"Ah eonnie kamsahamnida for making me so pretty today~" I giggled as I look at my reflection in the mirror. I'm in the waiting room by the dressing table and Hani (A/N: It's just a random character) ,the stylist eonnie smiled at my words. "Ani Youngji-ah you're originally neomu yeppo! Look at how fierce you look in your stage costume! You're gonna rock the stage Youngji-ah~ Fighting!" "But eonnie..." I turned from my chair to face her, "It's the first time I'm attending a concert without my KARA eonnies... eotteoke?!" KARA is nominated for "Best Japan Influence" award and I, as KARA Heo Youngji, am nominated for the "Best Female Newcomer" award!! I didn't know I was actually qualified for newcomer awards but I received news 3 weeks ago that I'm up for it, omo! The KARA eonnies all have conflicting schedules so I'm the only one here since I have an individual nomination. Unlike other concerts, all nominated artistes have to be present and we won't get to know the rough result beforehand so everything will come as a shock. So here I am at the rehearsal, representing KARA.

  "Eonnie... I have confidence that KARA will win the Best Japan Influence award but me... who will nominate for me eonnie?" "Your fans pabo yah~" I watch Hani eonnie pat my head lightly and walk to another table for hair spray. "Fans? Sometimes I feel like I have more haters than fans." "Youngji-ah don't think this way! You have Kamilias for you~ And not to forget you probably have support from other fandoms, you know igot7s and ahem ahem jackji fans you know~" Horrified at her words I blurted out, "Eonnie why did you bring igot7s up?! They probably hate me the most you know, and starlights and who knows what other fandom!" I sank in my seat and watch eonnie do some last touch ups. "Yah Youngji-ah~ Are you gonna let your depression get to you again.?"

  Depression. It's a scary thing isn't it. Many times I would scream loudly in my head "I HAVE DEPRESSION, STOP HURTING ME, I'M ALREADY BROKEN!" but those words sound so timid and nothing actually comes out of my mouth everytime I try to say it. I've had depression for quite some time already after I joined DSP and KARA Project. In the first place, KARA Project was the most stupid thing DSP has ever done in Kamilia's eyes. I knew this. We all knew this. It was the sad, ugly truth. But what to do? We want to debut. That's our dream. KARA Project ended with me as the winner. The level of hate I originally received with the other girls increased so much because many felt that the others are more suitable. That's where my depression started. It was horrible. I hated stepping out of DSP and my house because I felt like I would be bombed with rotten eggs anytime. Things got worst when I officially debuted with KARA. Hurtful comments were thrown everywhere on the internet and I couldn't help but notice all of it. "She can't dance." "She can't sing." "She's too fat." "She's too ugly." "She's too fake." "She doesn't suit KARA at all." Those comments got me tossing and turning in bed every night. I knew I wasn't in the right state of mind. I knew I was mentally ill already. If that's bad enough, hate mails and death threats were sent to DSP. In attempt to protect me, DSP hid all of the hateful mails away but I happened to come across it one day in the cabinet. I've never felt so torn in my entire life and it just worsen my condition.

  KARA eonnies no longer live in dorms, they live in their own houses with their parents but Hara eonnie came to stay in my dorm. This was after she found me crying in the practice room reading all the hate mails. I would go uncontrollably hysterical at night and I remember Hara eonnie's frightened face as clear as crystal. I remember that one night when I was at my worst, Hara eonnie was frantically dialing for Gyuri and Seungyeon eonnie who rushed over in half an hour. There were plans to send me for proper medical treatment but it was risky because the public might find out about my condition. I was undergoing alot of private consultation without the public's knowledge. It was a very hard time for me and I started appearing in more and more variety programmes on top of Roommate which at that time, I had just joined. Since Roommate filming is only 2-4 days a week, I don't stay in the house that much either. It was easy to hide my problem but as of now, the Roommate family I completely aware of my condition. Everyone was in shock when I revealed it, no one expected it last year. They said I have the brightest smile and the most cheerful personality. I was well aware of that, it was partly the reason why I appeared in many shows. I guess the people with the brightest smile has the darkest story...

  I've managed to shake off this scary illness called 'depression'. It doesn't affect me anymore though the word still scares me, never failing to send chills down my spine. "Earth to Youngji?" Hani eonnie snaps her fingers in front of my face. "O-oh! Eonnie! Ah mianhae..." "Thinking 'bout it? Your face turned pale. I'm telling you Youngji, you will rock the stage even if it means performing 'Mamma Mia' and 'Step' all by yourself." I gulped. All by myself. Come on fighting Youngji~! Just then I heard a knock on the door. Hani eonnie walks towards it