My jaw drops unceremoniously.

Did he just say Singapore?

“I. ing. Knew it!!” I shriek, each word an angry staccato. The last thread of romance in the air wilts away. “I knew you’d pull something like this since you said it’s not in Europe today! But we can’t! Because normal people don’t just bring their passport around with them so right now I don’t have it with me!”

Jongin smiles smugly like his genius idea doesn’t include a gigantic plot hole. “Do you have any other form of ID with you?”

“I mean, of course, I’m not a minor. But what use would that be?”

“You have your national identity card or driver’s license?”

“I have both,” I answer, puzzled, “but that can’t be used for international travel, can it?”

“Sometimes, when you have friends in the right places.” His eyes twinkle mischievously.

I gasp. “No. Absolutely not. I swear, if you pull something illegal and land me on the no-fly list—”

“Then I have the friends to get you out too!” He says boastfully.

“That is not a flex Jongin!” I squeeze my eyes shut. , this man is going to get me arrested!

Jongin laughs merrily because he’s a psycho that thrives on my pain. “No no, I’m joking. You won’t be on the no-fly list. I can guarantee that. Seriously, celebrities do this all the time. Politicians too. You think they always carry around their passports too when they decide to go on spontaneous trips? Fly first, documents later. With the right connections, it can be done. Let’s go!”

“But won’t it be too late?!” The logical side of me can’t help but protest still. “How many hours away is Singapore? I have work tomorrow, remember?”

“Technically 6, but if I tell the pilot to step on it then maybe 3—”

“NO!” I yell so loudly that the car swerves a little. “Are you stupid or insane?! I’m not going to let you go speeding in the sky and—yah yah, slow down, you’re speeding here too!”

“Everyone drives at least 20 over the speed limit on highways! If you drive too slow you’ll get ticketed too, you know!”

“Well, okay fine, but I’m not going to let you speed on… on international skies!” I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation right now! I’m sure there’s at least one law that could throw us in jail for cutting flying times in half. Not to mention that he also sounds like he’s pulling all this stuff right out of his . And even if we were, hypothetically, able to get to Singapore in 3 hours, that still means—

“Even if you halved the travel time, it would be still way too late for me,” I say, eyeing him exasperatedly. Do I really need to spell it out for him? Maybe I do. “Look, I don’t know if you have trouble calculating, but say we take off at 6—we’ll get there at 9, which means at the very least, if we only spent an hour in Singapore, which wouldn’t make sense at all, we’d get back at 1. Now my work tomorrow is at 9, but I have to wake up at 7.30, so that leaves—”

“You can sleep on the plane!”

“I—Yah, do you even hear yourself?” I look at him incredulously. “Like do you honestly think going to Singapore makes sense? Just admit that you forgot to account for all the travel time and take me somewhere else already!”

Like the new Gordon Ramsey restaurant in town! I heard it has 2 Michelin stars and there’s like a three-month waitlist!

Jongin sulks. “But I have a dinner reservation already.”

Okay breathe, Iseul, breathe. The idea of strangling him is getting increasingly tempting, but you know what? I don’t think I mind it. Not when this finally feels like being around Kai/Jongin again. He pushes all my buttons but every now and then he finds the one that makes me fall for him all over again.

“And I have work tomorrow,” I reply quietly. “Sorry, no matter how I look at it, the timing won’t make sense. If you can’t cancel it then can you at least postpone it maybe?”

“Postpone? So there’s guaranteed to be a next time?” Jongin perks up, the playful grin back on his lips.

Oh, right. Me and my stupid see-how-he-makes-you-feel-about-all-this-first principles.

“Depends.” I shrug, trying to act like it’s not a big deal. “Why do you want to go to Singapore so much anyway? If you really wanted to take me somewhere overseas for dinner, a place like, say, Japan would’ve wowed me the same.”

Jongin sighs, the playfulness suddenly dropping from him. “I wanted to take you somewhere neutral. Somewhere that isn’t a breeding ground of illicit activities and secretly controlled by… by mobs like me. I don’t want to go to Japan because the HOC is suspicious of other international mobs, the Yakuza included. Even the Yakuza we’re allies with.”

