The next morning, I lie in bed for about a solid hour, staring at the ceiling wondering if anything I remember is even real.

Did Kai really come here last night? And did I make up with him? Did he really ask to start over? Do I now call him Jongin, and did he really say he loves me about 50 different times? And I’m meeting him again tomorrow?

I replay the scenes in my head, cradling each one close to my heart, and hardcoding each sappy line to my brain. I know and don’t know what comes next at the same time—like I know I’m seeing him again tomorrow, but then the day after that? Are we going to meet every day? Or…?

It isn’t until my bladder is threatening to spill all over the sheets that I finally get up and start functioning. Groggily trudging to my bathroom, I catch sight of the trash bin near my kitchen area and spot the blood-stained cotton and gauze pads peeking out of it.

Okay, so I’m not dreaming. Everything from last night is 100% real. Cue the rabid butterflies again.                                                                                                            

Coming out of the bathroom, I turn on the kitchen sink and gulp down a glass of ice-cold water. The sun looks so bright outside… how long have I been asleep? I reach for my phone to get an answer.

“Oh jeez!” I exclaim in shock, immediately dropping it back down. 3 PM. Three in the ing afternoon. I slept for over ten (10) hours. In conclusion, I slipped into a coma.

I sit on the edge of my bed, still feeling disoriented after such a long period of unconsciousness. Waking up at 3 PM is like… over half a day that’s now gone. I haven’t slept in this bad in so long—was it the fact that I was hospitalized the night before and had a long and eventful night on Friday?

I proceed to check all my messaging apps, scrolling to the bottom first. There’s Bom, Seulgi, and Jinki checking up on me again, as well as Mark—oh my God Mark! I’ve forgotten all about him! He asked me how work’s going—I should definitely reply to this first…

Then there’s Lisa replying really late to something I sent two weeks ago—which is fine, by the way, I don’t really mind. Next comes a lot of promo texts, then Lucas… then Jae—okay yeah I need to reply to her soon—and finally a new number I don’t even have saved yet at the very top.

Stupid smitten little me clicks on that one first. So much for scrolling from the bottom.

‘I got home already. In one piece.’

‘I’m squeezing into Jongguk’s bed tonight. Do you remember his Nemo bed? Hehe.’

“Grrrhnggh!!!” I make a concerning sound that resembles a mixture of a strangled scream and a squeal. , that’s so cute? Who the is he being so adorable for?

‘Are you asleep already?’

‘Sleep well. Save this number, okay?’

Bits of the bossiness is still there, I see. But I do so anyway, and I save his number as a new contact named ‘Jongin’.

Yes, that’s it for now. We’ll see if I end up adding one—or twenty—puke-worthy emojis soon.

I reread his stupid little messages another four times, rolling around my bed as I do. If anyone saw me right now, I probably look… disgusting. But no one’s here, so…

“Kyah!!!” I squeal into the mattress, laying on my stomach like some upturned starfish.

I can’t believe this. Yes, we really did meet again and now we’re texting and tomorrow we’re going out. A part of me is still worried about a lot of things—there’s always a part that will be—but overall, I’m on cloud nine right now.

I text back a short and simple reply. Just something about I slept so well I passed out for the past 10 hours and that I hope he got a good rest too. Nothing crazy about that, right?

Just as I move on to reply to some other ‘easier’ messages, like the ones from work colleagues and people who I don’t have any explaining to do, a reply from him comes in.

Damn, that was pretty quick. Okay, calm down Iseul, don’t text back right away, give it a minute or two—actually screw that, are we in high school?! Why do I have to wait huh??

I return to my messages with Jongin. He asked if I have anything planned today. I think for a minute, considering. There’s only one logical thing for me to do today, right?

‘I think I’m going to meet with Jae.’

I haven’t asked her yet though. But I think she’ll make time—given that she’s aware of everything that transpired yesterday.

My phone vibrates again in my hand, and it seems like Jongin understands my response perfectly.

