“Sit down class. I’m giving over your papers.” Mr Oh orders his student to take their respected seat as he calmly distributing their already marked exam papers. Jessica felt her hands sweating as this is one of the things about school that she didn’t like at all. Exam results. She watched as Mr Oh making his way around according to the names written on each paper. He handed it over with a few comments on the student current achievement. It is hard waiting for your turn as you can see your classmates are all smiling probably happy with their marks. How about her?

“Ms Jung.” Jessica was too occupied studying her classmates’ reaction that she didn’t notice Mr Oh already standing in front of her desk. Mr Oh placed down her paper and just like always, it became a reason for her to cry at night. An F. A freaking F.

“You know Ms Jung, it feels like you’ve never tried at all. 4 exams and all F. Please do try harder next time.”

He might meant well when he said that but his words struck her right into her heart and if anyone can see, you can definitely see blood pouring out of that wound. Theoretically. It hurts like hell. Everyone in school assume she didn’t try hard enough. She did. For godsake, she did. She wasn’t smart enough. But what hurt the most was when everyone except a few friends were laughing at her as if it was a funny joke and she was the clown. Mr Oh shook his head as he finished off handing the papers over and get back to his desk looking rather alarming.

“Okay settle down everyone! Lets start our lesson for today!”

And just like that he started the class but occasionally, Jessica can hear those naughty kids giggling while pointing at her. Some were talking loud enough that she knew they were making fun of her. A stupid girl they call her. Always the F girl.

…..

Jessica dashed inside her house slamming the door behind her startling her mother. Seungyon peeking behind the kitchen cabinet and saw her older daughter running inside with her clothes wet and she positively heard a faint cry coming from Jessica.

“Sooyeon?”

Jessica ignored her mother calling for her as she get to the top flight of stairs and get inside her bedroom and lock the door. She let her back resting on the door as she’s slowly sliding down. Fear of failure. That is the reason of everything. She hugged her knees as she keep on crying. Seungyon still can hear the faint cry when she reached her daughter’s room door.

“Sooyeon? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

It made her worried watching her daughter crying like this. She hadn’t cried for a long time now. What’s happening? She knock on the door again hoping this time Jessica will open the door.

“No..mom, I’m f-fine.”

Seungyon placed her ear near the door trying so hard to listen if Jessica is still crying.

“You can tell me anything. I’m your mother. Did you had a fight with Yuri?”

Jessica wipe away her tears as she pushed herself up.

“I-I’m fine. I’ll be f-fine. I just n-need to be alone. For a while.”

Seungyon sigh but she had to respect her daughter decision. Once she calmed down, maybe Jessica will tell her what’s going on. She will open up but not until she gets the alone time she needed.

“Okay. Come down when you’re ready.”

“Thank you, m-mom.”

Jessica heard footsteps leaving her room and down along the walkaway towards the staircase. As soon as her mother footsteps disappear, Jessica slumped down her bed as her tears pouring out even more. All the bad memories from 3 years ago flashing upon her eyes. If only Yuri knew everything.

“Yul.. I’m sorry.”

If only.

…..

Yuri had parked her car at the road side for nearly 2 hours. She didn’t know what to do. She called Jessica but the latter off her phone. She want to walk into the house but then what should she say to her parents? They will probably ask why Jessica crying and her clothes were wet when Yuri herself didn’t know why. This is crazy. Yuri glanced towards her left side where Jessica’s bag occupied. Tiffany manage to get it to her before she drove away.

“Something is not right.”

Yuri picked up Jessica’s bag as she observe it. She shouldn’t be looking into her bag since it is her privacy but maybe she can find something from inside? Anything at this point will definitely help. Yuri her bag and one by one taking all the content out except school books. She carefully look inside until she found a small black book neatly placed in a separate pouch.

“What..” Yuri took it out and set the bag aside as she examine the small book. It looks like important. If it’s not then why would Jessica keep it in a different compartment? Debating with herself, she’s in a dilemma either reading whatever in this book are counted as invading her girlfriend privacy.

“No, Yul. You just want to know. Maybe you can find anything that is going tell you what is wrong.”

“No. You’re invading her privacy if you open it. Whatever happened on trusting her?”

Her good and bad side seems had different opinion on what she should be doing. Everything are mixing up and it’s frustrating.

“Fine. Whatever.”

Yuri flip the page open and to her surprise, it wasn’t just a normal black book. It seems to be a diary.

“Sica’s diary?”

Yuri felt like she shouldn’t be doing this at all. There are reasons why a person write a diary and one of it is because they want a certain important memory remain as secret. She feels like a jerk if she continue reading. But if it’s only for Jessica benefits, why not? Yuri calm her erratically beating heart and randomly pick a page.

“One page shouldn’t be a problem right?”

April 23th, 2012.

This is not just a failure anymore. I grew tired and afraid of facing the same results. The constant murmuring and badmouthing didn’t stop at all. They were talking about me and purposely let me hear when I’m around without worrying over my feelings. I’m stupid, I know. Who would want to be born like me? No one. I know I can’t be smart like everyone else. It just not happening.