I listen to him quietly. “Then… anywhere in East Asia…”

“Yes, anywhere in East Asia is automatically off the list. The Triad controls Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, and China. So I thought ok, let’s go Southeast. Organized crime is less prevalent there.” He looks at me briefly. “I just wanted to get us away from all this for once, even if it’s only for a bit.”

It turns out that as always, he meant well for me. My heart squeezes at the thought of getting away from all this with him. That would’ve made everything so, so easy, wouldn’t it?

“What about,” I chew on my inner cheek, “let’s just stay in the country first for tonight? That’s probably the safest and most sensible option for tonight. And if you… you know, you’ve already got a jet ready and really want to go somewhere extra then what about Jeju?”

“There’s nothing good in Jeju,” he grumbles. “And I really wanted to wow you tonight.”

“I won’t be wowed if I’m too busy stressing over how I’ve got work in the morning.”

“Well, okay then. Say we stay in South Korea. Where do you want to eat?”

“Uh…” What’s that Gordon Ramsey restaurant called again? And would it be too forward if I asked to go to a place that fancy? I can already hear my mom screeching ‘I raised you better than this!!’ from a million miles away. “I don’t know! You pick!”

“I did pick, it’s called Corner House at the Singapore Botanic Gardens. But we’re not going anymore. So now you pick.”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to wow me, woo me, or whatever that W word it is you used?!”

“I do, but I don’t have any other ideas right now! Come on, give me a starting point. Is there anything you feel like eating?”

I look at him, interest piquing. “Oh, okay—so can I give you like a criterion of what I want, maybe? I don’t want to pick! I want you to surprise me.”

“Yeah, sure,” he shrugs. For some reason that simple move takes me right back to our early days, when he still acted all stoic and indifferent around me. While this side of him used to frustrate me back then, it doesn’t anymore now. In fact, it warms my heart. I like knowing that he’s still there—including the side that frustrates me, because if he did a complete 180 to only being so lovable all the time I don’t think it will really feel like being with him.

Feeling encouraged by this, I smile. “Okay. So… I’m thinking… um… uh…”

Jongin side glances me. “See? We’d be in Singapore by now.”

“Shut up!” I scowl. “It’s hard for me too. I don’t know what I want to eat, I’m okay with anything—”

“Seul, if you’re going to act like an indecisive girlfriend already, you should at least let me act like a boyfriend and kiss you,” he drawls, winking. ing hell. Can somebody arrest him?? I can’t think when he’s busy planting a mental image of us making out in my brain!

“Shush! Okay, so… I’m thinking… stars, lights, and… sea? Food?”

Stars as in Michelin stars, lights for eating somewhere pretty, and sea—well, what can I say, I can never have enough sushi.

“Why stars and lights—oh. Oh.” Jongin’s lips slowly stretch into a smile that tells me his next big idea is brewing already. “Alright, I think I’ve thought of something. But I’m gonna need to make some calls.”

I asked for fancy sushi but an hour later, what do I get, you ask?

An accessory store.

Yes, you heard me. We’re currently at a mall and I’m in one of those pink, sparkly accessory stores I used to get cheap nail polish from as a teen. And I’m staring at the rows and rows of hair ties in front of me.

Why, you might ask?

Beats me too, ladies and gents. All I know is that Jongin had insisted that I would need a hair tie for tonight so he dragged both our asses to an accessory store just for it. I usually have one on my wrist but stupid me decided to misplace it yesterday so here we are!

He’s waiting outside as he makes some calls to get—and I quote—things ready for tonight. My mind wanders as I poke and tinker with the various models of hair ties, from fat scrunchies, telephone cord elastics, to those bands with a metallic clip so it looks like your ponytail is held by a metal band, and—ooh, scarf scrunchies!

Anyway, back to what I was thinking of. Why would I need a hair tie for tonight?

