Jackson

Sometimes I wonder what Mark is thinking about. He goes through everything like a machine on a conveyor belt. He’s done everything over a million times before and he’ll just keep doing it on auto pilot. I admire that about him . . .  sometimes. But I also admire the part of him that doesn’t mind breaking schedule. The part that accepts my spontaneous attitudes. But then there’s the part of him that’s spontaneous. The part that confuses me. The random kisses and the fact that he could be loving  in one moment and then all business the next. It’s like some wires are breaking and he’s trying to get back to his old self but every now and then he slips. I look away from my script and watch him as he writes away on a sheet of paper. 
I will make you like me Mark Tuan. Even if it’s the last thing I do. First things first Mino. How will I deal with him? I have no idea. Besides for the promise that he will make breaking up hard I know he’ll see it coming. But how do I break up with him even when he makes it hard? I have no idea. I play his games and will win in the end. Because I have my eyes on the prize, literally.
“Jackson,” Mark says. He brings me out of my train of thought. He’s still looking down at his papers. He glances at his tablet then writes something down.
“Yes?” I answer.
“Stop staring at me,” he says. I roll around so I’m on my stomach.
“How do you feel?” I ask. He looks up for a split second and back down.
“About what?” he asks.
“Last night.”
“Last night? If I recall a lot happened.”
“When we did it?” I ask slowly trying to pick the right words but I have no idea what those could be. He looks at me this time for a bit longer than a second.
“Good, why?” he asks. I sit up.
“Good? As in you enjoyed it?” I ask.
“Why are you so hyper Wang? I did all of the work,” he says. He scribbles something.
“Am I your first?”
“Oo classified information,” he says.
“Well I’m still happy,” I tell him. “I’m happy I can make you happy.” He exhales loud enough for me to hear.
“What in the world am I going to do with you?”
“Love me.”

Mark

He left me blushing. I hope he couldn’t see me clearly. I tried my best to hide behind all of my work and keep my voice from wavering. This guy is ridiculous. Of course I liked it. Of course I enjoyed every moment of it. And of course you’re my first. I guess I’m a professional if he can’t tell. He’s so sweet and cute and so Jackson, it hurts. I hope he never changes. But his last sentence is what got to me. ‘love me’ . The idiot. He doesn’t know how much I love him. And I’m trying so hard to keep it in. He’s only making it harder. Every day I fall for him more than the last. Every single day I want him and knowing he wants me only makes every day harder. The guy does not give up. But there’s also the fact I’m leading him on.  If I don’t want him to date me then I shouldn’t keep kissing him. Or doing him for that matter. But honestly I keep forgetting the process that leads up to that. I could remember the kiss clearly. And the doing it, itself is missing a scene or two. But the part in between is always blurry. Like our first time. How did we get from the couch to the bed? This time how did we get from the pool to the room? It’s like someone entered my mind and painted those areas black because that’s all I’m getting. Blackness. I finish up JB’s work which as I predicted is something Yugyeom couldn’t do and head to the kitchen.
“Hungry Jacks?” I ask him.
“It’s dinner time?” he asks. I laugh.
“No, it’s a little too late to eat dinner,” I remind him.
“Ah. I guess I’m hungry,” he says.
“I’ll just make something small.” I end up making this seaweed wrap with rice and kimchi inside. “Done,” I tell him. He comes to the kitchen.
“Thank you,” he says looking down at the food. I pull him close to me by his belt.
“You know you don’t have to keep  thanking me for every meal,” I tell him.
“But I want to,” he says.
“It’s my job.” I gaze into his eyes and decide to kiss him. If we do end up doing it tonight I’m going to make sure I keep up with the steps.
“Mark, I really like you,” he says.
“I know,” I tell him. I kiss him again.
“Like really, really like you. If there’s anything I can do I’ll do it.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just kiss me right now, okay?” I tell him. And he does. 

