He’s not sure when it starts.

There’s this nauseous feeling in his stomach. It’s churning and agitating, and continues until his knees start shaking. Not even his heartbeat is in place; it’s as if something or someone is clenching onto it. So much, that it makes his breath hitch for the shortest while. It’s as if he’s waiting for something; he just doesn’t know what. The cold sweat on his brow indicates it, and the adrenaline prepares him to run. Run until he meet someone, yet his legs feel too weak.

It builds up like this, at a racing speed until it suddenly stops. There’s no one there; not anyone he can see at least. Sunggyu is all alone as he walks down the parking lot, trying to understand what the hell is going on. The cold air of the night doesn’t help either. It gives him chilling goose bumps that decorates his arms, even if he’s dressed.

The thing is, no matter how bizarre the angst that ridden over him is, it’s not unfamiliar. Not even the first time caught him by surprise; it just came a bit sudden. As if he had forgotten about it instead of not knowing about it. After a month he thinks that maybe that’s it, and nothing else can happen. He’s already used to it anyway.

Sunggyu gets that feeling in two places. The first one’s in the parking lot not too far away from the house. The second place is oddly enough the bathroom. It’s those moments when he stands in front the mirror not knowing why. 

This time it’s the middle of a summer’s night, with his body covered in sweat and exhaustion. Maybe he came here because this room was cold; it’s always cold. No matter how sizzling hot the temperature was outside that day, the restroom was the same.

He looks to his right, and to his horror he sees another person standing there. It’s a male, around his own age perhaps, staring back at his own reflection. His gaze is hollow yet searching and Sunggyu feels as if he’s seen the man before, he just doesn’t know where.

Another moment passes; one that feels like an eternity. Sunggyu’s stomach goes nuts and his heart beats at full volume underneath his chest. The man, whose eyes were formerly searching, started to clench his jaw in anger. He swings his arm as if to punch the mirror, but before he can get so far, he disappears. Sunggyu can only see his own reflection again and he’s alone. 

Sunggyu doesn’t know who that man is. If you had asked him where he’d seen him, he wouldn’t know. But he doesn’t look like a stranger; he’s too familiar.

In that moment he’s so tired, as if the world had drained him for his energy that he almost collapses. Yet he doesn’t. There’s something so adrenaline-kicking about the entire experience. So much that it leaves him unable to sleep for nights to come.

Sunggyu should’ve been scared, terrified even. He has no idea what that man is or if he’s something dangerous. He should’ve done something. Instead the reflection of the stranger oddly enough makes him nervous, but in a good way. Not in a way that he can in fact understand, but it’s nice in its own way.

The next time the man appears, he’s standing to his left. Sunggyu doesn’t know what to do or say, for that matter. What do you do when a ghost, or something like that, appears out of nowhere? 

Sunggyu swallows, and counts to three. Nothing happens, and the male isn’t even looking at him. “Who are you?” he asks, not expecting a reply. He’s probably a stupid fragment of his imagination. This man probably doesn’t even- 

His thoughts get interrupted when the man actually responds. “I’m me,” the man replied, and there was something cocky about the way he said it. His eyes weren’t empty anymore, containing a certain glean. Yet they weren’t focused on Sunggyu; only the space in front of him.

Sunggyu looks around the room. There’s either no one there and he’s going insane… Or he’s talking to a person he can’t see. Either way it doesn’t make sense to him, and he’s never been fond of nonsense. Not until then at least.

“I mean, what’s your name?” Sunggyu continued to ask. Maybe he’d get something out of the ghost? The person? The whatever-this-man-is? He waits for a reply, looking back towards the mirror. 

The man’s reflection is still there, a faint smirk on his lips. “That’s for me to know, and for you to wonder,” he continues. Sunggyu has a feeling this man is going to be a headache, or maybe something worse. “I thought you knew better though, Sunggyu.”

Did he just hear that? Did this… thing, just call out his name? Sunggyu tries to stutter out an answer, but in that moment he doesn’t even know how to reply. It’s not every day he sees a random reflection talking back to him. He wonders why he hasn’t gone to the shrink yet.