I’ve been thinking about this for the past 2 minutes, and I think it only comes down to two things.

Rooftop dining, and something else that can make Hoe-Seul scream.

Gaaaargh!!!

But can you blame me?!

this! What is he thinking of?! It should be rooftop dining right?! Obviously it would have something to do with dining, in which case it would most likely be rooftop dining because that other thing that could make Hoe-Seul scream has nothing to do with dining except for the fact that you’re also putting something in your mouth—

I gasp. Oh my God. Hoe-Seul is sick of waiting and has decided to possess me!!

“Stop it!!” I scold myself, shaking my head subconsciously. “Just do what you came here to do already!!”

“You done yet Seul?”

I inwardly groan. . The ! Hoe-Seul thoughts have successfully summoned it! Alright brain, time for you to be normal again please.

“Yeah!” I chirp, swiftly plucking one of the scarf scrunchies with a floral pattern from the rack. Wait, do I want this one or that simple black band with a metallic heart charm that I can wear around my wrist? Because that one’s definitely more versatile, but the scarf scrunchie goes better with this outfit—

“Both.” Jongin has appeared like an angry-looking apparition beside me. “Just get both.”

“But, but,” I start, holding both out, “I don’t know if I’ll wear this one a lot, you know?”

“I’m okay if you don’t.” He holds his hand out. “Give them to me.”

“No way!” I swat his hand away. “I can pay for my own accessories, thank you very much.”

Jongin presses his lips together, obviously trying to rear his thinning patience. “It comes as a package with the dinner so you gotta let me take it.”

I purse my lips. “You’re not gonna back down, are you?”

“Unless you want to pay for dinner too.”

“I don’t even know where it is.” I stick out my tongue. That’s kind of a lie by omission, to be honest. Heck no I’m not paying for dinner. Judging from how he had to make calls, it’s probably somewhere expensive.

And after everything this man has put me through, I deserve expensive at least once, right?

“Dinner is going to be at some rooftop restaurant, right?” I guess, smiling smugly. He’s probably insisting on a hair tie because at night it gets windy, which is good sense on his part because wind plus long hair is combo that can make any girl’s blood pressure skyrocket.

“You’ll see in a bit,” he replies, his tone and face revealing nothing.

I frown, mentally sifting through the top sushi restaurants I know as we head back to his car. Do any of them even have rooftop dining? And wait, is he even thinking of sushi?! What if he interpreted seafood as… well… literally any other kind of seafood?

I want sushi!!!

I must’ve looked at him in alarm because once he fastens his seatbelt with a click, he looks at me suspiciously. “What?”

“Nothing!” I quickly say before anything stupider comes out instead. No point in talking about sushi now, 15 minutes after he finished making all those calls. Oh well, seafood is always yummy!

“Really? Everything ok?”

“Yeah!” I nod vigorously. “Just… excited. I’m trying to see where dinner could possibly be.”

Jongin grins. “Well, you have about 20 minutes left to guess before we arrive at the answer baby.”

“Sebitseom Island?”

I do a 360 as we walk across the bridge leading to the biggest of the three artificial islands, Gabitseom. Sebitseom Island is a mega-complex of three artificial islands that float on the Han River, right in the heart of downtown Seoul by the popular Banpo Bridge. I’ve been to Sebitseom on the day it first opened but not since then, so coming here at sunset is like a new experience all over again for me.

“Sort of,” Jonging replies, smiling mysteriously.

I stop looking around and turn to pin my gaze on him. “What do you mean sort of? If we’re not eating here then why are we here?”

“Because we need to be.”

“What?”

Jongin winks but doesn’t answer. Now what the is he thinking?

The huge convention center sitting in the middle of this island looms before us, looking like a huge flower made of glass petals intricately arranged in layers. Ah, I see. There’s probably a good restaurant in there, right?

But to my surprise, Jongin walks right past the entrance. I quicken my pace to catch up with him, asking, “Yah, we’re not going in?”

“Nope!”

“What? Then where are we going?”

“There.” He points towards the observation deck located at the tip of the manmade island, a balcony overlooking the waters of Han River.