Yuri frowned. What is this she just read? Is this really Jessica’s diary? But it seems not. Her mind wandering back to their conversation on the roof top. Jessica did said she didn’t became smart in one night. Yuri flipped another page and continue reading.

May 5^th, 2012.

An F. Again. Mr Oh sarcastic comments aren’t helping me endure anything. I became my classmates laughing stock. He even said as if I didn’t even tried. I did sir. I did tried my best. This is my limit. For once I thought that I can finally get rid of this fear and pass the paper. But I guess I can’t. But then I met her. She saw me sitting alone on the ledge. She told me that she failed too. I didn’t ask what did she failed but the girl had this positive aura around her. She told me that we both should try again and never giving up. We even promise we’ll fly our paper plane together once we succeed again. I hope I can because I want to see her again.

“A-Another person?”

June 6^th, 2012.

I saw her. She look just the same as I remembered. But it seems like she didn’t remember me. Did she forgot about her promise? Our promise? Why? I think….I love her.

Yuri closed the book. Her heart just literally stop beating. There’s someone else in Jessica’s life? Someone that change her for who she is now? Why didn’t Jessica tell her anything about this? But the date. It was 3 years ago. Yuri put away the book back in the bag as she rub her face.

“No, Yul. It was 3 years ago. She’s not in love with that person anymore. She loves you. I need to trust her.”

Yuri shook her head and off her engine as she get out of the car with Jessica’s bag. Yuri exhale and inhale as she walked towards the front door. Yuri was about to knock but stop when she found it really awkward if she’s here while Jessica is upstairs probably still crying. Her parents might think it was her fault. Yuri shivered remembering how Daniel Jung warn her not to hurt Jessica.

“Oh .” Yuri go around the house and looked around before stopping just below Jessica’s room balcony. She’s sure this is the room. Yuri grab a few small stones and look around. Once she’s sure no one is around, Yuri threw the pebbles hitting Jessica’s window. It felt like some American sweetheart movie.

“Sica..” Yuri whispered not trying to be loud and attracting her parents out.

“Sica baby… Please…” This time Yuri get a little louder. Yuri scratched the back of her head in frustration as Jessica hadn’t come out. There’s a tree nearby and the branch somehow protruding towards Jessica balcony.

“Uh, well here goes nothing.” Yuri quickly maneuvered herself towards the tree as she started climbing it. Thanks to her wonderful bestfriend Taeyeon who thought her how to climb. Yuri carefully stomp on the branch making sure it is safe enough to support her weight. Once she’s sure of it, Yuri quickly take fast step along the length and jumped inside landing on the slab concrete of Jessica’s balcony. She heaved in relief.

“That was close.”

Yuri pushed her face flat on the window as she’s scanning around for Jessica. Yuri face look ridiculously funny from inside.

“Sica….” Yuri whispering as loud as she can and just right on cue, she saw Jessica on the bed. Yuri pulled away and start inspecting the window only to find it unlock from the inside. A crook sickening smile plastered on her face as fid it convenient to break in.

“No I’m not a thief. I’m just casually going in to comfort my sweet girlfriend.”

That do sounded convincing Kwon Yuri. Yuri pushed back that thoughts and stealthily climbing the window to get inside and close it back as the night is kind of cold tonight.

“This should do it.”

“Yuri?”

Yuri almost yelped like a scared little girl if it wasn’t because she recognized that voice anywhere. That almost cause her to faint. She turned around and saw Jessica sitting on her bed, rubbing her eyes and directly facing her. It was faint but Yuri can see her tired eyes. She probably cry herself to sleep.

“You sacred the out of me Sica.” Yuri replied as she made her ways towards Jessica and sat next to her on bed.

“You’re here.”

“Of course I am. You run away earlier. So I followed you.”

Jessica didn’t bother to look decent in front of Yuri as she wrapping her arms around Yuri’s waist and let her head falls nicely on her girlfriend shoulder. This is where she need to be everytime she remembered those past; with Yuri. Yuri smile as she run her fingers through Jessica blond locks.

“You’re okay now?”

She felt Jessica nodding her head and that itself made her feel a little relief. She would have asked immediately what’s going on but she let Jessica find her own time to tell her about it rather than her asking it by herself. There were silence surrounding them as both remain mute. Yuri just didn’t want to force her while Jessica didn’t know how to start. 5 minutes had passed and Yuri still remain silence. Jessica on the other hand knew the longer she keep this away from Yuri, the greater consequences she’ll be facing soon.

“I wasn’t a smart girl back in my old school. Each time we have tests or quizzes or exams, I would score an F. Every single subjects. It didn’t help with the constant verbal bullying that some naughty kids told me. Because of that I develop a phobia. Fear of failure. That phobia reminds me of the bad emotions I felt each time I get an F. Until…”

“Until you met someone who help you with it.” Jessica body stiffened as she wasn’t expecting Yuri to know this. She slightly pull away and look up. Yuri was looking back at her but with that sad eyes. Jessica cupped Yuri’s face as she shook her head.

