The faint sound of music could be heard as Woohyun sat alone in the alley behind their company building. It was raining a bit, and the sky was completely grey and it was almost midnight. He took a half-eaten chocolate bar out of his pocket and sighed. Life of an idol trainee wasn’t exactly as easy as he had thought at first. Well, technically he knew it wasn’t easy, but still it was a hundred times harder than he had ever thought. 

He had slept barely 12 hours past week, and all they did was practice, practice, and practice. Heck, Woohyun had thought he was actually talented in singing, but still he had no idea how much practice it would take, not to mention dancing. And eating was his main problem. He couldn’t eat even a half of the amount he used to eat before. The managers were always taking most of the food away, and Woohyun was starving. He craved for food and all these snacks he loved, which was the reason he was sitting alone in the rain.

If Sunggyu hyung knew, he would take the chocolate away and plead him not to eat anymore snacks, and Woohyun just couldn’t say no to his hyung, since he knew how hard time the other was having. He didn’t blame Sunggyu either. He was just trying to be a good leader. All of the members of Infinite were going through a lot of hardships. Their dream wasn’t easy to accomplish. There was a handful of popular boy groups already, and they were from much more known labels. There was just a few ones who even knew what Woollim was.

At times like this Woohyun thought about giving up the whole idol career. He was constantly overworking and the training was also mentally difficult. What if he had just tried to enter a good college and not chosen a life of an idol? What if he had chosen a perfectly normal life, with a partner he could spend his life for the rest of his life? What if he had decided to get a nice small house and have two children and a dog and a dvd collection with the love of his life instead of the small apartment he was sharing with six other boys? 

The ”partner” thing was a huge problem too. With the decision of being an idol he had to hide his real self from the world. Woohyun was confused with his uality, and he couldn’t tell anyone. It would be a huge risk not only to him, but also Infinite. If he came out as gay, the image of their group would shatter to pieces and they wouldn’t have a chance to get popular, South Korea being against all this gay thing. In fact no one knew about this. And lately it had been a huge weight on his shoulders, but he didn’t know how the other members would react if he told them. He had thought about telling it to Sunggyu for a while now, but he never had the courage to actually do it.

Chewing his chocolate, Woohyun looked around the alley. Their company building wasn’t fancy at all.The surrounding buildings were also a bit shabby. Suddenly he heard steps from nearby. He quickly swallowed the rest of the chocolate and hid the wrappers of the bar in his pocket, in case it was one of their managers or their leader. He stood up and tried to hide.

”Woohyun, are you here? It’s me, Hoya”. Woohyun sighed from relief and walked towards the dancer’s voice. ” Howon-ah, try to not to scare me every time”, he cursed.

”Hyung, are you okay?”, the dancer asked. ”You’re not thinking about giving up or anything? You’ve been so down lately, and I’m really worried about you, hyung,” Hoya questioned and took a few steps closer to Woohyun. The latter sighed and closed his eyes. ”I just.. I don’t know Hoya.” 

”Hyung, you know we need you. You know we aren’t Infinite with just six members, and with singing there’s nobody who could beat you, if you don’t count Sunggyu hyung in,” Hoya chuckled a bit at his last words. ”He’d be furious if he knew I said you are better.”

Woohyun smiled a little. Hoya had recently been super nice to him, for an unknown reason. Not that he minded, it was actually great that someone sincerely worried about him, though he knew Hoya wasn’t having easy time either. He was one of the most hardworking of the members; dancing all night alone in their tiny practice room when the others tried to squeeze a bit time for sleeping. That was the thing Woohyun admired about him. He was never giving up.

”I know, Howon,” Woohyun whispered. ”It’s not just about the trainee thing, there’s something else bothering me too, but I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it.” Hoya’s smile faded a bit, but he still gave Woohyun a quick hug. ”Okay then, hyung. Let’s go back to the practice then,” he said. ”But hide the chocolate from Sunggyu hyung, you know he’ll get mad if he knew you were here eating chocolate alone, even though I think you deserve it.” The singer blushed a little but threw the wrappers of his already eaten snack to the closest trash can and walked back inside to the building with Howon.

A few days after that night, Woohyun found himself alone in their dorm, due to a flu that had gotten pretty bad. He wasn’t able to sing, and the managers had ordered a free day for him so he could rest a little. Free alone time was a rare thing for them, and Woohyun hardly remembered the last time he actually had been without the constant presence of the other guys.

After sleeping for a good twelve hours, Woohyun decided it was time to get up and eat something. He felt horrible. He had a fever, and on top of that an awful headache. He made himself instant ramyun, seeing the lack of food supplies in their kitchen.

While eating, he got curious about social media, and what people had said about them. The managers had told him not to read any of the comments, since they knew how sensitive Woohyun was. Still the curiosity won over him, and he searched his name and scrolled down the results. There wasn’t a lot to read, and most of the things people had said about him were surprisingly positive. Woohyun smiled reading all the praises he had gotten about his singing abilities and good looks.

All the joy Woohyun got stopped to this one comment. ’He can’t sing at all. And good looks? You all must be blind. I knew him in middle school, and from experience I know that he isn’t as sweet as he tries to be. He doesn’t even deserve his place in Infinite. You should all stop drooling over him and get a life, since Nam Woohyun isn’t going to marry any of you.’

