past in the past. You need to move on, hyung. I thought we are here to help me with my dancing." Chanwoo said standing up. The other guy stood up as well and tried hard to read Chanwoo's face. "I can't move on. I don't know why you are letting me go this easily? Even Minho Hyung isn't mad at me anymore." Minho? 

"I talked to Minho hyung. We already established everything and talked it out. Of course he doesn't get mad at you anymore. He doesn't have the reason to get mad at you." 

"I have my pride. I don't need you to defend me. How is it that you had a talk with Minho hyung and refuse to have a talk with me?" 

"Can you let your pride go for a moment? It wasn't wrong for me to defend you. I am sorry if I offended you in any way. I was considering our 10 years relationship." The guy grunted walked away leaving Chanwoo alone in the studio. Chanwoo just sat back down on the bench and closed his eyes trying to relax his mind. The only thought in Hanbin's mind was to comfort the younger. Even though he wasn't good at it, he should at least try. Besides it was his responsiblity as a leader to take care of him members. 

"Who was that?" Hanbin asked as he got out of his hiding spot. Chanwoo looked startled for a moment not knowing what to say and how much Hanbin had heard. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble." Hanbin said calming the maknae down as he went over to sit down next to the younger. 

"That was just a hyung that used to live next to my house." Hanbin raised an eyebrow and recalled the conversation that he had with Chanwoo a few days ago. "Is he the special hyung that you were talking about?" Chanwoo thought about it for a while and nodded his head slowly. 

"Yea, the most special

hyung. Provided if Minho hyung is not in the list." Chanwoo said smiling showing his dimples. Hanbin smiled back and stared at the mirror infront of them for a while. 

"I didn't expect to see you here. In this part of town I mean. I rarely see people coming here." Chanwoo nodded his head saying that he agreed with what Hanbin said. The gym was technically a few minutes out of town. And it didn't help that the place looked like a rundown building. "I used to come here with that hyung. That was a few years before we got into acting together." Chanwoo explained. 

"What did he meant by you left?" The question that had been on Hanbin's mind was finally asked and he could have sworn that Chanwoo expression changed for the expression he had a few minutes ago when he was talking to that special hyung. "He meant why I left acting. Before I auditioned for YG, I got an acting job from china to be Minho hyung's youngerself. As always and also another project that could help me lend an acting job at Hollywood." 

Hanbin stared at the younger like he was crazy. No correction. The maknae was crazy. It was already hard for actors to land an acting job and Chanwoo gave it up so he could have the posibility of being a singer. 

"I didnt leave acting. I just decided to take a different career path. It's not that I've totally given up on it." Chanwoo explained as he played his hands.

"Okay, then explain to me why he said that you should be mad at him. Judging by what you said, you seem to have 'left' the acting career on your own." Hanbin said trying hard to piece the puzzle together.

"Before I 'left', Jong sik and I had a fight and that fight created rumors infront of the staff members. Of course, i wasnt popular enough for people to make it a big deal. But because of that particular rumor, my project was almost shut down. And almost destroyed my whole career." Chanwoo explained thinking that it was better Hanbin hearing it from him rather than anyone else. 

"And now Jongsik wants to ask for forgiveness?" Chanwoo shook his head and his face changed into a sad one. Hanbin wasn't used to it. "Forgiveness is not what he needs."

"I already forgave him a long time ago. He knows that already. Instead he doesnt want me to forgive him."

Hanbin looked at the younger. Just what was the rumor that it was that bad to ruin someones life. 

"Turns out its not just my life that is complicated." Hanbin said. Even though his situation was worst, he couldnt help but feel worried for the maknae. 

Okay so this happened. Crappy? Okay? Not okay? Is anyone actually reading this story? Okay i am insecure and a brat. I am so confused and emotional this past few months so my chapters are crappy. I hope that this chapter doesnt and much I thought it did. Anyways, just wanted to say Selamat Hari Raya to my muslim readers ! I really need to write more binhwan and chanbin moments. =_= 

And I am soooo excited. I cant wait for Ikon to come to Malaysia!  Okay bye. Comment and subscribe. Or whatever.. hahaha