‘Good call. There’s a lot of ground to cover. I hope she won’t kill me or anything…’

‘But if you need anything, let me know. I’m spending today with Guk.’

An image of domestic Jongin flipping pancakes or something with a cheerful, bubbly Jongguk who’s elated that his father’s home turns my insides to fluff again. Before I know it, I’m smiling like a fool.

‘Okay. No work today?’

The question comes out before I can halt myself. Was that a bit too girlfriend of me?

Thankfully, his reply comes fast. Unfortunately, it is also a little cryptic.

‘No. I got a lot done the other day.’

I mean, I don’t know the specifics, but this should be a good thing, right? Like he must’ve put out a fire of some sort?

Before I can reply, another text buzzes its way in.

‘Jongguk wants an egg waffle. How does he even know what that is? Brb, babysitting. Talk to you soon.’

I chuckle.

‘It’s called parenting for you.’

‘Kidding, I know. I was just thinking of you.’

Stupid, stupid little flirt—can’t he at least be a dry texter? Can he stop making me obsess over him in every single way that’s possible?!

Clearing my throat, I try to come up with a reply that’ll hide the fact that I’m breaking down over a string of perfectly arranged alphabets.

‘Try Golden Bubbles near Jongno-Gu. They’re pretty good.’

I watch as the delivered symbol turns to read and wait as he types his reply.

‘Thanks, Seul. I love you.’

Jongin: 1
Iseul’s weak heart: 0.

I end up calling Jae because trying to explain everything over text is proving to be pretty much impossible. After a lot of shrieking and heavily disorganized, almost violent questioning, we agree to have dinner at my place and that she’ll bring the food.

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know, what do you want?”

“Yah, I asked you first!” Jae groans impatiently.

“Just get some chicken and beer or something—I’m good with anything!”

“Chicken? But I—”

“Okay then you choose!”

“Are you down for some Mala Xiang Guo?”

“What’s that now?” I ask, wrinkling my nose. “Oh, is it that spicy Mala stir fry?”

“Yep!”

“Why do you like pain?” I shudder at the thought of the numbing spiciness of the dish. Granted, when done right spicy Mala stir fry can actually be one banger of a dish, but when it goes down the wrong pipe… you’ll see the light instantly, I tell you.

“I just feel like chicken and beer is too ordinary for us celebrating a special occasion here!”

“There is nothing to celebrate yet!”

“Bull! You know what? I’ll find something good. I gotta go—see you later at 8!”

She hangs up abruptly before I even pull the phone away from my ear. Alright, whatever—I kind of trust Jae’s judgement of food. So that’s done. All the texts from work friends are done. Kai’s with Jongguk. Now the only person left to reply to is Lucas.

The last text from him that I can see before clicking into the chatroom is short.

‘Just let me know. 😊’

What? Let him know of what? Before I start overthinking six ways to Sunday, I open the messages and in my breath. How bad can it be, right? Let’s just get it over with.

And turns out I was right.

It isn’t anything that bad at all and I was just overreacting.

Nothing new, of course.

There are a couple texts from him, but they all just exhibit the normal reaction of someone who had just witnessed a friend breaking down for some reason unbeknownst to them.

‘Hey Seul, I know there was some stuff going on that you didn’t want to tell me about, but I just wanted to check if you’re fine now’

‘I meant it when I said I didn’t like seeing you cry. I’m sorry, I know we’re work colleagues and all but like’

‘I care about you. I like being around you. So if you need me to come back there, tell me, okay?’

‘Or even if you just want someone to hang out with tomorrow. Or if you need anything’

‘Just let me know 😊’

“Oh God,” I mumble, rereading each message bubble as the ball of discomfort in my stomach grows. Not to flatter myself but like… is he seriously into me?

I mean I know I kind of felt it already yesterday but now it kind of feels like he’ll be… acting on it? Considering the most recent developments in my relationship with Kai, this is making me nervous.

How should I reply? How much of things should I tell him?

To be fair, he and I haven’t really known each other for that long. It’s not like we’re supposed to be close or anything. I make up my mind and start composing a reply.

