5 YEARS LATER

“Alright, so do you think you can get this done over the next 3 weeks?”

As my intern fumbles through a status report of his other ongoing projects, I let my eyes rest on the stretch of turquoise that ripples like glittering ribbons under the summer sun. Rows and rows of brightly colored buildings line the coast of Capri, and behind it, lush forests and pale grey cliffs soar into the cloudless blue sky.

Ah, this is the life.

“Okay perfect!” I say when he finally stops for breath. My eyes zoom back to the laptop screen in front of me. “Thanks for the update, Jisung. Yes, if the query takes more than 8 hours to load, then increasing the error margin is fine. Make sure you’re using Presto and not Hive.”

“Got it. Thanks, Ms. Seo,” Jisung says formally. “Oh, I also wanted to schedule an additional one-on-one with you to go over the evaluation form from my university…”

“Right, of course! How does the last week of your internship sound?”

“That sounds good. I can go into your calendar and book some time for us—will you be back from Italy by then?”

“Unfortunately I think I will be,” I say with a laugh. “Feel free to book an hour. I want to make sure we have enough time for a thorough discussion, and I’d love to hear any feedback you have for me as well.”

“Will do,” Jisung smiles. “Whoa, your background looks really nice today! Are you in the middle of the sea?”

“Yes,” I smile. “I’m on a yacht by Capri, but don’t tell anybody. Jiwon hates seeing me have fun.”

More precisely, I’ve been sleeping on the most luxurious yacht I’ve ever seen for the past week thanks to Jongin. When he told me about the yacht he kept in Italy, I wasn’t expecting it to be the scale of a private cruise ship!

“I won’t,” Jisung laughs. “Thank you for sticking to our weekly meeting schedule, Ms. Seo. I appreciate you accommodating the time difference.”

“Of course I would, we want your internship to end smoothly, don’t we?”

Wow, these interns really are getting more polite as they get younger. Do schools have a better character building curriculum these days? I don’t think I was as well-mannered back when I was an intern…

“Thank you again, Ms. Park. Have a good rest of your day!” Jisung bows his head.

“Message me if you need anything.” I wave until the video call disconnects and I find myself staring at the colourful tiles of my work calendar.

It’s only 7.30 AM here in southern Italy, but I’ve already had 2 out of the 4 meetings I have scheduled for today. It’s cool though, because that means I get to log off by about 9.30 AM local time and continue to do my own work whenever it suits me later in the afternoon.

This is one of my favourite things about working at a hotshot tech startup like Sandbox over a more established and older company like Shinhan Bank. All lot less bureaucracy and a lot more flexibility. Combined with the fast-paced work environment decked in shiny perks, I have never had a reason to look back. After an eventful 3 years at Shinhan Bank, taking on this Senior Data Engineer role at one of South Korea’s most rapidly growing startups seems like a good move.

“Morning,” a sleepy voice behind me says.

I turn around and like an automatic, involuntary physiological reaction, my face breaks into a smile. “Morning.”

Jongin emerges from the lower deck of his yacht with barely-open eyes and adorable, tousled hair. How is it that even after over 5 years, the sight of early-morning-Jongin is still every bit as endearing?

“You done with your meetings?”

“2 more to go. Is Jongguk still asleep?”

“Mmm,” Jongin raises his eyebrows as he downs a cup of coffee from the pantry. “He’s really sticking to his plan of not waking up before 9 during his holiday.”

“I miss having summer holidays,” I sigh wistfully. “Adult life .”

Jongin sits beside me on the couch. “That’s because you spend it working even though I’ve told you many times that you don’t have to.”

“Jongin, this isn’t the—“

“—18th century, I know, I know,” Jongin sighs, kissing me. Suddenly he turns to my open laptop. “Wait, your intern’s not there anymore, is he?”

“He is,” I grin. 

“Really?” Jongin grins back with mischief in his eyes that I could never rival. “Then let’s give him the whole show, shall we?”

“Kim Jongin!” I yelp when he starts attacking my whole face and neck with kisses. I try to push him off me even though Hoe-Seul is starting to riot. “Go away, I’m still working.”

