June 29, 2337

If I could then I'd avoid this altogether but Baekhyun needs closure and I really don't know how to give it to him.  This morning I woke up extra early and visited the Park household to try to get a word in with Chanyeol's mother.  The only girl I was close enough to talk about was Soojung and on top of not knowing how to contact her, we weren't even that close.  I had my commlink off that morning knowning that Minseok was going to chew me out for it when I turned it back on but I couldn't allow him to hear the conversation because that would have been too embarrassing.

Mrs. Park let me in confused as to why I would be there.  At first she thought that something had happened to Chanyeol and I had to assure her that he was very much alive and healthy.  We sat down to talk and I let everything out.  She was definitely surprised considered how a few months ago I'd told her I wasn't interested in anyone romantically.

"Baekhyun is your friend and Chanyeol's," she mused.  "If you reject Baekhyun, Yeol might have to take sides, huh?"

I scowled.  "It doesn't have to be like that.  If Baekhyun doesn't feel any resentment I'm sure we can all stay friends; but if it does come to that then Chanyeol would pick me, right?"

"Right."  Mrs. Park didn't sound too convincing but we both knew the truth.  Chanyeol would always pick me because that's just what family does.

"What do I do about this crush on Minseok?" I asked her.  It was the first time I was saying it out loud.  I had a crush on Kim Minseok.  Agent MIN.  My mentor.

"What do you want to do about it?" 

I shrugged.  "I don't know."

A multitude of thoughts ran through my head.  What was I supposed to do?  If I allowed it to continue then it would be inappropriate to maintain a working relationship with him.  Then there was the matter of the age difference.  Minseok was significantly older than I was and for that reason, even if I were to confess my feelings to him, he would most likely find it laughable.  He considered me a friend and he probably saw me as a little sister at the most.  There was no way he'd take me seriously.  If not for those reasons, then it would be a matter of skill.  Minseok was the best fighter in the country and I was just a really good rookie.  I didn't have the experience that he did even if I might be just as powerful as him.  In all aspects, I was not entirely worthy of someone like him.

Maybe I was mistaking affection as admiration.  I respected Minseok too much to slip up like this but in my heart I know that it wasn't true.  When he spoke to me, I felt more than just respect.  I felt the urge to see his face when we talked more so when the topic was more personal than strategy for the impending war.  I was always thinking about him these days so much so that I hadn't spared any thought for my desire to avenge my parents up until I came upon the information the other day.  I realized I'd been enduring all this time just for a chance to see Minseok again, whenever that may be.

"He told me we were friends the other day," I told Mrs. Park.  "What if I tell him how I feel and it messes everything up?  I'm not worthy as a partner in combat and I'm about seven years younger than him.  It's not a suitable match."

"No," she admitted.  "It's not ideal but remember this, Hyunae.  This is an era of change and you are fighting so hard for your friends.  You must have the courage to take what you want as well."

She had a point and I'm still considering it even now.  However, there is one thing I know I must do even if I never confess to Minseok.

***

Baekhyun just left in a state of violent emotion but not because I rejected him.

I slipped through the front door just as Chanyeol was waking up.  He raised an eyebrow at me and then went over to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.  I stood there for a while, unsure how to go about bringing the topic up, and then cleared my throat as he poured water through the filter.

"I want you to call Baekhyun over tonight,"  I asked of him.

Chanyeol froze, his finger twitched and in one swift motion he disconnected his commlink.  He turned around to face me, a tired look on his face.  Chanyeol walked over the dining table and sank down in one of the chairs, rubbing his face as if he were uncomfortable, which I supposed he was.  He sighed and shifted in his seat.

"Does it have to be today?" Chanyeol asked, quietly.

"Yes."

"It's him, isn't it?"

No clarification was needed.

"Yes."

"I'll kill him if he hurts you."

"He doesn't know.  He can't know."

"Are you sure you want this?" Chanyeol asked.  He always asked at least once just