Written by: “ Oddblack21 ”
Pairing: MyungJong (Myungsoo/Sungjong)
Prompt(s): "Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it" & Letter
Words: 4,885

 

 

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Moving shadows, dancing past

Faded pictures in the dark

Stolen glances, sudden smiles

Heart’s in doubt but something’s pulling me back to your arms

When my eyes are closed, there’s that faint smile lurking in a corner

Of letters written but were never sent

I hum you name every time I feel afraid of losing you

Though you, never had, and never would hear it again

 

A whiff of faint vanilla and cinnamon filled the room, and Sungjong felt ecstatic, just like when the light touch of those slender fingers find his shivering ones and calmed him after they first made love in fear of ruining it all. The sweet yet strong scent reminded him of those gentle smiles whenever they exchange stolen glances; of those lambent eyes that twinkle when she’s telling him what happened during the time they were away from each other; and of the day there were promises to be said but nothing came out of those thin pink lips.

And he already made his plan for their future as a family, ever since the day they made the silent agreement to be together, through holding each other’s hand that were not holding a cone of ice cream, eating silently while watching everyone move around them on the amusement park.

It was far more exhilarating than riding a roller coaster, but far more fearful as well. That, just like the ride, once they reach the peak, would they need to fall again and reach the end? Would it have to end?

With the first bite of the freshly baked red velvet cupcake, it made the memories more vivid, as if it were all happening right now, at this moment, while he’s just calmly sitting on his usual seat at the kitchen, closing his eyes to inhale more of the aroma and letting his tongue to drink all the sweetness.

And now he could hear the faint ringing of the church bells, slowly getting louder and faster in pace, and he saw himself standing on the altar, wearing pearl white suit, sniffling with all the beauty that’s approaching him, his self-proclaimed princess walking down the aisle, willing to live with him until their last breath.

But when he’s about to reach out to her, he opened his eyes and realized that all colors faded without a trace.

“Sungjong-ah, I need to go now, but I’ll come back here once-”

“You don’t need to, Hyung. I’ll be fine here, so do what you have to do and stop worrying about me.”

“But-”

“I’ll be fine. You know that I know every nook and corner that’s there to be found inside my own house, so I can surely navigate safely on my own, without any guidance. You’re not helping me at all when you keep on babying me.”

The cupcake, half-eaten, was placed back on the plate where it was first placed awhile ago, and his hand retreated back to his side, not wanting to move until his brother don’t leave to attend his own plans for the day.

“Fine, but always keep your phone in your pocket and call me when you need help, you know that I’m the only one in your speed dial right?”

“Hyung… just go now will you? I’ll just stay here so you don’t need to fear anything, okay? You’ve got your work as a college professor and you’ve got your own family waiting in your home, so move that legs of yours and run now.”

”Sungjong-ah… you know that I’m being this way, one form of irritation to you I guess, all because I care about you, right?”

His younger brother did not say a word, and just went with lifting the cupcake into his lips once again, not minding the snort Hoya gave off, but he threw him a smile when he heard the sounds of footsteps moving farther away, and after counting one to three within his head, he looked to the direction of where the front door, as he remembered where it should be, and waved his brother goodbye.

Without seeing it, Sungjong knows that his brother has waved back. And with that, he knows that it’ll be the same boring day as any other day since everything turned to pitch black.

-=-=-=-=-

Myungsoo felt his stomach quench with need, his eyes a bright shade of ruby, looking like embers far from turning into ash. It’s been days since he’s got this splitting headache and he doesn’t want another week of this torture, of the monster within him calling him to break-free and just let loose, but he knows better.

It was hard to be a modern-day vampire. Especially when you need to be very careful with your every action to ease the blood thirst with all the tight security and stronger weapons in the current era. He might be stronger than a plain human being but people got a lot more wiser and stronger as the times went by as well.

And he’s not taking any risk.

Before, when his microcosm was never disturbed because of the less population in the places he had lived in, he could easily attack a bystander and not be accused. Now though, it’s a different story. He tried to actually be more refined and turn his back from being a killer vampire, as what his fellows labeled him, by ordering bags from blood banks across the country. They were safer but less sweeter, and there were days that Myungsoo could not help but seek for more. Blood that’s fresh and will drip straight from his victim’s bare neck, blood that’s far sweeter than any candies or chocolates that he indulged his self in trying to forget that he’s actually like an addict craving once again for the drug that was took away from him.

