My head feels heavy as i walked home faster. Memories of him kept flooding back and this is bad. I've never thought about him THIS much ever since 1 year ago.

I slammed the door opened, revealing a shocked Jaejoong who run towards me in panic.

"are you okay? You look pale.." he said in his gentle voice that sends shivers through my spine.

Why does he have to be so concerned like him? I shook my head and tried to smile but failed.

"y-yah.." he called me.

I guess i scared him. Not a surprise there. Jay's friends have found ways to avoid me just because they didn't like the look on my face, or at least that's what i overheard few years back.

"I'm fine." i croaked and he helped me to the couch.

"I'll get you some water. Sit here. Don't even dare to move." he said with his soft smile before he left.

"you look sick, jagiya. why don't you sit here. I'm gonna get you some water. Don't even dare to move." he said as he left to get me a glass of warm water.

I shook my head, trying to get him off my mind. It's been 7 years since he just walked out of my life, specially when my life crumbled down. I just turned 18 at that time, waiting to celebrate my birthday with my parents and Jay's family when Jay walked inside our house with swollen eyes. 

FLASHBACK

i fiddle with my phone, waiting for him to come and Jay to return with our parents. It's 10 pm already and in 2 hours my birthday will end. He hasn't called me, he didn't even tell me he's going to be late.

11 pm.

i saw Jay walked into our house with his body drenched in rain water and his eyes red and swollen. He's clenching a wet letter in his left hand and with his body slumped down, he walked closer to me and envelope me into a hug before started crying.

"oppa, what's wrong?" i caressed his back gently.

"That jerk. I thought he was different..." he said between his tears.

who's that jerk? My eyes darted to the letter he's been clenching so tight.

"what is this?" i asked, lightly touching the letter.

He looked at my bright eyes and slowly handed it to me. He held onto it for a few seconds, refusing to let me open it before i tug it a bit harder.

"From oppa?" i asked, my heart brightened at his name on the letter.

I slowly opened it, hoping it won't be ripped since it's pretty wet.

'___ah...

this is oppa... mianhae...

i have to leave and it's for the best if we never contact each other again...'

The rest of the letter turns into a blur as my tears wetted the already wet letter. He left me. On my Birthday. Did he even remember my birthday? I let out a short gasped before i broke down in tears as i finished reading the rest of the letter which consist of how he used to love me and now he wants out of the relationship.

"I'm sorry." jay whispered and we hug again.

We spent half an hour in silence, with the voice of rain outside our house calming our broken hearts. i haven't asked him why he cried. when i did, his eyes brimmed with tears. His mouth slightly opened and what came out of his mouth practically killed me for the second time.

"The plane fell.... They didn't make it.." jay said.

"You're lying." i denied though i know, from the look in his face, he's telling the truth.

I chuckled.

"You're lying. you're lying." i kept saying.

"__!" He holds my shoulders, stopping me from going mad.

***

"____!" a voice snapped me out of my dreaded memories and i found Jaejoong sitting next to me with a glass of water in his hand.

"You okay?" he asked while i just nod.

"y-yeah." i said and gulped down the water.

I hope he can't read me, I prayed. but boy, i was so wrong.

"You're lying." his clear voice startled me.

I looked at his sincere eyes.

"you're just like me. Hurt and broken." he bitterly smiled before he got up from the couch and proceed to the kitchen, leaving me dumbfounded.

***

2011/10/22 saturday

By Seoulchae