Jin’s POV

I lay on my bed and stared up at the ceiling moodily.

Sakura was sleeping with someone else. She was dating someone else.

She was probably in love with someone else.

“.” I turned and buried my face in my pillow.

A faint knock at the door interrupted my morbid musings.

“Mr. Jin, you have a visitor.” The maid, Elise, opened the door and gave me a sweet smile. I sat up and nodded to her. She stepped aside and Sakura walked in.

I barely registered Elise’s departure as I took in Sakura, in front of me. It had been so long since we’d been together. I thought we’d gotten back together after I showed her the nursery and we made love, but she’d ignored all of my calls and texts. I’d found out later from my parents that she was spending a lot of time with Jimin.

I thought she’d been trying to make me jealous. I didn’t realize she was trying to leave me.

“You’re here.” I whispered, carding my fingers through my hair as she stepped closer. “What are you doing here?”

I watched her swallow before she sat in my lap and threw her arms around my neck. She felt so nice; so warm and soft. Her uncontrollable curls fell around me as she touched her forehead to mine.

“You smell like cigarettes. And,” I took another whiff, “a man. Did you come from his place?”

She nodded against my forehead.

“What are you doing here?” I placed my hands around her waist. I was angry now, but I didn’t want her to leave.

“I love you.” Sakura whispered, blinking back tears. A seed of hope sprouted in my chest.

“You do?” My fingers scrambled eagerly to pull her closer.

“But I don’t want to.”

I wrapped my arms around her and tugged her closer to me. She sighed and I took advantage of the moment and stole a kiss.

“Well, too bad for you.” I flipped us over and laid down on top of her, lazily running my hand through her curls. “I’m not letting you go again.”

“I’m so tired.” She whispered as tears ran down her face. “I don’t want to be in love with you anymore, but I can’t stop.”

 “Don’t stop, then. Just stay in love with me. I’ll take care of you.” I brushed her tears away with my thumb.

“I don’t want this life.” She closed her eyes and heaved a tearful sigh.

“We won’t turn into our parents. I promise.” I kissed her forehead. “We’ll have a dozen babies and they’ll all have hair like yours. You’ll run your parents’ company and I’ll run my parents’ company and you can run the bookstore on weekends.”

“I don’t want to give up my bookstore.” Sakura murmured. I rested my full weight on her. She moved underneath me and soon, her hand found its way into my hair. “Jin, why can’t we just leave? Hmm? Why can’t we just leave and live in a sweet little apartment with books and a dog and a couple of babies? I don’t want to dress up for society dinners for the rest of my life.”

“Sakura, baby, you know I can’t do that.” I rolled over on to the other side of the bed. She curled up against me, still crying. I held her waist loosely. I couldn’t believe she was here, in my bed, in my arms. “My parents are counting on me. Yours are, too.”

“I don’t want to live their lives. I want to live my own.” She rested her head on my chest. A wet patch formed where her tears fell against the fabric. “Jin, why won’t you just leave with me?”

“I don’t want to go. I want this life, Sakura.” I the top of her head, careful not to muss her curls after many years of scolding.

“But we were so lonely. I can’t live in this house and pretend it’s full of good memories.”

“I wasn’t lonely.” I disagreed. I stared up at the ceiling as a wave of memories washed over me. “I always had my little cherry blossom with me. I like the idea of raising our babies in the same home we grew up in. That’s why I redid the nursery for you.” I paused, a bit hurt. “I thought you would like it.”

Silence fell between us. I mindlessly her hair, wondering when she had gotten so far away from me.

“We used to belong to each other.” I said softly. “I thought we were going to be together forever.”

“Jimin fell in love with me.” Sakura wiped her tears off on my shirt. I stiffened.

“I see.”

“So I had to break up with him.” She started to sniffle.

“Why’s that?” I asked coldly. “Is it a habit of yours to leave people who love you?”

“I can’t love him. Because I’m still so ing in love with you.” The tears flowed freely once more. “God, I really hate myself. He’s so sweet and I’m breaking his heart.”

“You’re breaking my heart, too, if you haven’t noticed.” I said dryly.

“Sorry.” She mumbled. I sat up and ruffled my hair agitatedly.

“, Sakura, you can’t just come here smelling like another man and then start crying about him. I’m not your therapist. I’m in love with you.” I clambered down from the bed and started pacing the room, wearing out the already worn braided carpet.

My bedroom was decorated with our memories. The maids never came in here to clean, but I kept everything spotless. Photographs of us from infants to teenagers hung on the pale blue walls. My bookshelf was full of books Sakura had given me over the years; I’d never had to buy one for myself. My desk was decorated with pictures from our many dates. I kept my grandmother’s engagement ring in one of the drawers for the day I finally wanted to propose.

She sat up and watched me, still crying. She looked like a little girl, dressed in a too big sweater.