“Oh, there?” I echo, tailing him in confusion. What does he mean there? I don’t see any tables on the deck? And , can’t this dude use a little more words to tell me what the heck is going on?

As we circle the circumference of the island, the sun begins to set. Ribbons of brilliant orange and romantic pink paint the sky and reflect on the ripples of Han River, turning it into a vibrant mosaic. Golden sunbeams fall across my face, making me squint. Yes, all this is pretty, but… are we still here to eat?

“Oh, we should hurry!” Jongin suddenly exclaims, picking up his pace. “It’s starting soon then…”

“What is? Are we trying to catch the Banpo Moonlight Rainbow Fountain Show from that deck?” I ask. ‘Instead of eating?’ I want to add.

“Yes and no. Come on, we can go to the observation deck afterwards if you like.” And to my surprise, he walks right past it! I give up! I don’t know what his plan is at all!

“Oh, we’re not going on the deck?” I look at it briefly. The giant glass petal has lighted up, and the island is now flooded with colorful lights. So pretty! This would have definitely been a picturesque place to eat. If we could somehow get a table on that deck, that is. But I don’t think that’s allowed. So what is he…

“Yah, can’t you just tell me where we’re going?”

“The marina,” he answers, still in those short sentences I’m slowly losing all my patience for. He points at a ramp that takes us closer to water level, towards a dock lined with various yachts. My jaw drops in understanding as we approach.

“Is dinner gonna be… on a boat?” I breathe, looking at all the yachts in awe. Do people own these? Or is this owned by a company? I’m not sure you can have dinner on these things though. Maybe if you just had a hamburger—because these yachts are just enough for two people and pretty tiny compared to cruise ships.

“Not just any boat,” Jongin shakes his head. “That boat.”

My stomach doing flips, I turn to look at what he nodded at—and when I do, I gasp.

Are my eyes playing tricks on me?

It’s something glowing—something bright and wide gradually gliding into view from my far right. I feel my jaw slowly drop as it draws closer. My brain moves from taking the sight in, to processing it, to denying—because there’s no way that that yacht is his, right?

“Kai,” I breathe, momentarily regressing back to what I’m used to calling him, “that’s not… that’s not dinner, is it?”

He smiles simply. A gentle breeze blows, sending some hair over his eyes yet somehow making him look even more angelic. “What do you think?”

“I think,” I start, looking at the incoming yacht which seems three tax brackets more luxurious than any of these that are docking, “that that’s a lot bigger boat than the ones hanging out here.”

He chuckles, a tinge of cockiness in it. “That’s because these tiny ones can’t fit stars, lights, and the sea.”

My eyes bulge. “YOU—” I pause, realizing my indecent volume, “did you actually get what I meant?”

“I don’t know. Did I get it right?”

“Well,” I start, blushing a bit, “for sea I meant I wanted sushi, for lights I meant I wanted to eat somewhere pretty, and for stars I meant I wanted… Michelin stars. I wanted good food, basically.”

“Ah.” He pauses, a grin starting to form. “This is kind of funny.”

“What, you didn’t get any right?”

“Not really. I did arrange for sushi because I knew that’s your favoUrite, but I also brought us to Han River because I wasn’t completely sure if that’s the only thing you meant by sea. For lights I thought you wanted somewhere with fireworks or something spectacular like that, so I brought us somewhere we can enjoy the Banpo Rainbow Fountain Show from. And for stars, I thought you meant outdoor dining… because for Michelin stars, you don’t even have to ask, princess.”

His eyes twinkle like the boat behind him. I can feel the heat creeping into my cheeks because of that nickname – that nickname that transports me back to the first time he called me that. It’s been a long time coming since our first kiss, hasn’t it?

“I—I’m speechless,” I stutter, blinking rapidly as if that will hide how nervous he makes me. “How—just how do you always… Seriously, Jongin. I know you have friends, but how are you able to summon a jet and a yacht in the same day alone for me?”

