Someone get a camera. Go!!!  Go get one!!!  Go get one and film me being hamburgered in between these two hot men with literally NO space in between!!  This is more heart-thumping-fangirl-shriek-eliciting and spazz-worthy than those overrated wrist grabs and piggy backs in Kdrama Land!!!  And better yet, my hubby is on my right!!

I need to someone to take a picture of me right now.  And then, I'm going to show Suzy the picture and she'll be so proud of me!!  She can take back all her 'you're gonna die alone's and go reflect in a corner, because Seo Iseul is the QUEEN of all you motherers.

"So... Iseul.."  The guy on my left begins, sending me a half-smile. 

"I'm sorry."  I blurt out before I can stop myself.  "I don't think we've met before but you all seem to know my name." 

"Oh," my hubby chimes in from my right.  "Kai told us a lot about you.  So when we saw you earlier back in the apartment..  We knew that it just had to be you!"

"Oh."  I reply.  "Right."  They're really good at making accurate assumptions, aren't they? 

"I'm Suho by the way."  He smiles, winking at me. 

Oh God. 

That did not just happen. 

I'm dead!!! 

Smexiness overloaaaaadd AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! 

"I'm.." I stop.  "You know me."  I blush.  I turn to the guy on my left to hide my burning cheeks.  "What were you going to say?"

"It's nothing.  I just wanted to ask if there was anywhere you want to go?"

Kai beats me.  "Yah, Baekhyun.  Shut that mouth of yours.  You invited her along and now you let her pick where we all go-- what is she, a princess?!"

‘YES!’ I mouth indignantly. I make a face at Kai that he thankfully does not catch.  Suddenly, I saw another guy stifling a laugh. 

Oh crap.  He saw. 

He then clears his throat and looks at me with one eyebrow raised and the faintest traces of a smile still painted on his lips.  "Yah Kai, why are you so mean to her?  Chill!"

"Oh- Christ.  Okay.  I obviously did not hire her so that she can come along with us to wherever we go, you hear me?   This is what we do, just the seven of us with Jongguk!   Why are you inviting her all of a sudden?!!  We don't even know her!"

O..kay.. That kind of hurts.  I know that that is correct and that I'd say the same thing if I was in his position.  But... He really didn't have to say all that in front of me, did he?! 

"You.  Are one mean bastard."  The red haired guy reprimands, thwacking Kai's head.  "Be nice, your son is gonna pick up that cold attitude from you!!"

"Yeah!!  D.O. hyung is right!   Why don't you like noona?!!  She's nice and funny and she cooks nice stuff!" Jongguk seconds.  "Come on appa, let her come along!" Then he turns to me.  "Noona, can we go to Target again and buy a wife for Hawaii?"

"Hawaii?!" 5 voices echoed. 

"Our pet goldfish."  Kai sighs, covering his eyes with the back of his hand. "Don't ask."

"Wow." The one holding Jongguk on his lap breaths.  "Did you get him to accept a pet in his house, Iseul?" He points at Kai.

"Well he isn't happy." I admit.  "But then again it's just a fish!!  It won't do any harm."

"It's Jongguk's."  Kai says.  "I have nothing to do with it." 

The one driving suddenly whistles.  "We're here, everybody!"

"Bowling alley?" I ask.  "No, a family bowling alley?" 

"Chanyeol loves bowling."  The one still holding Jongguk points at the driver.  "And I'm Sehun, by the way.  The one with the red hair is D.O.  He's sort of gay for Kai sometimes.  And then the one beside you was Suho, and the other one beside you was Baekhyun.  Okay?"

"Got it." I nod.  "Here, let me take Jongguk.  It's my job."

"Uh-uh."  Sehun shakes his head.  "I'm his uncle."

"I'm his babysitter."  I argue.  "Who is unwanted here.  I should at least make myself useful."

"You can be useful for something else later on.  Like cooking us some of your yummy food.  Come on, let's go in."  Sehun smiles. 

"How did you know I could cook well?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't.  I just assumed you could."  Sehun replies. 

"Oi Iseul." 

I whip around and stop dead in my tracks.  .  Kai looks pissed.

But whyyyyy?! 

