Baekhyun's P.O.V

“Chanyeol... I'm sorry...”

Baekhyun finally opens his mouth again after a long silence. Chanyeol glances over at him carefully while he puts his food away. Of course he must feel really confused at the moment since Baekhyun can't seem to make up his mind about a couple of things. First of all, Baekhyun doesn't want Chanyeol to find about the threats the manager has given him, but he also wants Chanyeol to pry further into Baekhyun's deep business.

“Sorry for what?”
“I'm sorry for confusing you...”
“Well... You do seem rather confused yourself.”

Baekhyun nods lightly as he puts away his food. He's not hungry anymore, which isn't strange. He's worrying about what is going to happen next and his stomach doesn't like it when he starts worrying like this.

“Are you done already?”
“Mm... I'm stuffed... Thank you for the food.”

Chanyeol looks even more confused, but also concerned. Yet he doesn't say anything as he turns to the wheel and fires the engines. Baekhyun carefully glances up at the giant who is focusing his eyes on the road. It doesn't take many seconds before the car is moving again and they're (probably) heading back to their dorm.

“So... Did the manager come by the dorm today?”
“No, he's actually busy with meetings. Or he was. But now it's too late for him to come by and he said that he wanted to take a break today as well.”
“I see...”

The car falls into silence as Baekhyun stares out through the window. It feels so strange to sit here all alone with Chanyeol. Before their manager found out about them dating, Baekhyun and Chanyeol used to sneak out together. They would go watch movies, eat on weird restaurants and walk in parks late into the night. They didn't have many proper dates, but whenever they went out, they did something weird that is hard to forget.

Baekhyun feels how the depression grabs him. If this would be a normal night, before the hell broke out, they would probably be happy. Chanyeol would be singing along to the radio songs and Baekhyun would join him if he felt like it. They would talk about their work, but also about other things like their family and friends. They would probably crack as many bad jokes as possible and they would compete in who can imitate a member of Exo the best. Thinking back at what they had certainly hurts. Baekhyun can feel his heart beat weirdly, like it's going to break if he doesn't say something soon.

“Hey Chanyeol... Do you ever wonder... if you did something differently in the past... would you be happier now?”

Baekhyun carefully glances over at Chanyeol who slows down the car to be able to talk with Baekhyun. Chanyeol looks to be thinking for a long time before he lets out a long sigh.

“Of course everyone thinks about their actions. For an example, when I decided to join SM, I kept wondering if it was a good idea or not. I thought that maybe if I hadn't joined SM, I would be able to do something else that might be even better than this. But, I don't regret doing so. Like I said, everyone wonders and gets anxious about their life choices, but I think that whatever you do, it's the right thing to do. As long you think about it before you do it and take your time to make important decisions, nothing can really go wrong.”

The car falls silent again as Baekhyun tries to not stare at Chanyeol for much longer than necessary. It feels weird to hear Chanyeol say those words, he sounds so wise and... mature. Baekhyun suddenly feels a lot immature. He didn't think over his choices about dumping Chanyeol, even though he knew that if he didn't, things would get worse. And on top of that, he suddenly said that he would quit and leave EXO. He did all this without thinking it through properly.

“Baekhyun... You should really tell me or ask me for help if something is wrong.”
“I never said that something is wrong...”
“You have always been like this. You're too stubborn to ask for help. Do you remember the first time I helped you without you asking me for help? Well, it was the first time I helped you, with or without you asking me.”
“I don't know which time you're talking about.”
“Come on, think about it. The first time I helped you out was when you had joined our group. You were the last one to join EXO and you had barely three months to learn all the choreography and lyrics to our songs. I know you remember Baekhyun, just try to think.”

Oh Baekhyun does remember. He remembers that he was stressed out about not being able to learn the dances as perfectly as the others. He remembers that he would sneak into a music room and cry when no one could see him. He seriously considered to quit the group and leave, because the pressure was too great for him.

“The first time I helped you out, I stayed after the dance practice while the others left. You also stayed, of course, to practice. You would do this a lot and I noticed that you never asked anyone for help when you didn't know if you did the moves right. I decided to help you since I thought you could be a great mood maker, just like me. Though, you have always had a problem to let down your pride and ask for help.”
“It's not my pride that stops me from asking you for help Chanyeol... It wasn't like that back then either.”
“Then tell me, what stopped you from asking? What stops you from asking now?”