Woohyun was crying without even realizing it. All his pent up insecurities were combined  in this comment and a huge weight landed on his shoulders. He knew this was definitely not someone he knew, and just a hater, but he still couldn’t not to think about it. Maybe it was that way. Maybe he wasn’t meant to be in the group. He didn’t feel hungry at all anymore. He went to his bedroom, locked the room and curled up to a ball under his blankets and tried to sleep. He felt worthless. Maybe the person had been right. Maybe he should give up.

Woohyun didn’t know how long he had been sleeping when he woke up to the sound of someone knocking his door. ”Hyung, are you there?” Woohyun heard Hoya asking behind the door. ”Y-yeah” he answered with his voice cracking a bit. ”Is something wrong? Are you okay? What happened?” the other questioned, worried by the horrible-sounding voice of Woohyun. ”Please open the door, I want to know if you’re okay.”

Woohyun saw no point in not obeying Hoya, so he stood up from the bed and got to the door. When he opened it, Hoya almost ran in, and when he saw Woohyun’s swelled face, he started to panic. ”What happened? Are you okay? Have you been crying? Do you have a fever? I-” ”Hoya please stop, I just-” ”No hyung, you tell me now what’s wrong or I’ll get Sunggyu hyung. I’m seriously worried about you, you haven’t been yourself for the past weeks and I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll give up and I, I mean we will lose you and we can’t so please tell me what’s wrong and what’s been bothering you lately, I promise I won’t tell anyone if you just tell me, I want to help you hyung”, Hoya pleaded.

There were tears in Woohyun’s eyes as Hoya closed him in a tight hug. ”I’ve just been really tired lately Howon-ah”, he whispered. ”And today I saw this one thing someone had said about me, and I’m not sure anymore, do I deserve to be in Infinite. Maybe I should just get into a college and try to live a normal life.”

”No hyung, no, please show me the thing you saw, I know it’s just lies, you’re perfect just the way you are”, Hoya said back and held back his tears. Woohyun separated from the hug and took his phone. He gave it to Hoya who read it silently. 

When he finished, the room was quiet. Woohyun couldn’t look the other to the eyes, so he just stood there, staring at the floor. Hoya broke the silence. ”Hyung… No, no this isn’t true at all, you shouldn’t read like this. I feel insecure too, that’s why I spend hours and hours perfecting the choreography alone even in the night. I feel insecure about my looks too, and I feel like I’m not good-looking enough. But I still continue for the sake of our group even if it’s hard. Please Woohyun, don’t give up. You know this is just a person jealous about the fact you are where you are now. He doesn’t know anything about you, please don’t let this one comment end your dream career.”

”But Howon what if I tell you he’s telling one thing right.. What if I actually am gay, and that’s why I should give up and not destroy the image of our group?” Woohyun started to shake uncontrollably and tears were flowing down his cheeks. His legs gave up and he collapsed to the floor. He had said it out loud. Hoya would hate him. He didn’t have anything anymore. 

Hoya was completely frozen. ”Hyung, what are you-” ”I’m gay, Hoya. Do you understand now why I need to leave?” Woohyun cried. ”No hyung, no”, Hoya replied and crushed Woohyun in a hug again. The other was trying to get away, and Hoya’s eyes filled with tears. ”Hyung, no. I don’t mind at all, you’re perfect just the way you are, I need you, we need you, please don’t,” he gasped to Woohyun’s neck. ”I need you, I need you, I need you”.

Woohyun gave up trying to resist the other, and he hugged the younger back like he was depending on him. They were sitting on the floor, both crying silently, forgetting everything else. 

”Hyung,” Hoya said after a while, ”look at me.” Woohyun released his grip from the other and turned to look at him in the eyes. ”I don’t care about the fact you’re gay hyung”, Hoya whispered. ”It doesn’t change anything. Or maybe it does, but not like you’re thinking.” ”What are you saying,” Woohyun breathed out. 

Suddenly Hoya’s face was too close to Woohyun’s. ”Hoya what the- What are you-” 

Before Woohyun finished the sentence, Hoya closed the space between their lips and closed his eyes. He kissed the other gently, but Woohyun didn’t respond to the kiss. Hoya pulled back and looked his hyung into his eyes and panted. ”Please hyung.”

That was when Woohyun lost it. He didn’t know what got into him, but he slammed his lips to Hoya’s and kissed him desperately. Hoya responded with as much enthusiasm. Woohyun’s hands were gripping Hoya’s hair, and the latter’s hand were gripping Woohyun’s back and rubbing circles to it.

They were kissing for a time that seemed like hours, but when they finally pulled back, panting hard and craving for oxygen, Hoya lifted Woohyun’s chin up and looked him into eyes.

”I’ll promise to always be here for you hyung” he breathed out. ”I just need you so much.”

Tears were filling up Woohyun’s eyes again and he kissed Hoya again.

Maybe he shouldn’t give up.

Maybe he should just try to practice more.

Maybe the others needed him.

Maybe he wasn’t so wrong being gay.

Maybe it didn’t matter.

Maybe things were going to be alright.

Author's Note: 

I hope you’ll like the fic I wrote for you, I tried my best! I’m sorry if it doesn’t fulfill your expectations, since English isn’t my first language :c

~ Your secret santa <3

My heart-- I low-key ship WooYa more than any other Infinite pairing.
Hurt/comfort especially suits them. Thank you for writing it! <3
Have a wonderful christmas, Wendy!

~ ibreathe-flames