May 7, 2337

The opportunity to gloat about the neighbor's note did not last very long.  Chanyeol and I spent the entire morning yesterday in a good mood only to recieve news that would make everything seem hopeless.  Agent MIN could not be tracked down and it was said that he was planning an escape route out of the country to beg for aid on behalf of the humans here.  This is not good news at all.  We cannot trust other countries, mostly because they were against us in our fight for basic rights.  Since Suho took power, we have shielded ourselves and established our nation as a self sustaining one.

That was one thing I didn't agree with.  Some countries in the west had supported us in that war so it didn't seem right to ignore them just to make a statement.  However, I am not a expert politican and I cannot imagine what the Commander knows that I don't to be able to make decisions on foreign policy.  I'm just a soldier and I do what I know how.  I survive at all costs, even when the odds are against me.

Captain Byun has been edge all day so I've been keeping an eye on him.  He isn't usually anything but cheerful during training sessions but it's as if a switch has flipped.  He's nervous about something and it's probably because he knows something that he shouldn't.  I'd like to think he's innocent but after the bombing, I don't think I can look at him the same way ever again.  If the Captian continues to be suspicious, I'll have to tell Chanyeol about it.  If he thinks I'm being serious enough, he'll give me a bit of advice on what to do.

There's something wrong.  I don't know what it is but I can feel it like it's premonition of some sort.  I'm not superstitious but I believe in this feeling.  I fear that we will be facing huge struggles in future.

Agent MIN is the best of the best and if he's after us then I don't think we stand a chance against him.

May 10th 2337

I'm not sure how to react to the recent conversation I had with Mrs. Park the other day.  It's left me in quite a shock that I fear I may never recover from.  As a soldier, my expected lifespan is considerably short and I've known that since the day I was able to understand what the mandatory draft really meant for Elementals.  And I've been fine with it until now.

I'm a girl.  Actually no, at my age and development I'm a woman now.  Yet unlike the males in my unit I have no interest in blowing off steam in the usual manner of my peers.  You'd be able to find my in the training center than in a bed on my free nights.  All through the academy and up until now I've never even thought about being with a man.  

That is why I've been struck to my core with the realization that I am of a marriageable age.  Many young woman choose to settle down early to bring about the next generation of Elementals.  The younger the woman, the better the chance that the child will be born with better blood.  Apparently Chanyeol has had to endure a full blown inquiry as to whether or not I am unattached to anyone.

This disturbs me in ways I cannot explain.  It isn't just the fact that I am not exactly familiar to the notion of male attention but more due to fact that people are actually interested enough to be asking around about me.  I don't think I want to just quit being a soldier so I can breed children.  Even if I ended up falling in love with someone, I don't think any amount of attachment could stray me from this path nor would I want someone to make me.  I think that the person I would love would never force me to change my life so drastically or push me to do something I wouldn't want to do.  Whoever I end up with would be in the front lines with me, fighting the rebellion at my side.

I told Mrs. Park that much and she told me she understood.  I think she's just sad that my family's lineage will have to wait a while for new additions.  I'm definitley concerned about that but that's something that I can think about later.  I'll just have to do my best to stay alive for as long as possible and with my skills I'm confident that I'll live to be just as old as the Parks.

None of the above was as shocking as what she suggested to me right after.  Mr. and Mrs. Park want me to consider Chanyeol as a potential husband.  On all accounts, it makes sense.  He is my oldest friend and understands me best.  He would never force me to leave the military to have his children.  He fights by my side every single day.  I know him more than any other man I have ever known