Hyukjae

                It was snowing again by the time we arrived at the abandoned crematory. It created quite the scenery for us. The serene white that covered the ground like a blanket, and we were going to trample all over it, tearing the blanket off of the innocent and sleeping Earth. In a way, I suppose that that was what we would be doing. Killing someone and leaving our footprints in the snow was as good as something like that, or should I say ‘as bad’?

                “I’m gonna go check if it’s all clear on the inside. Can you stay here and keep watch?” He asked me as the engine of the car suddenly stopped with the turn of the key.

                “Huh? Oh yeah, yeah I can do that.” I watched him as he left, and I had this feeling inside of me that he didn’t fully trust me right now.

How could he though? I’ve done nothing to make him trust me lately. There was that time when I had to cancel on him, but I couldn’t tell him the reason why. After that it’s been one mistake after the other and we’ve barely been hanging on. I’m surprised he hasn’t left me yet. I’ve been so distant too, I know that. I can feel it just as much as he can. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m like this anymore. I’ve been doing things that I shouldn’t have been doing, and I can’t explain why. It’s like I’m perfectly fine and I’m enjoying my day with him and then the next thing I know is I’m hanging out in a bar after hours, waiting to get kicked out. It’s not like me. It’s not like me at all. I really want to get back to normal, but…

“Hey, it’s all good in there. We’d better get a move on though, in case anyone does see us.” He was back and he had a better face on. It looked like he was in better spirits. I thought that maybe he checked out the equipment and made sure it worked.

“Great. Let’s go.” I got out of the car and went around to the trunk. I really didn’t want to come close to the body again, but I had to if all of this was going to be over. I bit my lip and put everything out of my mind.

“On three. One… two… three!” He heaved the covered body into the air and I mimicked his actions. We were holding it high and walking quickly towards the building when I suddenly lost my grip.

The fabric slipped out of my fingers and I fell to the hard, cold ground, the body hitting it just before me. I winced as my knee hit the pavement under the thin layer of snow, and I was about to make a big fuss over it when I realized that it didn’t actually hurt. It must have been a reflex that I wanted to shout out because there was no pain at all. I felt nothing. In my knee that is.

“What are you doing?!” He snapped at me and I quickly stood up, so we could get going again. After I had a firm grip around the legs, he looked over at me cautiously and added, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it.” I looked down though, because I was ashamed of myself. For messing up like that even after what I did in the first place. It was a real move of me – all of it.