Hyukjae

                It all played out before me, like I was watching a movie where the main actor was me. I was running through the woods after having an argument with my dearly beloved. I wanted to take a break from our relationship, but he didn’t. I remember him hitting me in the face and how the snow seemed to burn my skin when I fell towards it.

                I watched the movie play out, as if I were just a normal citizen sitting in a seat in front of the screen. The screen turned a brilliant white; a snowstorm had just begun. Snow was falling in heavy clumps and I couldn’t see anything as he ran through the forest of dead trees. It was a dead forest, I thought, and all around me was a wall of snow, closing me in. It made me feel extremely claustrophobic.

                There was a sudden yell and a darkened figure appeared just behind the wall of snow. The figure broke through the barricade and it appeared to be the angry man that I had been arguing with just moments before. He ran forward with the intention to catch me, and it chilled me to the bone, just watching it play out as I had lived it before.

                The movie made sure to include a close up of my face and then zoomed out to show him running behind me. I didn’t want to be caught. I wanted to escape this horror film and never return to this hideous place that had once been a safe haven to the both of us. I risk a look backwards and regret it as I sees the furious visage of the man I loved catching up to me. It amazes the person watching a movie like this how the two can run so much in the snowstorm without tripping or slowing down. Just as the watcher realizes this, the angry man crashes to the ground.

                He spits out snow and his face is bright red. The movie stays on his face for a while, showing how his emotions quickly change from anger to frustration to sadness. He starts crying, although it’s not certain whether it’s from the pain of the freezing snow or the thought of losing someone he cared for – even if that second option was hard to believe. He calls out to me and I stop to watch the fallen man. “It’s okay.” He says. “This won’t happen again.” He tries. “I promise!” He screams. “Come back to me.” His body shakes with the chills. “Let’s go home now.”

                I have a moment of doubt. I wonders if I really should go back or keep on running. I think about all we’ve gone through and how much I loved that him. How much I still love him, but I've heard it all before. I have heard the same promises a thousand times and I have had enough. I turns my head and anyone could be able to tell what I was thinking. I have lived in fear with this man and I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to cower in fright every time that he comes home in case he’s in a bad mood.

                “Come on, let’s go. Let’s go baby. I love you.” He cries and cries.

                But I don’t hear him. Nevertheless, my feet slow as if wanting to be caught. I think that maybe things could go back to how they were. I think maybe we could work it out. I think like this because I love him and I hate seeing him down and broken and in the snow crying like that.

                It was a bad idea. He got out of the snow and he caught up in no time. I didn’t hear anything because of the storm and the movie made sure to show my horrendous face as I was tackled to the ground. We wrestled in the snow and I managed to hit the dangerous man, but it only made him angrier. He was sitting on top of me and he was beating me to a pulp. The snow had flecks of red here and there and I was bloody and aching and crying with my thin arms holding on to my attacker's arms as they whammed into my body and my face.

                Then all the attacks stopped and he rested his head on my aching chest. He let out a sigh and a whimper and it was as though that cruel man was the victim.

                The credits rolled. I stood up and he was standing in front of me again.