And before he lost it, with no lone soul giving him full attention, using his unnatural speed and strength, he jumped and hanged on protruding bricks, until he entered the first open window of an apartment complex having few tenants.

He’ll have his dinner in private, a feast if possible, no matter what.

-=-=-=-=-

Feeling the familiar warmth and comfort of his lemon yellow bed, too bright for comfort as what his brother said but he doesn’t care ‘cause he won’t be distracted by it anyway, he felt his sleepiness taking over. It was only past five, few minutes ‘til sundown, since the alarm he set at every 5 in the morning and afternoon rang off just awhile ago, but he decided to just rest the whole time. it’s not as if he’s got a wide range of choices of what he actually wants to do to kill the boredom with.

After putting on his earphones and played his mp3 which mostly consists of random pop songs that she likes, and that he learned to like as well, he closed his eyes and placed the gadget on the top of his chest right above his heart. And then he was back in the altar, reaching out to the most beautiful lady he had laid his eyes on.

But she didn’t grabbed his held out hand, and with his every step towards her for the ceremony to take place, she moves back, her face showing uncertainty and he knew by then that a wedding would not take place.

He may have caught her flirting with other guys once or twice but it was not something that he took seriously, knowing that she’s been like that even before they became a couple. What hit him though, was that those guys she hanged with were better versions of him.

Someone who’s manlier.

Someone who’s an achiever.

Someone that could protect her for sure.

But he was holding on to her words, that pushed him to look at love as something less complicated than he actually thought of. As long as their holding on, they’re fine, and they might lie once in a while, but that’s inevitable. Every man’s got a dark side, as how most people say human has innate goodness that covers it.

And she just chose to break his heart on the day he’s the happiest, and it felt unfair. And after seeing her run-away, he knew a part of him was also lost, and he’s still waiting for her to return it. But most of the time, he knows that’s just impossible. And he even lost his sight after trying to drown his self in the thrill of extreme sports, one of them race car driving, which cost him his set of chocolate brown eyes after an accident while on the track.

Then he’s back on his bed, holding the mp3 player closer to his lips, kissing it gently before placing it back to where it was earlier, Never say Never by The Fray playing as the background music and he’s lulled to sleep.

A dreamless one.

-=-=-=-=-

With a quick last jump, he fell on the untended room’s red floor with a soft thud, and he felt more uncomfortable. One thing is that he’s extremely hungry, and the other one is that he finds the color red disturbing, well, except when he’s drinking it, so it’s not that much of a deal.

The place was littered with cigarette butts and left-over snacks, pizza crumbs and thrown olives stained the couch where a graphic shirt was carelessly strewn. And then a familiar scent coming from the kitchen caught his attention, drawing his mind closer to oblivion. Scooting to the source of the sound closer, his eyes caught an image of a tattooed skinny man, washing his bleeding thumb through running water at the sink. A tiger’s pair of eyes  on his back felt like it watching him, but it did not intimidated him at all. Without saying hi, and before the prey could throw a glance at him, he moved with great speed and punched the man harshly on the jaw, making him hit the wall with strong impact. Seeing the red blotches on the white wall, he let his craving take over.

-=-=-=-=-

Sungjong was sure that a loud banging on the wall just above his head broke his solitude, and he touched his forehead still clammy from the once deep sleep and blanket covering him up to his chin, to make sure it was not a start of an unusual dream. It was so real yet by the time he opened his eyes, blinking the sleepiness away, there was no more sound from the house next to his. Not even a scratch could be heard. And after a few seconds of silence, he decided to just continue his rest when he felt his stomach ask for attention, but he’s too lazy to go downstairs for a simple dinner.

And after feeling the emptiness again, remembering that he would never be able to face every waking time with the person he wanted to spend his whole life with, he had lost his appetite already. He wanted to have a proper meal while having a chat with someone close to his heart, but he doesn’t want to live with his brother’s family and be a burden to them. He doesn’t want to intrude to his friends’ personal lives either. If he feels down. It’s better to not spread his negativity and make others pity him, he thinks.

That, until he sensed the door to his bedroom opened quickly and a gush of wind passing yet not totally touching his skin, making him sit upright.

And he felt the weight on his bed shift in front of him, and the atmosphere within his comfort zone became heavy with discomfort, but unexpectedly, there was no sense of fear bothering him.