‘Hey, I’m sorry for only replying now…’

‘But I’m fine. Really! Yesterday I basically reconnected with someone who is really important to me and this is more of a good thing than a bad thing so I’m not sad anymore. So I’m really ok, and thanks so much for offering help.’

‘See you on Tuesday at work! 😊’

He doesn’t reply instantly so I take this chance pull a disappearing act as well. I throw my phone on the bed and open my laptop instead to put some music on. I’ve got a couple hours to kill before Jae comes, so let’s start by doing some chores!

About 2 hours later, I plop down on my couch with a loud groan, taking a minute to catch my breath. Everyone—a round of applause please, because I have been extremely productive. I’ve swept, mopped, and vacuumed the floor, washed and dried all my remaining dishes, and I’ve also done my laundry.

Today has been a full-body workout for my unfit but household chores are still not as exhausting as going out and socializing with a crowd. Especially since after completing them, I can instantly reward myself with—yes, you know it—my lovely K-dramas!!

Time flies when you’re fantasizing about romance. Suddenly, it’s 7.20 PM. I’ve folded all my laundry and finally took a nice long shower, slipping into some clean home clothes afterwards. My stomach growls in protest of not being fed a real meal throughout the day, so I poke around my kitchen cabinets looking for something light I can eat as I wait for Jae.

Thankfully, Jae arrives a little earlier than promised. The minute I hear a knock on the door and see my phone’s screen light up with an incoming call from her, I jump up from the couch and sprint to the door.

“Yay!!” I cheer, clapping my hands as she lifts up two large takeout bags of something I haven’t fully identified yet. But then I catch a whiff of it. “Wait, did you end up getting Mala?”

“Yes but this one’s really good, trust me!” Jae shuffles inside and kicks off her shoes. “I got dessert too!”

“Oooh! What dessert?”

“Bungeoppang~” she sings, referring to the fish-shaped bread stuffed with sweet red bean filling.

Even though we haven’t seen each other in a bit, we immediately start chatting like not a day has passed since we last met. Except that it has—many, in fact—so there’s a lot to talk about; from my new hand soap that apparently Jae feels the need to comment on, to 20 million different questions about my new job. We just haven’t hit home run by talking about the elephant in the room yet.

“You told me on our last call, congrats! I’m glad everything is going well,” Jae cheers, rubbing her chopsticks between her hands before breaking them apart. “You go kick there, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I laugh, taking out one of the plastic containers. We’re sitting across each other on my dining table. “I’m just glad I haven’t had a major up yet. There was a lot of learning this week.”

“That’s always what you want in a job!” Jae starts digging into her rice. “It was a crazy first week, huh?”

“Unbelievably insane. Especially when you consider the that went down since Friday…”

“Exactly what I was looking to hear about!! So? So? Argh I know so many things happened on Friday too but is it bad that I’m more interested in what happened last night? Did you really meet… Kai again?”

“I did, and it’s fine because the point is what happened last night anyway, but hold on—does the HOC not know anything yet? Have you not heard anything?”

“It doesn’t work like that there, dude.” Jae wags a finger in the air. “Kai and his team are really high up so everything that happens between them is classified. We only get briefed as much as necessary, and especially for someone like me who’s not really a part of any active fighting units, we know even less. I work with negotiators and translators, right, so unless it has anything to do with a deal I’m working on, I probably won’t hear much about it.”

“Oh.” The monosyllabic word is the only response I can manage as I mull over her words for a bit. “So… do you really not meet Jong—Kai a lot at all, then?” 

This whole name switch thing is another struggle by itself—I don’t know what I prefer to call him, really. I love calling him by his real name but I’m just so used to Kai, Kai, and Kai!

Jae narrows her eyes, catching it instantly. “No. But what was that you nearly said? Jong…?”

“Jongin,” I admit, blushing a bit. “It’s… something we discussed yesterday. Basically we’re starting over and so I think I’m going to start calling him by his real name.”

“What?!” Jae’s mouth drops open and I grimace a bit at the unholy sight of her half-chewed up foot. “Wait, explain that from the top, please?!”

