It felt as if I had gone back in time. Kyungsoo and I was spending every day together, just as we had when we were children. Kyungsoo was even starting to smile again but behind the smile there was always a slight sadness hidden beneath the surface… Things had changed since we were young. We were no longer best friends and time and time again, I was reminded of that fact.

-

“Let’s do something fun today, Kyungsoo.”

For the third day in row, I had spent the night at Kyungsoo’s place. I guess I didn’t want him to be left alone, especially not after I had received a call at 2.30 in the morning containing nothing but broken sobs.
I had hurried over and had been completely out of breath, when the front door to Kyungsoo’s apartment swung open and my friend clung onto me for dear life, crying his heart out. He never said ‘His’ name… Chanyeol’s name but of course I knew that he was the sole reason for Kyungsoo’s despair. When Kyungsoo seemed to relax a little, I gently held him at arms’ length to study his face. There was something strangely beautiful about him, all teary eyed and… Vulnerable? I slowly lifted up my hand to remove a falling tear from his rosy cheek and I felt something I had never felt before. At least not as strong.
Retracting my hand, I think I smiled at him before guiding him inside again but once inside, I immediately felt something was different. Something was missing. The old yellow armchair that used to occupy the living-room corner was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Kyungsoo’s bed linen lay bundled up, like a nest of a sort. I had tried asking him about the chair but his only reply was more tears. The rest of the night I spent sleeping on the floor while Kyungsoo resided in his nest, curled up into a ball.  

Since then I had occupied Kyungsoo’s tiny sofa despite a very doubtful chorus of ‘I’m fine’ and ‘Really. I’m fine.’

“Fun? What did you have in mind?”

Kyungsoo was in the middle of making breakfast, with me sitting on the counter appraising the cooking. It was Sunday. Pancake day, so I was more than eager to sample the finishing result.

“Maybe… Go shopping?”

“Jongin, I’ve known you for 26 years. Never in my life have I ever heard you associate shopping with ‘fun’.”

“I know, I know. It’s just… Erh, I have this work thing and I kind of need something nice to wear…”

“You’re a mechanic. When do you need to dress nice for work?”

I jumped down from the table, snatching a pancake in the process. Stuffing my mouth I sat down at the table and quickly chowed down the rest while Kyungsoo sported an unimpressed look.

“Well, the boss-man is getting hitched and wants us all to be there suited up and perfect. Now, I know I’ve got the perfect down. I just need a suit.”

A loud snort could be heard before a plate of pancakes was put in front of me. Kyungsoo sat down opposite of me and helped himself to breakfast.

“26 and no suit, huh?”   

“You know me. I’m not a penguin. Showy attire was just never my thing.”

“I should say. You’ve got enough blue jeans and flannel shirts to dress an entire nation of lumberjacks.”

…I guess that was true. Enough. It’s just that fashion had never been of interest to me. Ever. So my way of buying clothes was of the ‘Is it comfortable and are my nibs not showing? Then great” kind of way.

“I’m going to pretend that wasn’t an insult to the way I dress, ‘Mr. Prada’ and instead take it as an ‘Of course I’m going to help you because even thought it might not be visible, I am your hyung and I’m going to take care of my dear, dear donsaeng because I love you vewy, vewy much.’”

That last aegyo might have done more harm than good seeing as half my face was now covered in syrup from an ill-tempered Kyungsoo who just happened to really, really dislike my super-duper awkward attempts at being cute. Actually, the only aegyo he could stand was Chanyeol’s which was weird because he was the kind of guy to go all in and could make even the most good-hearted person cringe with fury.

“You’re lucky you’re pretty you brat.”

Next, Kyungsoo threw a wet towel at me before continuing his meal nonchalantly.

“And it is Mr. Armani to you. Not Prada.”  

“Gangnam? Shouldn’t we be heading towards Dongdaemun instead?”

Stepping out on the streets of Gangnam, Kyungsoo looked to me in bewilderment.