“What if I bought your startup and mandate that Seo Iseul can’t work for more than 3 hours a day?”

“You can’t buy it. We’re not looking to sell.”

“I can be pretty persuasive.”

“Oh yeah? Then try persuading your kid to spend less time on his iPad this holiday.”

“Not to him,” Jongin groans. “Seul, something in that kid is broken, I swear. He wasn’t like this when he was 6!”

“That’s what they’re like when they grow up. You have to keep finding new ways you talk to him.” They don’t tell you this in school, but I’ve come to realize that your high school English classes will come most handy during child-rearing. You’ll become a paraphrasing master from the number of times you’ll need to repeat something.

“You do it,” Jongin sulks.

“I got him to stop at 10 PM yesterday. Your turn, Player 2.”

“We should set a limit for the time he can spend on that iPad per day. 5 hours? 4?”

“4. But let’s say 3 so that if he bargains, we can stretch it to 4,” I say as I type a few comments on my intern’s code. “I’m sure he’s going to try to negotiate.”

“You’re right. Okay. Back me up when I talk to him, okay?”

I nod, and he kisses me again. “I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’re going to do a good job raising him like you have for the past six years before you met me, that’s what.”

“He listens to you more these days. I think you’re really starting to give off that Asian tiger mom vibe.”

“I don’t give off any mom vibes. I’m not a mom.”

“Yet.” Jongin gives me a knowing smile. I roll my eyes and try not to smile.

“You don’t know that,” I wag my finger at him. “You still gotta ask, and you don’t know what the answer will be until you do.”

“I know, I know,” Jongin concedes. “Just taking a temperature check.”

I try to read his tone but unfortunately, I’m illiterate when it comes to Jongin and the topic of getting down on one knee. Every time I think he might pop the question, he never does. I mean, we’ve been touring the coast of Italy for the past 2 weeks—we’ve been eating fancy dinners and drinking champagne to 14 picturesque sunsets. The perfect opportunity has come up at least 10 times. And we’ve been together for over 5 years—over 5 and a half, to be precise—would he think it’s still too soon to ask?

Although I can sort of understand his possible hesitancy too. Because if we get engaged, then what? How will I tell my family? But then again, if that’s what’s holding him back, shouldn’t that be something for us to discuss together? Why the hell would he let that stop him from even proposing?!?!

“Let’s get married.”

“HUH?!” I jump, blinking rapidly at him. . What? This? Now? Really? WHAT???

“Finally,” Jongin smirks a half-smile. “Your laptop says you have a meeting in 2 minutes.”

“Did you just—was that just a serious—“

“Of course not, baby girl. I just had to bring you back for your meeting and you weren’t responding to anything else I said.”

I whack him with a throw pillow. “You don’t—“

Whack!

“Joke—“

Whack!

“About—“

Whack!

“Stuff. Like. That!!!”

Whack! Whack! Whack!!

“Alright, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!! It’s just that you were zoning out real bad and was basically deaf to anything else I said—“

I shush him with a violent shove. “Go! I’m about to have a meeting!”

And then I put on my earphones and enter the virtual meeting room without bothering to watch him leave.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. What kind of insensitive idiot would even joke about something like that?! How could he be so cavalier about the topic of marriage?! I swear to God, boys are so stupid I can’t believe I’m wired to like one!

I blaze through the rest of my work tasks with the kind of focus I only get when I’m dead set on trying to avoid something else. Right now, that something is Kim Jongin.

As much as I’d like to ignore that idiot forever, unfortunately, Kim Jongin can’t stay out of my orbit for too long. Especially when I’m stuck on a yacht that belongs to him. So I let it go and try not to think of anything related to bended knees and rings for the rest of our vacation in Italy.

Especially since there doesn’t seem to be any signs of it coming.

Throughout the remaining two weeks we spend here, Jongin goes to and from various ‘work meetings’. As always, he only divulges the bare minimum of his business activities, but I know that he’s dealing with various Mafia families. Something about a consigliere—which is apparently the negotiator in Mafia families—wanting to hide something in Korea because the head of the family him?