‘’If you’ll gonna kill me… please do it quickly. If you’re just here to rob me, go on, do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore. I’ll be sleeping again so please move as quietly as possible. And hop off my bed, I’m the only one authorized to crumple the covers.’’

And with these words he let his petite frame fall back to his lying form again, not minding the sense of danger that the stranger have brought. Sungjong may look calm at the moment, but he was just trying to look strong ‘cause he couldn’t fight whoever it is head-on. And if he dies, at least he’ll forget it all once he leave his physical body, he thought.

But the stranger was observant, and he had seen those dilated pupils, and have heard the fast pace of the heartbeat due to their close proximity earlier. And he knows that he’s capable of doing any merciless action Sungjong can think off, but after hovering on top of the smaller guy, open mouth just an inch away from the bare neck showing pale skin, breath ghosting on it making goose bumps form, he suddenly stopped.

He recognized the face of the kid that treated him with kindness, gave him cute personal letters and did not fear him at all despite of showing his monstrous side to him.

-=-=-=-=-

To the five-year old Sungjong it was all child’s play, and they enjoyed each other’s company. But each got their own path to take, and Myungsoo knows that he could never see the precious kid grow for Sungjong and the people surrounding them would notice that he never grows old, and the last image he wanted to leave to the kid was of them playing happily and not caring about the world.

After all those weeks of that bonding time at the park, Sungjong woke up looking forward to another day of playing with the good ‘hyung’ he met at the park, but Myungsoo never returned  to the same place again. And he never stays in any person’s life for long.

And that’s the first time Sungjong was left and from then on, he learnt what friendship and the pain and hope that come with it meant. But he never remembered the face of his older friend, and if he left without any message said, then he believes he should never find him. it’ll be too hard to look for someone who doesn’t want to be seen.

But then he was left again, but now that he’s old enough to remember it all, it was harder to suppress the feeling of loss. It was too familiar, yet it hit him harder this time around, and he felt like a helpless kid once again.

-=-=-=-=-

‘’Why did you stop? Do you think that I’m not worthy to be killed by you? Am I not worthy of anything at all?’’ Sungjong asked, but he’s tone signified no need for any response. He just wanted to express his self that was always seen less than he really is.

It was the same expression when he was a kid asking to be carried but was told to walk and just hold on to his cold hand, when he’s too young and everyone around him doesn’t really put their attention everytime he shows them his paper written with good remarks of him by his teacher, when he tried making a tower of Lego blocks that would reach the top of his older brother’s head to prove him that he’ll be a great engineer someday but it toppled when he was already midway in his work of art. It was the same expression of feeling the sense of failure and loss.

And Myungsoo remembered it so well he felt guilty of leaving the once ball of sunshine but now a moon hiding behind the clouds. He wanted to stay, he really did, but there’s no room for attachment when you’re destined to live for hundreds of years ‘cause emotions making their way through your once soulless heart would keep on haunting you far longer than any pain you’ll experience while running away from those who want to dispose you.

Before, Sungjong would never understand him, but he knows that the once naïve kid had his share of experience now that he had reached adulthood, but inside him, Myungsoo wished that Sungjong never went through any of these. He doesn’t know a thing about those years they were invisible from each other and he felt so down, that what he just drank felt like simple water that could never appease his hunger.

But Sungjong, the scent too sweet for his own good, invading Myungsoo’s mind and inviting him to his bare neck showing his pale skin, was the same old sweetness that pulled him in years ago, and he reacted the same.   

Gently placing a kiss on the top of the younger’s head, his once eyes burning with want now back to its deep shade of caramel and showing a much loving side of him. Sungjong was too special to be just a simple prey of a monster like him.

And both felt the familiar warmth filling their chest.

And they both doubted it.

Myungsoo is a cold-blooded killer, and Sungjong is a lost and empty shell for now that both of them were sure that it was impossible to feel the warmth calming them and giving them the sense of security they always find in that person, each other, they met years ago.

The blank stare the younger one’s giving him was enough to make him felt more pain. Sungjong would not be able to see the person in front of him and he’ll not hear him call him in the same endearing manner back then. But Myungsoo did not dare speak, afraid that Sungjong would not recognize his voice as well. And well, because no matter how hard he wants to be remembered, he couldn’t bear to do it at all.