Then the man smiles a bit, not happily. It’s more like a bitter one, something Sunggyu can’t explain. The strange man then looks down at the sink, for some reason, letting Sunggyu get a better look of him.

His hair is dark, darker than what his own is. He has a sharp nose and an equally as sharp jawline. Sunggyu notices that his clothes are dark; even his skin is darker than Sunggyu’s is. Not by much, but enough to notice. 

A moment passes before he looks up again. “Remember to lock the door before you go to bed,” he suddenly says. Then the mirror starts distorting itself like a pond after someone throws a stone on it. The man disappears, and Sunggyu is left with his own confusion. How did he know that Sunggyu almost always forgets to lock the door? 

Sunggyu doesn’t see him again for a while; mostly because he tries to avoid the mirror. Even if that strange man hadn’t appeared, he would still get odd vibes. Sometimes he sees himself, but his reflection isn’t the same. He sees himself wearing different clothes in bright colors, but he usually wears gray or dark blue. His reflection seems healthier and younger, as if he was radiating happiness. Nowadays he doesn’t even remember the last time he smiled, and he doesn’t know why.

He’s depressed. That’s what his doctor diagnosed him with, but he doesn’t know where it came from. His life has been normal, and he hasn’t had a single traumatic experience that he could remember. Sunggyu grew up in a nice neighborhood with loving parents and good friends, some who he still keeps in touch with, and he has a great job. Sure, he’s had his downs, but they weren’t enough to give him depression.

“Look who’s back,” he hears the familiar voice of the man. Sunggyu feels his eyes pop up a bit in surprise, looking up to see the man. His own reflection is replaced with the dark-clad man, who only smiles softly.

Sunggyu wants to blurt something alike “what the hell” or “don’t do that”. Instead he ends up asking where the hell this man came from.

The man smiles. “You ask a lot of questions, Sunggyu,” he replies. Sunggyu wants to wipe of that smirk from his face that follows. 

“I’m going to have to if you don’t answer them,” Sunggyu retorts while trying to understand what the hell is going on. It exasperates him a little bit how cocky he’s behaving. He has a feeling that they bicker a lot, even if he’s only seen him thrice and spoken to him twice. 

It doesn’t seem to stop there. “I know, that’s why I never answer them,” he begins before looking at Sunggyu. “I like seeing you mad, it’s kind of hot.”

Sunggyu had to take a double take. Again he was wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Is this ghost-reflection-thing trying to flirt with him?  If he is, Sunggyu had no idea why he would make up someone to use as greasy lines as he did. “I don’t know if you’re trying to flirt with me,” Sunggyu says while watching the man’s amused expression. “But I’m not gay.”

The man lets out a laugh, as if Sunggyu told him a good joke. “How can you be so sure?” he asks. Then, just behind the man, there is an image of two people laughing about something. He can make out the man’s face, but he doesn’t see whom the other person is. It’s familiar, but he doesn’t know how or why.

Then mystery man smiles before saying something as simple as his name; Woohyun. It rings in Sunggyu’s ears, rolls nicely in his mind and he thinks that it does suit the man. Sunggyu doesn’t understand why he would think about anything else. 

Woohyun smiles then, but Sunggyu has no idea how to read it. Instead of saying anything, he disappears again. Yet he doesn’t disappear without leaving anything behind. Because there’s something dulling through Sunggyu’s body and chest, something unexplainable. It leaves him with mixed emotions.

The next time Woohyun returns, Sunggyu has another question in mind. “Why did you punch the mirror the other day?” Sunggyu asks a good while into their odd, but comfortable silence. He looks at the way Woohyun just stands there, as if he’s a real person right in front of him. 

There’s something that falters in Woohyun’s eyes for a split moment.  Then he sighs before replying. “Because,” he takes a deep breath, probably thinking about how to reply. “You didn’t recognize me.”

Sunggyu doesn’t quite understand. He felt that Woohyun was familiar, but he didn’t recognize him anywhere either. So it wouldn’t make sense, but why’s he supposed to know Woohyun anyway?

Woohyun smiles sadly. “We used to be lovers once upon a time,” he begins while avoiding eye contact with Sunggyu. It seems as if he’s going to continue, but it lulls into an unexplainable silence. Sunggyu doesn’t quite understand; he has never, ever been romantically involved with anyone. Especially not a man.