He shakes head, lips pressed tightly together. “That’s not important. What’s important is that dinner is ready.”

Like I’m in a trance, he leads and I follow him to the vessel that’s now docking. Jongin boards first, stepping up the… the what do you call it now? The back part of the boat… the stern, I think? I don’t know. I’m too busy thinking that when it’s my turn to board, I lag for a second.

“One feet at a time,” he instructs as the boat bobs gently. “Here, take my hand.”

I do as I’m told, and he doesn’t let me go even after I’ve successfully gotten on the boat and stepped onto the… deck? Cockpit? Anyway, there’s a sofa, and holy , a dining table too—

“So I take it you like it?” He asks, sounding confident already.

“What do you call all this?” I ask, gesturing wildly. “What’s this area? And is that the… cockpit? Is there a captain steering this?”

“That was the stern, and right now this area here is the aft deck or the outdoor cockpit area. That enclosed part of the boat is the cockpit where the helm, or the steering controls, are. And yes, there is a captain steering this thing, just like there will be a crew to serve us dinner.”

“Is this yours?” I blurt out before being able to stop myself. “I mean, just out of curiosity. Or is this chartered?”

“Chartered,” he replies casually. “Because nobody ever comes to Seoul for boating. I keep mine in a dry boat storage in Capri, Italy.”

I feel my mouth drop for the hundredth time today. He owns one of these bad boys? Not gonna lie, that’s kinda y. Like, y enough to make me forget about how he’s a mob boss for a bit.

Spotless cream couches line the sleek white body of the yacht, contrasting beautifully with the brown hardwood floor. I roam around the aft deck, looking over the sides of the boat.

“Oh!” I cry, looking at the cockpit where the captain should be. “We’re moving! Where are we going?”

“East, just along the Han River.” Jongin replies. He pulls out one of the chairs tucked into the dining table standing on the middle of the deck. “Sit, the show is starting soon.”

The chairs face either side of the boat, so my view for tonight is this beautiful specimen named Kim Jongin against Seoul’s impressive skyline. Right now, said specimen is gazing softly at me, chin resting on the heel of his palm. My heart starts to do that Erratic Beating Thing it always does whenever he openly acts like this.

“Um, this is really nice.” I look sideways, shifting my line of sight to the Banpo Bridge ahead of us. I’m still a wimp, I know. But I can’t. When he looks at me like that I’ll cave immediately.

Oh but who the am I kidding? When it comes to him, I caved yesterday.

“You like it?” Jongin grins. “Wait till you taste the food.”

I perk up at the thought of sushi. “So we’re gonna be having sushi? Did you hire a crew from a restaurant or something? Wait, are they going to prepare the food on the boat?”

“Yeah, the galley’s on the lower level.” Jongin nods towards the cockpit. “They’ll come out of there.”

Then, just like magic, a man wearing a sushi chef uniform emerges from it.

“Good evening!” he greets in what I think is slightly accented Korean. He hurries down the two steps leading out of the cockpit. I don’t think he’s from Seoul, but I’m not exactly sure where…

“Welcome aboard and sir, thank you for having us.” The chef bows lightly at Jongin. “The Sukiyabashi Jiro Tokyo crew is delighted to have you again with us tonight and we hope that you and the lady are hungry. We’ve prepared a very special 10-course dinner—”

TEN?! My eyes widen to their full capabilities, making Jongin stifle a laugh. No but seriously, did he say TEN?! And also—I kind of skipped over this part here, but did he say Tokyo before?

“That all sounds very good, Chef Ono. Bring it out whenever you’re ready, please.”

“Of course. The waiter will be here shortly with something to drink.”

As he disappears back into the kitchen or galley or whatever, I immediately start bombarding Jongin with questions. “10?! A 10-course meal?! We’re going to be heavy enough to sink this ship!”

“Technically all the ingredients are already on board, so…”

“And did he say Tokyo? He did but he’s not from Tokyo, is he? You didn’t fly him in just for this, right?”

Jongin shrugs nonchalantly. “I had to use the jet I already had prepared somehow.”