As planned, we reach the Amalfi Coast by the time we’re down to our last week in this gorgeous country. This is where Jongin has arranged to meet with the rest of his team—the good old Aces. As his yacht approaches the marina to dock, I feel my mouth fall open for what feels like the hundredth time this trip.

“It’s…” I breathe, forming an L with my thumb and index fingers as if to take a picture, “it looks like stock photography.”

“What?” Jongin chuckles.

“It’s perfect. It looks like what you would put on a postcard,” I marvel. I close one eye and imagine the picturesque scenery in front of me on a little card or painted on a framed canvas. Pastel houses carved into rocky hillsides. Green trees against a clear blue sky. And an ocean of turquoise all around.

“Wait till you see it at sunset,” he tells me, winking. “Come on, let’s go meet the others first. Jongguk, let’s go!”

“I’m coming!” Jongguk, who has now shot way past my hip and is as tall as my underboob, races up the stairs of the yacht to get to the main deck. “Are we going to be meeting the hyungs?”

“Yes, we’re having lunch with them, then we’re checking into our hotel, and then you and noona can go swim in the ocean or explore the city while appa and the guys get some work done, okay?”

“What are you guys going to do?” Jongguk asks, hopping off the yacht. “And what are we having for lunch?”

Jongguk is as inquisitive and bouncy as ever, but he has matured noticeably in many ways. I first realized this when one day, in the middle of dinner, he began talking about the digestive system. He’s become a lot more well-spoken too. He has stronger preferences in clothing, sports, and celebrities, as well as gaps in his teeth and budding adult molars.  

But you know when the realization that the cute little 6-year-old I babysat years ago is no more hit the hardest?

It’s when he yelled at me for walking in on him getting changed.

Yes, Kim Jongguk now has a very pronounced concept of privacy.

“We just have a few meetings to attend to this afternoon,” Jongin replies, slinging his arm around Jongguk’s shoulders. “And seafood, of course.”

By the time we get to our table on the balcony of the restaurant that overlooks the sea, the five faces I’ve grown to know and care for deeply are already there.

“Finally!” Suho complains good-naturedly, waving at us. With a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head and a breezy linen shirt, Suho looks like any other holidaying tourist. No one would suspect that laidback face to be the leader of the HOC Aces.

Oh yeah—that’s another thing that has changed. Suho is now the permanent leader of the Aces, and Jongin is second in command.

As Joker, Suzy decided that the old rotational leadership system was inefficient and downright unnecessary, so she got rid of it completely. The group ended up appointing Suho as the leader with Jongin as his official right-hand man. At first I was a bit worried about how Jongin would take it, but he seems pleased with the outcome so I’m good with it too.

I have you two, he’d say, referring to Jongguk and me. It wouldn’t make sense for me to be the leader.

“Sorry we’re late, boss,” Jongin says, looking at me pointedly. “Some of us felt the need to take a picture of every lamp post we passed.”

“And I’m not even sorry!” I laugh, throwing my hands up. “Italy is amazing.”

“So is the food here,” Baekhyun says, flipping the menu over to me. “We ordered all the recommended dishes already. Just get yourself some drinks.”

Dining with the Aces is as lively as ever, especially with Jongguk participating in the conversation more. He supplies interesting tidbits about invertebrates as the half-shell oysters arrive, impressing the table, especially D.O. and Sehun.

“You really like science, don’t you, Guk?” Sehun says. “Do you want to be a scientist when you grow up?”

Jongin gives Sehun a look, but Sehun shrugs and looks at Jongguk expectantly. Jongguk looks at Sehun, then at his dad.

“Maybe. If it’s fun. Ms. Park says that science can get pretty hard.”

“It does.”

“Appa’s job seems fun,” Jongguks says, casually sipping his soda from the straw. “It lets you go to Italy.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Jongin winks.

But Jongguk replies with a frown. “I still don’t really get appa’s job, though. You said your job is in HOC security and that makes sense when we’re in Korea, but I don’t get what we’re doing here. There are no HOC hotels in Italy, right appa?”

And that’s another change I’ve noticed. Jongguk has started taking a deeper interest in what his dad does for work and is asking more critical questions about it.

