I was smoking a cigarette next to her in bed when Sakura woke up the next morning. The smoke curled in soft tendrils in front of us. Jack had coughed and escaped from the room as soon as I lit up.

“Can I take a drag?” She whispered hoarsely, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

I passed it to her silently. I wasn’t in a talking mood this morning.

We shared the cigarette until it was down to a tiny nub. Sakura sat up and stretched; I watched as her long curls bounced around her shoulders and obscured her face from me.

“What do you want to do today?” She nudged me gently with her shoulder.

I chose not to answer her for a while.

“Jimin?” Sakura peeked into my face. “Is something wrong?”

I tugged on a thick curl nestled next to her ear, stiff with product.

“This hurts.”

“What hurts?” She threw the covers off and swung her legs over mine, situating herself onto my lap. I took in the sight of her unruly black curls, the silver glint of her nose ring, the way my flannel shirt barely covered her curves, how her thighs looked gripping mine.

“You hurt.” I wrapped the curl around my finger.

“Why do I hurt?” Sakura tilted forward to leave a kiss on my nose. I could smell her perfume amongst the scent of stale cigarettes.

“Because you love Jin.” I answered quietly. I tapped her nose as she frowned at me.

“You love Maya.” She reminded me, a bit petulantly.

“A part of me will always love Maya. But I’m over her. You’re not over Jin, no matter what you say.”

Sakura shifted uncomfortably on my lap. Her nose ring shone for a moment in the morning sunlight, briefly blinding me.

“You knew that going into this. Why does it suddenly bother you?”

I sighed through my nose, debating whether or not to answer truthfully.

“This whole thing was your idea.” Sakura added sullenly. “Don’t get mad now.”

“I’m not mad.” I put out my cigarette in the ashtray next to my bed. It was shaped like an apple and Maya had left it here.

“What’s your deal, then? Why are you so ing moody today?” She swung herself off my lap and climbed off the bed.

I watched her put on a pair of my boxers. She tossed her curls over her shoulder before gathering them into a messy bun, snapping the hair tie in place.

The sound snapped me back to reality.

“We’re just ing pretending.” I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. Sakura met my eyes in surprise. “You don’t love me. You’ll never love me and all I want is to be loved. Let’s just end whatever this is.”

Sakura hesitated for a moment, gnawing on her bottom lip. “I thought you didn’t want to be lonely. I didn’t know you wanted me to love you.”

“I didn’t.” I admitted quietly. “But it’s lonelier to lie next to someone who’s not thinking of me than to be alone.”

“You knew I loved Jin. You knew that our relationship was going to be like this.” She stood there in my clothes, smelling like my cologne and my cigarettes. She’d made herself at home in my home and my bakery. She’d wormed her way into every part of my life, but I couldn’t even get her to whisper my name when we had .

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect to fall for you.”

The words hung in the air for a few moments before she broke the silence.

“You…fell for me?”

I couldn’t read her tone.

“Kinda.” I offered a half-assed explanation.

“So, what? You’re, like, in love with me or something?” Her brow furrowed in confusion. Or distaste?

“I don’t know.” I nervously played with the hem of the comforter. I could feel her staring at me, but I didn’t want to meet her eye.

I felt the dip of the mattress and suddenly she was back in my lap, arms looped around me, face buried in my neck.

“Thank you, Jimin.” Sakura whispered, kissing under my ear.

“I’m trying to break up with you. Why are you thanking me?” I touched my forehead to her shoulder.

“Because you’re so sweet.” She held me closely for a moment before sighing. She leaned back to look into my eyes. “Thank you.”

“What a gracious rejection. You really are a society girl, aren’t you?” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my tone.

Sakura pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry.”

I let my hands stray down to her waist. “I’m a little in love with you.” I whispered.

She kissed me and I sensed the finality of it.

I played with Jack in the living room while she got dressed. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by staying in there. We were broken up; physical intimacy wasn’t something we would share anymore.

She came out dressed in her own clothes, but clutching my flannel in one hand.

“Do you…do you mind if I keep this?” Sakura asked hesitantly. My heart raced for a moment at the thought that she might want to remember me.

“Yeah. You can keep it.”

She bent down and gave Jack a goodbye kiss. I waited my turn for mine.

“Goodbye, Jimin.” Sakura whispered. I held her hands in both of mine and gave her a brief, heartfelt kiss.

“Goodbye.”

I watched her walk away, wishing I could call her back. I didn’t want to be alone.

I didn’t want to be without her.