 Before any of them could say a word, the sound of door knob being turned broke their attention, and Sungjong knew for a second that the stranger has gone through the open window. Then he hears his brother’s voice full of worry immediately visiting him after hearing the incident of murder in the apartment just beside his little brother’s home.

But Sungjong’s mind was still on the stranger, the touch of lips on his hair still strong enough to make him want to know the identity of the person who reminded him of someone truly important when he was just five years old.

And he realized how much he missed that man.

-=-=-=-=-

‘’Hyung, do you still remember that good guy which I met at the park when I was just a kid?’’

Hearing this, Hoya frowned and snorted in annoyance. He was the one there on his brother’s side and looked after him when Sungjong was bruised or heartbroken. That stranger where nowhere to be found by that time, so Hoya being the possessive brother that he is, promised himself that he would never stop his self from punching that guy, no matter how old that person is in the present, if ever he saw him lurking anywhere close his younger brother.

‘’Don’t talk about him, he’s just like that ex-fiancée of yours, making you attached to them then cuts you out of their life when they’re not into you anymore.’’

‘’But hyung, he was just a playmate in the past, and he didn’t force his self to be my friend.’’

‘’That’s why, stop thinking about him now. I’m still jealous when you gave him that letter before that your teacher told your class to write. I’m your brother but you gave it to a stranger who you didn’t even introduced to me and disappears when I arrive to fetch you.’’

‘’You always make me say how much I love and respect you so I didn’t bother to write something for you. You hear it every day anyways.’’

His brother didn’t answer back and returned to placing a takeout breakfast on a plate for Sungjong. He’ll need to leave and be away from the younger one for being a family man now, so every moment, no matter how short, he wants to spend it with him.

Looking at his brother, he thought about how fragile Sungjong is, how much he wants to take care of him personally, but he couldn’t, so he didn’t tell him of his plans because he’s sure the petite guy would lose his appetite and just snap at him.

It’s not that bad to lie once in a while, especially when the good results outweigh the risks.

Right?

-=-=-=-=-

It’s been a week since his brother left a voicemail about a personal helper he hired for his little brother, and no matter how much he wants to call back and curse him personally, he doesn’t want to end up actually answered by his niece so he tries to make his patience grow longer.

And the helper was actually efficient, but the guy never speaks a lot, just a few words in a hushed voice. But he knows well that he listens intently in whatever he says, even small requests such as how much honey he mixes with his milk, or opening the window in the morning once the first rays of sun breaks out for Sungjong to feel it’s warm kisses.

It’s been a week as well when he felt strong gaze watch his sleeping figure. He pretended to be asleep, not wanting to get any reaction that might worry his brother in the future. And this night was no different, except that, he asked his helper to leave the windows open, and sleep didn’t hit him quickly.

Then as his helper leaved, the sense of someone watching him was there again after a few seconds. He should be afraid, but he scooted closer to where he feels the intruder, not minding if it was near the window where he could easily fall from with any wrong move.

When he heard the curtain rustle signaling him  running off earlier than usual, he reached out into the air, wanting to hold whoever it is back.

‘’Don’t.’’

The rustling sound stopped, and there were footsteps nearing him, he hears it slicing through the silence of the night. And he wonders why he feels safe, his heartbeat calming, as the same kiss touch his forehead, lingering on it longer than the last time.

‘’You returned. Don’t leave me now.’’

‘’I just pass by here, but I could not stay.’’

‘’Why are you not talking to me when you’re here helping me all the time these past few days? It’s you, right? If my brother knew, he would never had hired you to watch over me. Actually, he despises you, a lot.’’

Gentle laughter escapes from Sungjong’s pink lips, eliciting a train of giggles from the taller man, both nostalgic and overwhelmed by how much they missed each other, how much they wanted to talk this way.

Not minding about what’s outside, what’s far from their reach.

‘’How did you know it was me?’’

This time, they were seating at the floor beside the open window, hands held and toes playing by pinching each other’s foot.

‘’No one else’s this patient with me, of course other than my brother.’’

Leaning his head on the other’s shoulder, he sighed and wished that the night would never end, no matter how much he love the sun and bright mornings that it brings. With Myungsoo on his side, the heartbreak from her turns into the least of his concerns. And he concludes, this guy beside him, was far special than any attraction or relationship he experienced while growing.