I won't even talk to him if he doesn't like me!!  I'll just stay quiet and cling to my hubby! 

"What?" I ask, trying not to sound the least bit scared.

"Go home.  Look, there's a bus stop right there."  He orders.

My jaw falls right open.  This rude little thing!!!  Just wait till I claw your eyeballs out- ISH!!!  I'm gonna replace his toothpaste with super glue, seriously, and his shaving cream (if he uses one) with whipped cream so he'll be sticky all the way!!  Why does he hate me so much?!   I swear, ommaaaaa I've done nothing wrong.   I'm going to file a complaint to the court!  I know a lawyer!  Or at least, a lawyer to be. But instead, I swallow and nod.  "Neh, boss." 

Ish.  Fine.  I’m going!!!  I make a face at Kai (which he unfortunately sees) and start taking one exaggerated step after another. 

“Hurry up!” Kai hisses.

Oh GAWD.  Okay, why am I still working for him anyway?  He pisses me off 24/7!!

“Wait, Iseul!  Where are you going?”  D.O. asks, only getting down from the car now.

“What the hell were you doing that long in the car?!”  Kai asks, looking at D.O.  

“Just had something to take care of.”  D.O. shrugs.  “Are you shooing her away??  Seriously Kai, why are you so mean?  Come here Iseul.  Don’t listen to him.  He’s just jealous!”

And before I can clock what’s happening D.O. is already dragging me into the bowling alley.  Which is not good, because I’ve never bowled, I’ve never even touched a proper bowling ball for that matter, and there’s like a 100% chance that I’m going to humiliate myself in 50 different ways within the next 5 minutes.  Aaaaaah !

Okay.  Now I agree with Kai.  I should leave.  Hm... I should plan my escape route—like how do I even—oh right.  There’s a door right there.  We’re going to walk in it... and then once inside I’ll just waltz right out of it again!

Despite my so-called plan, I mentally groan.  Isn’t there a cooler way to get out of this place?!  I already have a feeling that I’m going to slip and fall—the floor is hella shiny!  Where’s Jongguk?  I’ll just stay with him.  Little kids don’t bowl right?  I mean, it’ll break their tiny little fingers—oooh, a kids’ bowling section.  Puahahaha!!  That looks sooooo easy!!  Imma just drag Jongguk there and voila!  Problem solved.  I won’t make a complete fool out of myself.

“Yah Iseul, what are you doing there?  Come on, you have to get your shoes!”  One of the guys, Chanyeol probably, hollers.  

Shoes?  I like my shoes just fine, thank you very much—oh.  Bowling shoes.

“Size?” my hubby asks, materializing out of nowhere.  He looks at me and an eyebrow, and I grab the edge of the counter to make sure I don’t collapse right then and there.  Suho, please.  I’m pregnant already.

“T-thirty e-eight.”  I stutter lamely.  See?  Trust Seo Iseul to always make a fool out of herself in front of everyone she wants to impress.... gah.  If only cute guys were as easy to tackle as math problems. 

“Here you go.” He hands me over a floppy pair of sneakers. 

“Thanks.” 

I finish doing my shoes and stand up.  Looking around, I scan the crowd for Kai or Jongguk, because... well... I have to take care of that little kid, don’t I?  Walking off in a random direction to find them, I pass a rack of balls and stop.

No way....

No.. freaking way..

Is that a hamburger-print ball? 

I want it!

Come to mama!!

Forgetting my initial intentions of wandering off, I rush over and pluck two fingers in those little hole things and lift it up— OKAY OWW this one heavy ball—

And before I knew it, I lost my grip and sent the ball tumbling down to the ground like a meteor.  I cringe, expecting it to hit the floor with a groundbreaking thud, but the thud never came.  Opening one eye at a time, I look down at the floor and see my ball suspended in mid-air with someone’s hand sticking out below it.  Wow.  Did someone catch it? 

Now who in the world would be the owner of these aweeeesome reflexes—oh .  It’s Kai. 

My... hamburger...