“That’s what I brought you here for!”

I start retelling her everything from last night, forging through mouthfuls of food because I’m also starving. The only time I pause is when I feel like I’m about to choke from the heat and need a glass of water to continue breathing.

“Wait, wait, so let me get this straight—you guys are going to start over, and so tomorrow he’s going to take you out on a date to like, do the boyfriend courting basically, and for now you aren’t officially officially back together but you will be depending on what you decide after the date?”

“Uh… yeah? Yeah I think that’s accurate. You summed it up pretty well, actually,” I say in relief. I’d rather drink mouthwash than try to repeat everything.

“Okay, okay.” Jae chews on her food slowly while she ponders over my story. “I… yeah, I think that makes sense. Personally, I think it’s great that you didn’t take him back immediately. When you called me last night, I didn’t want to suggest anything because I didn’t know how the meeting would go, but I think this is good. I… I think I’d do the same.”

“Really?” I exhale with a wide smile, feeling like a ton of bricks have just been lifted from my shoulders.

“Yeah. I think it’s wise to think about things a bit more, but him wanting to go through all this for you is definitely a good starting sign. But what do you envision after tomorrow though? I mean, obviously you have feelings for him so the scale is already tipped in his favour, but do you think you’re just gonna go like ‘yes okay let’s get back together’ after the date, or…?” Jae asks, chewing on a lotus root. “Do you just want to do one date before you decide? Or do you want to do more? Or…?”

Crap, she’s asking all the questions I’ve been trying to ignore. In my mind, I haven’t fully decided. Swallowing, I laugh a little nervously. “So the thing is… those are all those questions I’ve been trying to ignore.”

Jae looks at me wearily. “Iseul…”

“But I’ve thought about it, of course, it’s just that I’m still unsure! Initially I thought that I’ll just decide from this one date, because I’m expecting him to tell me all about his life and we’ll see how I feel from there, so… I don’t have a good answer yet. I guess we’ll see tomorrow.”

“I guess if you’re not convinced by the first date, you’ll know that… well, he’s not really the one, isn’t it? Aren’t relationships usually like that?”

“I don’t know, I guess?” I think about it for a bit. She has a point. But…

“But also, it’s not like we’re starting from zero here. I’m into him already. So how do I decide if I actually want to commit to this? Despite all the risks, everything that could go wrong…”

“You’re right. I guess the answer is you want to see how secure he can make you feel about this then, isn’t it?”

Her answer nearly makes me cry from how spot on it is. God, having her around tonight is such a blessing. Jae is a lot smarter and a lot less feeling than I am so when I get muddled up in mine and obvious answers start looking blurry, having her as a voice of reason is tremendously helpful.

“Jae… you nearly made me cry,” I say tearfully, blinking. “You’re right. You’re so right. God, I don’t even know why I got confused but yes—that’s exactly what I want.”

I realize that I’ve been too focused on the wrong thing. He said he’ll tell me more about his past and present tomorrow, but the deciding factor should be what he sees for the future.

And that’ll be what I need to hear.

“That’s what sisters are for.” Jae punches my arm affectionately. “God, you’ve been through so much confusing and unfair already, I just want to see you be happy once and for all.”

Maybe it’s the heat or maybe it’s the fact that my period should be approaching, but for some reason, that immediately gets me bawling. Jae splutters a cuss word in surprise and shoves me several paper napkins included in the takeout bags.

“Yah, what’s wrong with you?! Why are you crying?!” Jae cries. “You’re going to make me cry too, dammit, and we’re already dealing with Mala here!”

“It’s because you just,” I pause to blow my nose, “you just get me! You don’t understand, Jae—I’m so tired, I’m so tired of being confused and having to question things. I’m so tired of loving him in worry. I just want to love him happily.”

The sobs and complaints bubble up from the deepest, most suppressed parts of my heart, and Jae listens to it all patiently. I haven’t been able to voice out all these thoughts to anyone, so doing this is legitimately better than therapy.

