Things were going great.

Wonderful actually.

Right up until one morning where I found Chanyeol sound asleep, in the living room, in an old yellow armchair that wasn’t there before but which I recognised in an instant. There’s no denying the sudden pain in my chest that wasn’t caused by its defect but because that was not merely a chair. No. That chair was the memories of someone else. Of Kyungsoo.
I didn’t dare confront him about it. I simply chose not to acknowledge its presence and pretended it didn’t hurt seeing Chanyeol sit in it and tenderly the fabric as was it Kyungsoo himself. I considered burning it but… Perhaps I’m not as crazy as I thought. Chanyeol loved me. Why else do all of this for me? He left Kyungsoo for me, he bought an apartment for me, he held me, kissed me… All this was… it was just a minor setback.  No one just quit an addiction, no, there ought to be at least one slipup… or two. No, this was fixable. I could fix it.
It was just a tiny mishap…

-

“Baekhyun!”

It was nine in the morning, when Chanyeol came rushing into the bedroom half-dressed, toast in his mouth and wearing only one shoe.

“I’m late! You’re late! We’re all so freaking late!”

Drowsily I stretched my tired body in complete contrast to Chanyeol’s haste.

“You’re the only one late, Chanyeol.”

“But you’re the one who usually sets the alarm! It wakes up you and you wake up me!”

I couldn’t help but smile at his logic or at the bread crumbs strewing all over the bed and Chanyeol wrestling a long-sleeve shirt whose opening was too small for his untamed, curly, morning hair. 

“Sorry. Must have forgotten.”

“Kyungsoo would never have forgot!”    

And my smile was gone. As silence seemed to win the argument, Chanyeol gave up on getting dressed and threw himself down on the bed with a sigh.

“I didn’t mean that.”

He gingerly took my hand as another sigh escaped his mouth.

“I’m sorry, Baekie.”

“It’s… It’s okay.”

“No its not.”

With his free hand, Chanyeol reached up to touch my neck before slowly leaning in for a kiss. I probably shouldn’t have let him but… kissing Chanyeol, there was nothing I’d rather do than exactly that.

“I’m already so late. Why don’t I call in sick and we can stay in bed or watch a movie? We could put on a record and slow-dance until nightfall. What do you say?”

I knew it had just been a slip of the tongue but it still hurt, the mentioning of his name. In order to conceal the pain it caused me, I had to make Chanyeol leave. No matter how much I wanted him to stay forever by my side. I just had to.
Our fingers were still intertwined as I softly kissed the back of his hand and took a deep breath.

“I say… Go to work. And when you come back, I just might ask you for a dance.”

Chanyeol cocked his head to the side. He had this quizzical look on his face as if he was searching for something but was unable to find it.

“Okay... I love you.”

I cringed internally as I tried my best to smile at the phrase. To be told ‘I love you’ right after the same person has more or less said that you’re not as good as his ex, it just does not sound sincere in my ears. Actually, it has never really been sincere coming from Chanyeol… And yet I still wanted him for my own.
I’m pathetic, aren’t I?  

“I-I love you too.”

“I know.”

One more kiss landed on my lips before Chanyeol jumped out of bed, picked up a different T-shirt and hurried out the room.
I missed him already. My tiny world turned a little less bright away from Chanyeol but sometimes that darkness was welcomed with open arms.

I stayed in bed a little longer, unable to stop my mind from wandering.  I should have been used to it by now – being unintentionally hurt by Chanyeol because it had happened a lot. Many… Many times in fact and always, always because of Kyungsoo. I especially remember my 25^th birthday some years back. My parents were there, Jongin was there, relatives and friends but no Kyungsoo and no Chanyeol. My best friend missed what to me was an important day because his boyfriend had a cold. A cold. But the worst part? That was having Kyungsoo apologise for Chanyeol not being there. It was having to endure his genuine sincerity, his loving personality and the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to hate him. And Chanyeol? He never even realised how much it had hurt when he never showed up. Later he just acted as if nothing had happened, gave me my present and chirped ‘happy birthday, Baekie.’  

