[Review] loverbb - lived with idol...

lived with idol... - 2pm family friendship sunny - main story image

(only the review is ours.. not the poster)

Story Title: lived with idol...

Author: loverbb

Reviewer: JonghyunJessica @ AsianFanfics

Thread: helping friends

Chapters: 11 [Ongoing]

-----

1. Title: [1/5 pts.]

Does catch a reader's eye but has a grammaticial error of English.

lived is past tensed meaning it happened in the past. And you should add "an" in between with and idol if it is one idol. If it is more than one idol it should be plural making idol, idols.

One Idol: (Correct Version) living with an idol...

More Than One Idol: (Correct Version) living with idols... (-4)

2. Poster/Graphics/Background: [3/5 pts.]

Does relate to the story, eye catching, and does make the story a little more interesting looking. Both are pretty but the background has a darker color than the main poster making it a little off. Should of used the same color for a better and calm feel. (-2)

3. Foreword/Description [5/10 pts.]

Your foreword and description have many grammar errors which can cause the reader to lose interest in the story. You need to captialize words that are pronouns meaning names, beginning of sentences, and the letter "I". Your foreword states the character's looks and roles. And like I said, make sure your grammar is correct so the reader doesn't lose interest in this story. (-5)

4. Plot [22/30 pts.]

It's not orginial, makes sense, and realistic. It's not orginial because I've read and seen stories like this. (-8)

5. Flow [4/5 pts.]

Slow and a little normal. Your chapters are quite short making the flow a little slower. Add more details to the chapters to allow the story to flow easily. (-1)

6. Characterization [4/5 pts.]

You explained their roles throughout the story and in the foreword along with their picture. The picture and your poster allows the reader to see what the character looks like and imagine it in their mindset. The roles were only stated for Sunny. But the other roles were stated indirectly within the story. (-1)

7. Grammar/Spelling [9/20 pts.]

You need to improve in captializing things properly. They are really common throughtout your story and connecting your sentences with; and, an, a. (-11)

8. Overall Enjoyment/Entertainment [12/20 pts.]

Cool, and entertaining. I enjoyed it (-8)

Total: [66/100]

Story