Sakura’s Pov

Jin brought another girl to my parents’ wedding anniversary celebration.

His mother smiled with approval as they walked arm-in-arm into the dining room. My mother sent me a withering glance, as if to say, “See what you’ve done now? He’s moved on.” My father just shrugged listlessly. He didn’t care about me as much since I rejected his company. At least, it felt like he didn’t care about me as much.

Jin and his date sat across from me. I hadn’t been allowed to bring “that hobo baker,” as my mother fondly referred to Jimin, so it was just me. Me and my lonely self sitting across from first love (and only love, let’s be honest) while he fed a gorgeous, well-groomed debutante Swedish meatballs. Maybe she wasn’t a debutante, but she was definitely some kind of high-society girl.

Technically, I was a high-society girl. I could probably kick that dumb ’s in some sort of high-society girl competition. Like…wearing books on our heads and walking around without dropping one. I had impeccable posture thanks to my high-society girl training.

Alright, that wasn’t really a thing and I normally didn’t call another girl a unless I knew for a fact that she was one, but still. I hated this girl. How dare she touch Jin’s broad shoulders like that? Jin didn’t love her! He loved me.

Right.

He loved me.

Jin loved me and I rejected him, so of course he would take someone else to my parents’ wedding anniversary party. Just like I had started dating someone else. Someone I really liked. Someone who loved me, someone who wanted to live with me. And I was not easy to live with, as Jin could attest to.

Jin could attest to the fact that I was often irritable, smoked too much in the summer, only ate sweets and pizza, and never brushed my teeth before bed. Jimin had learned a couple of these things, but Jin knew me. Knew me inside out.

A new romance was fun, but I missed the familiarity of my relationship with Jin. Beautiful Jin with his beautiful blonde hair and new piercings. The one in his left ear looked a little red; I’d have to scold him about not cleaning it.

I wished Jimin could be here. I didn’t drool over Jin when Jimin was around. I didn’t miss him as much. I didn’t think about confessions he’d made the last time I’d seen him, the promises he made.

I wondered if he’d gotten that apartment after all.

Jin’s parents were seated next to me. His mother looked divine, as always. She’d never liked me, but his father had.

“Sakura, dear, how are you?” His mother gushed. “How’s your little shop doing?”

“Excellently, thank you.” I beamed falsely back at her, then took a sip of wine. “Just peachy.”

In truth, I hadn’t opened the shop in two weeks. Neither had Jimin opened his bakery for that time. We’d been sleeping late and, well, sleeping together. An independently owned bookstore in this day and age could not afford to take two weeks off. Jimin and I were suffering financially, just a little bit.

Maybe it’d be a good idea to move in together. Save money on rent.

Still…it was a little too soon. Jimin and I had only been dating for like...well, I wasn’t exactly sure. I’d known him for maybe seven months? Eight? We didn’t even date that whole time.

Too soon. Much too soon.

Right?

I dejectedly pushed a meatball around my plate. Why did these fancy events always serve Swedish meatballs? Why didn’t we eat caviar instead? Or, like, any other kind of food besides ing Swedish meatballs. Swedish meatballs were only good if you ate them at Ikea after a long day of planning your future home with your significant other.

Oh well. At least there was champagne.

“So, Sakura, I hear you’ve been getting pretty serious with that boyfriend of yours.” Jin’s dad leaned in conspiratorially.

I nearly choked on my champagne. My eyes flicked over to Jin, seated across the table with his arm around his stunning date. He didn’t even glance my way.

Maybe he couldn’t hear our conversation.

“Where’d you hear that from?” I ventured after the champagne had successfully evacuated my esophagus.

“Seokjin mentioned it, actually. Said he visited you recently and that you two seemed happy together.” Jin’s father smiled kindly at me.

“Yeah. We’re happy together.” I echoed softly, staring at Jin. He kissed the tip of his date’s nose and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

What the hell was wrong with me? Was I PMSing?

I had Jimin. I liked Jimin.

I adored Jimin.

But I still loved Jin.

Would I always love Jin? Why couldn’t I let him go? I wanted to move on with my life, pursue a happier course. Was it so wrong to want to be with someone who loved me, even if I didn’t quite love him back? I would, I could.

I’d thought I wanted to.

“So, do you think it’s over between you and Seokjin forever?” His father frowned slightly. “I thought you two would end up together. I’d hoped you would. You’re so good for him. He’s much too serious. Much too serious at so young an age.”

“Well, not everything works out the way you want it to.” His mother said with a gleeful little smile.

I stabbed my fork into the unsuspecting meatball. “Who knows?” I said airily. “Life is long. We certainly can’t predict what will happen, now, can we?”

Jin’s mother huffed, but his father laughed. “That’s very true, my girl, very true.”

I tipped the rest of my champagne back into my mouth, tilting the glass so I could get every last drop. As I moved to set the glass back on the table, I locked eyes with Jin. His gaze burned into mine with an intensity that unnerved me. I felt frozen in place, too shy to say anything, too hypnotized to look away.

After several moments, I dropped my gaze and excused myself. I knew that Jin would follow me before I heard his chair scrape back from the table, before I heard his hurried footsteps behind me, before I felt his fingers wrap around my wrist and tug me into a secluded corner.

Before a word was spoken between us, he placed his lips against mine in a soft kiss. Four, five, six kisses before he broke away and rubbed his nose against mine, forehead to forehead.

Is this what it had felt like to be wanted by Jin? It had been so long since he had touched me like this. I’d forgotten the feeling of his love.

Gentle hands around my waist, the scent of his familiar cologne filling my nose, soft smudges of my lipstick on his mouth.

“Kura, my sweet Sakura.” Jin smiled his angelic smile at me and my heart soared into my throat.

Still so in love with him.

“I hate your mother.” I said softly.