“Right, but appa has connections here.” Jongin’s eyes flick towards Suho. Suho nods slightly. Slowly, he’s saying.

“Business partners?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“Are we going to be building a HOC hotel here?”

“Not really. Appa’s just helping our business partner handle some business in Korea. You see, Guk, the HOC makes money in several different ways. The hotel is one, but we also have many different partners we do other types of business with.”

Jongguk’s face grows even more confused. “So how is that security?”

Jongin’s face freezes when he realizes the major plot holes in his story. “It’s security because we protect the HOC from the bad business partners. I’ll tell you more when you’re older, Guk.”

Jongguk ignores the last sentence completely. “Bad business partners like what?”

“Like…”

“Oh, the food’s here!” I cry. “Oysters!”

I swear I have never been so relieved to see a platter of oysters on the half shell. Every time Jongin vaguely talks about what he does to Jongguk, I get extremely nervous for no reason.

Jongin welcomes the distraction as well. “Let’s eat first, okay Guk?” he says, already transferring several pieces to Jongguk’s plate.

“Is appa going to tell Jongguk more later?”

“Sure, later.”

“After we eat?”

“Oh, I was thinking later when you’re like 15.”

“Appa!” Jongguk whines, throwing his fork down with a loud clank. “You always do this! You always say stuff like that when I ask about your job!”

Jongin stiffens, not expecting Jongguk’s outburst. A hush falls over the table, and I don’t have to turn my head to know that the rest of the Aces are also finding something to busy themselves with.

“Jongguk,” Jongin says slowly. “It’s because I really do think that this is something we’ll be able to discuss better when you’re older. You’ll be able to understand a lot more when you’re 15.”

“Why?” Jongguk demands. “Is appa’s job that hard to understand? Or appa just doesn’t want to tell Jongguk?”

“It’s because appa’s job is complicated, Guk. Not all jobs are as straightforward as being a teacher or a baker.” Jongin’s eyes flit to mine and that’s how I know it’s my cue.

“Yeah, Guk. Take noona as an example. You know that I’m a data engineer, but it’s hard to describe what exactly it is I do, isn’t it?” I add.

“Noona prepares data so that the company can use the data,” Jongguk answers, frowning.

“Yeah, but prepare what data? And use the data how? It’s hard to really understand what I do, isn’t it? That’s how it is with your appa’s job too.”

Jongguk frowns. “But you always answer my questions when I ask more. Why does appa always avoid answering my questions?”

“Guk,” Jongin cuts back in, sounding exasperated, “it’s because my job is even more complicated than noona’s and I really do think that you’ll understand more when you’ll older, okay? But if it bothers you that much then fine, bad business partners like the ones that made noona hurt her back all those years ago, alright? Let’s talk more about this tonight. Right now, you need to eat, young man.”

Among the things that have changed over the years, there are some that remain the same. It’s the fact that Jongin is still the one who does most of the scolding because I still can’t, in good conscience, admonish a child that’s not mine, and it’s the fact that Jongguk always ends up listening.

“Fine,” Jongguk sulks, picking his fork back up. He pokes the flesh of the oyster twice, his little nose wrinkling. “How do I eat this?”

I hold my own oyster up in front of me. “You hold it with your hands like this, buddy, then slurp.”

That takes the conversation back to more pleasant topics. “So, Seul, how are you liking Italy so far?” Baekhyun asks, smoothly steering us back to calmer waters.

“I love it,” I gush. “I want to move here.”

“Absolutely not,” Jongin interjects. “Too many you-know-what.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s not like Seoul is completely devoid of them either.”

“But in Seoul, you’re protected.”

“And what about the vacation so far?” Baekhyun jumps in again. “Is it everything you’ve been expecting it to be?”

 “Yeah! The yacht’s great, the food’s amazing, and everywhere we go is postcard material so… yes?”

For some reason, I’m not sure how exactly am I supposed to answer that. The answer is definitely yes. I know I did mention having, um, certain other expectations, but I don’t anymore now so yes, it is everything that I’ve been expecting it to be.

