May 3, 2337

I almost died yesterday.

A bomb went off near the the main road that leads to the Headquarters where the Commander lodges.  Some are saying that it was the work of the rebellion and that Agent MIN had planned it to warn us.  I disagree.

Our unit had been assigned to drop off supplies at the post just outside the gates of Headquarters.  These drop offs are usually kept silent and are only announced a few hours before they are scheduled to happen to keep visiting vehicles patterns unpredictable.  The other side could be watching at any time, a fact that I had to find out through a bit of violence.  We stopped to talk to the sentries when they came out from their hiding spots and ambushed us.  

We fought back but we were outnumbered.  One of them, a girl my age with a thin scar running down the length of her face was able to disarm me and yet I ended up pinning her down only to realize that none of my comrades had been able to overpower their adversaries.  We were forced to surrender our cargo and that was when I noticed it.

My eyes were on Captain Byun the whole time and I could have sworn he looked more relaxed than worried as if he were absolutely sure that we would get out alive.  No one else seemed to have noticed the imperceptible nod he'd given the girl with the scar which was then followed by the explosion.

The explosion was quite a thing to experience.  There was a loud boom at first and then chaos.  The ground shook like an earthquake that had struck out of nowhere and I could feel the vibration of energy go down my spine.  There was shrapnel everywhere and the smoke clouded the air until it was too thick to breathe in.  I had done my best to crawl to over to Chanyeol, feeling a ringing in my air and the onset of a headache, to make sure that he was alright.  Once I had checked on him, I turned back to Captain Byun for a new set of orders only to see him looking up at the sky in wonder instead of checking on his team.

What had he been looking at?  I didn't know but I suddenly felt cold when the mere thought of Captain Byun arose a suspicion within me.  It shouldn't be like that.  I shouldn't distrust him.  He's my friend.

But I'm also beginning to think he might be a traitor.  Am I being paranoid or is this really something that I should just ignore?

May 4, 2337

I feel like I can't eat right or sleep properly.  I've taken to avoiding the Captain because I don't know what will spill out of my mouth if I ever have to speak to him.  As his lieutenant, I know I can't avoid him forever.  It's going to take a lot of self control to not interrogate him at first sight.  I haven't told anyone about it so I don't know what to do.

Actually that's a lie.  I have told someone.  Our neighbor to be exact.

I don't know why but our neighbor has become someone I can confide, a person that I could tell all of my deepest secrets to knowing they will never touch anyone else's ears.  He's someone that doesn't have anyone else to tell nor will he ever come out of his home to discuss things face to face.  For now that's okay with me because I seem to quite like being able to rant and rave over my troubles without being judged for it.

In the military, if I speak one word that might express disappointment I'm written off with anger issues and I get stuck writing diaries like this one.  At home, if I suspect that our neighbor might be a part of a rebellion, Chanyeol will say I'm being a paranoid freak again.  There's no middle ground with some people and that greatly disappoints me.

On the issue of Captain Byun, I have decided to ignore what I saw the other day.  It's not as if being relaxed in the face of death means rebellion.  The scary part is that if there is ever conclusive evidence that he's a traitor I don't think I'd be able to turn him in.  For all my annoyance with him, the Captain is one of my closest friends apart from Chanyeol.  I care to much about him to see him die even if he's the enemy.

What does that say about me?  Does that mean I'm no better than the enemy if I'd commit treason to protect the ones I care about?

May 5, 2337

All this suspicion made me rethink some things, especially about my parents.  They were agents, very high up in the ranks and they were close to the Command