“He makes me feel everything so… strongly. From the good butterflies to the warm gooey insides to the painful heartburns and the sickening worry. It’s crazy—it’s crazy how much I love him. I know it’s questionable, him being who he is and what he does—wait, no offense to you of course—”

“None taken,” Jae intercepts quickly.

“But beneath it all, he’s a good guy. God, I sound like a moron, don’t I? But really, like—I think if he had been born into a different life, he’d just be a good guy like the rest of us. This is stupid, I know, but he’s just so… he’s so good to me. He makes me feel so good and alive and nobody can come close. Not even—”

I halt abruptly, realizing how I don’t think I’ve talked to Jae about Lucas yet. Or have I? Did I mention it to her on our brief call yesterday?

“That other guy? That other guy from work?” Jae prompts.

“Oh, I mentioned him already, haven’t I?” I wipe my face and take another spoonful. “Yeah, his name is Lucas.”

I tell her how I met Lucas, how he’s been super attentive since the Friday incident, and how he’s acting towards me now.

“And so the plot thickens,” Jae smirks. “Looks like he’s into you too.”

“I know, and I just feel so bad because like… he’s a nice guy!” I wail. “One with a perfectly normal life too! This would all be so easy if I could just… reprogram my heart to be in love with him instead, wouldn’t it?”

“Unfortunately,” Jae agrees. “But well, no use crying over that now. You’re better off thinking about tomorrow instead. Do you know what he’s going to do yet?”

“No, actually.” I check my phone for any messages from him. “I don’t know, is that weird?”

“What’s not weird with our lives at this point?”

“True,” I chuckle sadly.

“Next topic!” Jae declares, saving us from a depressing downwards spiral.

“Okay!”

We talk about other things—sometimes I blabber about my new job, sometimes I question her about hers. Interestingly enough, Jae thinks that something pretty big is in the horizon.

“No details yet, of course,” Jae says, now biting into one of the fish-shaped bread, “but I think we’re going to be digging into something internationally. I don’t know what about yet. A very high-level brief just came in yesterday.”

“Oh. Hmm…” I hum, racking my brain to see if there were any dots to connect with any past conversations with Jongin. But if there are any clues, they’re still to obscure, and I end up drawing a blank.

Jae brings up some other lighter topics, like movies coming out soon and artists kicking off new tours, and I get the feeling that she’s trying to take my mind off HOC-centric things for a bit. Which is helpful, but also a pretty difficult ambition when all the neurons in my brain are currently wired to fret over it.

At about 11, we start packing up. As I watch her slip into her shoes a wave of sad loneliness washes over me—I didn’t even realize how much her visit comforted me. The expression must’ve shined clearly on my face because as soon as she catches a glimpse of it, she throws her arms over me and envelopes me in a big bear hug.

“Aww, is my littol baby sad that her big sissy is leaving?” She mockingly coos, squeezing me tightly.

“You wish,” I hiss, but I’m glad she can’t actually see me. I kind of feel like crying right now.

“Oh, Seul.” She pats my back. “It’ll be fine. Just remember—whatever you decide will need to depend on how Kai makes you feel about your future when he’s in it. Just take it easy and go from there. But from what you told me, you know… it really seems like he’s into you. Big time. So I wouldn’t be so pessimistic. Don’t overthink and worry tonight. It won’t change anything that’ll happen tomorrow.”

“I hate it when you make sense,” I grumble, squeezing her back. God, what would I do without Jae?

Jae snickers. “Love you too, sis.”

“Bye,” I mumble, opening the door. “Get back safe.”

“I will! You tell me how it goes, okay? Regardless of how things go, you’re not blacklisted anymore, so we can communicate more freely. Text me if you need anything! Let me know if he’s being an !”

That makes me laugh. “Yeah, I will!”

As I wash up and start trying to pick an outfit for tomorrow, my phone buzzes with the one name I’ve been waiting for. Jongin. Finally he remembers to text me!

Ew, I sound like 14-year-old again. Nevertheless, 14-year-old me hurls herself across the room to roll around on the bed while reading his text.