“Heheeeee.” I laugh awkwardly.  “Thank you...  I’ll take it from here--”

"Can you not wander around without telling anyone?!!" He snaps.  "If you're gonna come with us, STAY with us!" He yells, and I jump a little.  I quickly look around to see if anyone heard.  Thankfully no one did.  Bringing my finger up to my lips, I gave him my best 'I'm sorry' eyes and motioned for him to tone it down.

"Mwo?" Kai looks at me like I'm a weirdo (which isn't entirely wrong either).  "What now?"

"Mian!!  But please don't yell in public!!" I plead, pressing my palms together and shaking them together.

"Why not?"

"Disturbs the peaceful environment!" I blurt out without thinking. 

"Peaceful environment my -- yah.  If you don't want to disturb the peaceful environment, don't make people worry!!  Worrying isn't peaceful!!  When those idiots realized you've gone wandering off somewhere they went manic." Kai retorts, glaring.

"Awww.  They're so cute!!  You should learn something from them, Kai."  I tease, taking my ball from him.  "Oh, by the way, awesome reflexes.  How did you catch the ball that fast?" I ask, smoothly trying to steer away the conversation. 

"You could've done it too, if you weren't busy closing your eyes and screaming over a falling ball."

"I was NOT screaming."

"Squealing.  Like a rat."

"YAH!"

"An ugly rat."

"Aish!  The ball was heavy!   And it's my first time in a bowling alley!"  I whine as we walk back to where the others where.  "And I was so excited to see that hamburger ball..."

"Iseul!   Where did you go?" D.O.  stands up the moment he spots me on the tip of his nose.

"She picked a ball for herself.  And nearly killed herself with it half a second later."

"Yah!" I protest in embarrassment.  I knew it!!  Something stupid like this always happens! 

"It's true though."  Kai shrugs.  He walks over to the bowling lane and bends down, eyes on the pins.  He takes a step forward with one leg and throws his other leg behind him-- and then swings his arm and sends the ball rolling down the lane.  I follow the ball with my eyes and bam-- it collides with the pins and sends all- what, ten?- of them clattering down to the floor.

"Woah!" I breathe, clapping enthusiastically. 

"Have you never seen anyone strike before?"  D.O. asks, smirking at me.

"Nope."  I shake my head.  "I've  never went bowling." 

"You've never?!" Chanyeol asks, joining us.  "What have you been doing with your life?!!"

"Err..." I rub the back of my neck sheepishly.  "K-drama?"

"Oh God."  Baekhyun chimed in, rubbing his face.  "What a waste of precious time!"

"It's not!!  Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted."  I quote proudly-- one of the statements I've lived by my whole life. 

"Touché." He dips his head.

"Hey guys!" Suho (my hubby) calls, expertly throwing his ball and catching it.  "Let's play.  4 on 4."

"You mean three on three."  Kai corrects, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope."  Suho shakes his head.  "Four on four.  We've got eight people here.  And the lanes are grouped in fours.  Everything's just right!"

"Are you making Jongguk and Iseul play?"  Kai asks.  "They can't even hold the ball properly!"

"Now's a good time to learn then.  Come on children, let's count 1-2-1-2.  Number 1s in one team and number 2s in another!"

I did a super-quick calculation and my eyes widened.  Ooooh NO.  I must squish myself between Chanyeol and Sehun before--

"Yah!!  You!!  Stay where you are.  I'm counting okay?  One two, one two, one two, one two.  Alright!  Let's team up, people, and let the bowling games begin!  You know how it goes right?" Sehun winks.  Huh?   How does what go?

Okay- ish.  This is what I tried to avoid.  Being on the same team with Kai.  See?!!  He's looking at me with that 'get the out of my face' look on his face!! 

Aishhhh ommmaaa!!!  Where is courage when you need it?!! 

I quickly scan the other team members. Chanyeol and D.O.- AWWWW!!!!  Why no hubby?!!!  And instead I'm in the same team with this evil little cyborg?!  Aish!

"Alright, everyone--"

"I can't play!" I shriek in panic.  "I've honestly never done this before." 

"Go try it out now.  Take two steps forward and swish!" Chanyeol demonstrates, smiling at me encouragingly. 

I gulp.  Okay Iseul, you got this.  You just gotta... Walk walk walk and swiiiing your arm as if it were a grocery bag.  Except now it's a ball and about five times heavier.