“You don’t understand Yul. She…”

Yuri placed her hands on top of hers and sadly smile.

“I understand and I am thankful for her. For every good thing she brought in you. Because of her, I met the new Jessica. So I understand. You don’t have to explain.”

“I need you to understand.”

Yuri just smile as she gently push her down on the bed and hovered on top of her making sure her weight is not pushing her down. Yuri hush her by placing her right thumb on Jessica’s lips. She leaned forward as she dived towards Jessica’s collarbone and lightly tracing her lips over the skin.

“I do understand. Let it go.” Yuri teeth grazing on her skin earning a mouthful from Jessica who tried really hard not to make any sound. Yuri’s trapping Jessica beneath her that make it impossible for Jessica to move so she placed her arms in between their bodies and gave Yuri a push successfully putting a slight distance between them. They look at each other eyes as they drown their souls into it.

“My parents are downstairs.” Jessica whispered breathlessly when Yuri naughty hand travel down her waist and sneaking into her uniform caressing her tummy.

“So?”

“Yuri!”

Yuri chuckled as she kiss Jessica on the lips before pulling away. They both laid down facing each other as Yuri securing her arms around Jessica body making sure she’s happily being hug. Jessica placed her palm on Yuri’s expose cheek gently creasing it.

“Yul, do you trust me?”

“All the time.”

Jessica felt the sincerity in Yuri’s tone and she appreciated it. Now is not the right time for the truth.

“Whatever happens, trust me okay?”

Yuri raised an eyebrow feeling suspicious but she didn’t want to raise unnecessary accusations. Plus she can always trust Jessica. Always.

“Always. Whatever happen, I will always trust you.”

…..

Yuri closed the door behind her as slow as she can like a ninja. She just came back from Jessica’s house and now it’s 2 in the morning. She forgot about time and hopefully her parents didn’t notice her disappearances. Yuri creeping and tip toed through the hall so that she can get to the staircase and head back to her room without waking anyone up. It’s kind of dark right now so she had to be super cautious.

“It’s time to talk Yuri.” Yuri eyes widen and mouth gasped as the voice startling her and lights emulating the whole hall area. On the couch is Kwon SangWoo sitting down comfortably but his piercing gaze on her was so intimidating that she almost forgot how to breathe.

“D-Dad?”

“Sit Down Yuri.” Hyori who happen to be next to SangWoo ordered her daughter to do as she ask. Yuri knew she can’t avoid this. It was just a matter of time when her father might caught her sneaking out or in this case sneaking in.

“Do as your mother said Yul.” 

Yuri slowly making her way to the opposite couch of her parents and lowering her head down not dare to look up. She was caught red handed. SangWoo remain his posture and keeping his eyes on his daughter.

“I know what you’ve been up to Yuri. I’m going straight to the point. End this nonsense once and for all.”

Yuri forced herself to look up and the moment her eyes met SangWoo, she was certain it wasn’t a request and he knew what he is talking about.

“Dad..”

“I let you spent some time with her. Now it is time to end this. Your focus will be Olympics in Rio and she is not a part of it. End this and I will never speak about it ever again.”

Yuri clenched her fist as she stood up earning a surprise look from Hyori but not from SangWoo.

“I’m sorry dad. I can’t and I won’t.”

“She’s only going to be a burden that you shouldn’t be lifting right now Yuri. Stick to the program that we have plan for you. In 2 weeks, you’ll be swimming in Kazan and do us proud. You’ve achieved this far because of us, Yuri. Don’t you forget that!”

Yuri had enough. When did he parents ever think about her?

“Hadn’t you read Coach Lim reports dad?! I’m getting better because Jessica is helping me! She’s helping me to improve my time! Isn’t this what you and mom ever wanted; that I will keep on improving?!” Yuri yelled to her heat content. SangWoo stood up and she can feels the angry submerged from within her father.

“Don’t speak to me or your mom with that tone Kwon Yuri! You have improved because of us! Not her! And I forbid you to mention her name in this house!”

Smoke literally coming out of SangWoo nose and ears. Yuri felt the anger rising. But she won’t back away.

“Dad, I just want to be happy! I just want to be a normal kid! I want to fall in love! Isn’t wrong?!”

“It is wrong when you’re pushing your career for her!” The last words hit Yuri hard. Hyori stood up and walked up the stairs leaving SangWoo and Yuri. SangWoo calm himself down as he made way towards the staircase. He stopped for a moment.

“You’re improving because of us, Yuri. I’ll let you be with her until Kazan in 2 weeks. After that, end this or else.”

SangWoo deadly tone sent shivers down Yuri’s spine as he ascending the flight of stairs to his bedroom. Yuri hasn’t yet moving an inch but her hands still forming fists. She pressed her lips hard as her eyes turning in shades of red.

“I’ll show you that you can’t control me.”

She muttered that as she promised herself that she will show her parents that she controls her own life.