‘Are you still with Jae?’

‘Or are you asleep yet? I should’ve asked what time I can pick you up tomorrow…’

‘I haven’t been on one of these in a while.’

He means a date, right? Like he hasn’t been a date in a while? That makes sense—his last date was probably with Victoria. And no, I’m not salty. There’s clearly nothing to worry about here and Victoria has been nothing but super nice to me.

I bite my lip, searching my brain for a good response, before I start typing.

‘You texted me just as she left. How do you know? Are you spying on me??’

‘And hmm, what time works for you and Guk? Guk has school tomorrow, right? Who’s taking care of Guk tomorrow?’

I can’t help it. I remember Jongguk, I can’t help but worry.

‘I’m not! I promise. Lucky guess. I figured 11 would be late enough to ask.’

‘Yeah, Guk has school. I’ll drop him off as usual and then afterwards, I’ve called in a favour from the guys. Baekhyun says hi, by the way, he says please don’t be pissed at him too. He’ll make up for his part by taking care of Guk tomorrow.’

These mobsters can actually be kind of cute when they want to. Annoying!! I watch as a new text pops up.

‘So any time is fine. Does 11 sound good?’

 Nice. 11 AM is always ideal—at least for me. Not too early, not too late either. I text back a happy confirmation, agreeing to meeting him at 11. , a formal date date with Kai. I actually have no idea how this is going to go.

‘Okay. Wear something comfortable for tomorrow.’

You see? You see?? He’s supposed to be taking me out on a date but his bossy tendencies are still at the forefront waving their pompoms proudly. Do boys text like this? I know at least one other who doesn’t though!

‘So bossy still >:( but okay!’

His reply couldn’t have come quick enough.

‘Oh no no, I didn’t mean it like that… I mean, I just wanted to let you know like just wear something comfortable for tomorrow but it’s up to you! Sorry, texting you like this is also new to me…’

HAHA. I actually made him feel bad, did I? A part of me feels bad but a part of me is actually cackling. We’re a mess. I both hate and love that for us because it makes this reunion so… authentic.

‘No, I’m kidding. It’s fine. This is all new to me too.’

‘Perfect timing, actually. I was just picking out clothes for tomorrow.’

‘Oh, you’re not going to sleep yet?’

I look at my limited wardrobe. How long will this take anyway?

‘Maybe in a bit. Why?’

‘Are you going to be awake for about 30 more minutes?’

I mean… I can stay up if needed, but why? I text him a reply of the same effect.

‘I have something for you. Be there in less than 30!!’

What’s that now? He’s coming here?? Now?

First of all, I already took off my bra. I’m ready to just spend the rest of the night alone, bro. I send him another text asking why he’s coming but get no reply—so I assume he’s already on his way here. What does he have for me that can’t wait till tomorrow morning?

After wrestling with the three stupid bra clasps and finally securing a bra back on, the butterflies finally hit. He’s on his way here, is he? I should expect a knock in about 15 minutes, I think??

I use the time to wrestle with my baby hairs and attempt to make myself look presentable. When I finally hear my phone buzz again, I zap at the speed of light to get it. Oh my gosh, okay. He says he’s outside.

True to his words, I hear a soft knock.

“!!” I whisper to myself, freaking out for no obvious reason why. Come on, Iseul, this is the guy you’ve been regularly seeing already, he’s not Ryan Reynolds or anything!

I scramble to the door, knocking my toe on the leg of my coffee table in the process. Letting out a mashup of a cussword and a squeal, I hobble over very gracefully and try to appear normal as I open the door.

“Hi,” Jongin greets me instantly. He’s wearing a denim jacket over a white tee but goddamn does he look good in it.

It’s the unstyled hair, I think. Floppy-haired Jongin has always been my weakness, among the many other Jongins as well. God I want to run my fingers through them.

“Hi.” I blink, opening the door a bit wider. “Um, you have something…?”

“For you.” He produces a plastic bag from behind him, smiling a little cheekily. It’s the egg waffle place I recommended earlier.