Oh my ing God!!! He—holy , has he always been this rich?! How come it didn’t feel like it before? Or have I just forgotten? I mean, he doesn’t usually import ingredients—and people—on-demand like this—

“Iseul, relax. Breathe. If you pass out before the food gets here, you might never be able to experience Sukiyabashi Jiro again since they stopped taking reservations from the general public.”

“What? Why?”

“Space is limited so they can only cater to certain members of the society these days.”

“Like?”

“Artists. Politicians. Me.”

“This is insane. I think you’re crazy,” I mutter repeatedly, wildly looking around me. “Jongin, you didn’t have to—oh God, how much damage did all this come to? I would’ve been happy with just any restaurant, really, so you didn’t have to… I…”

Words fail me. I’m floundering like a fish, appropriately placed in the water, because everything he does—everything he says and does somehow always takes my breath away. How is he able to just… do all this?

“I don’t have to, I know.” He smiles. “But I want to. Because I love you. And I should’ve done all this—and more—a long time ago. So in case I… in case I don’t get to do this again, at least one thing’s off my list.”

I swallow. What do I say? I just want to get back to being with him, but at the same time we haven’t really talked about what he sees for the future. The memory of my conversation with Jae last night comes back. . How do I transition to that topic?

Thankfully, the arrival of a waiter arrives, giving me a moment to busy myself with my napkin as he pours some champagne. My eyes sparkle at the sight of it.

“Just one glass for me,” Jongin tells the waiter. “I’m driving.”

The waiter nods and bows respectfully before leaving again.

I take a sip. “All this is amazing and I really appreciate it, but—”

“Seul,” he holds up a hand, “no buts please. The most important thing to me tonight is that I wowed you successfully. So have I?”

I open my mouth to answer, but just then, something happens.  

Music fills the air and along with it, the sound of water gushing down the sides of Banpo Bridge. In the dark, the bridge glows alight with every color of the rainbow. The hues shift hypnotically, as do the streams of water, and just like that, the short Moonlight Rainbow Fountain show has started.  

I momentarily forget what I was going to say when a gust of wind blows and whips my hair all over my face. Jongin was right—I was going to need that hair tie. Quickly, I tie my hair into a ponytail.

“Wow.”

Jongin grins, hearing how I let the answer slip.

The jet streams change formation again and more colors start to blink. “This is… This is really different up close,” I say in disbelief. “The view is so much better from here.”

“It is.”

But when I turn my head, he’s staring at me.

The look in his eyes is feather-soft. Chin resting on the heel of his balled fist, the small smile on his lips is partially covered but I see it all in his eyes. The adoration, the sincerity, the longing. It makes me forget how to breathe.

“You’re missing out,” I say. The music is starting to slow down already and like a perfectly timed scene, Chef Ono begins to appear with the first of his ten dishes.

“I’m not,” he replies as he throws the napkin over his lap. “I’m catching up on what I’ve missed out on for months.”

Dinner is served slowly, one impeccably crafted dish after the other, and one ‘I think I like this one best!’ proclamation after another louder version of the same words from me. Each course is art, both for the eyes and the tongue. Each plate blends beautifully with the one preceding it, and the breaks in between help me to really savour the subtle delicacies.

“This is… insane,” I say yet again like a broken record after taking a bite of the dessert daifuku, a sweet, round mochi stuffed with a strawberry coated in red bean paste. “Oh my God, and you expect me to go back to eating normal people food after all this?”

Jongin laughs, wiping his mouth. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“Liked it?! Where’s Chef Ono? I need to kiss his feet.”

He cackles again. “And what about the guy that brought him here?”

“That guy owes me, remember?” I return half-jokingly, but Jongin raises his hands up in defeat.

“That’s true,” he acknowledges. “I admit that after everything, this is the least I could do for you.”

Silently, I flip that statement around in my head. As I watch the bright city behind Jongin slide past in the opposite direction, a question begins to form in my brain. Would now be a good time to talk about… you know, it?