Sunggyu wants to urge him to continue, but he doesn’t know if he wants to know. Woohyun must be lying anyway; he’s just a fragment of his imagination anyway. Woohyun does continue, however, telling him a story he isn’t sure he wants to believe.

“The reason you live here is because you wanted a house while I wanted an apartment… So we compromised and got a house,” he jokes a bit, but his laugh isn’t humorous. It’s as sad as his entire expression. Maybe even a bit longing as well. “We used to have good times here as well, you smiled more at least.”

Sunggyu only looks at him, trying to piece the puzzle together, but he gets nothing. “If this is true,” he starts a bit uncertain, trying to keep a clear and open mind. “Then why the hell don’t I remember you? And why are you in a ing mirror?”

Woohyun suddenly shakes his head. “You’ve got to stop swearing when you’re mad,” he suddenly scolds. Not in a bad way, but in a friendly matter, as if he’s done it before. Sunggyu rolls his eyes, stating that’s not the answer he wants. 

“We argued one night while I was driving and you were in the passenger’s seat,” Woohyun drifts off a bit, but he continues soon enough. “Over a small thing, really, but it was enough for me to lose my concentration. Long story short; we hit another car.”

Sunggyu feels something churn in his stomach again, something alike the feeling of reminiscing unwanted memories. It makes him sick and he feels the urge to vomit. He has no images of the event, but his body says otherwise. It’s as if he feels it, but he can’t see it.

“Look at your right hand,” Woohyun suddenly commands. Sunggyu doesn’t quite understand, but looks down either way. There’s a big scar there, he’s had it for a while, but he rarely pays attention to it. He usually brushes it off as a clumsy act he must had done, because he didn’t pay much attention to it. “It’s from the crash,” Woohyun says then. “You tried to save me, I think. You damaged your head and your arm in the process.”

There’s a dull pain creeping through Sunggyu’s body. It starts from his toes and up until his throat, before distorted images flash through his head. They’re painful and explosive; he grabs his head as if it’s about to fall off from the sudden pain. 

Woohyun continues to speak, to remind him about something he can’t fully remember, but it hurts. It hurts so much that he wants to cry or scream; maybe both. The images flash behind his now closed eyes, too fast for him to grasp, but slow enough for him to see them. He begs Woohyun to stop, but he doesn’t.

“Sunggyu,” he calls out his name. “Please, you remember it, you just don’t want to,” Woohyun sounds desperate in that moment. It’s as if he’s begging him to remember, while Sunggyu wants it to end. He doesn’t want to remember, he’s fine with not remembering.

“Stop it,” Sunggyu says again. His voice is loud in his ears, tears threatening to fall. “You’re lying! This never happened!” he screams until his voice becomes hoarse. He doesn’t believe it. He may be depressed, but he does not have amnesia. 

Sunggyu doesn’t stop there though. “You don’t exist. You never did. You’re just a fragment of my ed up imagination,” he continues to yell without thinking. He opens up his eyes; he feels the rage run through him. Shouting, he tells Woohyun to get lost.

Woohyun doesn’t; there’s only tears running down his pitiful face. His eyes look vulnerable that moment, as if someone had just stripped him bare for everything he had. Sunggyu hated it; it made his heart beat in pain again. Everything was too painful.

Suddenly there are moments of them together playing inside that mirror; like a movie. There are memories that Sunggyu sees and he remembers. 

He remembers them meeting at the subway, where Sunggyu called him a bastard for sneaking through the line, and Woohyun told him that he looked “hot” when he was mad. Sunggyu claimed he wasn’t gay and that Woohyun could off, and then they suddenly bumped into each other all the time.

It’s one where they are holding hands and another where they’re in bed. 

He sees a ring and his friends agape expressions and hears faint “congratulations”. 

There’s a moment where Woohyun seems to be flirting with the waitress and Sunggyu kicks his leg under the table. 

Woohyun says “I love you” for the first time when Sunggyu looks like a mess and he has just woken up. Sunggyu hits him on the face, but he makes up for it later with a kiss and other things.

