October 25, 2014

I don't know what to feel about today. I can feel lots of emotions. First I feel guilty because I left manager the whole afternoon. Second, I feel happy because I was able to visit an amusement park after how many years. Third, I feel sad for Junhyung oppa. And the last, I don't know what you call this emotion but since we went to the concert, there is a strange emotion that I feel every time I see Hyunseung with Hyuna. I told myself many times not to get involved into that triangle but Junhyung oppa or Hyunseung keeps on dragging me every time I try to escape. Why should I be involved in their love triangle? I cut all my ties with Hyunseung, and Junhyung oppa is just a friend. I should not be caring about any of them but at the end of the day, the more I see them suffer, the more I want to help them. But if I help one of the boys, one will end up broken. GAHHHHHH this is hard.

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It's Saturday. I had a class this morning. After my class, I planned on going to the cafe since I have to work but I met Junhyung oppa on my way. He asked me to accompany him to the amusement park. The sound of amusement park was really inviting because I really really wanted to go to an amusement park. But I have work so I refused. I think he saw someone pass by behind me, he looked rattled. He pulled me to the parking lot. Pushed me into his car. He hurriedly got in and drove as if we're in a racing competition. Everything happened so fast that I was speechless until we reached the amusement park. 

"Why the hell are we here?" I asked him when we're out of the car.

"Let's just enjoy, ok?" He said. Then he pulled me. I don't know what was happening but I had the feeling that he's after someone.

"Let's ride this one first." And I instantly froze when I saw that we're riding the rollercoaster first. I never rode on a rollercoaster. I really panicked. I tried to run away but he was holding my hand so tightly. I was screaming the whole time. He was also screaming. I was screaming for my life but he was screaming to release the air or pressure. After that rollercoaster ride, I told him that I am so dizzy that I need to puke but he did not stop. He dragged me to the haunted house. I got really scared that I was able to escape but he was fast that he caught me instantly. The haunted house is the last place that I want to go to in an amusement park. It's not amusing at all. The whole time we're inside the haunted house, my eyes were closed. Oppa was behind me. He was holding my shoulders and directing me where to go. After the haunted house, he gave me the chance to go to the comfort room, and eat something.

"Can you please explain why we are here?" I asked him while I’m eating a cheese burger. 

"Just bear with me this time. Please." He pleaded, so I just shut up. 

The next ride was the carousel. It was fun. I think that ride was the best among the rest. I was really enjoying the ride that I felt I looked weird to others. But I don't really care. At some point I thought I saw Hyunsueng with his camera, but maybe it was just my imagination. The last ride we went to was the Ferris wheel. It was the amusement park's main attraction. Aside from the beautiful view when you’re at the peak, there is also a love legend that surrounds the ride. They said that when you and the guy you love kiss when you reached the peak, you'll end up together. Because of that legend, there are a lot of couples willing to wait in long lines just to ride the Ferris wheel. As expected, there were a lot of couples this afternoon. While we're waiting for our turn, I finally saw what Junhyung oppa was after in this visit to the amusement park. Hyunsueng and Hyuna were there. They were talking. There's nothing intimate going on between them but you can see how close they are. They also look happy together. Hyunsueng was even taking photo of Hyuna. Some of the girls behind them were so envious of Hyuna. You can see that in their eyes. When Hyuna and Hyunseung get in one of the cabins of the Ferris wheel, Junhyung oppa pulled me and told me that we need to ride the next cabin. And we did rode the cabin next to Hyuna and Hyunsueng's because oppa used his charms.

"So, you're after the two of them." I told him. We're facing each other. I can see sadness in his eyes. 

"I'm only after Hyuna."

"Why do you have to follow her everywhere?"

"I just want her to be safe." He said. He was really sad. He wanted to cry but he was stopping himself.

"Oppa." He looked at me. "Why do you love Hyuna that much that you want yourself to be back in her life?"

He gave me a sad smile. "I love her because I love her." I don't get it but I pretended that I did.

"Then, can't your love give you courage to talk to her?"

"I think I have enough courage, but time, I think time won’t allow me to talk to her." He looked bothered. I know he's not telling me something. 

When we reached the peak, I saw tears falling down from his eyes. 

"Oppa." That was what I was able to say. I was worried. I did not know what to do. Once again he looked at me in the eyes.

"Sohee. I'm running out of time. I need to talk to her now, or else I will not have another chance."

"Oppa. You mean you'll be going back to Broadway after the play?" He kinda hesitated to answer at first but he nodded.

"What will I do Sohee? What will I do?" Then he cried. He cried until we reached the bottom. 