His brow furrowed in confusion, then offense. “What the hell?”

“Yeah. I hate your mother. That’s why I said that, to piss her off. I didn’t think you could hear me.”

Jin loosened his grip on my waist. “So…you’re not thinking of getting back together with me?” He asked in a heartbroken little murmur.

I balled my hands into fists at my side, resisting the urge to smooth back his hair, kiss his forehead, hold his face in my hands and whisper that I didn’t mean it.

“I’m moving in with Jimin.” I blurted out.

Jin’s eyes blew wide with surprise and he took a step back with a hand pressed to his cheek, like I’d slapped him or something.

“So, you’re serious about this? This is real?”

“It’s been real, Jin. You knew that.”

He held up one hand, the other pressed against his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Shh. Stop. I can’t…I can’t...no. You’re not, you’re not going to live with that guy?”

“He loves me and wants to live with me.” I said a little snidely. “At least someone does.”

Jin rolled his eyes. “I love you.”

“Do you, though? Do you really?”

He huffed and put his hands on his hips. “I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you if I didn’t love you.”

“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I knew you loved me in the first place. I wouldn’t have broken up with you and started dating Jimin if I knew you loved me in the first place, .”

“I don’t get it! Why do you keep saying that you don’t know? What have I done but love you for our entire ing lives? What the do you need, Sakura? Roses every morning? Petals on our bed or something? I don’t know what about my love is not good enough for you, but it’s ing killing me inside.” Jin ran a hand through his coarse blonde hair. “Kura, I love you. You…you’re like a part of me. We’ve been together for so long; I don’t know how to be apart from you. I don’t,” his voice broke and he turned his face to the side so I wouldn’t see the way his chin trembled (the way it always did when we fought and he tried not to cry), “I don’t know what I did. I’m really sorry, okay? I just don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

Jin brushed his suit jacket sleeve across his eyes, still refusing to look at me.

“I even decorated the nursery for you.” He said in a small voice. “’Cause when we were little, you always used to hold my hands and say, so cheerfully, ‘Seokjinnie, our babies are gonna live in here someday.’”

I stepped closer to him, took his face in my hands. Wiped his tears away with gentle fingers, smoothed his hair back from his forehead.

Tears clung to his eyelashes. He blinked and one slid down his cheek and onto my thumb. I pulled his face close to mine and kissed his forehead.

“I do love you, Jin. You’re a part of me, too.”

“I got an apartment.” He told me, voice breaking. “It’s nice, actually. I want you to see it.”

I kissed his cheek and stepped back from him. “We should go back. Your date is probably wondering where you are.”

Jin swept me into his embrace, pressing me against his chest. “Kura, please. Just tell me what I need to do. What do you want from me?”

I gently pushed him away. “Jin. I shouldn’t have said what I did to your mother. I have no intention of getting back together with you. I’m with Jimin and I enjoy being with him. I want to see where that relationship takes me.”

“But you love me?” Jin asked quietly, staring seriously into my eyes.

“Yes.” I answered honestly. “I do.”

I went home that evening and found Jimin asleep on my couch. Jack lay at his feet, looking tired. He lifted his head in greeting to me, but otherwise ignored me as I sat on the floor, near to Jimin.

Jimin stirred when I carded my fingers through his soft hair. I kissed his cheek, his nose, his chin. “Hey, baby. Come to bed.”

“You’re home?” He asked me sleepily, eyes blinking open for one short, squinty-eyed stare.

“Mmhm. Come sleep. We’ve gotta work tomorrow.”

He groaned. “I don’t wanna.”

I kissed him, then went into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Jimin joined me in front of the sink, plucking his toothbrush from the holder. Yes, Jimin kept a toothbrush at my apartment. We’d been moving quickly, too quickly for my taste.

“I’m not ready to live together yet.” I said through a mouthful of toothpaste. Jimin blinked at my sudden revelation.

“Okay.” He continued to brush for a bit, then spat into the sink. “It’s too soon, right? My sister said it was too soon.”

I nodded. Jimin rinsed his toothbrush and went into the bedroom, but I continued to brush for longer than necessary.

“Jimin?”

He looked up from his spot on my bed, where he was reading one of my books.

“Just because I’m not ready now, doesn’t mean I won’t be ready later.”

His hair fell over his eyes as he ducked his head down, half-nodding, half-hiding. “Sorry. I know it’s too soon. It just…feels right with you. Sorry, did I freak you out? Should I go?”

I crawled into bed next to him. Laid my head in his lap and slipped my hand underneath his shirt.

“Don’t be stupid. I’m not freaked out. I’m just not ready.” I paused. “It’s flattering, really. A little unnerving, but flattering.”

Jimin set his book down on the nightstand, sighing softly. “How was the party? You were home early. I half-expected you to stay the night at your parents’ place.”

I yawned and drew the covers over my body, making a nest for myself. “The food . My parents are disappointed in me. Same old, same old.”

He murmured something sympathetic, but I was distracted by the way his fingers tiptoed down my body from underneath the covers. “Was Jin there?”

“Hmm? Yeah, he was there. With an absolutely gorgeous date.”

“Were you jealous?” He tweaked the soft skin of my stomach. I in a breath and he laughed.

“Yeah, I was. But, I don’t know, it’s different now. We’re not getting back together. I’m not just dating you to convince him that I’ve moved on. We’re serious, and it feels serious. I…I care about you, Jimin. A lot. I don’t know, I just…I want to be here, with you.”

It was true. I’d somehow carved out a home for myself in my small apartment, one that didn’t involve Jin. I still loved him, still wished that we could be together, happy and healthy. But, I’d stopped wishing as much and started looking forward to coming home to a big, fluffy dog and a sweet-tasting, sweetly smiling baker.

Maybe I’d started to fall in love with him.