Hyukjae

                It was now time for one of the worst tests I would ever face. It wasn’t just a matter of physical ability, but a matter of my mentality. I was going to have to lift a dead body into the back of the car, and that was probably going to be the scariest moment of my life. It might even be worse than when we have to burn it.

                It’s just, the body will have to be so close to me, I’ll be practically hugging it to get it into the trunk. I suppose, it’d be like coming face to face with my sins. If you want to think of it that way. I mean, I already feel guilty as it is, for killing someone, but now there’s the guilt of disposing of the evidence. It sounds cruel if you talk about it like that although it’s not exactly as if we were going to be putting it to ‘rest’.

                “Are you ready for this?” He asked me; he was already at one end of the body, waiting for me.

                “Yeah, sorry. I – I’m good.” I was hesitant, sure, what else would you expect, but I had to do this. It was just a simple task. It was like lifting a garbage bag into the trunk, just a little heavier, and more human-like.

                I shook my head and walked over to the other end of the body. I was thankful that he had left me with the feet. I couldn’t imagine what I would have done if I had to stare into its eyes. So cold and lifeless. Because of me. It was like this because of me…

                “Remember, lift with your knees, not your back.” He smiled at me and I regained my courage. I could do this. I couldn’t hold us back any longer, or we’d run out of time and fail.

                I wrapped my hands around the ankles and held tight as I squatted down. He did the same on his end, grabbing near the shoulders and arms to get a better grip. I started to count; 1 – 2 – 3, then we lifted. It was light than I thought it would be, but it was still a struggle to carry it the distance we had to. I could only manage to park the car around twenty metres from us, so we’d have to carry it all that way, without fail.

                It was going good, and I could see the hood of the car in between some trees. There was suddenly an overwhelming feeling that rushed over me. I didn’t recognize it but then I realized, with faint horror, that it was happiness. I was happy that we were almost there, that I could let go and be rid of the thing in my hands. The whole thing would be over, well, it would be half over.

                My flush of emotions happened to distract me from my concentration and I didn’t see the root poking out of the snow until it was too late. My grip released and I fell to the snowy ground. I didn’t roll anywhere, but instead sank into the ground. I didn’t mind the cold that bit at my face or the fact that I could barely breathe through the snow. All I wanted was to let the cold and the soft and the white to cover me up and to me away from this place. I didn’t want to go back because I would have to touch it again. I would have to carry it. I would have to face the facts. I didn’t want that. It was like a situation where you didn’t want to be in, but there was no way out. There wasn’t any other options for me.