“Oh! Thanks, uh—”

“I know you had dinner already, and maybe you guys got dessert,” Jongin continues quickly, “but when we were at the egg waffle place, they had a limited-edition triple choco delight or something, and it reminded me of the sundae you were having the first time we met in that ice-cream shop across Jongguk’s school.”

My mouth rounds into a silent ‘O’. He continues.

“I don’t know, I just… I wanted to get it for you and thought it would be… fun if we started over again with this. But… I don’t know. In retrospect, this might be a little corny,” Jongin laughs self-deprecatingly.

Corny? I don’t know about that. He gives me butterflies all the same.

“But anyway, I wanted to give you this. If you had dessert already then this can be heated up for tomorrow morning! I just wanted to give it to you tonight in case you needed something sweet again.”

He’s referring to my late-night craving for something sweet from yesterday, is he? Man, he could’ve just shown up here empty-handed and my cravings would still be fulfilled.

“Also, I kind of wanted an excuse to see you.”

“Tomorrow we’re going to—”

“Tonight.”

Radio silence again. Because as always, my brain is asleep when I need it. But a stupid little smile is threatening to spill. , what do I say?!

“It looks yummy,” I finally say, holding the little bag close to me. “I can’t wait to try it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. And you’re right—that place was really good. Guk liked it.”

“I knew he would,” I can’t help but say smugly. They have lots of childish/experimental flavours there that I knew would be right up a kid like Jongguk’s alley. “Is he sleeping already?”

“Mmhm. He had a long day of complaining about his test tomorrow.”

I snort. “What is it?”

“Social studies.”

“Oh!” I half-gasp, half-laugh at the memory of Jongguk’s perpetual feud with social studies. “He—I mean, it’s probably too late to tell you now but he learned better when I made songs out of the important terms. I don’t know if he tried doing that…”

“He did,” Jongin laughs. “And he did mention that that’s what you did.”

This whole conversation… the divorced couple vibe is strong in this one. It’s sad but kind of funny at the same time—HELP!!

I think he notices.

“But um, yeah,” he stutters a little awkwardly. “I just wanted to drop by to give you that. Also to say that I’ll be at the parking lot at 11 tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I smile. How can I not? It’s always new seeing Jongin unsure and slightly nervous like this.

“Okay. Goodnight.” His voice is soft and gentle. “Sleep tight.”

“I will,” I reply. “And you too.”

He only smiles in response. For one dangerous second, I almost open my mouth again to blurt out anything. Anything, even a stupid question like what he tried at the egg waffle place as a desperate attempt to make him stick around a little longer.

Because he’s going to leave after this, isn’t he? Of course he is. What else would he do? I really need to stop because now is not yet the time to be desperate, Iseul. But he’s only been here for less than 5 minutes. For it to take him about 25 to get here, I feel like having him stay for 5 minutes is forgivable—and definitely not desperate.

Should I?

I’m not desperate, I’m just… considerate. He did come all the way here. I’m not desperate, I’m not desperate I’m not—

“Okay, goodnight then—"

“Wait, so what flavour did you—”

“—I love you.”

.

My cheeks flare up in embarrassment, every pore on fire due to the shame. How do I make the floor collapse beneath me?? I want to disappear. Please, oh God, tell me that did not just happen. Except it did. Because I’m an idiot with the worst sense of timing ever!!

“What’s that?” Jongin laughs in surprise, looking at me with a twinkle of glee.

“Nothing,” I mumble, biting my lips. I bet my cheeks are red enough to spot from a mile away. “I was just… I was wondering what flavour you got at the egg waffle place. But that’s not important. Sorry, go on? You were saying—oh wait—you were saying you… okay. Um. Thanks—I mean, , I heard it.”

THANKS?!

I HEARD IT?!

I’m done, God. I’m coming up. I’ve had enough of this humiliating mortal shell you’ve put me in.