I got a call from JB and I have to go back to my room to get the things I need for another assignment. I feel bad for leaving Jackson but I have to. I still work under JB just not directly anymore. I stop at the door and turn around to face Jackson who was on my heels.
“Good night,” I tell him.
“Good night. Sleep well and don’t work too hard,” he tells me. I pet his head.
“You’re too cute,” I tell him. I know he wants to kiss me. I can tell. He’s only ever kissed me first once before. And that was a fast one. He’s put me in charge of starting the kisses and honestly I put myself in charge too. I give him a good night kiss and head out. I feel really good tonight too good.

Jackson

He draws a chair into the center of the patio.
“Jackson.” His voice clear and crisp in the night’s air. It almost scares me. I step outside completely. The cold air touches me lightly.
 “Sit,” he orders. No emotion whatsoever in his voice.
“Min-.”
“What did you two do?” he asks.
‘What?”
“I’m asking my boyfriend what he did with his manager. It’s obvious you two kiss each other but what else?”
“When did you get here Min?” I ask. His laugh cuts through the air.
“You still have the guts to call me Min after you cheated on me? I didn’t see anything but I know you did. It’s 12 and he’s leaving your house now? Might as well have spent the night.”
“Mino-.”
“Tell me, Jackson. What exactly do I have to do to make you mine?” he asks. My eyes widen.
“What?”
“Kill him? Oh no you would never want to see me again. Threaten to hurt him? You know I would. In order to protect him all you have to do is what I say. If I say kiss me. You should kiss me. If I say marry me then you’ll have to marry me. And I promise I’ll keep your precious manager safe.”
“I-.”
“I’ll even let you continue working with him. Aren’t I a fair guy? All I ask Jackson,” he stands up. His voice no longer convincing but angry and rough. “All I want. Is your love in return. Is that too much to ask?”

Mark

I sneak out of my room. Well not really it’s not like we were given a bed time. I walk around the beach inhaling the peaceful air. I love Jeju every grain of sand of it. It’s the perfect place to be. I continue walking up and down the beach. Going on mini adventures and having fun by myself. When I hear a voice and sounds. I try to ignore them but they’re really loud.
“But hyung!” I hear a person say. The voice is familiar so familiar that my heart knows who it is before I do. It picks up a few beats and hammers against my chest. Jackson? I move closer to the scene. There on a porch of a restaurant that should in fact already be closed is where Jackson is. Across from him is none other than Mino. What is he doing here? Jackson gets up from the table and starts to leave. Mino gets up quickly and pulls Jackson back. He whispers something into Jackson’s ear. And then kisses him. They share a pretty long kiss and then Mino releases Jackson. Mino keeps his thumb on Jackson’s cheek.
“Jackson,” he breathes out. Jackson looks into Mino’s hands and holds his arm with a gentleness I rarely see him with.
“Mino,” Jackson says a little too softly. Mino presses his lips against Jackson.
“I love you,” Mino says. I assume Jackson’s not going to say it. He never tells Mino he loves him. Ever. He ignores it. He moves on. He says something else. But Jackson’s still looking into Mino’s eyes with a spark of love in them.
“Mino, I love you too,” he says.
My heart shatters. It feels like the world is falling to pieces around me. Jackson loves Mino? No he doesn’t. He can’t. He just-. I feel my chest burn with agony and my head pound.
“So much,” Jackson continues. Him and Mino share another kiss. I feel like I’m going to throw up. Jackson and I went through so much. He was my first for so, so many things. I thought he was forced into this relationship with Mino. I thought he didn’t have feelings for Mino. Only to find out tonight of all nights that he did. I run back to my room. I can feel hot tears on my face. I’m breaking every last part of me. I attack my bed and pull the covers over me in a cocoon as if I never want to see the sun again.
I bend over my pillow and hold it tightly to my face. I sob. Long and hard. Life just isn’t fair. It’s all so very, very unfair. I want Jackson so bad I’d kill to be with him but in the end I just can’t.
He told me he liked me! ME! Yet right after- not too long after I should say. He says he loves Mino? I just don’t understand. Jackson how could your love be so brief?

Sorry. Was that out of nowhere? Too harsh? Poor Mark. Poor Jackson. Poor world! Don't forget to comment. And tell me what you think.