Sunggyu lost count on how many memories appeared in the mirror. But soon enough he sees Woohyun’s lost face and his outstretched hand. He probably wants to reach out, but the mirror is between them. Sunggyu doesn’t know what he wants, but instead of calming down, he punches the mirror instead.

Shards of glass decorate his hand, and soon blood trickles out from the cuts. It doesn’t damage the entire mirror, but enough for Sunggyu not to see Woohyun’s face. He can only see the top of his dark hair and his shoulders. 

It takes Sunggyu another breakdown and his legs to weaken before he falls onto the ground. He opens his eyes, looking at the dirty and white tiles of the bathroom before it all stops. A sudden numbness enters him, and the room turns quiet. He feels alone, and when he gains the strength to stand up, Woohyun isn’t there anymore.

There are broken pieces of the mirror on the floor, and Sunggyu sees his own reflection. It’s filled with barely dried out tears and puffy eyes. He suddenly remembers, as if it was just yesterday.

He bends down to pick up the broken pieces; to stich up the mirror again. He doesn’t know why he did that, but he needs to see Woohyun again. Even if it’s hopeless and the glass is cutting his bare hands. 

Sunggyu probably looks like a lunatic, but he has lost all sense of sanity. He needs to get Woohyun back again, but he has no clue on how to fix a mirror. Even if he glues it up, he’s not sure it will work. He tries it either way, running around the house like a madman to find what he needs.

He sits up the entire night gluing piece to piece back together again, despite the pain in his hand. The blood has dried up, but the wounds are still fresh and sore. He ignores it as much as he can, feeling the sun peek through the small window. He’ll probably miss work, but he doesn’t give a damn.

Silently he begs to himself that it’ll work; that Woohyun will appear again if the mirror is intact. Being the pessimist he is he doesn’t believe it will work. He hopes it will either way. Woohyun would’ve told him to think on the bright side; he always did.

“Come back,” Sunggyu says to himself while piecing some of the last bits together. “Come back for god’s sake, please,” his voice is fragile and lost and his hands tremble. The phone in the hall rings, piercing through his ears. He ignores it and doesn’t answer, because it’s probably not important anyway.

He stands in front of the mirror with his own image distorted and broken. There are black cracks that he couldn’t fill, so some of him is missing. It doesn’t matter; he just prays loudly to himself that Woohyun will appear again.

It’s a futile attempt, because he stands there for what feels like hours and nothing happens. There is no dark-haired man standing in front of him, with a cocky smirk and cheesy pick-up lines. Sunggyu’s broken the mirror, and he’s scared that he’s broken Woohyun as well. 

“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu finds himself saying. “Seriously, please come back,” his voice cracks a bit because his throat hurts. He knows that apologizing doesn’t mean Woohyun is going to come back, but he can hope. And he hopes that he’s not wrong for once.

Sunggyu isn’t sure if he’s being crazy, or if Woohyun was just a ghost running through his head. Still, he wants him back, even if it’s a sick joke his head is making of his dead lover. There are still questions unanswered; why didn’t anyone actually inform him about his amnesia? It’s true he doesn’t remember much from before. He only has his early memories and up until he got his first “real” job. Everything after that was a blur, and he’d feel as if someone else were in the house even if he was alone.

Why didn’t he know? 

It doesn’t matter anymore; he’s standing in front of a mirror waiting for Woohyun to return. He might never return; Sunggyu knows there is a huge probability for that, but he waits anyway. He waits until standing is painful and his head is tired, calling out Woohyun’s name until he doesn’t know if he can say anything else. “I’m even crying right now,” Sunggyu finds himself saying out loud. He really is though, and there’s nothing more he hates than crying.

He wonders about the traces Woohyun left behind. Sunggyu saw them, he always did, he just didn’t realize before now. When he saw the images fleet through the mirror he thought of it as something insane, but he knows better. He knows that they are the memories they used to share, one by one. 

“I guess it’s impossible,” Sunggyu begins when another ten minutes or so pass. “It wouldn’t make sense for you to return,” he says before sighing. “Well, if you even can return that is,” he continues this monologue while looking straight into the mirror. The broken cracks and the shards makes everything more complicated. He’s going to sound cliché, but his entire being feels like that broken mirror. He can’t help but compare himself to it.