It really doesn’t matter how many good things a person do for you because in the end it is always the bad things you remember. They are the ones that leave a scar.
And scars never really disappear.

The doorbell brought me back to reality. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to answer it but the ringing was incredibly insisting that I in the end gave in, put on the long-sleeve Chanyeol had given up on and left for the front-door.

“Jeez, I’m coming.”

Annoyed I yanked the door open, half-expecting to see a persistent salesman or a group of girl-scouts selling cookies. I was definitely surprised.  

“What?!... Jongin?”

“…Hi, hyung.”

In the movies they sometimes slow down the reel to emphasize a situation. Music starts playing in the background, the colours are enhanced and the characters stare at each other in an inquisitive manner while the camera pans around the couple multiple times. In real life, there’s no music, only silence and it is awkward as hell.
Jongin looked troubled. It almost seemed as if he couldn’t decide whether he should be happy to see me or physically hurt me. 

“Hi erh… Come in. Please.”

Without a word, Jongin slowly took a step inside and followed me into the living room.

“… So, what brings you here, Jongin-ah?”

I didn’t receive a response, instead Jongin scanned the room until his eyes found rest on a certain piece of yellow furniture.

“…How have you been?”

“What are you doing, Baek?”

There was a mix of disapproval and confusion in his eyes and I had no reason to lie. I knew exactly what he meant and yet I couldn’t make myself admit to it.

“Well, at the moment I’m just happy seeing my old friend again. What has it been, 3 months?”

Jongin scoffed and moved past me to sit down in the yellow armchair.

“Why is everything pink?”

I felt my cheeks heat up, embarrassed by the questioning look on his face and the reason why.

“It was erh… Chanyeol’s idea.”

“I thought Chanyeol hyung hated the colour.”

“… He had his reasons.”

“Hmm…”

Jongin nodded in agreement.

“Is the reason to… I don’t know, lessen the attachment to everything when he leaves?”     

His words were vile but they were also attached to a truth I didn’t dare to face.

“What did he tell you?”

“… He didn’t tell me anything.”

Jongin’s hesitation was unsettling but knowing Jongin, he would have contacted me sooner if he had known of my condition.

“Then I’m sure that’s not the reason.”

“Baekhyun.”

Jongin rose from the chair. He quickly approached me with an unnecessary amount of pity in his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he put his hands on my shoulders and looked me dead in the eye.

“I know you have been in love with Chanyeol for a very long time but it will always be Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. I don’t know why he suddenly broke up with Kyungsoo and ran to you but whatever the reason, you know what you’re doing is wrong. You also know that it won’t last. If anything, this chair serves as a definite prediction of your inevitable split.”

It scared me how right he was. It scared me to the point I found myself defending Chanyeol when really it was myself I tried to convince.

“You’re wrong. Chanyeol loves me and I love him. It’s really not that hard to believe. We’ve known each other way longer than him and Kyungsoo have so of course we… Have a special connection and a better foundation for a… loving relationship.”

“Okay… Then did you consider the fact that you and Chanyeol have known each other way longer as you put it, and still he never tried anything? What made him change his mind, Baekhyun?”

“I don’t have to stand and take this. Please leave.”

Unable to look Jongin in the eye, I settled for starring at the pink walls, determined not to cry.

“Fine…”

From the corner of my eye I saw Jongin turn on his heel and start towards the foyer. I felt relief wash over me because I was certain tears were about to spill and I definitely did not want him to stay for the show.
Unfortunately, Jongin wasn’t one to give up that easy.

“No, you know what? I’m your friend too and if there’s anything going on that I should know about, then tell me. Tell me!”

It happened in a second. Suddenly I was on the floor, heaving for breath as I felt myself fighting against icy water. I felt myself being pulled under as the sea swallowed me whole. And I was lost again completely enveloped in my unrequited feelings of love for that man. My sun. My Chanyeol, who wasn’t mine to keep.
Jongin pulled me back up. I felt utterly as I cried in his arms. As I tried to justify my actions.  

