title [4/5]

- A nice one but not eye-catching, but, i like your title. It's simple, suits the story and original to my eyes.

 

poster/graphics/background [5/5]

- Nice and simple, just the way i like it. It relates to your story very well. Kudos to the graphic designer.

 

foreword/description [9/10]

- I like the brief introduction. Simple and well-written. It doesn't give away the whole plot. It remains a mystery and makes me interested to continue reading it. No grammar errors, so good job.

 

plot [27/30]

- Love the plot. I love stories with mysteries in it. It's interesting and I didn't get bored of it. It's original as i have never read any j-pop or k-pop fics like this.

 

flow [5/5]

- No bumps and no flaws. Not too fast and not too slow. You really did a great job here. The way the story flows, it's like i'm watching a movie.

 

characterization [3/5]

- You explained their characters well, but it's not enough. I want to know the characters more as i read the story. Other than that, you really know how to blend their characteristic in the story.

 

grammar/spelling [17/20]

- You don't have much problem with grammar. Most of your errors are fragment. No worries, it won't affect your story much. If you want to know, fragment is an incomplete sentence. You either have to add a subject or a verb or combine it with another sentence. I'm going to ignore most of the fragment because it's an informal story. The example below are a few of the fragment that can't be ingored. 

 

==> That’s our life after marriage. Our runaway life. ( That's our life after marriage, a runaway life )

 

==> ... Buttercup following behind me, also sensing something wrong. ( ... with Buttercup following behind me, also sensing something wrong.

 

==> And who told you you could walk this far away from me? [ you have an extra 'you' ]

 

==> That made me crack a smile. ( That made me cracks a smile )

[ subject-verb agreement]

 

==> “Roe?”  ( A roe? / Roes? )

 

==> Her face red with sweat.  ( Her face red, covered with sweat )

 

[ 3 points are cut because of subject-verb agreement, an extra 'you' and fragment. All of the fragments that i listed are counted as one]

 

overall enjoyment/entertainment [19/20]

- I enjoyed reading it a lot. It sparks my interest because of the genre and the style of writing. The story has a clean cut and wrapped with a bow. You concluded the story well.

 

total [89/100]

- You did a great job on your story. You have the talent to be a great writer.

 

 

STORY LINK