‘Cause in his heart, the memory of the person who tried to push him away and make him cower in fear by showing his real self, was far etched deep within. He never waits for anything in return, just knowing that he was there, breathing the same air, hearts beating the same pace, he’s satisfied.

‘’But you know that I’ll leave again soon, right? And I seriously want to drink your blood right now, to make you the same kind that I am, but my body doesn’t follow me. I think, it knows that you deserve to live normally and not suffer like me.’’

‘’But… would you return again? Would you see me again?’’

‘’I… I’m not sure. The next time our paths cross again, you might be much older than today, and me, I’ll remain the same. And… you deserve… so much more than stick with me and the flawed being inside me.’’

Sungjong did not answered back, just reached out and touched the other’s face, trying to form an image in his mind based on what he feels, cold skin on his warm hands.

‘’Can I kiss you?’’

Sungjong was taken aback by the words, but he’s the first one to close the distance between them, hands placed on Myungsoo’s shoulder, wanting to make sure it was not a dream.

And Myungsoo, he succeeded in drinking the sweetness of the younger one, and it was everything he ever imagined it to be.

Of sunlight that he could never enjoy in reality.

Of happy songs that could never make him sing.

Of bright lights that he could not watch for long.

Of chocolates and lemons he could never share with anyone.

Sungjong made him feel it all.

The kiss was not passionate like how lovers usually do, neither was it lustful. It was simply, sweet and gentle. And when it ended, both eyes still close, they felt how much they never want to let go.

‘’Come with me.’’ ‘’Take me with you.’’ The two guys said at the same time, and it just proved how much they wanted each other’s presence in their lives.

Both were afraid that if they let go again, there would never be a third chance. Ever.

Foreheads touching, they fell asleep beside each other, and Myungsoo would not just imagine how Sungjong would fit in his arms anymore, ‘cause their hugging each other in silence and he could live everyday while cuddling the once fragile kid.

-=-=-=-=-

A voice recording on the phone left in the middle of the yellow bed took Hoya’s attention, and he felt his heartbeat quicken in nervousness.

Hyung… I’m sorry that I left without letting you know or asking for your approval. But I need this, and I want to be happy while enjoying life without worrying for anything else. I want you to be happy as well without dividing your attention for your family and your little brother. I don’t want to make them blame me about you taking me as a priority. Haha, and I really adore your wife and my niece so take care of them well. And take care of your health. Stop being workaholic, alright?

‘’Idiot,’’ he said after a sigh, a sad smile forming on his lips.

And… I want you to know how much I’m thankful that you’re my brother. I want you to know how much I adore you as well, and how much I love you, really. I guess, you have the idea of who am I with right now, and you’re probably angry at the moment, but calm down, ‘cause you’ll look older than your real age.

‘’Ah, so that stupid stranger came back, huh? So I guess what you said when you were a kid were actually real and were not simple result of your wide imagination. But still, you should have informed me before you left! How dare that guy snatch you without asking permission from me?’’ His tone was louder this time, but it doesn’t show any anger, irritation yes, but there’s no hate dripping from his voice at all. He had expected this day to come, that Sungjong would seek and find his happiness in someone that’s not related to him in any way. And he had long accepted that, but still, it pains him to know how much his brother has grown through the years with just him acting as his parent as the same time.

…I’m not expressive you know that, but I just want to say again that I love you. So, so, so much. And I don’t know what to say anymore. Just… take care of yourself, okay? It’s a goodbye for now I guess. See you after, I don’t know, maybe two years? Never mind. Stay as the same loving brother that I knew!

 ‘’I love you too Sungjong-ah. Take care as well, and stay happy wherever you are.’’

His eyes darted to the open window, a cool breeze caressing his cheeks, and he imagined his brother doing it for him. He’ll miss that kid for sure, but knowing that a happier life awaits him where he decided to go and whom he decided to spend his life with, he’ll live his present days and future years with a satisfied heart.

Now on their way towards a new beginning, Myungsoo never felt so blissful. Caressing Sungjong’s hair who’s currently asleep, he looked out the train’s window, watching the other’s birthplace fade in his sight, and after placing a kiss on the sleeping figure’s head, he closed his eyes as well.

 

 

 

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Admin's thoughts: This story was so sweet, and I always had a thing for forbidden love. The way you portray their relationship really hits me deep. Awesome job on writing this! ~ KyashiiKun