Baekhyun smiles brightly and looks at Jongin, who briefly looks at me. “That’s good then. Hey, we should all rent one of those small boats and go swimming this afternoon!”

Suho frowns. “We’re meeting Quassano after—”

“Yeah, yeah, after that of course,” Baekhyun quickly nods. “We’re all free after that, right?”

As the guys discuss what to do after they meet this Quassano, I can’t help but replay the interaction I just had with Baekhyun. It felt awkward for some reason, though I can’t really say why. Why was Jongin looking at me? Was he disappointed by my answer? Did I sound ungrateful?

Oh God, I really don’t know. Oh well. Whatever. I’m probably overthinking this, aren’t I? What I need is a nice long swim in the ocean because yes—now I can actually stay afloat in water.

I end up taking Jongguk around the town of Amalfi because the guys have settled on renting a small boat in the evening. The plan is to cruise along the coast and go for a swim at Marina Piccola, which boasts a view of Faraglioni—a famous formation of rocks jutting out of the sea. To pass time, Jongguk and I get dessert, poke around souvenir and trinket shops, and even stop to feed pigeons at the steps of the local Duomo.

In the late afternoon, we finally make our way back to the hotel to meet Jongin and his team. But Jongguk makes a point of stopping at every storefront offering samples of Limoncello, a bitter Italian liquor until finally, I give up and give in.

“Fine, I’ll try some for you and let you know how it tastes, but after that we’re going straight back to the hotel, okay?”

“Okay, noona!” Jongguk nods petulantly, eyes gleaming with anticipation. Note to self: early signs of alcoholism are showing, must fix!

The guy behind the samples cart in front of the store smiles at Jongguk through his thick mustache. “If it didn’t count as breaking the law, I would gladly give you one too, little one,” he drawls, the accented English words rolling melodically off his tongue. I chuckle politely, telling him that there's no need. 

After surviving that blood-curling skyscraper drop five years ago, I have also taken up learning English more seriously. I’ve swapped a portion of my K-dramas for Hollywood blockbusters and 20-minute sitcoms, and though I still can’t call myself fluent, I’ve definitely gotten a lot closer. My comprehension, at least, is a million times better.

“Thank you,” I smile as he hands me a little glass of it. He proceeds to explain the significance of Limoncello in Naples but stops as soon as I tip the glass into my mouth and let the liquid trickle in.

Ho… ly… .

“Um,” I begin, trying not to look so disgusted, “it’s, um, very—”

Here’s the thing. I tried some when we were in Capri and I absolutely hated it. It’s as bitter as… God, I don’t even know, sewage, maybe. This one looked like a different brand so I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, but…

“May I interest you in some water instead?”

“Yes please,” I choke, lightly smacking my mouth. “I’m so sorry. I think that—it’s a little too, uh… bitter for me…”

Jongguk is looking at me with eyes as wide as balloons. “Noona, is it really that bitter? Worse than the wine I tried before?”

Tester Guy laughs fondly. “Your son is so cute, ma’am. How old is he? Ten?”

“Eleven,” I smile. “And he’s… ah, thank you.”

And that’s another thing that has happened over the years. So many people have mistaken me as Jongguk’s mom that I don’t really correct them all that often anymore. It depends on the situation. It used to be easier in the past when I could just say that I’m his babysitter. But now, what am I supposed to say? I’m just his dad’s long-term girlfriend who takes care of him a lot and is basically the acting mother figure in his life?

That’s so long people will age even when I’m halfway through it.

Also, saying all that out loud makes me feel… weird. Not because I don’t like it, but because I’m worried that Jongguk doesn’t. I know, I know, Jongin and I should really talk about this more but you know what? Jongin should talk about this with Jongguk. And I don’t know if he has. Because sometimes, when the topic doesn’t come up, it’s all too easy to forget about it—

“Noona? Noona, he’s asking you something.”

“Oh—sorry, yes?” I snap out of my train wreck of thoughts, blinking. Tester Guy repeats his question, gesturing to another bottle of liquor, but I smile and politely shake my head. “Maybe next time. Thank you so much…”

Jongguk and I continue on the cobbled streets that lead us back to our hotel. Jongguk is commenting animatedly about various things we pass on the way but I’m only half-listening, because now my head is stuck somewhere else. I’m trying to tell my brain to stop and shut up but before I realize it, we’re in front of the hotel already.