“Why are you doing this to me? How could you sleep with another man?” I met her eyes sadly. “, Sakura. How can you just abandon me like this? You’re my everything.”

“No, Jin, I’m not.” She wiped away a tear with the sleeve of her sweater, swiping mascara across her cheek. “You know this life will make me miserable, but you still want me to live it with you.”

“We can’t just leave!” I cried in exasperation. “We can’t let our families down like this! Why are you so selfish? Why can’t you just be content with what you’ve been given? You’re rich, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, and you’re loved. Why can’t that be enough for you?”

“I never wanted any of this!” Sakura burst out. “I just want you, Jin, damn it! We’re not going to be happy if we live like this. You already work long hours. I’m already alone half the time. I don’t want to spend my life working at a desk and bossing people around! I just want a simple life with you. Why can’t that be enough for you?”

“We have responsibilities, Sakura. We can’t just throw them away because you’re whimsical.” I said scornfully.

“You were never such a filial son before. Don’t you remember how we used to talk when we were young? We were going to see the world. But you’re just cooped up in an office all day looking just like your father. You’ve even got premature grey hairs. You’re not happy, Jin. Why won’t you just admit that?”

“We’re not children anymore, Sakura.” I felt so tired. “My love, we can’t just live like we’re teenagers forever.”

“I can’t live my life the way you want me to.” She ran a hand through her curls. “I don’t even know why I came back here. I don’t know why I come back to you every time. I love you, but we’re just not compatible.”

“Stop.” I said forcefully. “Just stop talking so much . We’re meant to be, you and I. You know it as well as I do.”

“We don’t want the same things.” Sakura gathered her hair in a bun. I knew what that meant. She was getting ready to leave me again.

I knelt in front of her and took her hands. “Sakura, I just want you.” I gazed at her pleadingly, losing all hope as I noticed the sadness in her eyes.

She leaned closer and kissed my forehead. I could still smell Jimin on her.

“Then leave all this for me.”

I rested my head on her knees, feeling defeated. “Can’t you just give it a try with me? Maybe this life wouldn’t be so bad if we’re together. I can make you happy.”

“I know I’m asking a lot of you, sweetheart.” Sakura whispered. She ran her fingers through my hair and I closed my eyes, pressing my lips against her thighs. “But I won’t let my children grow up lonely.”

“Kura, please. Just let me try.” I begged, throwing in my childhood nickname for her. “Don’t leave me. Please. I don’t want to live without you.”

“You say all these pretty things, but you leave me alone most of the time. When we’re together, you spend all your time on work. I have a hard time believing you even love me. It would be better if we both worked simple jobs and focused on each other. I don’t want to leave you, but I won’t live with you like this.”

“Can’t you just try?”

“No.” She kissed my hair and shifted away from me. I didn’t stop her as she stood and walked towards the door.

I watched as she paused at my desk, tracing her finger over her favorite photograph of us. We were at the beach watching the sunrise, both of us wrapped up in a blanket and smiling enthusiastically at the camera. I thought then that that was the happiest I could ever be.

“We had a good run, didn’t we, Jin?” She looked back at me over her shoulder, tears shining in her eyes.

I crossed the room and pulled her into a tight hug. “Kura, stop, please. Don’t throw all of this away because you’re scared.”

She pushed me away, so gently. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.” She caressed my cheek, a sweet parting gesture. She always tried to ease the bitterness.

“Don’t leave me.” My voice cracked as I struggled to keep in tears. “God, not when you’ve just come back. I thought I lost you forever. I can’t go through that again. Please, I don’t want to live without you. Stay with me.”

I saw the hesitation in her eyes.

“Stay.” I said again, clinging to her. “Please, love, stay. Just for the night. Let me have one last night with you.”

“Okay.” Sakura whispered. “Just one night.”

I almost cried with relief, holding onto her so tightly she squirmed against me.

We lay in bed together, in our usual pajamas. I wore flannel pants and with t-shirt and she wore an oversize t-shirt of mine from high school. I’d bought it at a concert we snuck out to one night. We stayed the night in Brooklyn at a friend’s apartment and Sakura wore it to sleep. I kissed her forehead as I remembered how we’d laid on the couch together that night. We were in love with each other then, but neither of us knew.

“You’re so spoiled, Kura.” I whispered into the dark. “I always gave you everything you wanted, but now you’re asking for too much.”

“I just want you to love me.” She replied. “I just want us to be happy together.”

“You’re so sure you have it all figured out. Why do you think we can’t be happy like this? Why don’t you think we can make it?”

“Because we had already fallen apart. Jin, we fight all the time. The only time we’re really happy together is when we’re away from all of this. I was miserable and lonely long before we broke up. We can’t be happy together like this.”

“I’m happy as long as we’re together.” I took her hand and interlaced our fingers.

“I’m not.” Sakura whispered.

She drifted off to sleep holding my hand.

I lay awake, haunted by her last sentence.