Hyukjae

                We decided that I would go and bring the car as close to the body as I could. He would stay behind to make sure nothing happened to the body. We would then lift the body into the trunk and cover it with something in case anyone looked in through the window or something. We would then go to the place I knew where we would… where we would burn the body.

                It was an old crematory that had just gone out of business sometime last year. I knew about it because my mom was cremated there, before it was shut down of course. I was shocked when I heard the news, so I did some research. Apparently, because of some property issues or something, they had to hold off on taking everything out of the building, so everything in there should still be up and running. I never knew this information would come in handy at a time like this.

                “Hyukjae? Are you alright? Do you think you can handle this by yourself?” He was looking at me with worry, but I knew I could do this. It was simple. I just had to go get the car.

                “Of course. I mean, it’s not like I can be the one to stay here…” I said, giving one last remorseful and disturbed look at the corpse we would shortly be disposing of.

                He brought his lips close together and waved at me, sending me away. I nodded and we understood each other.

                I was on my way through the woods when I realized how cold it actually was. I hadn’t noticed the temperature before because I had been so distracted, but now it was hitting me with full force. It didn’t help that I was somewhat wet from the snow and blood. I couldn’t complain though, at least I wasn’t dead.

                Ha, what a stupid thing to be thinking of. If I were dead, I wouldn’t be able to feel the cold. I wouldn’t be able to feel anything, for that matter. I wondered what happened after you die. Or should it be, when you die? Dying in itself would probably be painful. When you suffocate or drown, I imagine it’d be like your insides were being crushed slowly but surely and you couldn’t do anything about it. That feeling of needing to breathe, of needing that gulp of air, but you can’t because there’s something cutting you off. It’d be the worst pain imaginable, in my opinion.

                Dying from an external wound would be different though. Of course there’s way too many types of wounds that you could die from, and all the different circumstances and variables to take in, but it would still be better than suffocating. When you get stabbed, or hit your head against something hard, it’ll hurt for a while, maybe a long while, if you bleed to death. There will be a sharp pain radiating all over your body and you’ll want to squirm and let out your screams of how much it hurts, but you won’t be able to because you won’t have any strength left. You will bleed out and you’ll start to feel anemic and want to faint but something will keep you awake, because you’re dying. You’re dying and you have to be awake until the very last moment, because that’s all you’ll have.

                At least, that’s what I was thinking. I don’t actually know what happens when you die. I wondered if that body – if that person – was in a strange place after death, or if there was just nothing. I think it would be extremely awful if there was nothing and it was just dark around. You would be a mind, or a soul, and you would be floating or something in a dark place, all by yourself. I think that’s worse than dying-

                I reached the car. I had the keys in my pocket, and they jingled as I took them out to unlock the door. I got into the driver’s seat and I had to breathe slowly for a few minutes, to calm myself down before I drove. You weren’t supposed to drive when you were mentally unstable, but this situation didn’t really call for paying attention to the rules of the road. I would be driving through a forest, after all.