Another broken sigh escapes his dry lips, with his head barely calming down. “I don’t know if I’m on the brink of insanity or if this is all real,” Sunggyu doesn’t even know who he’s talking to anymore. “Either way, come back you idiot. Even if I was the one who did something out of line.”

The only thing Sunggyu meets is silence. There is no cocky reply, no bickering, no dark hair and no familiar smiles. Woohyun isn’t there, and Sunggyu scares himself by wondering if he’s lost him forever. For real this time, even if he’s not sure Woohyun was here to begin with.

When he takes another breath, he slowly turns around. His heart is heavy beneath his chest, wearing itself like a stone around him. He doesn’t know if there’s anything he can do to turn it back. If he could, he would in a heartbeat.

Sunlight drifts through the open windows, and it blends Sunggyu’s eyes momentarily. Trying to shield his sensitive vision, he lets his hand cover his face while walking around the empty house. One that makes him want to run and get out, one that reminds Sunggyu too much of him.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Walking around aimlessly, he thinks it’s an attempt to ignore the pain. Sunggyu isn’t sure if it’s going to work, but it’s a way to distract him, as he walks through the halls.

The pad of his footsteps echo throughout the blue room, one by one, the noise filling the void. Sunggyu wants to look into the other mirrors, just to see if Woohyun will appear, but he doesn’t. There is no way he could bear with the disappointment, not again…

Sunggyu finds himself saying “I love you too” although he has no one to say it to. He never said it back, and as movies had taught him, things like that were supposed to work. Maybe it’s too late for him now, though. Because there’s only silence and Sunggyu’s heavy breathing and…

“Took you long enough,” another voice pierces throughout the room. It makes Sunggyu’s body jump in utter surprise and bewilderment. It can’t be, can it? He turns around and runs towards the closest mirror, but there’s nothing. It’s just Sunggyu’s reflection staring right back at him.

A soft chuckle follows shortly, however. “Wrong mirror,” the voice continues. He was probably getting a good laugh over this, that idiot. That idiot Sunggyu oddly enough fell in love with and wanted back. The one who left traces and prints on Sunggyu, even if they were forgotten for a while.

It takes Sunggyu four attempts before he’s greeted by Woohyun’s eyes. They’re not as sad as they were earlier, yet he’s not radiating happiness either. There’s something middle-ground about it that makes Sunggyu want to get rid of that expression no matter what it takes.

“I thought you vanished forever,” Sunggyu says as he stands in front of the full length mirror. Woohyun’s wearing the same as always; dark-gray pants and shirt, and a black jacket. It’s the exact outfit he died in too, Sunggyu remembers. The realization that Woohyun is actually physically gone makes him want to fall apart again, but he stays strong.

Woohyun shrugs. “I can appear and reappear whenever I want to,” he says it as if it’s common knowledge. Sunggyu isn’t surprised though. In all this nonsense there must be some sense. 

“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu apologizes then. Even through his exhausted and confused state, he manages to say that at least. Then, as Woohyun smiles and there’s a soft glow emitting from him, Sunggyu lets go of all exhaustion. There’s relief circulating through his body, lifting itself off like a heavy stone. He feels happy for once, even if Woohyun isn’t physically there and he’s still confused. 

It takes Woohyun a nod before he stops smiling, but there’s something is his eyes that make up for it. “I’m sorry too,” he begins. “This must be an insane way to find out… I’ve been stuck here the last year trying to contact you, but it’s not that easy.”

Sunggyu understands that. After all Woohyun’s a ghost, or something entirely different. Still the mirrors kept fragments and traces of him, and they held onto the moments they used to have before. It just took Sunggyu a lot of time before he even saw it.

“I can’t believe that it’s come to this,” Sunggyu finds himself saying then, replaying recent events in his head. About the sudden chaos and flashbacks, and everything in between. He doesn’t know what to take of everything or how to take it in for that matter.

Woohyun doesn’t seem to have an answer. There’s something hidden in his eyes however, something that makes them light up in an odd spark. He smiles for a moment, as if he has all the secrets in the world. “Sometimes all you can do is hope for another chance,” he begins mysteriously.

