Chapter 15: Good Night.

She sighed for the umpteenth time. He cancelled their date again because it clashes with another schedule. For the last few months, their meet-ups lessened every day. Phone calls and text were their only source of communication now but even that, it still isn’t enough. He’d either be tired and their conversations would be cut short, or it’s her that’s the tired one. She’s about to leave the idol life and be free. SNSD didn’t sign up for more years to extend their life as an idol. They’ve done their jobs and they already made a big impact in the entertainment industry. He, on the other hand, still got a long way to go. She’s as free as a bird while he’s still stuck in the cage.

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He didn’t like the idea of cancelling but it had to be done. He’s gotten busier than before and it tires him to no end. The number of fans increased and the more they come, the more they had to do better to make them happy for liking them. They are thankful, of course, but the thought of having a large number where a possibility of having haters increased is also inevitable. He missed her. The last time he called, he could sense she was about to cry but then, it wasn’t the first time. Sometimes it was him who sound hurt when she’d say no. It goes both ways for them these days. He missed being with her, hearing her laugh at his lame jokes, seeing her smile, hearing her hum a tune with a serene look on her face.

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He was here, arms wrapped tight around her, pulling her close to his chest. A wave of euphoria filled her heart as the man she loves showered her with kisses and her hair with his beautiful fingers. This was what she longed for these past few months. She decided that finally, she could sleep with ease. The morning comes and she woke up with a smile on her face. Her eyes searched for him but she found no one beside her. The side was made and the one she’s been hugging was his pillow. Had it all been a dream? Her heart ached. Tears started streaking down her cheeks and unto the pillow. Even her dreams are playing tricks on her.

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Fangirls flocking around him like vultures and there’s no denying that he feels uncomfortable when they start to get close. He had to put a smile on his face despite how much he dislikes it. This crazy fan behaviour really needs some control. He tried to squeeze through the thick crowd to the safety that is the van. Hands grabbing him and shoving phones to his face were still two things he didn’t get used to. He wanted to call them out on their behaviour but he’s not sure what that will bring him. If he scolds them, he’d either get called in many names—both positive and negative—and he didn’t want them to link her name if ever articles pop up, which is inevitable to happen. They’ve been dealing with the public for years now, but caution is still needed. Too much damage has been done.

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Another argument, walk out, door shut, and screech of the car tires against the pavement. This has been part of their meet-ups lately. It either starts from “I’m too tired, let’s not do this” or “let’s just drop it, okay?” and from there, things just go downhill. She doesn’t bother calling him and neither does he. Apologies are usually made after two to three days. Back then? Three hours maximum. No one leaves and no one gives a cold shoulder. This time, it was her fault. She had to understand at some point that he has gotten busier and that jealousy of other female idols being pitted on him is an embarrassment. Didn’t she trust him enough? He proved that to her from time to time. She slid down on the floor, hugging herself and drowned in the silence.

He wanted nothing than to turn the car around and drive back to her place, to hug her like there’s no tomorrow, tell her that what he didn’t blame her for getting angry at him, tell her that it’s okay to get mad. He pulled over to a deserted side of the road and punched the steering wheel. He couldn’t keep it anymore. Tears streamed down his face as he remembered her shattered expression when he said h