“You okay?” Jongin asks, peering at me. “What are you thinking of?”

“Just… how long have we been on the yacht already?”

, that was stupid. I could’ve told him what I was really thinking of and the problem of steering the conversation in that direction would’ve been gone already.

“About 2 hours.” He checks his watch. “The captain made a turn already. We should be back at Sebitseom in around 30 minutes.”

And now I have a moderately tight time limit. Great. Okay. How do I do this?!

“Do you want to go up to the bow?”

“The bow?”

“The front of the yacht. We can sit on that part too.”

“Oh, really?” I crane my neck and try to look past the cockpit. “Is that safe? Won’t we fall into the water?”

“No, it’s safe.” Jongin grins. “But if you’re tipsy then maybe not so much. Maybe next time, if you don’t feel up for it.”

“Next time,” I echo, chewing on my lip. , okay. This is a good opening. I’d be a complete idiot to not approach the topic now, right?

Maybe it’s plainly obvious on my face, or maybe he just has good intuition for what I’m thinking of by now, but this time he chases it. “And so about this…”

He waits. Is he expecting me to take the lead?

But then he speaks up again in a voice so soft it’s almost inaudible. “Do you know if there will be a next time yet?”

“You said that this is the least you could do for me,” I answer, nervously lifting my eyes to meet his. I don’t know if that’s a statement or a question—I guess we’ll see from how he answers.

“Yeah.”

“The least is a lot,” I comment. My eyes wander around the yacht for a bit, taking in the lavish interior, the churning waters beyond its body, and all the light pollution on either side of the river. “But what’s the most you’d do for me, Jongin?”

Asking that question was difficult, but getting through the milliseconds that pass while I wait for an answer is the real trial.

Asking it doesn’t bring relief—no, it makes every single vein in me twist and the nervousness I get after posing it is damn near debilitating. I want nothing more than to jump in the river, swim away, and never have to hear his answer. Because what if it’s ? What if he answers with something ty, something so devastatingly disappointing that it’ll make all this meaningless because I know I’ll have to walk away?

I’m ing terrified. Last night I thought I could do this—I thought I’d have the stomach for this, but I think I’m wrong. I don’t think I can. I won’t survive if he breaks my heart again. And right now, all it takes is a few words that aren’t strong enough to convince me.

After an eternity, he finally answers. “Are you asking if I can leave the HOC?”

His voice is steady, even, and so close to being calming that I momentarily forget the thought of jumping into the water. Okay, how do I respond? I need Jae. Because that wasn’t really what I was asking, but I mean… if he can then…

“I wasn’t asking that specifically. I just want to know what you see for the future.” I take a deep breath. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not talking about marriage, kids, and all that—that’s not what I’m asking about right now. What I need to know is if I do take this risk and we get back together, how secure can you make me feel about all this? What’s going to happen? How are we going to make this work?”

In front of me, Jongin exhales slowly. “So… I don’t want to sugarcoat this, but for the immediate future, there’s still a really big problem that I have to deal with.”

Suddenly it’s like someone dropped an anchor on my stomach and made it sink.

“I told you parts of it last night. That whole story with the Joker being murdered—I didn’t tell you how the one behind it is my father.”

Wait, what did he say?

In my stunned silence, he continues, giving me more background to this and telling me what actually happened before he arrived at that Club Lotto that night. Holy , he had just reunited with his undead father. No wonder he was out for blood.

“So based on my meeting with him that night, there’s still a problem because he’s still part of a bigger plan, which, according to him, involves more people that aren’t necessarily happy with the HOC.”

“But isn’t he dead?” My pitch rises by an octave. “You guys burned the whole place down, wouldn’t he be dead? Then doesn’t that mean problem solved?”

Jongin grimaces. “Yeah… that’s the thing. We found remains of his clothing, but nothing that the lab guys can confidently confirm is his bone or flesh. There’s a chance that he might’ve gotten away again, and even if he didn’t, we still haven’t gotten everyone who’s working with him.”

Is it just me or does the HOC sound so ing stupid right now?

