April 23, 2337

Chanyeol and the Captain have banded together to let me know that I need to be controlled.  That's how I see it, at least.  Chanyeol's parents came by to the apartment which only happens when I'm moody.  When I'm moody it's harder for me to control my Element and as a result our residence gets cold.  I don't feel it since I have the affinity for Frost but to someone like Chanyeol, who's Element is Flame, the effects would be much more noticeable.  I don't mind having the Parks around at all.  They've raised me for the second half of my short life and I feel comfortable enough around them to be able to rely on them as guardians.

What I mind is the reason why I'm moody.  I'm still aiming to be on the Commander's guard detail and my supposed anger issues seem to be the reason I'm not getting my promotion.  I was set up to have that position ever since my training days but every time I bring it up there's always an excuse as to why I can't join the guard.  First my age and inexperience was a problem and then it was the issue of my legacy but now it's about something I don't even have.

I don't have anger issues.  It's just that my temper quickly flares up but I'm able to calm myself down fairly especially if there's an urgent need to stay calm.  It's absolutely frustrating that they continue to have me write these entries and turn them in as if I'm being put under serious evaluation.

Unless that's what this is.

Maybe writing these journals are the screening process of the job to make sure that I'm of sound mind before being put on the Commander's guard.  If so, then it's a test I need to pass.

I will do what I need to do to so I can go where I belong.

April 27, 2337

Captain Byun read my last entry (against protocol seeing as these journals are being kept in my medical folders) and told me I am too suspicious and paranoid.  He assured me the journal entries are not a test and that I need to stop being so preoccupied with getting a promotion.  I shall recount the entire exchange to show how much of a nuisance Captain Byun is in my life.

"Hyunae, my friend," Captain Byun said.  "I think you're aiming too high for someone of your rank.  You only just got out of the academy and now you to want to be an agent.  There are more qualified people for the job at the moment so just wait your turn.  Someday you'll get the promotion but it won't be anytime soon."

I scowled at him.  "The Commander himself had sent his General while I was in the academy to assure me I'd be going straight to the agent level."

Captain Byun rubbed his face.  I resisted the urge to punch it, knowing I would have to face a huge amount of punishment if I did.  I wasn't in the mood to run laps or wash dishes at the end of the day.  

"Then why are you here, Hyunae?" he questioned me.  "If you were promised that position, why are you here right now as my lieutenant?"

That was when I hesitated.  It was a question that I couldn't answer because I didn't know either.  I could remember the day in my mind when I was offered the position, how I'd spoken to the Commander on the phone to confirm that it wasn't some trick and that my skills were actually wanted and valued to our leader.  I had been ecstatic with the news and I celebrated with Chanyeol and his parents for a whole week.  

Shortly afterwards the time came to graduate from the academy and assignments were given.  I had been beaming with pride with the knowledge that I would be by the Commander's side until my name was called as a corporal under Captain Byun's unit.  No amount of questioning got me answers and every time I spoke to a higher up I was told to serve in my unit and mind my own business.  I could sense that nobody knew why it had turned out the way it did either and so I followed the advice given to me by the Parks.

I did what I was told like a good soldier does but no amount of settling with my fate lessened the anger I felt at being lied to and then ignored.  I tried to justify it by thinking the Commander didn't need me anymore and didn't feel the need to explain.  Another possibility was that I had been played with and offering me a job was a part of some scheme that the Commander was involved with.  Either way, I wanted to know why I had been cast aside the way I was.  After they got my hopes up, I deserved to know the reason.

I probably shouldn't complain so much anyway.  When it comes down to it, Captain Byun is right in a way.  It's just a job and people have died for me to have the rank of a lieutenant.  I should be grateful that I'm still alive and still fighting.  Also, I would never say it out loud but apart from my personal issues