Jongin’s face, predictably, becomes the epitome of amused surprise. “You—”

“I mean—” I quickly squeak, hiding my face behind the plastic bag, “—oh God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, we’re crap at this now, aren’t we? I make everything awkward and I’m still stupid—”

“Iseul—hey, hey,” Jongin interrupts, holding my arm, trying to pull it away. I can hear the smile in his voice. “No we’re not. It’s just that circumstances have changed and we still need to adapt. We had moments like this too back then, don’t you remember? You’d hide in embarrassment and I’d hug you and say ‘you’re so cute, babe’ or something like that. Well, I find you just as adorable today.”

“Liar,” I mumble.

“Nope. Not anymore, remember?”

He says it so seriously that it catches me off-guard. I let him pull the bag hiding my face away.

“There we go. I told you to eat this, not use it as a shield.”

“Okay,” I say quietly, my brain still freezing from the total K.O. earlier.

“I got the mocha flavoured one, by the way. Jongguk got something weird like Froot Loops or something like that.”

“Okay.” I sound soulless, still miserably stuck in an endless loop of the scene that just happened. It all went down after I said ‘go on’ and I blame my workplace for that because now I see people unintentionally speaking over each other every day—

“Iseul,” Jongin chuckles, “hey—look at me.”

“I’m fine,” I mumble dejectedly. But he rests both hands on my shoulders and leans in anyway.

. . He’s too close. I can smell the mocha in his breath—or is that the chocolate from my plastic bag? I can’t tell. All I know is that I’m probably going to do something stupid again.

“What,” I deadpan, finally lifting my eyes. Because there’s no way out of this. The only way out is through.

“It’s okay,” he says in a hushed voice. “You know I still love you, right? You can cut me off and return my ‘I love yous’ with ‘thank yous’ any day.”

This man and his way with words, really… It’s tough being someone with a vajayjay when someone as charming as Kim Jongin exists.

I pout. “Who are you and what did you do to my not-so-corny Jongin?”

“That Jongin is still there, don’t worry. You’ll meet him soon,” Jongin winks. How is he a hundred times more beautiful up close?? “That Jongin loves you too.”

“I’m flattered,” I say, since I’m reserving myself still. How long do I have to do this for again?

“As you should be.”

He gazes at me in silence for a while, affectionate eyes melting into mine. The tension is warm like a fire and I can’t help but chew on my upper lip restlessly. What is he thinking of? I watch his eyes flicker to my lips briefly before they come back to mine.

And I feel like I have an inkling.

Because this time, there’s a slightly different shade of brown in them. A weary, almost aching kind. He doesn’t say a word, but he doesn’t need to. They speak volumes when he finally parts his own rosy lips to say, “Goodnight, Iseul. I can’t wait to see you again.”

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP BEEP BEEP—

“!” I bolt upright, staring at my screen that said 9 AM and the word ‘WOOORK!!!’ in shouty capslock. Ok, I’m panicking, but it’s not because of WOOORK!!! here. It’s because of my hot date!!

With Kim freaking Jongin!

The next couple of hours are a blur as I get ready. I pair a pastel cardigan top with some cream-colored wide leg pants and dress it up a bit with styled hair as well as accessories. I just hope this is casual yet dressy enough for wherever Jongin is planning to take me today.

Where will he be taking me anyway? I don’t think this is going to be a typical lunch-movie-dinner type of date so I’m really looking forward to what he has up his sleeves today.

I end up with time to spare, which I spend sitting on my dining table replying to messages and going through my emails. I even go through my work inbox. Twice. I just need some kind of activity to help distract me from my jitters because , I’m about to go on a date date with Jongin.

We’ve been on what you can categorize as dates before—I’m well aware of that. But today is different for many reasons, all of which I think would be self-explanatory.

I finally open Lucas’s newest messages, a harmless action that I’ve nonetheless been avoiding since yesterday. Crap, he’s asking how I feel and if I have any plans this afternoon. I’m assuming he wants to meet after he’s done with work today?

Just then, a text from Jongin also shows up. He’s arriving in 5 minutes. Oh man. Oh man oh man oh ma