“I love him so much, Jongin. I-I know he doesn’t… And I just… I n-need him right now. I need him. I don’t expect you to understand just… Just please. Let me have this. Please!”

Jongin let go of me, got to his feet and looked down at the miserable me.  

“Okay hyung. For now.”

Once again, Jongin turned to leave but stopped halfway.

“You got Chanyeol, at least let Kyungsoo have the chair.”

And then he left.
And I spent the remainder of the day picking myself up from the floor.

“Alright, que the music, shine your shoes and lets tango!”

When the clock struck 6PM, Chanyeol came busting through the front-door to find me sitting in his beloved’s chair. I must have hit a nerve because Chanyeol looked quite upset about my choice of seating.

“Erh… Baekie?”

“Why did you get this chair?”

“… It’s a nice chair.”

“It is… It really is. Not pink though and as you said yourself, a princess needs it pink.”

“Well, yellow is also sort of a princess colour…”

“Oh bull! You got this chair because you can’t have the real deal and this is just the next best thing!
“Jongin was here earlier. He was under the impression that you bought all this stuff in a colour you can’t stand, so you’d be sure there’d be no personal attachment to anything when I’m gone. Is he right?”

“I thought it was fun…”

“Is he right?!”

It seemed as if Chanyeol finally realised that lying wasn’t going to solve anything. Swallowing once, he slowly let his head fall down to his chest.

“Maybe in the beginning but things have changed.”

“Really? Then perhaps you’d like to know that I’m returning the chair to Kyungsoo.”

In an instant Chanyeol’s eyes were on me. They were eyes of desperation.   

“… That is not for you to give away!”

“In this case, I think it is!”

Threateningly, Chanyeol started towards me with what I can only describe as a menacing look on his face. I must admit that for a moment all my anger turned to fear. I did not know this person. This was not Chanyeol.
I don’t know whether it was because he noticed my frightened expression or if he simply realised what he was doing but before he could get to me, he stopped dead in his track, turned towards the nearest wall and slammed both of his hands hard against the surface, screaming at me.  

“I’ve given you everything! I’ve given you the chance to be with me, a place for us to live together! I… I cut Kyungsoo out of my life for you! It’s just a chair, damn it! A chair! Do you really believe a chair means more to me than you? I love you Baekhyun. I love you!”

Chanyeol fell down in front of me and desperately he started to kiss me all over while continuously chanting ‘It’s just a chair’, ‘Please Baekie’, ‘Please, please’. It was so pitiful watching him beg to keep it that I end just pushed him away.

“Just a chair, huh?”

“Just a chair. That’s all.”

“Okay. Then explain to me why it is so important for you to keep it.”

When I didn’t receive an answer I collected whatever courage I had left and asked a different question that had been on my mind for a while.

“Why won’t you sleep with me?”

“… I sleep next to you every night.”

“Why won’t you sleep with me?”

Chanyeol ran a hand through his hair and heaved a sigh. Then he crossed his arms as if trying to put a wall between us.

“ is… It’s a big deal, maybe not for you but for me, it’s the most intimate and terrifying aspect when it comes to love.”

“And I am not worthy of that aspect?”

“Hey! It took Kyungsoo and me a year to come to that point in our relationship! So don’t give me any of that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. But just to remind you I might not live that long for you to bed me!”   

“I-I’m sorry Baek but that is the one thing I’m not able to give to you.”

“Right. Because then it won’t really be cheating when you go back to him.”

“Baekie…”

I had never felt as stupid as I did in that moment. Maybe it wasn’t all that bad that I was leaving this world. Maybe, it was even for the best.
Without another word, I left for the bedroom and slowly closed the door.

A/N

Okay so I am in a bit of a slump. I really want to write but I just can't. I started on this chapter right after chapter 9 was added, in fact I had written down the chapter's entire storyline I just couldn't finish it. I'm sorry if this seems half-assed but I just needed, really, anything to climb out of this slump. I'm still a little stuck but at least this is a small (very small) victory.
Anyhow, thank you for reading and I hope that you will keep supporting me until the fic is finished :)

//Fluffball101