But yeah.  You got this girl!! 

"Um.." I say, unsure of what I'm doing right now.  I take two slow, stupid steps forward, and then swing my arm...

AND YES!!!  THE BALL'S ROLLING!!  IT'S ROLLIN IT'S ROLLIN!!   THEY SEE ME ROLLIN THEY HATIN- Oh .

My stupid ball has stopped mid-ramp. 

And that's the lamest thing I've ever seen happened to someone during bowling.

I'm... Ready to combust now.

Is it really--

Did I really--

AM I REALLY THAT WEAK?!! 

"Wow."  Chanyeol breathes, and I feel a gazillion times worse.  "At least it rolled." 

"We're gonna lose!" I cry.  "And I'd like to apologize in advance for that!!"

"Nope.  We can't lose."  Kai shakes his head.  "The loser buys the winners dinner and as much alcohol as they'd like." 

"One time Suho, Sehun and I had to spend like 300.00 won on these three es." Chanyeol shakes his head.  "You guys got no chill!!"

"You guys had Suho.  It wasn't that much of a problem."

"But still!  Who the eats that much?!"

“Guys, guys.”  D.O. interjects.  “So what?  We might have Iseul—as a—err—who can't—“

“As a burden, yes, continue?” I say impatiently.

“As a—yeah, but they’ve got Jongguk!  It’s pretty much the same thing!” 

“My son can play, excuse you.” Kai says indignantly.

“In the kiddie’s lane.”  Chanyeol looks at him. 

“Ani.”  Kai smirks and crosses his arms.  He nods at the other team’s direction and smiles a little.  “Watch.” 

We all watch in disbelief as Jongguk takes a couple steps back, steps forward and lunges forward again, and sends the ball rolling down the lane, knocking down most of the pins.  Oh GAWD.  I cannot believe—sure, Jongguk does not have that perfect bowling posture thingy nor technique, but he bowls in his own way and he actually knocks down. 

Unlike a certain someone whose ball didn’t even touch the pins. 

“Craaaap.”  I whisper, mostly to myself. 

“Try again.”  Kai orders, cocking his head to the side a little. 

I gulp but obediently comply.  Swinging my arm with more force this time, I watch the ball roll, roll, AND YES YES IT’S NOT STOPPING—

Oh...... no....

You know what the ball did?!!  You know what the ball did to me??!!  It in stopped right before it collided with the pins and only nudged one, single pin.   The pin wobbled a little, and you know I was actually PRAYING for it to fall but did the pin listen to my prayers and telepathic messages? OHHH NOOOO!!

It stayed up, just like nothing happened!

If I ain’t a failure in this I don’t know what I am.

Can I—can I BLOW the ball and make it move?!!  I mean, PLEASE knock one pin down at least!!  I can’t even—are you saying Jongguk does this better than I do?

“Oh, Christ.”  Kai mutters.  He cups his hands around his mouth and yells, “Yah!!  5 minute warm up okay?!  And then we’ll start!!”

“Warm up?  Dude, you don’t even—“

“But she does.”  Kai says, pointing at me.  I shrivel up a bit as he turns to look at me.  Jesus, how does he do that?!!  How does he make his eyes seem like a lethal weapon?!  “Come on.  I’m about to transform a complete MORON into a bowling champ.  We need all the time we can get.”

And before I know it, Kai’s dragging me to one of the lanes by my arm, like a little rag doll.  He abruptly stops, and I nearly walk into his back—which thankfully didn’t happen.   “Alright, listen up.” He says in a stern voice.  I gulp and nod.  Why does he sound like a professional football coach all of a sudden? 

“I’m only going to go over this once so you’d better pay close attention, watch, and learn.”  Kai repeats.  I nod frantically and before I know it, Kai is rapping out 20 words per second about bowling techniques, posture, and whatnot.  Oh , I haven’t prepared myself for this.  Why is he talking so fast?!!  Is there a slo-mo button on this ?!!  Can I at least pause him for a second?!!  I nod frantically, scraps of his words sticking on my brain.  It’s like suddenly a gust of wind blew and a stack of paper