Baekhyun doesn't say anything as he stares out through the window. What actually stops him from asking Chanyeol for help? What stops him from telling him the truth? Is he... scared? He's scared... He's really scared... He's terrified. If their manager finds out about this... If Taeyeon finds out about this... Everything will be so much more painful.

“Sometimes, you can't just ask people for help. Sometimes you have to handle things on your own. Even if it hurts you or burdens you, you sometimes have to do it on your own.”
“That's a lie! If I have learned something so is it that you're never alone! If you ask for help, everything will turn out just fine in the end!”
“Stop screaming you idiot!”

Baekhyun slaps Chanyeol's arm lightly, just like he used to do when they were together. A sudden pain grabs Baekhyun as he hurries to move his hand away from Chanyeol as he stares out through the window again. That was an old habit of his, to slap Chanyeol's arm to make him stop screaming or to make him stop fooling around.

Chanyeol is also silent. The whole car is now silent and the only sound comes from the engine. Baekhyun doesn't try to break the silence as he closes his eyes. He's so tired... He's so damn tired of all this going on. Now he remembers why he wants to leave EXO, because it's too tiring. They work all the time and barely have any holidays. Their schedule is packed with meetings, radio shows, TV shows, practices and performances. And then this problem with their manager showed up and the whole Taeyeon thing isn't really helping either.

“Hey Chanyeol... Are you... tired?”
“Of course I am... It has been a long day...”
“I meant... Are you tired... of me?”

Chanyeol suddenly stops the car. He hits the breaks quickly and then turns his head to face Baekhyun. Baekhyun feels a little pale and nervous: why did Chanyeol stop the car like this? They're in the middle of the road! Is he stupid?! Luckily them, there are no cars around to hit them or see them.

“Y-Yah, you can't just stop here-”
“Don't ever ask me that again... Don't you dare to ask me if I'm tired of you.”
“C-Chanyeol, are you even listening to me-?”
“Baekhyun. I'm not tired of you and I will definitely not leave you, if that is what you think. I will be persistent and cling onto you, no matter what you say or do. I... I haven't gotten over you... You are my best friend and brother, but I also... I also...”

Chanyeol loses his words as he turns his head forward and slowly begins to drive again. Baekhyun can feel his heart beat weirdly, just like it did before. Chanyeol... He's hurting so much, isn't he? He's hurt and pained because of Baekhyun, isn't he? Well... Baekhyun is hurt and pained as well and it's only his fault. All this pain and hardship is his fault.

Baekhyun feels how tears stream down his face as he hurries to look out through the window. He doesn't want Chanyeol to see him like this, not after keeping his feeling hidden for so long. All this pain and hardship is all his fault. He can't let Chanyeol comfort him, because he doesn't deserve Chanyeol's love and comfort. If Baekhyun had been stronger, maybe he wouldn't be in this situation?

“Baekhyun...? Are you alright?”
“I'm fine...”

Baekhyun struggles to keep his voice stable, but he's pretty sure that Chanyeol noticed the sad tone. Baekhyun wipes away the tears as he tries to not sob, but it's really hard to keep his face hidden from Chanyeol. It's so freaking hard to keep this secret from Chanyeol. Well, ever since their manager found out about them, everything has been freaking hard.

Baekhyun stares out through the window as he suddenly notices something, they're not on their way back to their dorm. Where are they going? This is the opposite way to their dorm! What is Chanyeol thinking?! If Baekhyun isn't back home before their manager comes to get them tomorrow morning, he will definitely know that something bad is going on! And if Chanyeol isn't there either, then everything will be ruined!

“Y-Yah, where are we-?”
“Let's take a break from the dorm. I know a place where we can stay-”
“N-NO! I want to go back, like right now!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes! I-I have to be back at the dorm!”
“Why? Why must you be there?”
“B-Because... I just...”
“When do you need to be there?”
“Chanyeol... I'm tired... I want to go home... Please... You said you would take me back home, so please do so.”

Chanyeol lets out a sigh before he turns the car around and finally drives towards the dorm. Baekhyun feels the relief wash over him as he lets out a silent sob. Stupid Chanyeol, everything could have turned out really bad if he hadn't turned around.