“He got out of a burning building once, Jongin, I can’t believe you guys tried that again,” I said through gritted teeth. “You’re the one who picked the meeting spot, right? Why not have more people wait around the premises to shoot him down as soon as he finished talking? Why not drug him or something and then, I don’t know, bring him in for further questioning so you can try to get the full list of everyone else he’s working with? God, do you guys not watch any movies?!”

“We already had a tough time getting information out of one of his men that we brought in, bringing him in would most likely end up being useless other than posing a bigger security threat. We figured it’d be easier getting names out of his other men once they hear their boss is dead,” Jongin replies without missing a beat. “As for shooting him down, we also did. And as to why we didn’t drug him, I suggested that too. Take him out just like how took Sooman. But majority of my team was against it. Labs said to be wary of using any kind of drug against him since he has some kind of drug lab himself and unfortunately, blowing things up is more our style.”

“That sounds like a premature worry,” I mumble. “Well, so now what? You potentially lost him again so you’ve got no dead body to wave around on a pitchfork for all his allies to see. Then what?”

“Right now, nearly every single unit in the HOC is tasked with tracking this lunatic down in some way. The man himself, his lab, and everyone else who’s working with him in Korea. We’re also talking to the Triads and Yakuza to see if they’ve been attacked recently and had any important items stolen. It’s only been 2 days since that meeting but we already have a good lead on his lab and the other Monsta X members.”

I purse my lips. “So… you’re…”

“Long story short, I’m going to be working a lot in the immediate future. And maybe in the not-so-immediate future too. I don’t know, it’s hard to foresee these things, Seul, and the Aces need me. But on how we can make this work, I’ve got a few starting ideas.”

“Which are?”

“After we take down Kim Youngmin, I’ll move out of the HOC. We’ll move to an apartment or something and implement the highest level of security there, just like we’re doing for Suzy.” He gives me a crooked smile. “Depending on what you want, we can move somewhere close to your office. Maybe we can also arrange some type of separate but connecting unit for you so that you won’t have trouble explaining things when you want to have people over.”

Hmm, that’s a good point. I remember how suspicious Mark instantly was when he found out I worked as a babysitter at the HOC headquarters building. It would definitely sound weird to anyone else too.

“In a few months, I won’t be Suzy’s Guardian anymore, so you don’t have to worry about her. And after next year, I won’t be the leader of the Aces anymore since we rotate the title. Life will probably a little more chill then.” He sounds more like he’s talking to himself than to me now. “Then…”

“But if the leader position rotates then it would come back to you in six years, won’t it?” I interject.

“Technically. But you know what, I’m going to propose just making this a fixed role already. This whole rotational system is bull.”

“For… for you?” I ask, my mouth dry. I’m gonna be honest. That’s not something I’d prefer. I mean, I know the 6 of them basically do everything together but it doesn’t make sense, especially with how Jongin has Jongguk.

“It should go to Suho—he’s the oldest and the most level-headed in a group where we’re all equally capable.” He shrugs. “Besides, I got you and Guk. I’ll probably transition to training him and spending less time on the field as he gets older.”

Right—of course Jongguk’s gonna be in the HOC too. Okay. Okay. This is expected. This is fine. I mean, I like where this discussion is going. But I still want to know more.

“And what about long term?” Despite my chicken instincts, I press on. “What about in 20, 30 years? Do you… do you think you’d still be in the HOC?”

His downcast eyes meet mine again. “Where do you want me to be? In or out?”

I swallow. “What do you want?”

He smiles a little. “I asked you first.”

“Well then… You know what I’d say to that, Jongin. But I know it’s probably not realistic.”

“It’s unorthodox and will definitely be difficult, since I’m basically linked by blood to this. And now that Suzy’s the Joker, she’ll probably want me around…” he trails off like a new thought interrupted. “I don’t think I can promise you this yet. I’m sorry. But I do have a plan.”

He leans in like he’s about to drop a conspiracy theory. I find myself mirroring him. “What is it?”

“I’ll ha