Sunggyu only lets out a confused hum, not sure about what Woohyun is trying to say. “Another chance?” he asks, but he knows Woohyun won’t reply. That smug and secretive bastard, that so happens to be someone Sunggyu misses too much. What he wouldn’t give to rewind everything and not get into that accident. And now that he actually remembers what happened, he doesn’t understand how he could even forget.

He is right though; Woohyun doesn’t reply. He only smiles in a mysterious way, sparkling through his brown eyes as his reflection starts to fade. “You’ll see,” he replies shortly. Sunggyu wonders where he’s disappearing to this time. “Sometimes history repeats itself.”

There’s no logical explanation to what Woohyun says, but after everything Sunggyu learns to realize that making sense doesn’t always count. Woohyun never makes sense anyway, no matter how many times he tries to convince Sunggyu otherwise. Woohyun is like emotions, actually; they are illogical and make no sense. Yet you need them. 

Two days later and Sunggyu’s walking out the door. He’s off to work again like always, wearing a simple white shirt and black pants. Usually he would’ve worn a jacket and something to cover up the wound on his arm, but the hot weather made him lazy.

He walks through the parking lot, his chest feeling a bit strange again. His heart feels a bit lighter, making his body feel so as well. It’s as if he’s floating for some weird reason, yet there’s also this feeling of anticipation. Something is going to happen, he feels it in his bones, yet he doesn’t know where it comes from.

The sun shines hotly down on him, even when he gets into the car and is about to drive off. Everything seems fine, he starts singing along to whatever over-played song is on the radio, and his spirits are oddly enough sky high. It makes him feel happy and content until some idiot’s car manages to bump into his own car.

It’s not a huge clash so to speak, but Sunggyu is pretty sure something is messed up as he stops to curse off whoever did it. It’s always so damn typical that when he actually feels like he’s in a good mood, somebody has to mess it up. Especially now as he might be late for work.

 “Do you know how to wait?” Sunggyu says the minute the other driver gets out from his car. There’s a pair of sunglasses on his face, a dark blazer and a white shirt on his body. There’s a sense of familiarity as Sunggyu looks at him, but he’s too mad to think about it.

The man only shrugs and he looks like he wants to get it over with right then and there. Sunggyu can’t see his eyes through the sunglasses, but what he can see is a smug smile, and he already knows this guy might be a royal pain in the . “Well you’re the one who should’ve checked behind you,” stranger man retorts. He looks like he’s the one who’s right, although he probably isn’t. 

There’s something about it though, the way he speaks, as if he’s heard it before. Sunggyu can’t place his finger on it, but it’s familiar. It nags him all the way through the back of his mind. He doesn’t take the time to think about it, and instead he lets it pass. “Check where the hell you’re driving next time, idiot,” Sunggyu ends it there. He doesn’t have the time to look at this handsome yet annoying person. 

Before he can get in the car however, the stranger sure has to come with another comment. “You’re kind of hot when you’re mad,” he says and Sunggyu finds himself rolling his eyes. He gives him the finger, and gets in the car.

Still, there’s something about it that makes him smile ever so slightly. He doesn’t know how to explain it, but the feeling makes him giddy. In a very, very good way, even if he should be annoyed as hell. 

When he looks up at the rear-mirror, to his surprise, he sees the man still there. Sunggyu isn’t sure if his mind is playing tricks on him or not, but he sees himself standing with the stranger. As if the mirror is showing him fleeting memories from before, and then he smiles for an unexplainable reason. It doesn’t feel bad though, and maybe he’ll see this person again. He really hopes so.

Author’s note: The prompt is something entirely different from what I usually write, so this may seem a bit confusing, but I hope you’ll like it! And if it didn’t live up to your expectations then I’m sorry… I tried my best though and I found the idea with the mirror very interesting, plus some other factors about the prompt.

~ Dilemma

Because it can't be Woohyun, so is it--? IS IT? whispers. Is it Hoya? I'm going to pretend that it was, because you left the rest up to our own imaginations and that's where my mind goes. And they live happily ever after and mirror Woohyun is just happy Sunggyu isn't miserable anymore. The end. For me anyway! Fantasticly written story! Thank you! Have an amazing Christmas, Dilemma! 

~ ibreathe-flames