“Noona, you heard what I said right? I’m going to go to the bathroom first, okay? I can go myself!”

Without waiting for a response, Jongguk dashes off to the restrooms in the lobby. I call after him but the only thing that’s doing is making me look crazy, so I resort to waiting in the middle of the lobby.

Just then, Jongin walks in.

He’s still in his crisp white shirt and navy pants, while the man behind him is in a baby blue shirt with nearly identical pants and a matching blazer in hand. I furrow my brows, scanning the well-dressed stranger more thoroughly. Didn’t Jongin say he’s meeting a Quassano today? Why is the man with him Asian?

Suddenly, he catches my eye. I freeze for a second, unsure of whether to say hi or act like I don’t know him because he’s with someone from work. But before I can decide, Jongin’s guest notices our gazes. I see him ask Jongin something, who then responds with something I can’t make out and a perfectly straight face.

Next thing I know, both of them are walking towards me.

I instinctively straighten up and blink at Jongin nervously, hoping he gets my telepathic message warning him that I’m with his son so he should not be heading here.

“Hello there. Are you the girlfriend that has brought Jongin to Italy?” the stranger asks in perfect, flawless Korean.

“I—” I blink, “I don’t know, it seemed more like Jongin bringing me—”

The stranger laughs. “Oh then it’s you, isn’t it, Iseul? Jongin mentioned that he’s here to show you the country.”

Jongin talked about me to this guy? Why? How come? He never talks about his personal business to anybody. I glance at Jongin. “Oh, yeah, then I guess I am. I’m sorry, you are…”

“Vincenzo Quassano. I’m Korean but I’ve lived most my life in Italy. Kai and I are friends, you see. We had a meeting because we’re going to be helping each other with something.”

“Oh,” I say, mostly to Jongin. “I see.”

I try to gesture madly with my eyes. Okay, I don’t get whatever the Jongin is doing with this Vincenzo dude but seriously, why is he still here? Jongguk could come running out any minute!

“We’re actually going to have another meeting still. You should join us, Iseul. Kai never told me his girlfriend is this pretty,” Vincenzo grins.

“A decision I would have made all over again,” Jongin mutters under his breath. “Yah, enough. Let’s go. I’ll walk you down to the marina.”

“He’s eager to get me away from you because us Italians can’t help but flirt when they see such a beautiful lady,” Vincenzo drawls, somehow having the audacity to take my hand. I’ve completely forgotten how to move, but my surprise doesn’t end there—because suddenly, Vincenzo drops a kiss on the back of my hand.

“Um—” I dart my eyes at Jongin, who looks like he’s plotting Vincenzo’s murder as we speak. I try to pull my hand away. “Thank you, but—"

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to try anything because I still need Kai’s help.” Vincenzo looks pointedly at my bare ring finger. “Ah, leave him, signora. I can take you around the French Riviera until you forget all about him.”

I don’t like this dude, I don’t like this dude, I don’t like this dude AT ALL. Why is Jongin friends with such a sleazeball?

Jongin is visibly trying to keep his cool. “That’s it, Vincenzo. We’re going now or the deal’s off.”

Vincenzo laughs throatily. “Right, of course it will be. Let’s go then, Kai. Ciao, Iseul. Remember my offer… it also comes with a diamond that’ll look beautiful on your finger!”

My jaw unhinges itself at his straightforwardness. Before I can second-guess the action, I spin around on my heel and march back towards the restroom area to wait for Jongguk. 10 Euros says he’s taking a dump, and right now, I’d much rather help him wash his than stay another minute around the predatorial Vincenzo.

What the , what the , what the actual .

You know, all I ever wanted was a nice, relaxing last week in Italy without my brain self-destructing with useless overthinking, but obviously that’s gonna happen now. I want to ask Jongin about the Vincenzo guy and the mom/not mom topic but now that we’ve met up with the rest of the Aces, it’s hard to find enough alone time for an extended pr