“Hey... A-Are you crying?”
“I'm not!”

Baekhyun hurries to wipe away the last tears before he stares out through the window. Damn, Chanyeol heard him sob. Baekhyun curses silently inside of his head as he keeps praying for god to take them back home before Chanyeol asks him more questions.

“Yah... Are you really sure that... you're alright?”
“I'm not crying!”
“I didn't ask if you're crying, I asked if you're really alright.”
“I-I'm fine...”
“You know... When someone say that they're fine, they sometimes mean the opposite...”

Chanyeol falls silently as he tries to glance over at Baekhyun. Of course Baekhyun is still struggling to hide his face from Chanyeol, he can't let him see him like this. Though... If Baekhyun just tells Chanyeol what's wrong... No! If he does that, things will get worse! But why would Baekhyun want to ask Chanyeol for help if that is so wrong?

“Baekhyun... Please... Please stop this foolish act. I know you're not yourself.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Oh please, don't try to convince me that I don't know you.”
“Chanyeol... How many times do I have to tell you, my feelings for you were never-”
“Okay, I'm starting to have enough here.”

Chanyeol hurries to find a place where he can park the car before he turns off the engine. Baekhyun stares mostly startled at Chanyeol who hurries to face him with his deep brown eyes. Baekhyun feels his heart beat weirdly, like he's going to explode. This feeling of having Chanyeol's eyes on him and him only is something Baekhyun has always liked. The feeling of knowing that Chanyeol only looks at him and no one else is a god-like feeling to Baekhyun.

“Try to say that again, but this time to my face. Come on, say it.”
“Y-Yah-”
“Just say it. I need to hear it once again. I need to hear it one last time so I can let go of you. But... If you say it now, I will probably never look at you the same way again. I will force my heart to forget you, to move on and find someone else. I will replace you with someone else, find a new person my heart can love. I will still be your friend, but I will never talk about love or love problems with you ever again. I will never be able to hug you or sit too close to you again and I... I will always be hurt and think back at the time when you broke my heart. But... If all this are going to happen, you need to tell me what you exactly tried to say before. Tell me, Baekhyun. Tell me that you only played with me, that you only wanted to have some fun until you found someone better.”

Baekhyun can feel his heart break slowly. Each word Chanyeol says, each sentence he utters hurts more than a thousand knives. Baekhyun can feel how tears well up inside of his eyes and when Chanyeol finally shuts up, Baekhyun has lost all his courage to even try to lie to Chanyeol. He can't say the cruel words he tried to say before. He can't keep on going like this, because he loves Chanyeol too much.

Tears streams down Baekhyun's cheeks as he gives in. He gives into the pain and the hatred he has gathered. Baekhyun hates himself. He hates his life and the situation he is in. But he hates himself even more because he has hurt Chanyeol. How can he, who has hurt Chanyeol and said such harsh words, go on with his lies and hurt Chanyeol even more?

“I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I... I can't... I can't take it anymore... I don't hate you... I don't want you to go...”

Baekhyun sobs like an idiot before he throws himself into Chanyeol's arms. There is no chance that he can let himself hurt Chanyeol even more. Baekhyun knows that he's selfish to even dare to hug Chanyeol likes this and to seek comfort, but he can't stand it. He knew that if he would end up being alone with Chanyeol like this, eventually he would break and turn into a crying mess. He knew this would happen, yet he let it happen.

“I don't want to go on anymore, I can't take it! Chanyeol, I'm so sorry... I'm sorry... I want you back... I want everything to go back... I can't stand it... I can't take it... Please...”

Baekhyun cries as he feels Chanyeol's arms get wrapped around him. Chanyeol pulls him closer to his warm body and into his wonderful embrace. Baekhyun hugs Chanyeol tightly as he buries his face against Chanyeol's shirt. He hates himself so much, he doesn't even deserve Chanyeol's kindness. He should go to hell and leave Chanyeol, but he doesn't want to hurt Chanyeol's feelings.

“Baekhyun... W-What is going on?”
“I swear... I never wanted to leave you... It wasn't my choice... I want you back so badly... I hate Taeyeon... I hate my life... I can't take it anymore...”