After the ride, he told me that we need to go back. I told him to drop me at the cafe for I need to work. When we reached the cafe, I thank him and told him that what's meant to happen will happen, what he needs to do is to do his best to talk to Hyuna. I immediately went to the locker room to change to my uniform. When I went to the counter to get the orders, my first customer was Junhyung oppa. He ordered a cup of espresso romano. 

After two hours, the manager talked to me.

"What's wrong with your friend?" She asked me. I gave her a puzzled look. "Look. He already drank 6 cups of espresso romano. That is not normal. What is he thinking? He is drinking alcohol? Tell him he'll not get drunk because of espresso romano." I nodded. I left the manager and went to where oppa was seated.

"Oppa, when will you stop drinking? You've drank six cup of espresso romano already." He smiled at me.

"Don't be a kill joy, okay? I just love drinking this one."

"But oppa..." 

"Okay.Okay." I smiled at him. He is stubborn but he always knows what's good for him. Well, except when it comes to love. "By the way, does someone play that piano?" I shook my head. The piano has been there since I started working in the cafe but I've never seen anyone played it during business hours. According to the manager, the grandpa owner used to play that piano for his wife. But when the wife died, he stopped playing it and he even stopped coming to the shop.

"Nope. No one. Why? DO you want to play it?"

"May I?" He asked me.

"Of course. Since we only have a few customer tonight, you can play the piano." The manger suddenly said. I did not noticed that she's already behind me.

Oppa went up the mini stage.

"Ehem" he said to catch the attention of our customers. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll allow me, may I play a song for all of you." Our nine customers gave their approval.

Oppa sat down and started playing a song. The sound. It was One Fine Spring Day by Super Junior. He's not only playing the piano but he was also singing. He was in his own world. As if all of us just vanished. He played the piano well, and he sang with emotions. I felt the sadness in his song. Everyone started listening to him. They stopped what they were doing. They were concentrating on listening to his song. I saw the manager wipe her cheeks. I saw some of our customers also shed some tears because of oppa's song. While he's singing, customers come in one by one. 

After the song the manager requested oppa to sing more. He granted her wish. The second song was Because I'm stupid by SS501. More customers came. The manger was happy but the cafe's atmosphere was sad because of oppa's song. When he finished the second song, "This will be my last song for tonight. I dedicate this one to a girl I wanted to talk to. To the girl I love so much. I hope that one day, we'll be able to face each other, and I hope that when that time comes, you'll be able to forgive me. And accept my love once again." When he started playing, he closed his eyes. He was feeling the song. It was Mind Sync by G.Na and Huh Gak. Though it was a duet song, he sang it alone.

While oppa was singing, I saw Hyunsueng and Hyuna outside. Hyuna was looking at oppa. She's not moving. She was just looking at him. When oppa finished singing, I saw her wipe something from her cheeks. She was crying. I am sure. Hyunseung was behind her. He was looking at her. He is in pain. Just by looking at Hyuna like that, he's broken. Before Junhyung oppa can see them, Hyunsueng pulled Hyuna away.

"Hey" Oppa told me. I looked at him and smiled.

"That was great oppa." He smiled.

"Thank you for that! Somehow that made me feel better."

"And I thank you for bringing luck to this cafe" The manager suddenly said. "Ohhh because of you we have many customers today!" The manger only cared about the money at that moment but I know deep inside, she was touched by oppa's song.

"Well, that was good news. I was able to help."

"I hope you'll come again next time!" The manager said. She's being too excited about this.

"Well let’s see." Oppa said. "But for now, I need to go home. I need to prepare for tomorrow's rehearsal" He told the manager. He kissed me goodbye, and left.

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A few minutes after oppa left, people also started going. When no one left, we cleaned the cafe. The manager asked me to throw the garbage outside. While I was going out, I saw Hyunsueng and Hyuna in front of the store two stores away from the cafe. They were talking I guess. Then suddenly, Hyunseung leaned to kiss Hyuna. Yes. They kissed. I could not take it so I looked away. But looking away was a bad idea. I saw Junhyung oppa across the street. He was looking at Hyuna and Hyunsueng. He was frozen. He was not moving at all. We even dropped him phone. I wanted to go to him but like him I was frozen. Looking at oppa hurts me. He was so helpless. He was in pain. He's broken. I wanted to hug him but I know he doesn’t need me right now. He only needs Hyuna.

Love. Why do you have to be so painful? I've never seen anyone who became so happy with love. Mom cried every night. Dad punished himself every day. Hyunsueng and Oppa had the safe fate. My brothers, all of them also cried because of love. Why do they all need to cry because of love? Isn't love about happiness? In the first place, why do we need to love if we only get hurt in the end? But why do Hyunseung and Junhyung oppa, as well as my brothers, still give love a second chance? Isn’t the pain they felt enough for them to just give up?

Why?

-Sohee