“Come on Jongin. We’ll find you a ‘nice’ flannel suit to go with your standard black converse somewhere else that’s actually within your price range.” 

I couldn’t help laughing at my friend.
Kyungsoo had always been impeccably dressed whether it was in a casual suit, chunky knits or black boxers… You know what I mean… He just had a way of carrying himself. I guess that came with the job.
Looking back, it was kind of fun how the two, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, had looked together. Kyungsoo in his pressed, charcoal trousers, navy blue silk shirt and black Oxfords and Chanyeol, in his colourful cotton T-shirts that were either stained with paint, flour, drool or whatever the kindergarteners had planned for the day. No doubt it hadn’t been Chanyeol’s sense of fashion Kyungsoo had fallen for all those years ago. No… I had asked him one time, what it was about Chanyeol he liked so much. He had answered with a sickening blush to his cheeks: “He makes me laugh.”  
Yes, Chanyeol had always been the life of the party and always had a ton of fun stories from his job as a pedagogue. And what stories did I have? I spent most of my days with my head stuck in an engine, covered in dirt and surrounded by other men doing the exact same thing. Not many, at least fun stories sprang from that.

“I thought we should do this right. First suit. That is supposed to be a magical thing right?”

“Jongin, it’s not like losing your ity. Besides, that would in your case, have been free. If we go down this road, we’re talking 1.500.000 won at least.”

“I know…”

“I know what you’re going to say, that I’m crazy for spending so much on a wardrobe but buying a suit is much more than ‘just’ buying a suit. It can take a lifetime finding the perfect fit. It’s worth the wait but the wait is excruciating, I mean hello, are we there yet?”

“Kyungsoo…”

“Oh but when you find it… It’s nothing short of magical.”

“….”

“In the beginning you’re a bit insecure and scared because this is it. This is what you have anticipated for so long and the moment has finally arrived. And you tremble while you reach out for it, unsure of how to go about it but… Once you’re in it. You just know what to do on instinct.”

“How is that any different from losing your ity?”

“The way the soft material caresses your skin as if it had always been a part of you. And you just know. This. Is what perfection looks like.”

Kyungsoo sighed deeply as to finish his tale, completely lost in his own little suit-evolving world.

“You just held a 5 minute speech about a suit while for my last birthday, the only thing your card said was ‘Hurray, sincerely Kyungsoo.’ Are you kidding me?!”

I suppose the present had made up for the lack of words and ‘sincerity’ but it had still been a small slap to the face. Of course, Kyungsoo was a busy man but he could at least have had the curtesy of actually writing ‘Happy Birthday’.
Kyungsoo had always taken his studies very seriously, well up until the time Chanyeol and him, had started dating. Chanyeol had somehow managed to make Kyungsoo slow down and make him realise there was more to life than a career. Never the less, Kyungsoo had become a successful sociologist but had made sure to make time for playing as well. Playing being Chanyeol.
And not really anyone else.

“You know you can’t force inspiration, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo then took hold of my arm. His eyes told me things were about to get serious. Serious, and uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to prove anything to me. You’ll look good, no matter what the label says.”

For a second, a small surge of energy went through my body and collected around the spot Kyungsoo’s hand pressed against my coat. That was nothing new. It was just something that would happen whenever he looked at me that way. Or said nice things. Or touched me.
At first it had scared me but later on I had simply come to accept it and had named it ‘Kyungsoo Fever’.

“Believe it or not. Not everything has to do with you.”

As gently as possible, I shook off Kyungsoo’s hand and started down the crowded street. Luckily, Kyungsoo followed troop but not without a small ‘Yeah right’ under his breath.              

It took half a day finding the perfect suit, the perfect shirt, perfect tie, belt and shoes. I looked like a million bucks even though I had spent closer to two.
Kyungsoo had been outraged at the price and offered to pay half along with a repetition of ‘You’re just a poor mechanic’.
I guess I should have told him… But it was too much fun watching him fuss and scold me. And care…
And hopefully. Chanyeol faded just a little, even just for a while.