Baekhyun hugs Chanyeol even tighter as he cries into his chest. This feeling of comfort is something he has been seeking in his lies. He has lied to himself and to Chanyeol, only to make himself feel better. But in the end, he didn't only hurt his own feelings, he ended up hurting Chanyeol and his friends even more. He seriously doesn't deserve Chanyeol...

***

Baekhyun sobs silently as Chanyeol gently plays with his hair. Baekhyun has somehow managed to calm down, even though it feels like he can keep on crying for another hour or two. They have been sitting in the car like this for quite a while. Not many people are out on the street anyway and the cars that pass them doesn't seem to notice them.

“Baekhyun... Will you try to tell me the whole truth now?”

Baekhyun sobs as he stares out through the window. He really doesn't want to drag Chanyeol into this mess, but he can't just ignore Chanyeol. He cried and told him so much already, there is no point in trying to make up a lie about the whole thing. Baekhyun won't be able to lie to Chanyeol anymore, his heart can't take those lies anymore.

“I'm scared... If I tell you... Things might get worse... Like really bad...”
“Baekhyun, don't you think that things already are bad?”

Baekhyun feels the fear inside of him. He's not only scared that everything will get worse, he's scared that Chanyeol will get angry at him. He's scared that Chanyeol won't believe him and that he will be left alone. He's scared that Chanyeol will leave him and never talk to him again.

“Can you promise me something first?”
“Yes, anything.”
“Will you... stay with me if I tell you?”
“Of course silly, else I wouldn't be here right now.”

Baekhyun feels how a warm stream flows through his whole body. Chanyeol's words are so encouraging and comforting, it feels like Baekhyun can tell him anything at this point. If Chanyeol is going to stay with him, then telling him the truth won't be as hard as he thought.

“Then... Where should I begin...?”

Baekhyun thinks a little about it and is about to tell Chanyeol everything. But they both get interrupted when Chanyeol's phone rings loudly. At first, Chanyeol tried to ignore it, but by the second time it starts ringing, he can't ignore it. Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol who picks up the phone with a sigh.

“Hello? Ah yes, he's with me. Why are you wondering? Of course we know it's late! Are you waiting? But- What? Suho too? Come on, just go to- Fine! We will come, but- H-Hey! Listen to-”

Chanyeol sighs deeply as he listens to the person on the phone. After a while he hangs up and lets out a heavy sigh. Baekhyun stares silently at Chanyeol who pulls himself together before he faces Baekhyun.

“I'm really sorry, but Xiumin and Suho are waiting for us. They both are tired and they refuse to go to bed until we get back home. But we can still wait-”
“No, let's go back home...”
“B-But what about-?”
“I... I will tell you everything... I promise, I will tell you everything. But... Not tonight.”
“Yah-”
“I know... I know that if I don't tell you now, I might not be able to do it next time... But...”
“Baekhyun... Fine, let's not talk for now... But let's make a promise. Give me your pinkie finger.”
“W-What are you-?”
“Listen to me, you have to swear on the name of love and on your very own life that you will tell me what is going the next time we're alone. Got it?”
“Chanyeol... We might not be alone like this for a very long time.”
“Don't worry, I can think up a way to get you for myself.”
“N-No, you can't do it too obviously... The problem... It's someone who's watching...”
“W-What?”
“Just... Listen, we can't be alone together like this. If someone finds out about this, then... Something really bad will happen.”
“I see... Someone is threatening you. A fan?”
“No... But...”
“I get it, let's talk about it another time. For now, I will listen to you. But the next time you won't get away.”

Baekhyun nods slowly before Chanyeol lets go of his pinkie finger. Did they just make a pinkie promise? Baekhyun feels how a small smile spreads across his lips. Oh how he has missed this. He has missed to fool around with Chanyeol and do silly things. Baekhyun doesn't want this moment to go away, he wants to stay in Chanyeol's arms and inhale his sweet scent. But he can't.

“Let's go back...”
“Yeah, let's go back before Xiumin hunts us down.”

A chuckle escapes Baekhyun's mouth as they hurry to get back to their seats. Like Chanyeol said, they better go back before Xiumin gets too tired and angry at them.

Ayo guys! ^.^

So I'm back with a new chapter! *dancing for myself like a fool* ^.^

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and that you will stay tuned for the next chapter! Until then, please keep supporting me ^.^

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